Grin and Bear it?

March 4, 2009 5:01 PM

How do I deal with a customer contact who seems to be trying to undercut me?

I'm managing a large project for a customer. The person who is my main contact there strikes me as incompetent. He's new to the company and doesn't seem to have a clue. I'll call him "Bob".

Bob likes to cut me down in emails. He also likes to cut me down in meetings that I'm not involved in. I'll send an email to Bob only, informing him of minor problems that have popped up. Bob will reply, adding five of his co-workers to the recipient list, and insert a few sly digs at me.

I have a difficult time responding to these messages. My first inclination is to defend myself or argue specific points (Bob likes to make assertions that seem to be pulled straight out of his ass, rather than from an authoritative source). Generally, I'll write a response email, then save it without sending. I usually call Bob, instead, to discuss the issues in a professional manner. The problem with this is - no one else on the recipient list hears my reply, and I also have no written record of my reply, in case I need it in the future.

How should I deal with someone like this? The constant digs are eating at me, and I feel like Bob's trying to set me up as a scapegoat if anything goes wrong, and it probably will with Bob at the helm of his operation. I want to remain professional, but I also don't want to allow Bob to roll over me.

posted by Strumpf Marionette to work & money (11 comments total)

Meeting in person can make a passive-aggressive individual like Bob shut up in a hurry. Make sure you are on the same page with Bob's supervisor and that it is understood that you are managing the project in a competent way. If you can develop a relationship with these people (and indeed you are competent) then these digs should stop.

If this is not a particularly feasible route, then you need to make sure that Bob is clear on the fact that your communal reputations depend on the success of the project. Rational people (regardless of intelligence or competence) typically don't sabotage themselves knowingly. If you can communicate a sense of "look, we are on the same team here, I don't know why you would try to bring us both down" without burning the bridge, that could also lubricate the relationship.
posted by milqman at 5:12 PM on March 4

You need to over-communicate.

To do this, communicate to Bob and others that he would normally CC. In addition, make sure you explain yourself thoroughly in the email. Anticipate questions, and answer those.
posted by Pants! at 5:13 PM on March 4

Continuing Pants! excellent answer, follow up phone and in-face discussions with summary emails that are CC'ed to all parties.

I've worked with folks like Bob before and usually, all his coworkers will be aware of his tactics. The best strategy is to keep casting yourself in a reasonable, competent light. I think you're doing a good job so far by refraining from sending snarky/angry emails so keep it up!
posted by muddgirl at 5:17 PM on March 4

While I agree that waiting on your initial reply is an excellent idea, I also think you should be responding to Bob (and anyone he has cc'd) via email. This really is the only way to cover your ass, and chances are in the first draft of the email, you had professionally sound items along with any defensiveness. Something along the lines of, "Bob, After reviewing your concerns I wanted to mention the following:1. First item he brought up, etc. "

If your tone is professional and reasonable, that will undercut any blame or digs he may try to send your way, and the other team members will see who the competent person is here. It also may reframe the conversation so he responds more professionally. If you're concerned that you are too upset to respond appropriately, ask a co-worker to read it over before you send it. My co-workers and I do this all the time, and it's reassuring & helpful. Good luck!
posted by katemcd at 5:25 PM on March 4 [6 favorites has favorites]

I partly agree with Pants!, but be careful not to get so caught up in it that you're spending all your time on email. Not good for you or your client.

How about this response, cc'ing everyone he copied: "Bob, I think you have a couple of misconceptions and I'd like to clear them up in person." Point out that you don't want to spend to much of the client's time on email when a phone call or hallway conversation will clear things up faster. And finish by giving your phone number and however else he can reach you.

Another thought - if this is a formal project hopefully you have a communications plan with communications matrix/distribution lists, status reports, issues log, etc. Having this in place and following it goes a long way towards building a reputation for competence with the client and should nip Bob's emails in the bud.
posted by txvtchick at 5:30 PM on March 4

I agree with everyone that you need to respond by email (just to get it all in writing).

I can't excuse Bob being petty and making you look bad, but as for cc'ing people, well... here's something that popped out at me: You said that he's new to the company? Maybe he doesn't yet feel comfortable being your sole contact. Your emails of "minor problems" might seem like major problems to a new guy, and he's just trying to keep people in the loop and cover his ass by cc'ing people. I've been at jobs before where I've been instructed by higher-ups to always cc others when I'm emailing the client. He could also be coming from a place like that.

Anyway, good luck. I agree with Pants! and muddgirl's advice...
posted by veryhappyheidi at 6:10 PM on March 4

If I were exchanging emails with a problem client, I would probably be BCC'ing my boss, as well. Make sure your higher ups, if there are any, know what you're dealing with, in case it comes down to potentially losing an account because of this guy. Make sure it's obvious inside your organization that the situation is something you attempted in good faith to diffuse, rather than instigate.

I had a situation with a very aggressively dissatisfied client (let's argue on the phone about what size the art is printed at, despite me having your partner's instructions to me open in an email in front of me? Ooookay) a few weeks back, and when I took it to my boss, I found out that he was already on the radar as a potential problem.
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:17 PM on March 4

I like what you're doing already by waiting until you cool down, then speaking with him directly to straighten out the issues and clear the air. I would recommend just adding one more step after you speak to him, which would be to reply to all in email form confirming what the two of you discussed. Start out with something like "Hi Bob, as we discussed on the phone this morning, ..." and clearly lay out whatever you discussed, including any decisions or action items. This documents what you talked about in writing, keeps everybody informed of both sides of the issue, and puts the control of the situation back into your hands.
posted by platinum at 8:59 PM on March 4

You don't really talk about what position Bob has in the organization, but from what you say he appears to be managing the department or he is at least least for your project.

If that is the case, he would likely be the one in the organization to make the decission on which external resources to use. As he is new to the organisation, he may want to put his own "stamp" on the project and possibly even bring in people that he has selected himself or has worked with before. You will not be succesful unless he believes you are the right person for the role. I would try to improve the relationship with him by having an open discussion about how he sees your role and contribution to the proejct and how his behaviour is impacting your ability to perform your job. If you cannot improve the situation, I would look at a way out of the project. Research suggests that your boss is one of the most important motivational elements on the job and if you do not respect your "boss"/client and he does not respect you, I do not believe you can continue working on this project.

I do not know if you work independently or for a larger company, but if you do work for a larger company, I would definitely inform your higher management about this.
posted by eurandom at 2:04 AM on March 5

can you go above bob, and question yourself.
talk to bobs boss and say "it appears from some feedback i have been doing X, how should i approach this better in the future?"
that way you can gauge how others, especailly those above him, interpret you and bob.
make sure everything is always well documented (send carefully appropriate emails, always referencing dates etc, and never email if you have lost your cool)
posted by edtut at 2:34 AM on March 5

All good answers here - thanks for taking the time to give me some pointers.

Update: The customer cancelled our contract, but I had my ducks in a row, and my boss was already aware of the chaos and incompetence coming from the customer's side. I was disappointed at first. It's the first time a customer has ever canceled a contract that I was responsible for. After a few weeks, however, I'm glad that I don't have to deal with Bob for an extended time. There were enough indications that he was unreasonable, and who needs to be stuck working for an unreasonable boss/customer, anyway?
posted by Strumpf Marionette at 10:06 AM on April 24