wooooooing from afar

August 25, 2008 10:12 AM

What nice things can I do for my girlfriend over the next 2 weeks?

I am far away from her. Thousands of miles. She's missing me. I've been away forever and in two weeks I'm finally headed home to her. I don't want to send flowers, and letters take too long to get there. I don't want to write sentimental poetry, I've done that to death.

We have a history of hilariously insulting each other. To that end, she once had a cake made for me that said "fuck you" [best cake ever]. Really, I don't know if that's the route I want to take...we've had some mishaps and my aim is for her to see how much I love her. Going home is part of that, but it's a tiny (and LATE) compromise compared to some of the things she has done for me in the past (eh, long story, just go with me here).

WHAT TO DO?

*This is anonymous because occasionally she clicks through things I've posted via my profile (though she doesn't generally come to visit us mefites otherwise); and I'd prefer that, though the intention is wonderful, she didn't know my great ideas were really languagehat's or cortex's or jessamyn's and not those of ....

posted by anonymous to human relations (13 comments total)

inappropriate singing telegram. or better yet, strippergram!
posted by buka at 10:20 AM on August 25, 2008

Along the same line as your cake story: Send her some batteries with the note "Fuck yourself" attached.
posted by wavering at 10:21 AM on August 25, 2008 [9 favorites has favorites]

get one of those little key chain memo recorders. record yourself saying things (hilarious insults, sweet wooing words, or both.) mail it to her.
posted by gnutron at 10:28 AM on August 25, 2008

1) create several gmail accounts that look random but are really injokes between the two of you
2) find the most elaborate email spam that you have recently received
3) copy the layout/image/html/whatever but rework it full of text, images, or whatever of how much you care for her
4) use the subject line to be as spammy as possible but seem to resemble the insults you two send each other.
5) repeat.
posted by Stynxno at 10:36 AM on August 25, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

YMMV, but a past girlfriend and I always enjoyed the uber-dorky references / terms from favorite TV shows... Wavering wins my vote as the best response, though :)
posted by chrisinseoul at 11:14 AM on August 25, 2008

Is there a restaurant, cafe, bakery near her home or office that she especially likes? Call them up and have lunch/dinner/a cupcake sent to her.
posted by KAS at 11:27 AM on August 25, 2008

The best gift I have ever received from a guy: a pair of mix CD's. One labeled "LISTEN TO THIS ONE FIRST", containing every song I absolutely hate. All the songs I swear at and rant about when I hear them on the radio, and a couple of chapters of "Trapped in the Closet" thrown in for good measure.

The second disc, entitled "....THEN THIS ONE", was all songs that he knew I'd love, or songs that reminded him of me. I was really touched that he paid such close attention to my likes and dislikes, and I thought the first CD was pretty hilarious.
posted by arianell at 11:38 AM on August 25, 2008 [5 favorites has favorites]

I find Stupid toys/candy or most anything from Archie Mcphee make me and the hubby smile, they both have cheap gifts for the silly or gross minded and all pretty cheap~
posted by jrc at 12:13 PM on August 25, 2008

These suggestions will involve help from her friends and yours:

Along the lines of KAS' suggestion, get gift certificates to a few of her favourite restaurants, and ask some of her friends to take her. If she's feeling lonely, this could help until you get there.


This one's a little labour intensive, but doable.
A treasure hunt of sorts. Give her a clue such as "Go to the person that introduced us." And that person can then give her another clue.
You could add little rules like, she has to pick the clue up from the person herself.
Or she has to sing a song/dress up in certain costume to get the next clue.
The clue paper she gets can have a little something at the bottom (eg, cartoon characters swearing, a word search of insults, etc.. whatever works)
If you limit her to one clue a day, you can work on this as it goes.

Good luck!
posted by cheemee at 3:23 PM on August 25, 2008

If you have a history of being hilariously insulting, then something out-of-characterally sweet and mushy might do the trick to remind her how you really feel.
posted by softlord at 11:14 PM on August 25, 2008

Make a photo book with pictures of good times captioned with all your in-jokes.

I made one for my SO using iPhoto. It came as a beautiful, full-color, hardcover book. Both of us like leafing through it every so often, and it's fun to show to friends.

It might just be me, but seeing something in print makes it somehow more real.

If they can't rush the order, you can always use Kinkos or something homebrewed.
posted by ebellicosa at 11:21 PM on August 25, 2008

i don't know if he's doing it still, but i once had Roger Nusic send an autographed calendar and a sexy note. the note was full of stuff like "i want to taste your delicious edible berry."
posted by snofoam at 10:45 AM on August 26, 2008

Love the cake!
posted by CharlotteSarah at 6:44 AM on August 30, 2008