Graduation + Wedding = Leech?

May 28, 2008 10:13 AM

June graduation + August wedding = announcements and invitations go out within a month of each other. Do I look like a gift-grabbing leech?

In June, I'm graduating with an AA degree. In August, I'm getting married in a semi-destination wedding.

Owing to the travel involved with attending the wedding, invitations were sent out about a month ago. A few days later, I was reminded that I need to order and send out graduation announcements. The mailing list for the wedding invitations includes everyone who was sent a graduation announcement. About a week ago, I finally mailed the graduation announcements, having tried to wait as long as possible after sending the wedding invitations because of my (maybe asinine?) fear of appearing gift-grabby at worst, and inconsiderate at best.

Since these are both typically gift-heavy occasions I am concerned about how the timing of the announcement and the invitation might be perceived. Do I look like a leech?

posted by alpha_betty to Grab Bag (14 answers total)

Just throwing this out there... Are you carrying on with your education, i.e., will you be attaining a B.A. (or B.S.)? If so, I would skip the AA graduation announcements. I know I did not mark my AA with any sort of announcements because I knew I would be carrying on in my schooling.
posted by AlliKat75 at 10:22 AM on May 28, 2008

Graduation announcements and wedding invitations aren't gift vouchers. Or, they're not intended to be. When you send out a graduation announcement, are you expecting to get a gift? Or do you just want to let people know that you're graduating? I think Miss Manners' official stance on this is that for people who are worried about looking like they're asking for handouts to send their announcements after the fact. Sort of a "hey, I graduated!" rather than a "I am graduating. Since you can't come and see me, send me a thing."

But, I wouldn't worry about it. Announcements and invitations don't require gifts, just kind thoughts and acknowledgment.
posted by phunniemee at 10:22 AM on May 28, 2008 [1 favorite]

I didn't send out any announcements for my Associate's degree, either. I'd say skip those.
posted by hfbellefille at 10:25 AM on May 28, 2008 [2 favorites]

I'm not sure that there's a problem to be solved here. You already sent out both the invitations and the graduation announcements, right? You probably should have asked this question a month ago, at which time I would have advised that you don't bother with the graduation announcements.
posted by amro at 10:25 AM on May 28, 2008 [1 favorite]

Did anybody send you wedding gifts yet? If not, hopefully you're fine and they'll send combined wedding/graduation gifts, if they send at all. But are you planning on sending marriage announcements to people who got graduation announcements but not wedding invitations? That might take some sensitive wording, because that could look over the top.
posted by Salamandrous at 10:38 AM on May 28, 2008

How old are you? To me, that would make a difference. I would be more likely to give more to a young person just starting out (maybe moving to their own place for the first time) then I would an adult who had already settled. I wouldn't worry too much about the etiquette now, though- just make extra sure you write your thank-you notes promptly.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:43 AM on May 28, 2008 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Perhaps the AA announcements were unnecessary - I was told by any and all that I asked that they are indeed normal and expected. I do intend on obtaining a BSW, but in a different school and program (in case that matters...?).

I have not yet received gifts and don't expect any, was just curious as to how one might take these two pieces of correspondence in such a short period. Thanks to all for replies.
posted by alpha_betty at 10:45 AM on May 28, 2008

Response by poster: Oh, and since I didn't preview: I am 22.
posted by alpha_betty at 10:46 AM on May 28, 2008

Don't sweat it. You don't look like a gift grabbing leech, you look like someone who's rushing full-on into adulthood and is sharing the good news. In an earlier generation, a baby shower invitation would be expected within the year, for the hat trick.
posted by mumkin at 10:50 AM on May 28, 2008 [1 favorite]

Since these are both typically gift-heavy occasions I am concerned about how the timing of the announcement and the invitation might be perceived. Do I look like a leech?

Maybe its a cultural difference but graduation wasn't a gift heavy occasion for me (I guess I probably got something from my parents but I have no idea what it was) but as amro points out, the damage is done (if there is any damage) as you've already sent them.

It seems weird to me (and a little bit narcissistic) to send out 'graduation announcements' let alone expect gifts for it but again, that could be completely cultural (fwiw, all my friends and cousins have gone to university and obtained degrees and I've never received an announcement or sent a gift, I'd be more likely to hear about it if they didn't graduate)
posted by missmagenta at 10:54 AM on May 28, 2008

I don't feel like graduation announcements elicit gifts except from very close friends and relatives, people are just more likely to send a card or give the person a call to congratulate them. I didn't send out announcements for my recent law school graduation and of the people I know who did I don't recall any flood of gifts, just the normal ones you would expect from parents and those that would know you were graduating already. So unless you mentioned in the graduation announcement that you were registered at X or to send gifts to this address, I wouldn't interpret it as a gift grab.

Also, it may be too late since you've sent them out, but I know one thing people do is if they have distant relatives who they don't reasonably expect to come to the wedding, sending an announcement instead of an invitation is usually seen as excusing any expectation of a wedding gift.
posted by whoaali at 10:58 AM on May 28, 2008

Announcements are to (ahem) announce to people you don't see often that something significant has happened in your life. Your great-aunties will be so proud, and slip them next to your baby picture in the family photo album. If people send gifts, it's because they want to send gifts, not because announcement = obligation. If there's a random crank in your family who feels otherwise, then that's very much that person's problem, and not yours.
posted by somanyamys at 11:01 AM on May 28, 2008 [1 favorite]

And missmagenta, I think it is a cultural difference. I went to college in the UK and the celebration/school spirit etc etc is very different than in the US. I'd say easily half if not more of the people in my class sent out announcements, usually it's at the parents urging and most people send it to all the extended relatives. They are pretty standard and unless you are sending out ridiculously expensive, custom made ones, I can't imagine it being interpreted as being narcissistic.
posted by whoaali at 11:04 AM on May 28, 2008

Best answer: I don't see a problem with it. (Congrats, BTW!) You had two big events occurring near by; it's kind of like kids whose birthdays are around Christmas: they get presents twice in a row, but it's not really their fault.

I think Miss Manners' official stance on this is that for people who are worried about looking like they're asking for handouts to send their announcements after the fact.

I'm hardly Mr. Manners, but from a more practical standpoint, I'd have to disagree with Miss Manners... Someone did this to me, and I thought it was the ultimate in rudeness. It came across as if she didn't care enough to invite us to her graduation, since she sent it afterward, but that she was fishing for gifts. Maybe it wasn't the case, but it's worth noting that it bears the risk of having the opposite of the desired effect.
posted by fogster at 11:07 AM on May 28, 2008