Unequal marriage

July 2, 2006 10:41 AM

You married a woman 25 years younger than you. And, yes, she was from another country and spoke another language. Are you still together? If so, what is your secret? If not, what went wrong?
posted by londongeezer to Human Relations (12 answers total)

Another language... but not any English? I trust this isn't a mail order bride situation.
posted by evil holiday magic at 12:23 PM on July 2, 2006

That's an odd thing to trust, in context.
posted by cortex at 1:11 PM on July 2, 2006

Is the other language Thai?
posted by StickyCarpet at 1:14 PM on July 2, 2006

Somerset Maugham has a story about a marriage similar to this, it goes badly for all the obvious reasons and some not so obvious ones. I don't remember its name, but it is in this book.
posted by 517 at 2:57 PM on July 2, 2006

I'm guessing that this question is a TAD too specific for the mefi crowd...
posted by hatsix at 6:07 PM on July 2, 2006

Agreeing with hatsix. I think if you can outline some of the problems you're facing, or worried about facing, you might get some useful advice, but this is a little cryptic as it stands.
posted by occhiblu at 7:49 PM on July 2, 2006

My uncle kinda did this. So here's one tip -- don't expect her to "get" Thanksgiving. And so maybe you should go to others' houses for it, or at least not invite others to your house. Specifically, if you invite your baby boomer, Martha Stewart-reading sister and her entire family over for Thanksgiving dinner, and then you or your bride decides to serve Safeway Deli chicken wraps and chili, and then your sister fails to hide her surprise, and then your wife flips out and refuses to ever host your sister again, nor to receive your sister's hospitality, it might create some family problems you didn't expect. YMMV. ;)
posted by salvia at 10:52 PM on July 2, 2006 [1 favorite]

I know someone who married a Russian girl (without the age difference), she disappeared pretty soon after getting to the UK,with his passport. He finally got it back, after acceding to a divorce request 3 years later.
posted by biffa at 2:46 AM on July 3, 2006

Despite the negativity here, a friend of mine in his mid 40s has a successful relationship with a German lass in her late 20s. I think their secret was not to make long term plans and just see what happened...
posted by prentiz at 6:43 AM on July 3, 2006

Yeah, and I didn't mean to contribute to a negative chorus. I think my uncle's experience is about the personality quirks of him and his wife than cultural differences. (And if you live in London, you don't even celebrate Thanksgiving -- oops!)
posted by salvia at 12:27 PM on July 3, 2006

Make an effort to understand each other's culture and language- don't just expect her to fit into your lifestyle and culture. Not everyone will find British food and culture appealing! If she is moving to be with you, try and ensure that she develops some friends of her own, and isn't completely dependant on you and your friends etc
posted by MrC at 9:13 PM on July 3, 2006

Response by poster: Hmmm, mostly negative, some downright cynical... And no-one with direct personal experience. Well, thanks everyone, for the words pf advice; I guess this must be a fairly exceptional case.
posted by londongeezer at 4:37 PM on July 4, 2006