Speak the speech, I pray you

November 13, 2012 7:25 PM

Hit me with your favorite monologues for women, 25-35, 3 mins or less. Dramatic, comedic, film, tv, theatre... don't care. I want exceptional, chewy material for a monologue slam.
posted by lizifer to media & arts (21 answers total)

The Color Purple has some great ones, especially by Sofia:

You told Harpo to beat me!..All my life I had to fight. I had to fight my daddy. I had to fight my uncles. I had to fight my brothers. Girl child ain't safe in a family of mens. But I ain't never thought I had to fight in my own house! I loves Harpo. God knows I do. But I'll kill him dead 'fore I let him beat me...Now you want a dead son-in-law, Miss Celie? You keep on advisin' him like you're doin'...Girl, you oughta bash Mister's head open and think about heaven later!

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Sat in that jail, I sat in that jail 'til I near about done rot to death. I know what it like, Miss Celie, to wanna go somewhere and can't. I know what it like to wanna sing and have it beat out 'ya. I want to thank you, Miss Celie, for everything you done for me. I 'members that day I was in the store with Miss Millie - I's feelin' real down. I's feelin' mighty bad. And when I seed you - I know'd there is a God. I know'd there is a God. And one day, I was gonna get to come home.

posted by triggerfinger at 7:37 PM on November 13, 2012

Not to threadsit, but wanted to add: I'd much prefer pieces that are not clearly intended for a particular race. Keep 'em coming!
posted by lizifer at 7:46 PM on November 13, 2012

This is something a friend and I like to keep videoing ourselves doing for each other when we've been drinking alone:

Who's on top now, Billy? (starts at 1:30)

then it usually degenerates into Shame on You (from 1:08), which is a little short for your purposes but perfect for a bad day at work.
posted by Trivia Newton John at 7:48 PM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

From Gilmore Girls, Season 4, Episode 14 (not 100% a monologue, but pretty damn close)

LORELAI: You know, there are very few times in my life when I find myself sitting around thinking, "I wish I was married," but today, I mean -- I'm happy. You know? I like my life. I like my friends. I like my stuff. My time, my space, my TV.

LUKE: Yeah, sure.

LORELAI: But every now and then, just for a moment, I wish I had a partner, someone to pick up the slack. Someone to wait for the cable guy, make me coffee in the morning, meet the stupid sink before it gets sent back to Canada. [wanders to nearby bench and sits]

LUKE: What happened? [joins her on bench]

LORELAI: [ Voice breaking ] Um... [ Sniffles ] I just thought I had everything under control, but I didn't, and the inn is just falling apart. This has been my dream forever, and I have it, and it's here, and I'm failing. I can't handle it. I just spend every minute running around and working and thinking. [Luke puts his arm across the back of the bench and listens quietly.] And I thought I would have help, but Sookie has Davey, and Michel has Celine, and I'm -- I can't do it all by myself. [[Luke moves closer.] And I don't even have time to see my kid, and hell, forget see her, just even talk to her. And I miss her. And I sat there in my parents' house just listening to my grandmother basically call me a charity case, and I couldn't even argue with her. I couldn't even say anything, because I am. I'm running out of money, and I don't know what to do about it, and I was gonna, I was gonna ask you for $30,000 at dinner tonight. That's how pathetic I am.

Probably some other great Lorelai Gilmore ones too, but that's one of the ones I remember most.
posted by watch out for turtles at 8:23 PM on November 13, 2012 [1 favorite]

I've seen quite a few adapted-to-monologue pieces done from Steel Magnolias, and you can get both comedy and drama pieces from that one.
posted by erst at 8:27 PM on November 13, 2012

I love Teri Garr's monologue from Tootsie.
posted by bq at 8:34 PM on November 13, 2012

Harper Pitt's ending monologue in Angels in America is a favorite of mine. (I recite it to myself whenever I'm on a plane.)


There were some pretty great speeches on Six Feet Under. If someone can make that "fuck my legless grandmother" speech work, they get major points.
posted by Aquifer at 9:10 PM on November 13, 2012

The Princess Bride - when the old lady boo's princess Buttercup. Here.
posted by Sassyfras at 10:02 PM on November 13, 2012

Guys, the question specifies ages 25-35.

How about these?

http://notmyshoes.net/monologues/dogface.html
posted by Joseph Gurl at 10:10 PM on November 13, 2012

Kirsten dunst in Eternal Sunshine

I guess it's not entirely a monologue, but she dominates the scene..
posted by empath at 11:10 PM on November 13, 2012

Josie has a couple of choice monologues in A Moon for the Misbegotten.

You can't go wrong with The Young Woman from Machinal. Or with Wedekind's Lulu.

Sonya's final monologue in Uncle Vanya is always a grand slam.
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:13 PM on November 13, 2012

Oh, Natalya's love monologue in A Month in the Country.
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:16 PM on November 13, 2012

In the Chekhov theme, Nina's seagull speech in The Seagull? A bit young, maybe, but I'm 25 and doing it and boy it's hard to get the tone right!

While not strictly a monologue, I would string together the last few chunks of verse spoken by Bianca as she prepares to die in Middleton's Women Beware Women. Never forgot the line 'oh the deadly snares that women set for women.'
posted by dumdidumdum at 12:41 AM on November 14, 2012

The final monologue in Sister Mary Ignatius Explains it All for You is really amazing.
posted by zizzle at 4:00 AM on November 14, 2012

General Kenobi. Years ago, you served my father in the Clone Wars; now he begs you to help him in his struggle against the Empire. I regret that I am unable to present my father’s request to you in person; but my ship has fallen under attack and I’m afraid my mission to bring you to Alderaan has failed. I’ve placed information vital to the survival of the rebellion into the memory systems of this R2 unit. My father will know how to retrieve it. You must see this droid safely delivered to him on Alderaan. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi; you’re my only hope.
posted by Flood at 4:07 AM on November 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

'night mother

Kind of a cliche.
posted by Ruthless Bunny at 6:30 AM on November 14, 2012

Not a stage monologue, but might as well be: Dorothy Parker's A Telephone Call (longer than 3 minutes, but easy to cut)
posted by Mchelly at 6:47 AM on November 14, 2012 [1 favorite]

'night, Mother is incredible, but the daughter is a mother of a grown son, so if the "25-35" age range is rigid for you, maybe not.

If you are a little more flexible with that, the monologue where she talks about her baby picture is killer.

And that reminds me of How I Learned to Drive by Paula Vogel, which has some amazing stuff in it.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:51 AM on November 14, 2012

When I was a teenage drama geek, everyone's favorite scene-munching monologue was the swan monologue from the Woolgatherer. Totally melodramatic, but great. A quick YouTube search reveals that this is still a popular monologue.
posted by lunasol at 1:44 PM on November 14, 2012

The mother's monologue from "As I lay dying"
Portia's monologue in Merchant of Venice
Goneril and Cordelia each get a speech in Lear both equally powerful
posted by BAKERSFIELD! at 2:42 AM on November 15, 2012

These are amazing. Keep it coming! Any comedic pieces out there I should know about?
posted by lizifer at 6:47 AM on November 16, 2012