Is being paranoid of dying a normal thing?
June 12, 2007 4:21 PM Subscribe
Is being paranoid of dying a normal thing?
I have this nagging worry about getting a blood clot and dying.
I have a piercing worry about dying around once a week and it freaks me out to the point of making me call my husband to tell him I love him. I don't know if these thoughts warrant paying beaucoup bucks to see a therapist. Is it normal to have persistent worries about serious injury, death and how awful it would make the life of my family, spouse and friends? Should I just turn this worry into a live-every-day-like-it's-your-last feeling, or should I truly be concerned about potential blood clots? Is this a legitimate physical worry, or is my problem psychological?
I am on the Nuvaring. The pill made me insane. I am too young to be sterilized or get a non-hormonal IUD, which is what I really want, but I don't think that switching methods is answering the right question here. I am not comfortable using non-hormonal contraceptives, no matter how well they work. And I'm not cutting myself off of sex, no sir. Could I swing this problem into convincing a doctor to sterilize or IUD me?
I have this nagging worry about getting a blood clot and dying.
I have a piercing worry about dying around once a week and it freaks me out to the point of making me call my husband to tell him I love him. I don't know if these thoughts warrant paying beaucoup bucks to see a therapist. Is it normal to have persistent worries about serious injury, death and how awful it would make the life of my family, spouse and friends? Should I just turn this worry into a live-every-day-like-it's-your-last feeling, or should I truly be concerned about potential blood clots? Is this a legitimate physical worry, or is my problem psychological?
I am on the Nuvaring. The pill made me insane. I am too young to be sterilized or get a non-hormonal IUD, which is what I really want, but I don't think that switching methods is answering the right question here. I am not comfortable using non-hormonal contraceptives, no matter how well they work. And I'm not cutting myself off of sex, no sir. Could I swing this problem into convincing a doctor to sterilize or IUD me?
I am too young to [...] get a non-hormonal IUD, which is what I really want
I don't understand this notion that you're "too young." The only reference to young age on the Planned Parenthood page about IUDs states: "A teen may not be able to use an IUD if her uterus is too small — a clinician will tell you if an IUD might be right for you. Some clinicians may not understand that the IUD is safe and effective for young women and may be unwilling to provide it."
In other words, if you've been told you're too young, you may just need to see a different doctor who's better informed. (I mean, presuming you're not 14 or something -- and since you're married, that seems like a reasonably safe assumption.) I know you said that discussion of switching birth control methods doesn't seem to be the right answer to your question, but if the information you've been given regarding your age is actually faulty, then I think it's worth considering.
posted by scody at 5:02 PM on June 12, 2007
I don't understand this notion that you're "too young." The only reference to young age on the Planned Parenthood page about IUDs states: "A teen may not be able to use an IUD if her uterus is too small — a clinician will tell you if an IUD might be right for you. Some clinicians may not understand that the IUD is safe and effective for young women and may be unwilling to provide it."
In other words, if you've been told you're too young, you may just need to see a different doctor who's better informed. (I mean, presuming you're not 14 or something -- and since you're married, that seems like a reasonably safe assumption.) I know you said that discussion of switching birth control methods doesn't seem to be the right answer to your question, but if the information you've been given regarding your age is actually faulty, then I think it's worth considering.
posted by scody at 5:02 PM on June 12, 2007
ikkyu2, some women have had trouble getting doctors to give them IUDs before having a child. Perhaps anon's doctor is one of these. Also, my GP is under the impression that Nuvaring is less likely to aggravate tummy/brain troubles than the pill since it is pretty much delivered to where it needs to be, so they can put less hormones into it, and consequently there's a lot less hormone floating around in the bloodstream and making mischief. I'm nowhere near being a doctor and have no clue whether this is true but I do generally feel less crazy on Nuvaring than I did on the pill.
anon, I would say that if you think Nuvaring is what's making you morbid, your doctor would be pretty evil to not let you try out a copper IUD, and you'd probably be justified in switching to another one.
posted by crinklebat at 5:02 PM on June 12, 2007
anon, I would say that if you think Nuvaring is what's making you morbid, your doctor would be pretty evil to not let you try out a copper IUD, and you'd probably be justified in switching to another one.
posted by crinklebat at 5:02 PM on June 12, 2007
older iud's used to put you at greater risk for pelvic infection, which could impinge on your fertility. hence, doctors didn't like to prescribe them to women whose childbearing years were still ahead of them.
newer iud's don't carry that risk. assuming your anatomy is in good shape and you're healthy, you should be able to get one. i would switch doctors if yours won't. the fact that you're having problems with hormonal birth control should be a tick in your favor.
posted by thinkingwoman at 5:16 PM on June 12, 2007
newer iud's don't carry that risk. assuming your anatomy is in good shape and you're healthy, you should be able to get one. i would switch doctors if yours won't. the fact that you're having problems with hormonal birth control should be a tick in your favor.
posted by thinkingwoman at 5:16 PM on June 12, 2007
Worrying the way you describe sounds crippling to me, and i wouldn't want to experience it if there was any other option. I'm pretty sure most people don't fear immediate death on a regular basis.
I'd say find a new doctor for your reproductive health concerns, fast. It doesn't sound like the one you have respects your choices or your needs. And if the other posters above are right, it doesn't sound like he understands the reproductive technology available, or its possible mental health consequences. You deserve better than that.
posted by dkg at 5:16 PM on June 12, 2007
Could I swing this problem into convincing a doctor to sterilize or IUD me?You should still have a right to demand sterilization or any other reproductive option, though some states have waiting periods (NY has a 30 day waiting period for sterilization). When i first asked to be sterilized as a 27yo man, i had one doctor tell me that i needed a psychiatric evaluation. When i passed the evaluation, the same doctor then told me he couldn't do the operation for insurance reasons. I demanded a referral, and the next doctor i got was much better: he told me that the pysch eval had been unnecessary, and (after the waiting period) went ahead with the procedure without qualms.
I'd say find a new doctor for your reproductive health concerns, fast. It doesn't sound like the one you have respects your choices or your needs. And if the other posters above are right, it doesn't sound like he understands the reproductive technology available, or its possible mental health consequences. You deserve better than that.
posted by dkg at 5:16 PM on June 12, 2007
follow-up from someone who would prefer to be anonymous:
It's not normal, though you're not alone - I have a similar problem. I ended up talking to a therapist about it. I would have these scenarios playing out in my head of my death. I'd be driving my car and imagine myself dying in an awful crash, or I'd be trying to fall asleep at my boyfriend's have and imagine that we were killed by an intruder, once my leg felt tingly and I imagined I was going to die of blood clots (you're not the only one!), etc, etc, you get the picture. Then I would imagine how it would impact my family/friends or how it would impact me if they died. For me, it all started last year when an acquaintance was killed by a serial murderer. I had always been a "safety first" type of person, but it kicked into overdrive and I started freaking out about my mortality and that of my loved ones.
I could go into a lot more, but basically the therapist really made a difference. I strongly urge you to try that. You could try getting off the ring as well, if you think that will help, but again, I would try to talk to someone. I think your situation sounds mostly psychological and less physical danger (unless you smoke), even though your chances for a clot are technically higher with the Nuvaring. But for a "higher chance" to end up making you paranoid on a regular basis? That would seem to be a psychological thing.
posted by jessamyn at 5:21 PM on June 12, 2007
It's not normal, though you're not alone - I have a similar problem. I ended up talking to a therapist about it. I would have these scenarios playing out in my head of my death. I'd be driving my car and imagine myself dying in an awful crash, or I'd be trying to fall asleep at my boyfriend's have and imagine that we were killed by an intruder, once my leg felt tingly and I imagined I was going to die of blood clots (you're not the only one!), etc, etc, you get the picture. Then I would imagine how it would impact my family/friends or how it would impact me if they died. For me, it all started last year when an acquaintance was killed by a serial murderer. I had always been a "safety first" type of person, but it kicked into overdrive and I started freaking out about my mortality and that of my loved ones.
I could go into a lot more, but basically the therapist really made a difference. I strongly urge you to try that. You could try getting off the ring as well, if you think that will help, but again, I would try to talk to someone. I think your situation sounds mostly psychological and less physical danger (unless you smoke), even though your chances for a clot are technically higher with the Nuvaring. But for a "higher chance" to end up making you paranoid on a regular basis? That would seem to be a psychological thing.
posted by jessamyn at 5:21 PM on June 12, 2007
Wow, you sound a lot like me - I worry about dying at least weekly if not daily, seriously.
For many years it was fear of dying over a blood clot, I stopped the pill and had no problem getting an IUD (I'm 26, not married, no kids) and I no longer fear that.
After I solved that problem I was convinced I was having heart palpatations. A visit to the doctor and an EKG later and I no longer fear that.
I currently fear I have lung or stomach cancer...
I think if you fear the blood clots then solve it and put your mind at ease by getting an IUD. You will not have a problem getting one. If you continue to have irrational fears that replace fears that have been "solved" then perhaps you need to see a therapist, as I will be doing soon.
((Nuvaring has less hormones than the pill and the Mirena IUD has less hormones than both the pill and Nuvaring but for me less hormones wasn't good enough. Additionally, all the research in the world on how blood clots were unlikely for my age group and medical history did not put my mind at ease. I had to have no hormones. ))
Please don't hesitate to email me (in profile) if you want to discuss your fears, rational or not. I have a few people I write too when I'm feeling irrational about dying and death and it helps to talk it out. Xanax also helps.
posted by click at 5:26 PM on June 12, 2007
For many years it was fear of dying over a blood clot, I stopped the pill and had no problem getting an IUD (I'm 26, not married, no kids) and I no longer fear that.
After I solved that problem I was convinced I was having heart palpatations. A visit to the doctor and an EKG later and I no longer fear that.
I currently fear I have lung or stomach cancer...
I think if you fear the blood clots then solve it and put your mind at ease by getting an IUD. You will not have a problem getting one. If you continue to have irrational fears that replace fears that have been "solved" then perhaps you need to see a therapist, as I will be doing soon.
((Nuvaring has less hormones than the pill and the Mirena IUD has less hormones than both the pill and Nuvaring but for me less hormones wasn't good enough. Additionally, all the research in the world on how blood clots were unlikely for my age group and medical history did not put my mind at ease. I had to have no hormones. ))
Please don't hesitate to email me (in profile) if you want to discuss your fears, rational or not. I have a few people I write too when I'm feeling irrational about dying and death and it helps to talk it out. Xanax also helps.
posted by click at 5:26 PM on June 12, 2007
Did someone close to you die recently? My grandparents died within a year of each other. When my grandfather died I thought about death all the time and had gradually stopped when my grandmother died. (yeah, that sucked) Maybe it's not even someone close to you - maybe just someone you knew, and now you're fixated on it without being conscious of it.
After my grandparents died I worried about dying almost every day. Not how I would die - just the act of dying itself terrified me. (heh, still does, but I'm able to deal with it now). I didn't talk about it in therapy - I just talked about other stuff - but I think that I am less paranoid about it as I've gotten over my grandmother's death. The Wellbutrin I'm on probably helped, too.
Actually, now that I think of it, maybe the therapy did help indirectly - I have, um, problems with control and letting go and realizing that I can't control every aspect of my life. Barring suicide, I'd never be in control of my own death. But I am getting a lot better at accepting that I cannot control everything. Maybe it is a maturity thing, too. (I am 27).
FWIW I use the Nuvaring too and I have not had too many emotional problems using it.
posted by sutel at 5:27 PM on June 12, 2007
After my grandparents died I worried about dying almost every day. Not how I would die - just the act of dying itself terrified me. (heh, still does, but I'm able to deal with it now). I didn't talk about it in therapy - I just talked about other stuff - but I think that I am less paranoid about it as I've gotten over my grandmother's death. The Wellbutrin I'm on probably helped, too.
Actually, now that I think of it, maybe the therapy did help indirectly - I have, um, problems with control and letting go and realizing that I can't control every aspect of my life. Barring suicide, I'd never be in control of my own death. But I am getting a lot better at accepting that I cannot control everything. Maybe it is a maturity thing, too. (I am 27).
FWIW I use the Nuvaring too and I have not had too many emotional problems using it.
posted by sutel at 5:27 PM on June 12, 2007
I recently went through the same thing. I made a list of all the horrible things I thought were wrong with me and read it to my doctor. I also constantly worried about the safety of my family and friends. She diagnosed me with General Anxiety Disorder, and prescribed a generic version of Zoloft. I am happy to say I feel like a new person. Regarding the pills, talk to your doctor about Yasmin. I've been on it for almost 6 years after going insane on Depo, and I love it. (Even after taking the Zoloft.) It helps keep your mood even and uses more Progesterone.
I would definitely talk to a doctor. Good luck!
posted by Elaisa at 6:40 PM on June 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
I would definitely talk to a doctor. Good luck!
posted by Elaisa at 6:40 PM on June 12, 2007 [1 favorite]
No, your worries about dying of a blood clot are not "normal"; rather, they are a sign of an abnormal level of anxiety. It sounds like you should talk to a therapist, and possibly consider medication as well to help control your worries. I think that being on the NuvaRing is just what you are focusing your worries on now, since the risk of blood clots on NuvaRing for a young, healthy nonsmoker is very low, and most people using the ring or other hormonal methods do not worry regularly about dropping dead from a blood clot. I get the sense that if you were using another method of birth control, you would have similar worries since no method is without risks (in short, kind of like what click describes above - your worry will follow a moving target). For example, if you had an IUD, would you be worried about some of the (remote) risks associated with that method (infection, ectopic pregnancy, uterine perforation)? If you chose sterilization, would you be worried about dying during surgery, or getting an infection afterwards? Or worried that you made the wrong choice? I think you really need to look at other areas of your life where you have anxiety or control issues as well, as you probably have worries about other things besides blood clots. Anxiety is very common, especially in women - but it can be treated.
That said, if you don't like using the ring for other reasons, or you would prefer an IUD, by all means bring it up with your OB/gyn. Just because you are young and/or haven't had kids doesn't mean you can't have one. Just be aware that it can be harder to put an IUD in a woman who hasn't had a child, as the opening to the uterus is much more tightly closed and sometimes the size of the uterus is too small to accomodate an IUD. Choose a provider who is experienced with IUD insertions and it should go more smoothly for you.
posted by tuff at 6:44 PM on June 12, 2007
That said, if you don't like using the ring for other reasons, or you would prefer an IUD, by all means bring it up with your OB/gyn. Just because you are young and/or haven't had kids doesn't mean you can't have one. Just be aware that it can be harder to put an IUD in a woman who hasn't had a child, as the opening to the uterus is much more tightly closed and sometimes the size of the uterus is too small to accomodate an IUD. Choose a provider who is experienced with IUD insertions and it should go more smoothly for you.
posted by tuff at 6:44 PM on June 12, 2007
Also, if you are legally not old enough to undergo sterilization, and would like to get it because you have what sounds like a pretty irrational fear of blood clots with hormonal methods, chances are very slim that a doctor will sterilize you. Even when you reach the age where you can consent to the procedure, if you haven't had kids, and this is your main reason for wanting sterilization, it would be hard to convince anyone. Generalized anxiety is not a good reason to choose sterilization because it won't treat the actual problem.
posted by tuff at 6:48 PM on June 12, 2007
posted by tuff at 6:48 PM on June 12, 2007
tuff writes "It sounds like you should talk to a therapist, and possibly consider medication as well to help control your worries. I think that being on the NuvaRing is just what you are focusing your worries on now"
I don't mean to pick on tuff, but I came here to say that this is, nearly verbatim, what a nurse told me when I called my first OB's office, sobbing, and told her I thought the pill was making me insane (about 2 months after I started taking it). She actually scolded me for "not telling the doctor I was depressed" before they prescribed it. I had NEVER been depressed; never even had PMS.
When I did see that OB, she said, "You must have other things going on; the pill isn't responsible for this type of emotional reaction."
I could go on and on but I won't. HORMONAL BIRTH CONTROL IS NOT FOR EVERYONE. Just because you are having a reaction that doesn't seem inline with what others experience on the pill or the Ring, doesn't mean you need therapy.
Get off the ring and see 10 fucking doctors if you have to, until one gives you the Paragard (Copper) IUD. I tried other pills and I tried the Nuvaring - they were the problem. You know yourself best - don't accept anything less than what you want.
posted by peep at 7:14 PM on June 12, 2007
I don't mean to pick on tuff, but I came here to say that this is, nearly verbatim, what a nurse told me when I called my first OB's office, sobbing, and told her I thought the pill was making me insane (about 2 months after I started taking it). She actually scolded me for "not telling the doctor I was depressed" before they prescribed it. I had NEVER been depressed; never even had PMS.
When I did see that OB, she said, "You must have other things going on; the pill isn't responsible for this type of emotional reaction."
I could go on and on but I won't. HORMONAL BIRTH CONTROL IS NOT FOR EVERYONE. Just because you are having a reaction that doesn't seem inline with what others experience on the pill or the Ring, doesn't mean you need therapy.
Get off the ring and see 10 fucking doctors if you have to, until one gives you the Paragard (Copper) IUD. I tried other pills and I tried the Nuvaring - they were the problem. You know yourself best - don't accept anything less than what you want.
posted by peep at 7:14 PM on June 12, 2007
I have this nearly daily paranoia of getting hit by a car. I'm not afraid of dying but getting hit and suffering great pain or getting paralyzed.
posted by corpse at 7:39 PM on June 12, 2007
posted by corpse at 7:39 PM on June 12, 2007
* I had serious "I CANNOT CONTINUE LIVING ON THIS EARTH" fucked-up-itude on the Pill. Not paranoid in the way you're talking about, exactly, but waking up sobbing and screaming every morning. It didn't start until I had been on the Pill for over a year, and it went away within two weeks of stopping it.
* IUDs are now considered perfectly fine for younger women who haven't had kids, but it's harder for the doctor to insert them. The success rate for the IUD working is directly related to the doctor's skill in inserting them. So, if you really want one, it makes sense to call around and find a doctor who's not only willing but also experienced in inserting them in women who haven't had children (Planned Parenthood would be a good bet). (This also means your doctor's pretty justified in saying no; if she's not experienced in inserting IUDs in women who haven't had kids, she's likely not going to be any good at it.)
* Though changing your birth control method may solve the problem, if it doesn't: These feelings certainly do justify seeing a therapist. That sounds like a horrible way to live; don't settle for it.
posted by occhiblu at 7:40 PM on June 12, 2007
* IUDs are now considered perfectly fine for younger women who haven't had kids, but it's harder for the doctor to insert them. The success rate for the IUD working is directly related to the doctor's skill in inserting them. So, if you really want one, it makes sense to call around and find a doctor who's not only willing but also experienced in inserting them in women who haven't had children (Planned Parenthood would be a good bet). (This also means your doctor's pretty justified in saying no; if she's not experienced in inserting IUDs in women who haven't had kids, she's likely not going to be any good at it.)
* Though changing your birth control method may solve the problem, if it doesn't: These feelings certainly do justify seeing a therapist. That sounds like a horrible way to live; don't settle for it.
posted by occhiblu at 7:40 PM on June 12, 2007
Sounds like you could stand to be evaluated for anxiety. Your thoughts about death aren't normal, nor is calling people to somehow to prepare for the death. Birth control may or may not be a factor, but anxiety definitely is present.
posted by Miko at 9:00 PM on June 12, 2007
posted by Miko at 9:00 PM on June 12, 2007
It sounds like you are suffering from an anxiety disorder:
Please talk to your GP about this. If it's not the birth control, he/she will be able to help you figure out what's causing it and how to fix it.
posted by Brittanie at 9:03 PM on June 12, 2007
Apprehension, fear of losing control, fear of going "crazy", fear of pending death or impending danger, and general uneasiness are among the most common mental symptoms.Whether the BC is causing it or something else is up to you to answer. In my case, AD was brought on by a traumatic event. I considered therapy but didn't find it right for me, so instead I did a LOT of research on AD and was able to figure out how to talk myself out of the downward spiral of worry that accompanies panic attacks.
Please talk to your GP about this. If it's not the birth control, he/she will be able to help you figure out what's causing it and how to fix it.
posted by Brittanie at 9:03 PM on June 12, 2007
Yeah, your anxiety's a little high. Plenty of other people worry about dying, of more and less likely causes, and that has included me. Plenty of other people carry around more anxiety than they need to, and that includes me too.
So I'd say start by getting the birth control fixed up. Hormones seem to do different things to everyone, so see how far that gets you. Don't assume that it will fix everything, and don't assume that it won't help.
If your anxiety is still too high once the birth control is settled, find a doctor with whom you have a good rapport, and start talking about options. Tranquilizers are one, neurotransmitter reuptake/breakdown inhibitors are another, but don't ignore Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, samatha or vipassana meditation. Even plain old education may help: Learn about the blood clotting cascade, or the actuarial rates, and see if knowing your enemy helps to lift the fear. There are lots of potential solutions to this. I wish you luck finding yours.
posted by eritain at 10:05 PM on June 12, 2007
So I'd say start by getting the birth control fixed up. Hormones seem to do different things to everyone, so see how far that gets you. Don't assume that it will fix everything, and don't assume that it won't help.
If your anxiety is still too high once the birth control is settled, find a doctor with whom you have a good rapport, and start talking about options. Tranquilizers are one, neurotransmitter reuptake/breakdown inhibitors are another, but don't ignore Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, samatha or vipassana meditation. Even plain old education may help: Learn about the blood clotting cascade, or the actuarial rates, and see if knowing your enemy helps to lift the fear. There are lots of potential solutions to this. I wish you luck finding yours.
posted by eritain at 10:05 PM on June 12, 2007
(This also means your doctor's pretty justified in saying no; if she's not experienced in inserting IUDs in women who haven't had kids, she's likely not going to be any good at it.)
It's fine for the doctor to say she's not experienced enough to insert an IUD for a nulliparous woman. What's not fine is for the doctor to not offer to refer the patient to someone else who *is* comfortable doing it.
Anonymous needs a new doctor. You should never feel like you have to "convince" your doctor of anything. You don't beg your doctor, you complain and then you leave--and find a doctor who actually treats you like an adult. You are not "too young" to be sterilized if you are over 18. Marie Stopes and Feminist Women's Health Center both have policies that state they do not descriminate against young women who want sterilization.
posted by Violet Hour at 10:44 PM on June 12, 2007
It's fine for the doctor to say she's not experienced enough to insert an IUD for a nulliparous woman. What's not fine is for the doctor to not offer to refer the patient to someone else who *is* comfortable doing it.
Anonymous needs a new doctor. You should never feel like you have to "convince" your doctor of anything. You don't beg your doctor, you complain and then you leave--and find a doctor who actually treats you like an adult. You are not "too young" to be sterilized if you are over 18. Marie Stopes and Feminist Women's Health Center both have policies that state they do not descriminate against young women who want sterilization.
posted by Violet Hour at 10:44 PM on June 12, 2007
hey peep (and anon) - I wanted to come back and let you know it wasn't my intention to pass judgement, and I'm sorry I came off that way. I think that of course it is a possibility that NuvaRing is making anon feel generally anxious or moody. It's also possible that the anxiety is not caused by NuvaRing. The reason I responded in the way I did is because of my knowledge that anxiety disorders are more often primary disorders than side effects of medications such as NuvaRing. I didn't mean to dismiss the possibility that the hormones are causing the anxiety. Peep is going from a personal experience, which is always more meaningful to a person than statistics. I am going from statistics and years of experience working with women and birth control and thinking of possibilities in terms of generalities and statistics. Neither perspective is more "true" - they are just products of different experiences.
Anon, the only way to know for sure if the ring is the cause would be to stop the ring for a week or two and see how you feel. If you're still really worried about stuff, it's not the ring. Also, pay attention to how you feel at the end of your ring-free week - do you feel any less anxious? If you still feel anxious when you're off the ring, please see someone about it. Anxiety can really get in the way of enjoying life. I wish you the best.
posted by tuff at 3:26 PM on June 13, 2007
Anon, the only way to know for sure if the ring is the cause would be to stop the ring for a week or two and see how you feel. If you're still really worried about stuff, it's not the ring. Also, pay attention to how you feel at the end of your ring-free week - do you feel any less anxious? If you still feel anxious when you're off the ring, please see someone about it. Anxiety can really get in the way of enjoying life. I wish you the best.
posted by tuff at 3:26 PM on June 13, 2007
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As far as the IUD, convincing an OB/GYN to put an IUD in you isn't hard. You go in, you say "I'm in a monogamous relationship, we've been tested for STDs and found negative, and I wish not to conceive for a couple years. Can you put a non-hormone releasing IUD in me?" The answer is pretty much "Yes."
posted by ikkyu2 at 4:30 PM on June 12, 2007