November 28, 2008 4:39 PM Subscribe
New relationship filter - ex-semi-drama queen here, how do i keep this going, slow and steady and not rush in?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (9 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
I've known this guy for about 5 years. Realized I may have feelings for him about 1.5 years ago. Never said anything to him because we were developing a good friendship and did not want to screw anything up.
Some specifics: he's had one night stands, but never a real relationship. admits to not being very emotional, is a pretty stoic individual. our friendship was very healthy, talk on the phone once/week, hang out 1-2 times a month. both have our own sets of friends and lives going on.
me: i think he is extremely attractive and so smart. i have had 2 semi-relationships in the past (last one being 2 years ago) that were both filled with rushing in too fast, high drama, the works. a lot of it was my fault -- i was a late bloomer and didn't have any relationships till my 20s and when i was semi-in-one, i thought that the high hi's (crazy butterflies, infatuation) and the low low's (dramatic heartbreak) = passion = romance - tru luv.
i have grown up a lot since then, become less insecure and more confident, developed a life of my own, and now know that the drama queen crap is not attractive and serves a relationship no purpose. (like, for instance, if i asked my guy if he found so-and-so attractive and he did, i would sulk and be jealous-- clearly this was entirely dumb of me b/c he's just being truthful and i was totally being insecure, but at the time i would just be hurt and offended)
So, presently: i really dig this guy a lot. how do i not mess this up? esp. since he's never been in a relationship, but has indicated to me that he wants to be in one with me..... sometimes he won't be as emotional as i want him to be in his words, but i have kept my mouth shut, b/c i know it is hard for him and i know he is showing me his feelings through his actions (i.e. he so wouldn't be hanging with me right now if he wasn't in to me -- he's the kinda guy that just likes hanging out with the guys).
Tips for keeping a relationship simple? what i like about him is he is really about no drama, and will run the other way if i break out my old habits. i just feel so warm and comfortable around him. i just feel like there is potential for me to get frustrated since he may not know how to "act" in a relationship (although, not that my actions in the past were necessarily oscar-worthy)... and if i do get frustrated, how do i deal without being dramatic and high strung again--even though i may or am hurt?
sorry for the rambling.