Hot food suggestions.
I love spice. Love heat. Like proving my manhood with food. I consider the "hot" warning on salsas to be false advertising. I can eat jalapeños straight.
So knock me out.
I've had food so hot, that like Paul Muadib, I thought I could see through time. I want more. Burn me until my eyes turn blue! I am pretty sure I can take it. The higher the Scoville Unit
I don't eat red meat, I consider pork to be a red meat, and I still like a bit of flavor (so pure capsaicin oil is out).
Would love to be able to order suggestions online. Prefer non-perishable. Prefer complete food items, not just spice (but don't limit your answers to these).
Bonus points if it's premade (but don't limit your answers to this). TV dinner type food, dried, in a jar, don't care, as long as I can buy it and pop it in the microwave or boil it on the stove.
I am talking the type of food that you wash your hands three times after eating before putting your hands anywhere
near your eyes, and four
times before using the bathroom.
I've occasionally gotten food close to being hot enough as some Indian or Thai restaurants, but only after insulting the cook's ancestry. Ok, seriously, never did that, but have had the cook come out and check on me too many times to count to see if the white boy was still a standin'.
I live in Iowa, so "This place on Southwest 14th in New York..."
won't be helpful (unless they have mail order).