Eradicating Squirrels
March 9, 2004 11:47 AM   Subscribe

Personal anecdotes on the topic of Squirrels--how to get rid of them are hereby solicited.
posted by y2karl to Pets & Animals (23 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
We had squirrels inside our eaves a few weeks ago. Had pest removal company come in to quote us what came to like $150/ per to get rid of them. Bought two hav-a-hart squirrel traps online somewhere (I can dig it up if you're interested) for $30 each. Mostly these nests are mating pairs, but we trapped four or five just to be sure. The traps worked perfectly. Each morning I'd share my 30 mile commute with a new little chattering friend, and release him in some woods near my work, along with a packet on area schools and phone numbers of realtors.

Once they're gone, block those holes (if that's the problem).
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 12:00 PM on March 9, 2004

More: I just put the traps on the ground near where I knew they were climbing the side of the house. I used walnuts for bait (nothing but the best). Drop them off no closer than 5 miles to be sure you don't see them again. Wear heavy gloves handling the occupied trap. Be aware your community may require a license of people who trap animals. Release them as soon as you can after trapping; they'll rub their little noses bloody trying to poke out through the wire walls of the trap. Don't trap adults during the late summer or fall; you'll orphan their little babies (which may be in your house).
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 12:13 PM on March 9, 2004

A treasure trove.
posted by daver at 12:30 PM on March 9, 2004

Fish for them.
posted by srboisvert at 12:31 PM on March 9, 2004

I was in a shop when I saw a video playing for a new product - a squirrel-proof birdfeeder. Hilarious. This may not solve your problem, but, oh the entertainment value...
posted by MsVader at 12:36 PM on March 9, 2004

Relocating wildlife is illegal in many (most?) localities. And I'd vote for more than 5 miles if you're going to do it anyway. A neighbor had squirrel problems so he trapped them and drove them about 7 miles away (7 miles as the car drives - a little less as the squirrel scampers). Dozens of them. Turns out he was just repeatedly trapping the same 2 squirrels - which he discovered after spraying blue paint on the tip of the tail of one before releasing it. It was back the next day.
posted by TimeFactor at 12:47 PM on March 9, 2004

For the hard-hearted: "Welcome to, the official homepage of the Squirrel Defamation League. Our mission is to rid the world of that filthy little beast known as the squirrel."
posted by carter at 1:25 PM on March 9, 2004

When I lived in Connecticut about ten years ago, we had a squirrel overpopulation ... a wolf got a kid, so people started shooting wolves, and wolves eat squirrels, but there weren't enough wolves to eat squirrels... so they started eating all of the landscaping, killed a bunch of baby birds in a birdhouse, and actually managed to knock down our birdfeeder once.

We just started shooting them to thin the population a bit. I'm still a crack shot with a .22 rifle today.
posted by SpecialK at 1:33 PM on March 9, 2004

My personal anecdote about Squirrels--how to get rid of them is directly related to the anecdote about Kittens--how to convince your parents to let you have one.

They were little brown squirrels. She left 'em alone until she was about 6 months old, then one day realized she was bigger than them.
posted by jacquilynne at 1:46 PM on March 9, 2004

Wisecracks don't help people find answers.
But Ma-a-a-tt, this thread is SO asking for it....

Personal anecdotes on the topic of "McBain--how to get rid of him" are hereby solicited.

When a squirrel dies, Bullwinkle cries.
posted by wendell at 2:42 PM on March 9, 2004

Before one gets all sentimental about squirrels, remember that they are rodent vermin. Show them about as much pity as you'd show a disease-carrying rat.
posted by five fresh fish at 4:11 PM on March 9, 2004

So a friend of mine recounts the following about his father:

He was determined to squirrel-proof his bird feeder and found that the traditional methods didn't work alone - so he combined them. First he cut down a number of trees. Then he ran a length of cable between the two remaining trees to hang the bird feeder. He wrapped the cable with razor wire and placed 3 steel plates on either side of the feeder. This was successful for some time, until he discovered the super squirrel. This squirrel was as determined to get to the feeder as the old man was to keep the squirels out. So this squirrel took a long running jump off of the highest branch on the tree, probably 25-30 feet in the air. Of course the squirrel missed, but it just shook its head and tried again. Five times this squirrel jumped and missed, getting close every time. And then on the sixth, the squirrel showed that persistence pays as it barely caught the edge of the feeder and ate well. Damn squirrel. The old man never saw it again.
posted by jmgorman at 4:39 PM on March 9, 2004

> remember that they are rodent vermin. Show them about as much pity as you'd
> show a disease-carrying rat.

I pity 'em both. They're about the last living warm furry wild critters in many areas; take away the rats, mice and squirrels and you're down to the cockroach level when it comes to fellow creatures. I salute the few beasties that may be tough and/or clever enough to carry on when we're yesterday's news.
posted by jfuller at 6:03 PM on March 9, 2004

Sentimentalist. Try living with those demon varmints gnawing every damn corner of your house. Grrr. Death is too good for them.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:50 PM on March 9, 2004

The Outwitting Squirrels Society

Outwitting Squirrels [ the book ] "From spooker poles and Perrier bottles to water bombs and cayenne pepper, Bill Adler, Jr., has tried every conceivable method to rid his backyard of these fluffy gluttonous rodents. Revised and even craftier than the first edition, which sold over 100,000 copies, this new revision contains humorous..."

Also : Squirrel Wars

Me, I use jellied gasoline to control the little fuckers [ I got the recipe from Konolia ]. If you don't lay down the law with these creatures, you'll very soon have this :

posted by troutfishing at 7:36 PM on March 9, 2004

posted by troutfishing at 7:38 PM on March 9, 2004

Jellied gasoline? Seriously?!?! That sounds like home-made napalm.

posted by gen at 8:55 PM on March 9, 2004

September 2003 in Boston's Public Gardens:

Tell me that you really want them gone!

[serious answer: cut down the trees that are giving them access to your roof. They're probably not running up the side of your house.]
posted by Mayor Curley at 9:06 PM on March 9, 2004

We had the dreaded Squirrels-In-The-Attic, so the SO decided to cut (numerous) holes into the ceiling in the laundry room, allowing the cats to leap from the washing machine up into the attic. When the cats felt like hunting, there would be a great deal of noise-- including running footsteps, screeching, thudding, etc.-- and then a cat would emerge triumphant with a squirrel in its mouth. Only to drop it. Said squirrel would then race around the house. Repeat. Many times.

Sometimes you had the pleasure of being interrupted while folding laundry by an angry squirrel muttering obscenities while peering menacingly over the edge of a ceiling hole.

Eventually the squirrels moved on. I like to think it was the scent of Mountain April Fresh Spring Downey. But the holes linger on.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 9:25 PM on March 9, 2004 [1 favorite]

Mayor, they can indeed run up the side of your house. I glanced over to a window once and saw the underside of a squirrel splayed across the glass, taking a breather on his way up. Granted, there were muntins to hang onto (glass dividers) but creepy nonetheless.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 9:57 PM on March 9, 2004

Yah, yah. Show us the after picture from that idyllic scene. Torn limb from limb, that poor girl was. Horrific.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:13 PM on March 9, 2004

I can verify with absolute certainty that squirrels can run up the sides of brick buildings. Yes, brick is easier than vinyl siding or stucco, but I saw them scramble up three stories and an attic many a time from my dorm window. That's the equivalent of like.. 500 feet for you and I. And if they had a nut in their mouth, it's like.. the equivalent of an apple.
posted by Hildago at 10:41 PM on March 9, 2004

gen - really? - not . That "napalm-squirrel solution" is actually contrary to my religious beliefs. But most humor - even reallly black humor - isn't. I understand that one never knows, on the net, what kind of creatures one is dealing with. So : I actually like squirrels (in their place). Then again, I've never had to fend off a rabid squirrel......

"Outwitting Squirrels" is the best collection of anti-squirrel tactics I know of, and it's fairly gentle.
posted by troutfishing at 12:28 AM on March 11, 2004

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