June 3, 2006 8:09 AM   Subscribe

well my ex bipolar gf has still yet to call me after 1 month..i know she loved me but basically split and left town w/o telling me. Even after death of my family member. Anything i should do? Her mom even stopped calling me maybe to let me grieve. I thought i loved her. Advice? if she calls(doubtful) what should i do?
posted by magic74 to Health & Fitness (15 answers total)
I think that the answers to your previous question are useful here as well. If she calls (which you say is doubtful) say goodbye to her. Hopefully she won't call and it won't be a problem.
posted by meerkatty at 8:12 AM on June 3, 2006

If she is your ex, let her be your ex. Do not try to be her friend. Why be friends with someone that treats you like that?

Hard I know. Unpopular opinion, maybe. Effective way to heal and move on, definitely.
posted by milarepa at 8:14 AM on June 3, 2006

It's natural to drift far apart from girlfriends after the break-up. It doesn't mean you don't still love each other or you can't ever be friends. In fact, after a year of not talking you can probably be friends again. Dating and taking care of someone who is bipolar is a huge drain and responsibility. If I were you I'd mourn the end of the relationship and try to give yourself permission to be relieved of the burden of being her caretaker. She's not your responsibility anymore, you need to get used to being apart and not talking-- that's just the way break-ups go. Love hurts.
posted by bonheur at 8:15 AM on June 3, 2006

Remember the last thread? Do what people said there.


If she calls? Hang up and tell her not to call any more.

I don't think you'll get any new advice. You have to stop obsessing about this and move on.
posted by Anonymous at 8:16 AM on June 3, 2006

Honey, move on. It's a gift.

Like I said last time, I'm bipolar, and we are not the easiest people to live with. I'm not, and I'm pretty stable most of the time.

But what you feel is normal. You're grieving both your loss and the end of your relationship. Grief work is hard.
posted by konolia at 8:31 AM on June 3, 2006

Last time you asked the same question, you said Having no contact has been good because i need to figure out if i want to be a caretaker for the rest of my life.

Well, now that problem is solved. Rejoice.
posted by bingo at 8:36 AM on June 3, 2006

Consider yourself lucky.
posted by electroboy at 8:40 AM on June 3, 2006

It's a good thing. Let go.
posted by SpecialK at 8:57 AM on June 3, 2006

Yea, let it go, bro.
posted by Juggermatt at 10:22 AM on June 3, 2006

It is great that you still care. Faithful love is wonderful. However, your life could be wrecked by directing it at someone who does not value it.

Do weigh up the ratio of positive love to your feeling of responsibility. She may be the ideal match for you, but do pay attention to the many people saying that maybe she isn't. Even if she does call, don’t rush back into the same situation. Build any new relationship between you slowly and carefully.

Don’t sit around waiting for her. Get stuck into enjoying your new freedom. Explore what else life has to offer you. Your mother would like to see you coming out of your grief and enjoying life.
posted by Idcoytco at 11:07 AM on June 3, 2006

My first serious girlfriend was like that. So was my first wife. Accept they're never going to call. Do not rehearse the conversation you'll have if they do. Understand that you're actually better off if they don't. Grieve as much as you need. Get on with your life and try not to fall in love with anyone similar.

That last step was where I fell down.
posted by Hogshead at 3:07 PM on June 3, 2006

my ex bipolar gf

After that opening statement, any advice you get that isn't "move on and don't look back" is pie-in-the-sky dreamery.
posted by frogan at 3:42 PM on June 3, 2006

magic74, I know what you're going through is hard, but AskMetafilter is probably not the best place to get ongoing help for the same problem.

I think, with all you're going through, that seeing a therapist would be helpful; he or she would be able to let you talk through things once a week. There are also organizations for bipolar patients that might be able to lead you to support groups, and resources for grief support that can give you more ongoing help as well.

I found the internet extremely helpful when my mom died and I was still dealing with the end of a romantic relationship, but I looked for email support groups and more chat-oriented bulletin-board sites. Ask Metafilter is really just not set up for the give-and-take you seem to want right now.
posted by occhiblu at 5:14 PM on June 3, 2006

Um, just wondering what the bipolar bit has to do with it. It could probably explain her actions if she were manic or depressed, but if she is "stable", then the diagnosis would be pretty much irrelevant. Do you think she is having an episode?
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:39 PM on June 3, 2006

Response by poster: yes she was having an episode...she cut off all her hair
posted by magic74 at 5:00 AM on June 4, 2006

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