Former Dom of sub friend or foe?
January 5, 2009 8:51 PM Subscribe
D/s filter: Should I be concerned that my sub still keeps close contact with her former Dom?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (23 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
I'm a newbie-ish Dom (mid-30s male) with a couple of short-lived D/s relationships under my belt, and am currently involved with a 23-year-old submissive female of 2 months. This is her first r/l relationship, but she carried on a 7-month relationship with an online Dom (50+ year-old male) when she was 18 years old. The problem is, she still chats with him on a near everyday basis, and claims that he is now a "good friend" with whom she can share her new experiences and ask for advice.
On the one hand, as I'm her current Dom, any contact with her former Dom seems unacceptable. On the other hand, if he has now become her confidante, I don't want to cut her off from perhaps her only (other) outlet for questions, doubts and fears.
Of course, I understand that *I* should be her primary source for any questions or doubts she may have, but I also want to make sure she has a third-party friend who can help her by offering an outside perspective.
-We recently went on an overnight trip, and I took some photos of her. When I sent her the pics, she immediately showed them to her former Dom without telling me.
-They have never met face-to-face though he's asked to meet her many times since they ended their D/s relationship.
-He has made it clear to her that he would still like to have sex with her, and she has in turn made it clear that this won't happen.
-The reason why their relationship ended was that he was found out by his wife. It is unclear whether the wife is aware that they are still carrying on a "friendship".
-She has told me that if I wish for her to cut him out of her life, she would, but that this would make her very unhappy as she would lose a very good friend.
Question: Should I allow this to continue? Am I being hyper-sensitive by being worried at all? Do I have any cause to be concerned?
I have not expressed any outward concern to my sub. I am pondering my next move.