Soft Cup vs. Diva Cup
May 9, 2008 10:36 AM   Subscribe

I bought the Instead soft cup so I could have sex during my period--but upon inserting, I find it hard to believe that the man is not going to be able to feel the plastic ring. Gentleman--can you feel it? Ladies, am I inserting it wrong? Would the Diva Cup be less feel-able for him?
posted by pipti to Human Relations (24 answers total)
I can't imagine that it would be possible to wear the Diva Cup during sex -it's worn too low (I have one). I thought the Instead fit more like a diaphragm and if so, shouldn't pose a problem in terms of being noticeable (I had one). But of course, the Instead won't provide a barrier for contraceptive purposes (but then neither did the diaphragm for me!).
posted by otherwordlyglow at 10:41 AM on May 9, 2008

I don't know much about Instead, but you can't have sex while the Diva Cup is in, unfortunately. (It sits down lower than Instead does, I believe.)

I strongly recommend a Diva Cup, though -- it's good for the environment and so much easier to deal with than tampons.
posted by cider at 10:42 AM on May 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

Yes, we can feel it (or at least I can).. Its not a deal breaker tho.
posted by Hellafiles at 10:43 AM on May 9, 2008

According to my dear boy when I queried him on the subject:

"Am I aware of its existance? Yes. Is it a thing? No."
posted by mostlymartha at 10:51 AM on May 9, 2008

This just seems like a mess waiting to happen. Know what happens to the contents of a soft cup when you repeatedly push the bottom in? I'd just grab a towel, or hop in the shower and go to town.
posted by iamkimiam at 10:54 AM on May 9, 2008

No, you can't use a Diva Cup. Sits too low. Instead is a better bet for that activity.
posted by fructose at 10:57 AM on May 9, 2008

This actually sounds like a great solution. Something I have never heard about. Not to hijack the question, but how long does it take to learn to insert it properly? What are your experiences with leakage? And, I know the advice is to consult a doctor, but does anybody here use it in combination with the IUD? Experiences?

iamkimiam: "I'd just grab a towel, or hop in the shower and go to town."

It might just be me, but when I look down and see blood all over my member, he tends to go limp. Not to mention the sticky factor. As far as the shower goes, it works, but that it sure as hell isn't the sex that we are having the other 3-4 weeks out of the month. I am not a huge fan of bloody water splashing up in my face and the lack of workable positions gets kind of boring. Shower sex is usually a pretty short encounter, and half of the time she isn't able to get off before my legs give out.

posted by B(oYo)BIES at 11:06 AM on May 9, 2008

nthing no sex with the DivaCup (or Mooncup, or the Keeper) -- unless you have an incredibly lengthy vagina, there's going to be some uncomfortable poking (even if you cut the stem off entirely).

I have never used an Instead, so I can't advise there, but I do use the Nuvaring for birth control which can (but doesn't have to) sit in the same position as an Instead. My partner can definitely feel it, but he says it's no big deal. So uhh... if you're having sex with my partner, you're all set.
posted by giraffe at 11:07 AM on May 9, 2008

I (dude) could never get used to it. If your man's tastes lean slightly cyborg you may have more luck.
posted by wemayfreeze at 11:08 AM on May 9, 2008

I think it only took a couple of tries for me to figure out how to insert it properly. The main thing is that the "frame" part (rather than the "cup" part) should sit inside the ridge of your cervix. If it doesn't, you could have some leakage issues. On the upside, when I was first figuring it out, sex would sometimes push it into the right position, so that could help a bit.
posted by odayoday at 11:32 AM on May 9, 2008

I've never used the Diva, but I've had both a diaphram and used Instead. They fit similarly - nearly identically, really. I don't think you'll have a problem.

The Instead was easy to insert IMO, but I never felt comfortable using it without a back-up pad - my periods were too heavy. This sort of defeated the purpose, so I went back to my beloved OB.
posted by peep at 11:39 AM on May 9, 2008

B(oYo)BIES "anybody here use it in combination with the IUD?"

I believe the Instead packaging specifically says not to use them if you have an IUD. Because it sits so close to the cervix there could be an issue with insertion/removal and the string of the IUD. I was an Instead user previous to getting my IUD and have now switched to a Diva Cup. Sex with Instead = yes, boyfriend said he could sometimes feel it, but no harm no foul. Sex with Diva Cup = No. It sits way too low for anything else to be in there at the same time.
posted by Constant Reader at 11:58 AM on May 9, 2008

It works ok, that's the only time I use it.
posted by sondrialiac at 12:46 PM on May 9, 2008

I bought a box of Insteads for this purpose awhile ago, but it didn't work out. It bothered my boyfriend too much (even my Nuvaring chafes him), and was way too messy anyway; it leaked every time, even if I'd just inserted a fresh one, so we gave up on it pretty quickly.

I was never comfortable using it without a backup pad, either. I had incredibly heavy periods, though, and now that Nuvaring has fixed that problem, I might give it another try.
posted by kiripin at 12:57 PM on May 9, 2008

My partner uses a Diva cup with a removed stem. We haven't had any problems with it during sex and I don't usually notice it. I could see how it might not physically work during sex for some folks. I could also see how everything might fit fine yet the guy might find it psychologically uncomfortable.
posted by bdc34 at 1:23 PM on May 9, 2008

Are you sure she's using a Diva cup bdc34? They take up quite a bit of vag space so I'm not sure how someone else could fit in there with it.

The word according to the Diva cup website:
Can you wear The DivaCup™ during intercourse?

No, The DivaCup™ is bell-shaped and worn low near the vaginal opening. It should be removed before intercourse. As well, The DivaCup™ is not a birth control device and should not be used for this purpose.

posted by Constant Reader at 1:40 PM on May 9, 2008

Know what happens to the contents of a soft cup when you repeatedly push the bottom in?

Blood froth!
posted by sondrialiac at 2:45 PM on May 9, 2008

It is possible to wear the diva cup during sex and have it be comfortable for both partners. I had difficulty visualizing it at first, but it is possible.
posted by judith at 2:59 PM on May 9, 2008

Divacup + sex is possible. The stem is cut off my divacup though. My ex was aware of it and in certain positions it was uncomfortable but for the most part it wasn't an issue.
posted by heavenstobetsy at 4:28 PM on May 9, 2008

I can't imagine wearing my Divacup during sex, but I wore an Instead plenty of times back in the day.
posted by padraigin at 5:10 PM on May 9, 2008

Honestly, when it comes to limited duration sex-friendly menstrual containment, a diaphragm does a much better job than an Instead cup. It's a lot less noticeable (I hear) and it's far, far less tippable.

I'm not sure how effective a diaphragm is as birth control during your period, however-- if you go this route, you probably will want to use a back-up method. Also note that menstrual blood can definitely stain the thing.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 5:42 PM on May 9, 2008

Definitely can feel it when my wife uses it. It has actually hurt at times and other times I can barely feel it. It's sometimes a dealbreaker for me... It pokes. Strangely enough she doesn't notice it.

My wife also uses a Nuvaring which I can never feel. She does complain though.
posted by Octoparrot at 7:59 PM on May 9, 2008

I'm not sure how effective a diaphragm is as birth control during your period, however

Well, if the woman in question has a typical menstrual cycle, her chances of getting pregnant from intercourse during menstruation are pretty remote.

If I remember correctly, sperm can live/be active on the order of 3-5 days under the most hospitable of conditions, which menstruation is not. During a typical 28 day cycle, where day 1 is the first day of bleeding and menstruation lasts for 5 days, ovulation occurs on day 14. Fertilization needs to happen within a day or two of ovulation for pregnancy to occur. So, if you're an average couple having sex during her period, the chances of getting pregnant from sex from that act of intercourse are pretty small.

Please be aware that the above numbers are for "average", and there can be a LOT of variation in how a woman's cycle actually times out. If you're interested in tracking the details of your own cycle in detail, I recommend Toni Weschler's excellent book Taking Charge of Your Fertility.

Generally people are advised to use contraception "correctly and consistantly", i.e., with every act of intercourse, and that's a great approach to minimize the chance of unwanted pregnancy. I recommend it, personally. But it's also a good idea to know how bodies work, to save unnecessary worry!
posted by Sublimity at 11:37 AM on May 10, 2008

I'm a Diva user, and have had sex with it in, no problem. Mine, I think, rides higher than some people--there's no way that I'd ever say that it's near the vaginal opening--and obviously we avoid positions that lead to deep penetration. If it pokes, just change position and try again.
posted by meghanmiller at 9:44 PM on May 10, 2008

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