Parting young or good girl?
June 2, 2008 11:27 AM   Subscribe

How should I feel about my certain situation?

Hello all! I was talking to this girl for about 2 months and we were hitting it off. We really liked each other alot and prolly could have had a wonderful relationship. We are both 21. Well the thing is that I like to party alot and she doesnt. She dont really like the fact that i like to party and go out drinking with friends. I made a change and stopped parting for her but i wasnt as happy so i started again. Due to my parting she just wanted to keep us as friends only. should i be true to myself and have fun while im young or should I try and be a "good boy" for this girl?
posted by kowboy to Society & Culture (19 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
 
Party on, Wayne.
posted by notsnot at 11:32 AM on June 2, 2008 [10 favorites]


If someone wants you to change who you are for them, one of you will always end up being unhappy. Go find someone who'll go partying with you, or won't mind when you do go out. You were unhappy when you stopped having a good time - what, exactly, is the point of a relationship (*especially* for a 21-year-old) if not making you happy?
posted by Tomorrowful at 11:33 AM on June 2, 2008


should i be true to myself and have fun while im young

This one. Yes.
posted by jessamyn at 11:34 AM on June 2, 2008


Agreeing with Tomorrowful...she isn't "the one". If you enjoy partying, especially at your age, do it. LOTS more women out there, LOTS more time to find one. Stay friends.

And remember the adage:

Women always marry thinking they can change their man, but they can't.
Men always marry thinking their women will never change, but they do.
posted by arniec at 11:35 AM on June 2, 2008 [1 favorite]


Go ahead and party. Don't let her force you to give that up. But there's no harm in staying in to watch a movie and cuddle every once in a while.
posted by PhatLobley at 11:51 AM on June 2, 2008


You only have until age 25 to use "party" as a verb. After that you have to shelve it for life.

So, keep being awesome for a while longer. Maybe you'll find a girl who likes to party too. Beware though: nothing can be more destructive and screwed up than a couple who get plowed together. It's great away to turn every minor disagreement into an ashtray slung across the room in anger affair. Personally I like for the chick to be a little more easy on the sauce than myself... it's a nice check.

As for this girl in question... I'm betting she didn't like other things about you as well. If she was into you she would have stuck it out more, especially when she saw that you were aware of the issue and trying to change for her. Nothing melts a woman's heart like a guy trying to change on their behalf.

Women are usually pretty resilient will put up with many more quirks, irritations, annoyances, and incompatibility issues than men seem to give them credit for. Hence the cliche that women tend to find themselves in dead end relationships... Only the princesses don't tolerate men who aren't a perfect match to their Cosmo-fetishized ideal man, and really, who wants to date a Cosmo girl?
posted by wfrgms at 11:53 AM on June 2, 2008


Yeah, you should party it up while you can, dude. Now grab the beer bong, give me a fist bump, and get busy.

Really. You're only young once.

(fist bumps)
posted by Justinian at 12:01 PM on June 2, 2008


Always be true to yourself, not just when you're young!
posted by elmay at 12:13 PM on June 2, 2008


As long as your need to party isn't really a substance addiction then go ahead and so what makes you happy. There will be other ladies.
posted by Space Coyote at 12:14 PM on June 2, 2008


Response by poster: good answers guys thanks for the advice, please keep em coming. and no, its nothing like a substance addiction, just clubs, beer bongs, kegs and plenty of good memories with friends.
posted by kowboy at 12:18 PM on June 2, 2008


They say there's a heaven for those who will wait
Some say it's better, but I say it ain't
I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints
The sinners are much more fun ...
You know that only the good die young

posted by Cool Papa Bell at 12:24 PM on June 2, 2008


Concur with the pileon - she isn't the one for you. Wrong time, wrong place.

(I am a little disturbed by the "PARTY ON MAAAAAN" vibe, though - drunken fratboys are a nuisance at best, and probably shouldn't be encouraged.)
posted by restless_nomad at 12:28 PM on June 2, 2008


The question isn't whether drunken frat boys are ideal, it's whether this particular guy would be happier settling down now or partying.
posted by Justinian at 12:30 PM on June 2, 2008


kowboyPoster: "....and plenty of good memories with friends."

If you have memories, you're probably fine. When you stop remembering anything of what you're doing, you might want to worry a bit.... It sounds like she's not right for you. At least not now. No one knows what the future will bring. Perhaps you'll grow out of it; most people do.
posted by JMOZ at 12:34 PM on June 2, 2008


Response by poster: Im not talking about getting drunk everyday, im talking about putting books aside on the weekends and hanging out with friends and having a good time? Arent these the days that you will remember forever? whats wrong with that?
posted by kowboy at 12:37 PM on June 2, 2008


Absolutely nothing friend, the problem is that there are people on AskMe who can't imagine indulging in any chemical substance, legal or otherwise, without that behavior being construed as harmful, addictive, and destructive. You can and should enjoy your revelries, as long as you do so safely, and yes you should probably break it off if your lady expects you to give up something you enjoy for her. That path only leads to resentment. If you really want to stay with her, why not determine what the source of her displeasure with your partying proclivities? Does she not approve of your alcohol consumption, does she think you're going to wind up with somebody else after one too many, or is there some other reason behind it? Before you break up, if that's what you choose to do, you should have an honest conversation with her about it and make an earnest attempt to understand why she's so discontent with your partying.
posted by baphomet at 1:06 PM on June 2, 2008 [1 favorite]


Well, it's the days you'll remember forever, or the relationship you'll remember forever. But you've made your priorities clear, and so has she, so... yeah, this isn't the relationship for you.
posted by restless_nomad at 1:06 PM on June 2, 2008


rather:
what the source of her displeasure with your partying proclivities is?

posted by baphomet at 1:07 PM on June 2, 2008


You will inevitably meet a lot of girls that you like a lot, yet you are still incompatible for reasons like you listed. Don't try to force it. Go party and find someone who suits you, and she will find someone who suits her.
posted by Nattie at 4:23 PM on June 2, 2008


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