Masturbation before sex?

November 6, 2006 11:14 AM

How long should I go without masturbating before sex?

I'd like to last as long as possible (I'm a male, folks), so I'm wondering what the best technique to ensure this is. Should I go a week without masturbating? Thirty minutes? Six hours? Share your wisdom and old wives' tales, please! Much appreciated!

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (24 answers total)

Ten, fifteen minutes.
You tend to last longer if you've fired the round in the chamber and have to reload than you do by simply letting the gun rust (if I might use an unfortunate metaphor).
posted by klangklangston at 11:24 AM on November 6, 2006

I thought that you masturbated more in order to last longer...
posted by IndigoRain at 11:31 AM on November 6, 2006

This question assumes that in order for a man to last that he needs to (or shouldn't?) beat off prior to the real sex. If increasing your longevity is the issue I'd suggest exploring tantric techniques with your lover. It's a little more involved, and requires experimentation/cooperation, but it's quite rewarding in the long run as you learn to master your domain. I've always found masturbation to compromise virility in favor of longevity. The tantric approach accounts for both.
posted by quadog at 11:35 AM on November 6, 2006

Response by poster: Yeah, um, tantric techniques for the long-term, but you've got something coming up right now?

From what I hear, it's masturbating more. A friend of mine's boyfriend said when he went on a week-long vacation he masturbated furiously every day so when they got back together he didn't finish too soon, and apparently it worked stupendously.
posted by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on November 6, 2006

I found that giving it up all together and only getting off with my g/f gave us both the best experiences, as I had some mild form of delayed ejaculation, or something along those lines... damn 'grip of death' nearly ruined me. YMMV, of course. As an aside -- what's a reasonable time to last?
posted by glip at 11:50 AM on November 6, 2006

I'm with the camp that you've got it backwards: masturbating shouldn't hurt your endurance and will probably help.

Now if you're wanting to save up a big load to surprise her with...
posted by wfrgms at 11:55 AM on November 6, 2006

It might help to concentrate intensely on something other than what you're doing. Distract yourself. Try learning the alphabet backwards while doing it. I have found it to work wonders.
posted by wsg at 11:56 AM on November 6, 2006

I always thought that 'taking your mind off it' was a terrible compromise. Surely being 'in' the thick of the action and lasting longer is better?

Having sex regularly (i.e. every day) works best for me. If you aren't seeing your lady/boy friend one day you can always whack one out instead, keep all the cylinders well oiled.

Average time to last during sex isn't very long, however much your more masculine friends do claim. Premature ejaculation is a big problem.
posted by 0bvious at 12:08 PM on November 6, 2006

O. M. F. G. Can the first link of 0bvious' post possibly be correct? H. L. Mencken once proposed a "Society for More and Better Fucking in the Home" because one of his friends had remarked it took him about two minutes - and that would be above average according to that link.
posted by jet_silver at 1:57 PM on November 6, 2006

Look, this is really different for everyone. Some guys tend to go off too soon, and so they masturbate beforehand to last longer. Some guys, believe it or not, have the opposite problem, and find that avoiding masturbation helps.

To complicate things more, everyone's got a different refractory period, which is what it sounds like you're asking about. Some can be up and ready again ten minutes after an orgasm, others aren't really in top shape until the next day.

(And to make it even more complicated, guys who come buckets at a moment's notice ten times a night love to talk about it in public. Those who do it less often, less quickly, less copiously, or not at all... well, for some reason, they tend to lie or keep their mouths shut. If you rely on what folks tell you, you'll get a skewed sense of what's possible and what's normal.)

You really need to pay more attention to your own body and its responses. Don't worry about some universal "right technique" — there ain't no such thing.
posted by nebulawindphone at 2:04 PM on November 6, 2006

I think the first link in obvious's post is not clear, but they are talking about men with 'premature ejaculation' problems. so 1 minute would be 'premature'.
posted by judybxxx at 2:11 PM on November 6, 2006

There's no rule here - some of us who are getting longer in the tooth need to abstain for a day or so before hand if we expect to get off. Or maybe it's just me. Or the prozac.

Looking back on my sex life over the years, if I could give my younger self some advice it would be to not worry so much about lasting a long time. Just come, for christ's sake. Then you can take off the condom, wipe clean, put on a new one and go back to it.

Some of the best sex I ever had didn't resemble the movies at all - stopping, starting, switching, etc. Ditch the idea that you need to make some sort of precise kissing->fondling->licking->fucking->done progression. So long as you satisfy your partner you're free to do things in whatever order amuses you both.
posted by phearlez at 2:39 PM on November 6, 2006

jet_silver-- Kinsey's original surveys were primarily conducted on college students in the 1950s. Which means it's probably not a good figure for today's average.
posted by bookish at 2:50 PM on November 6, 2006

I'd say forget the advice to 'tune out' and think of something else to distract yourself. Why? You're having sex! Unless it's with someone you hate, why would you want to pretend you're anywhere else?
posted by twirlypen at 3:08 PM on November 6, 2006

so as you can make it last longer, obviously
posted by criticalbill at 4:46 PM on November 6, 2006

Please don't distract yourself. We can see that look on your face and we know what you're doing. And it's really annoying to be having sex with someone who is thinking about dead puppies or his grandmother or otherwise avoiding thinking about the sex he's having with you.

Others may not agree, but I'd rather have quick sex with someone who's mentally there (and graciously finishes me off using other techniques, if necessary) than have long sex with someone who's clearly checked out.

As for finding out what helps, I think you're best off doing a little experimenting and finding out what works best for you.
posted by stefanie at 5:19 PM on November 6, 2006

Kids.

I think the standard wisdom for the overly excited is to practice with yourself going "long time." Have your GF blow you before sex to give you a bit more stamina. How bad could that be - a two fer. Don't forget to return the favor.
posted by caddis at 6:02 PM on November 6, 2006

Good advice allegedly in this book. Note: Amazon.com link
posted by lalochezia at 6:45 PM on November 6, 2006

If I drink at all before sex it takes a really long time, and what's better than drunken sex?
posted by comatose at 8:05 PM on November 6, 2006

If this is just a question of making a 'lasting impression' take a vicodin, you'll be at it forever.
posted by IronLizard at 8:31 PM on November 6, 2006

IronLizard: Vicodin? Don't you mean Viagra?
posted by frecklefaerie at 7:35 AM on November 7, 2006

There is a drug in clinical trials for this.
posted by caddis at 9:00 AM on November 7, 2006

You will likely be able to have sex within 10-20 minutes after masturbation.

However, the pre-sex masturbation may negatively affect your virility.
posted by owl at 9:49 AM on November 7, 2006

IronLizard: Vicodin? Don't you mean Viagra?

Well, no, but I hear that works too :)
posted by IronLizard at 6:48 AM on November 8, 2006