Autoobit?

April 25, 2007 8:37 AM

Have you considered writing your own obituary?

I want to make things easy for my kids to deal with post me death. I've written a will, opened a trust, verbally communicated where I want my ashes placed.
Now I realize it would be even nicer to have a simple sheet of "death instructions"- short and simple in my safety deposit box (my daughter has the key).
I live in a small town and everyone passes around the obits (I know). I want mine to be short and simple and esp not have some odd picture of me. Is it morbid to write my own obit, or vain?
I want to hear from those of you who have known people who written theirs, and esp from those of you who have written your own.

posted by bkiddo to Grab Bag (12 answers total)

Best answer: My maternal grandparents wrote their own, for precisely the same reason - to make things easier for the survivors. I found it neither morbid nor vain. (As long as you stick to the facts. "bkiddo worked for 25 years at XYZ corp." is fine; "bkiddo worked for 25 years at XYZ corp., where he was liked and admired by all" is vain.)
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 8:45 AM on April 25, 2007

My father-in-law wrote his own. We just added a few recent things and a couple of edits here and there. It made things very easy, one less thing for us to think about at the time. It also gave him a chance to list the things he was most proud of doing, rather than us just listing off what we knew he had done.

My F-I-L should be the poster boy for the “get all your affairs in order” campaign. It was a tough death to deal with emotionally, but as far as paperwork goes all we had to do was sign on a couple dotted lines. Everything else had been taken care of already.
posted by bondcliff at 8:49 AM on April 25, 2007

Best answer: My grandmother wrote her own. She was a relatively famous person in the newspaper industry (a new book about her just came out last week, as a matter of fact) and obsessed with factual accuracy. She knew her obit would be in the Times, so she not only wrote it and kept it updated, she made sure the Times had the most recent copy on file. Then again, she was like that.
posted by The Bellman at 8:55 AM on April 25, 2007

I don' t think it's morbid. I recently went though the death of a loved one, and it has been difficult. Your idea for a list of "death instructions" would have been a big help!
posted by dcjd at 9:02 AM on April 25, 2007

To expound a bit, I would define "morbid" as dwelling unnecessarily on death. Simply acknowledging that one will die, and preparing for that inevitability - such as writing one's own obituary - is not morbid, it's just realistic.

If you had the obituary blown up to 60 pt. type, framed, and hung in your living room, that would be morbid.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 9:04 AM on April 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

If it gives you comfort, proceed!
posted by Dizzy at 9:20 AM on April 25, 2007

Best answer: Be careful with the safe depsoit box! In many cases, as soon as you die, the contents of the deposit box become property of the trust, and your daughter will not be able to access them! For paper instructions like that, you're better off just keeping them in the house somewhere.
posted by cosmicbandito at 9:21 AM on April 25, 2007

This is so crazy. Prompted by the Atheist Symbol on gravestones thread, I just finished, literally, minutes ago, writing a list of "death instructions", among which I stipulated that if they're going to have a pastor or have my service in a church(which they would only do if they don't honor my wish to be turned into fertilizer, post organ donation), they would have to get the pastor to publish and provide them with a written statement swearing that he accepts and understands the current scientific consensus on how life has developed.

Not how it came to be, mind you, just what's happened since then.

It is kinda morbid, but hey.
posted by Mr. Gunn at 9:43 AM on April 25, 2007

Greg, slightly off topic, but that sounds wonderful.

Of course, the best part of a funeral for me is always the re-telling of various stories and the laughter through the tears of the loved ones.

My grandmother was known for being rather a bitch, and some of the best stories that weekend were all tales of her various bitchy exploits.

Having a long rambling bitchy obituary that she had written herself would have been priceless. I would have insisted that every word be printed, and would have cherished her beyond the grave bitchiness.

Topic: No, it isn't vain. Write it yourself and it will be worded the way you want. Leave it to someone else and it will not be what you had in mind.
posted by Sheppagus at 10:57 AM on April 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

Best answer: One thing to think about: You might include a note that says, "feel free to update/tailor this obituary to your needs."

I used to write editorial obituaries for a newspaper, and we had a very specific style that every obit required. Occasionally, people would get upset to the point of crying when they found that our format would not allow us to exactly reproduce the obituaries that had been left behind by their loved ones. They felt like we were preventing a final wish from coming true. If they'd just had a bit of permission to not be so worried, I think it would have helped a lot.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 11:37 AM on April 25, 2007

It's not morbid or vain, of course. But I do wonder whether your family would like to write it themselves, or to plan the funeral and other arrangements with you. People I've known have found it comforting to discuss these things when they know family members are dying. You may already have considered this, as you've talked about where you want your ahes placed. You say you want it to be easy for your children to deal with things, but it's never going to be an easy time, and having some practical things they could feel they're doing for you might be helpful. I don't know your circumstances, so sorry if this is off beam.
posted by paduasoy at 2:13 PM on April 25, 2007

Whether it will be used or not, I've written my own. I've never had more satisfaction than imagining the consternation of my remaining living foes reading it.
posted by paulsc at 5:02 PM on April 25, 2007