So I'm an ingrate, right?
May 10, 2010 5:08 AM Subscribe
How do I ask my awesome husband for gifts on special occasions? I am a little disappointed that he did not get me anything for my first Mother's Day (other than a very thoughtful and loving and personal card and flowers he added to the basket the day before when we were shopping together). I hate to sound like an ingrate, but I was a bit disappointed that I didn't get a little gift-wrapped something. Should I say something or should I accept this is the way he is?
posted by bigwoopdeedoo to human relations (83 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
Ok, so my husband is pretty much ideal in every way. He happily helps out with childcare and around the house, he is kind and he is thoughtful. I know this has nothing to do with him not caring about me--I just don't think it's his thing. I am not the best gift-giver in the world, but if I know there is something he would really like and appreciate but would not get for himself (like the iPad for our anniversary), I get it for him.
I know this sounds materialistic, but I am really not. I much prefer shopping for things for him or our son and rarely buy anything for myself. I am not looking to get anything super-expensive (I do not like or wear fancy jewelry or perfume) but something thoughtful. I guess I wished he put more time into it and gave some thought to what I might like. I drop hints as to things I would like but would not buy for myself. Heck, a comfy set of pajamas would be great!
This isn't about his frugality or being a self-centered jerk. It's not about me not being able to buy things for myself.
So my question is--do I say anything? If so, what should I say so he doesn't feel bad for past lackluster gift-giving?
For those interested, here is what happened on the past gift giving occasions:
I started feeling this way about gifts when our child was born last year. I was hoping he would get me a little gift for, I don't know, bearing his child. I was a little disappointed he didn't. When I mentioned it, he said he didn't realize he should have done so and said that he would pay for a dinner out for me and a friend at a favorite restaurant. Not what I was looking for...at all. I never "used" that gift.
Fast forward to my birthday--he got me a pair or earrings which I love, but I could tell it was last minute and he bought them from a friend who sells a jewelry line. I got the impression that she suggested them in advance (she's a good salesperson) and that he got them out of ease. I do love them and wear them all of the time though so the gift was great.
X-mas--We had a crazy-hectic fall/hoiday season so I didn't expect much. He gave me a lot of cash for really nice things and a few small tangible things (like candy), but again, it felt like an afterthought. I told him a few months later that I really would not want cash for a gift in the future. He acknowledged that it wasn't the best gift and agreed that it would have been nicer to put more thought into my gifts.
Valentine's Day, First Anniversay and Mother's Day--flowers, a personalized (and lovely) card and dinner out.