Do I have issues or am I simply a sap?

May 7, 2007 9:26 PM

Am I on the verge of an emotional break down, just have some deep emotional issues I need to work through or am I just a big ol sap?

I don't really get emotional in my day to day life. At least not in terms of sad emotions (yea, I'll get upset at someone and such) but for all practically purposes I am a rather un emotional man. I think I've become this way because of my rough childhood and such (long story, wont bore you) but lately, whenever I watch a TV show or Movie that’s even the slightest bit sad I start crying like a baby.

O.k maybe not balling but definitely tears rolling down my checks and all of that. Could this be some sign that I have some major issues? Could the TV and movies be my outlet for emotions I am not expressing normally or, like I wrote earlier... am I just a big sap that is moved emotionally by sad stories? Lastly, I guess I've noticed this for about the last year or so if that matters.

Throw away account: [e-mail]

posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (15 answers total)

You're not giving us enough to go on here, and I'm not entirely sure that you could if you tried. If this is indeed just "lately" that this has happened, then it could very well be that you are looking for some kind of outlet for emotions that are otherwise bottled up. Who knows? Regardless, there's no harm in working on expressing and communicating your emotions in less dramatic fashion as appropriate.

As to whether there are "major issues," I'd say look at it with some perspective. You cry at some movies. You're not smearing on kabuki makeup and fucking a dead squirrel. So you cry at movies. If that's illness, sign me the fuck up for it. I cry at the end of "It's a Wonderful Life" every time, and I eat quiche and don't give a good goddamn who knows it.

In short, no, you don't have major issues.
posted by middleclasstool at 9:41 PM on May 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

My husband (who had a crap childhood) never cries except in extreme relationship circumstances (once, when we were breaking up). My brother (who had a crap childhood) occasionally gets weepy at movies, or books, or the cute behaviour of his 3yo son.

Neither of them are on the verge of a breakdown. They're quite relaxed about their lives and their goals and their circumstances.

Is there anything else that's bugging you? Isn't it horrible how it's not known/accepted generally in western culture that men can be moved by movies?
posted by b33j at 9:54 PM on May 7, 2007

I would guess the movies are providing a "template" onto to which certain hitherto unexpressed emotions are being projected. That seems to me a good thing -- that's part of what they're for! It might not hurt to talk to a professional just to see if there really is something more than needs to come to the surface -- but what what you describe actually sounds pretty healthy to me.
posted by treepour at 10:03 PM on May 7, 2007

Sounds like you're have a condition called "being human".

Somewhere in my 20's I started crying at movies. It bothered/embarrassed for quite a while, but now I enjoy that I can let it move me that much.
posted by Ookseer at 10:13 PM on May 7, 2007

It's called "catharsis," and it's nothing new. Aristotle wrote about it. Generally, catharsis is considered good for people and for society.

Here's one discussion of catharsis.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 10:25 PM on May 7, 2007

I would say that movies are speaking to your own sadness and grief. Even if you don't feel your own emotions directly, you know logically the things that have happened to you that might be causing this response. So you can probably guess if this is in response to things that have happened recently (a death, illness or major breakup etc) or if it just accumulated over time. People with a "rough childhood" have many reasons to feel sad, hurt, and/or disappointed but learn to hide those feelings to protect themselves. Those feelings are still there - just buried deeply enough that they don't "feel" them.

That said, if it is not messing up your life, it is not a major issue. It's your choice if you feel like this is a wake-up call to deal your emotions differently or if you just want to accept that this the way you are right now.

If you want to try a relatively safe, easy and very inexpensive way to explore your issues, try writing about your experiences. There is a lot of research that says that writing about emotional experiences is good for your physical and mental health. For advice on how to do it, check out the instructions from Prof. James Pennebaker, the leading researcher in this area.
posted by metahawk at 10:30 PM on May 7, 2007

I don't think anyone here can really answer this question for you. Basically, you're asking if movies and TV are serving as a pressure-release valve for emotions you suppress in your everyday life. Are they? Maybe. If they are, is this a bad thing or a good thing? Or a neutral thing? Only you can answer that by assessing your mental state as a whole.

I think the question should be less whether crying at sappy programs indicates that you have deep-seated problems, and more whether your lack of emotion in daily life and the debris from your rough childhood bothers you, and whether you think your life could be enhanced from exploring these issues. If so, explore them, with a therapist or whatever works for you. If your perplexity at your sad-program-produced-tears bothers you enough that you'll seek needed therapy, when you wouldn't have otherwise, well, maybe it's providing an indirect benefit.
posted by granted at 10:40 PM on May 7, 2007

Ah, I'm the same way. Don't worry about it. I've learned to enjoy it.

I only watch 'The Little Shop Around The Corner' when I have a half hour alone to cry it out.
posted by lumpenprole at 11:10 PM on May 7, 2007

I'm often exactly the same way, and while I feel it is somewhat embarrassing to admit to, I don't think that it is even remotely a bad thing. Rather than the "pressure valve" view others have mentioned, I tend to view it more as a sign of deeper internal resonance with the situations you just saw rather than an outlet for your own repressed feelings.
As a person who doesn't often express or necessarily feel emotion, you are more sensitive to it when something you experience resonates with your feelings. Someone who eats candy all the time isn't gonna have the same reaction to a treat as someone who rarely ever has sweets.
posted by nightchrome at 12:07 AM on May 8, 2007

I cried at the end of the futurama episode `Jurassic Bark', as well as other films.

I'm a pretty cheery guy, and much like you in that sad emotions don't generally get much room in my life, but certain films make me terribly sad. There have been films I won't see in the cinema because I know they are sad, and I only avoided blubbing at the end of the Lord of the Rings trilogy because 9 hours in an uncomfortable seat was giving me agonising back spasms.

Don't let it bother you, I am sure you're fine.
posted by tomble at 12:10 AM on May 8, 2007

I think you're probably bottling up something or other (this is coming from the perspective of someone who thinks that most people are) and it would be worth exploring this a bit further. It doesn't have to be therapy, metahawk's suggestion of journaling sounds like a good one, or you could think about whether you can just open up a bit more to the people who are close to you.

I'm not saying that it's "major issues", just that you may feel better if you work on this.
posted by teleskiving at 5:10 AM on May 8, 2007

Eh, I don't bottle up anything (really most of my friends wish I would just a little), and I still bawl at movies, documentaries, whatever. Embrace it. You are fine.
posted by dame at 6:16 AM on May 8, 2007

There's an episode of the Simpsons in which Lisa makes a table centerpiece for Thanksgiving dinner, which Bart then accidentally swipes into the fire. It delves deeply into relationships between siblings and family, and it makes me cry every time.

I cried when the crushed the EV-1s in "Who Killed the Electric Car." I also cry when I see dogs do cute things, and sometimes when small humans do cute things. I get weepy-eyed when I think about 3-legged cats.

Enjoy it, ya big sap!
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 7:37 AM on May 8, 2007

I'm the same way. 'ER' used to be particularly tortorous for me.

I can't be sure what's going on with you, but if you feel like maybe you're allowing narrative drama to reach you emotionally in places that you don't allow expression in daily life, you're probably right.

I grew up in a family in which the rules were that you could talk about everything under the sun -- except emotions. As a result I am still incredibly awkward about emotions; I'm not comfortable with feeling sad in real life, certainly not showing it. TV, books, and movies seem to short-circuit the blockages becaues, after all, they're not about me, ostensibly.

It's not anything to be ashamed of or worried about, but just to notice, as you have. Keep asking yourself questions - 'Why does this sort of thing get to me? Does it worry me? Is it something I want to explore further? Do I have unexpressed sadness or frustration looking for a way to get out? Do I expect myself to 'keep it together' all the time? Where did I learn that I was supposed to do that?' You can do this on your own, in a journal, in therapy, wherever you like. Are these 'major issues'? Not really - they're just the questions of personal growth, the issues we all look at as we try to understand ourselves and to live whole, more balanced lives. If you're noticing it a lot now, maybe this is a good time in your life to start looking into how you handle emotions.

If the questions don't feel productive and you're not learning anything useful about yourself by asking them, then maybe this phenomenon doesn't reflect anything about your emotional health. Hey, maybe you're just a sap who cries at movies! That's endearing and healthy, too.
posted by Miko at 8:38 AM on May 8, 2007

Just another data point: this type of tearfulness is a very common symptom of depression. I had a similar problem before I was treated. There isn't really enough information to determine if you may be depressed, or have some other issue, but there are many physiological conditions that can cause tearfulness, so it may be something to look into with a doctor.
posted by frykitty at 12:27 PM on May 13, 2007