Setting up iPad and iPhone for elderly mother
February 8, 2025 7:53 AM Subscribe
My 83 year old mother has endless frustrations with her iphone and iPad. She lives several hours flight away and I do not see her much. On Monday she is going to FedEx me her iPhone 11, iPhone 7, and iPad (I don’t know the model yet) in the hopes that I can set them up for her in a way that she better understands them.
First off, I should say that I have already tried virtually taking over her phone using my own and that was a disaster as much of what I need to fix involves passwords and password entry in not permitted with the virtual thing, which is why she’s sending them to me.
Some issues:
- She constantly complains about not being able to access her gmail. As far as I can make out over the phone, whoever set up her devices has somehow used Apple Mail to access her gmail rather than the Gmail app.
- She can never remember passwords for anything ever. I have passwords for some of her stuff (like Gmail) but when she can’t get in touch with me she sometimes changes passwords and forgets to tell me and then we both end up being locked out.
- She complains about text being too small, though I’ve repeatedly sent her instructions to enlarge it.
- She does not want to enter any credit card info into these devices.
Questions
I’m very familiar with setting up devices so will blank these and start fresh. However, I’m used to setting them up for myself, and am relatively tech-savvy.
What suggestions do you have for setting up any of these devices for someone who is a) useless with tech and b) elderly and c) with poor vision?
Also, since my Apple devices already have my credit card, I am unaware of whether someone MUST enter a credit card to use the App Store and such even if they only want to download free stuff. For instance, she insists that the App Store asks for her credit card number when she tries to download the Gmail app.
I only came to iPhone at model 14. Does the iPhone 11 have the Passwords app? Does it have FaceTime or Touch ID and what should I do about these if she’s not present when I’m setting these devices up? (I assume that if they have that tech, she has not enabled it. Would enabling it be better or worse for someone like her?) My assumption is that if the Passwords app is present, then I’ll only have to have her memorize one password rather than multiple.
iOS 18 has the ability to enlarge icons, but when you do that, the title of the app disappears. Anyway to have enlarged icons and keep the text?
Any other general advice you have for this situation?
Thank you.
First off, I should say that I have already tried virtually taking over her phone using my own and that was a disaster as much of what I need to fix involves passwords and password entry in not permitted with the virtual thing, which is why she’s sending them to me.
Some issues:
- She constantly complains about not being able to access her gmail. As far as I can make out over the phone, whoever set up her devices has somehow used Apple Mail to access her gmail rather than the Gmail app.
- She can never remember passwords for anything ever. I have passwords for some of her stuff (like Gmail) but when she can’t get in touch with me she sometimes changes passwords and forgets to tell me and then we both end up being locked out.
- She complains about text being too small, though I’ve repeatedly sent her instructions to enlarge it.
- She does not want to enter any credit card info into these devices.
Questions
I’m very familiar with setting up devices so will blank these and start fresh. However, I’m used to setting them up for myself, and am relatively tech-savvy.
What suggestions do you have for setting up any of these devices for someone who is a) useless with tech and b) elderly and c) with poor vision?
Also, since my Apple devices already have my credit card, I am unaware of whether someone MUST enter a credit card to use the App Store and such even if they only want to download free stuff. For instance, she insists that the App Store asks for her credit card number when she tries to download the Gmail app.
I only came to iPhone at model 14. Does the iPhone 11 have the Passwords app? Does it have FaceTime or Touch ID and what should I do about these if she’s not present when I’m setting these devices up? (I assume that if they have that tech, she has not enabled it. Would enabling it be better or worse for someone like her?) My assumption is that if the Passwords app is present, then I’ll only have to have her memorize one password rather than multiple.
iOS 18 has the ability to enlarge icons, but when you do that, the title of the app disappears. Anyway to have enlarged icons and keep the text?
Any other general advice you have for this situation?
Thank you.
Also, since my Apple devices already have my credit card, I am unaware of whether someone MUST enter a credit card to use the App Store and such even if they only want to download free stuff.
I don’t believe so. I don’t have a card attached to my Apple account and I DL free stuff regularly. Now, then I do DL something from the App Store, I’m always prompted to supply my password. Maybe this is what she’s seeing?
…whoever set up her devices has somehow used Apple Mail to access her gmail rather than the Gmail app.
I have long used the Mail app to access my Gmail. It’s simple to do. I prefer it to Google’s excuse for a UI.
posted by Thorzdad at 8:09 AM on February 8 [6 favorites]
I don’t believe so. I don’t have a card attached to my Apple account and I DL free stuff regularly. Now, then I do DL something from the App Store, I’m always prompted to supply my password. Maybe this is what she’s seeing?
…whoever set up her devices has somehow used Apple Mail to access her gmail rather than the Gmail app.
I have long used the Mail app to access my Gmail. It’s simple to do. I prefer it to Google’s excuse for a UI.
posted by Thorzdad at 8:09 AM on February 8 [6 favorites]
It sounds like you know your way around the accessibility options, so separate from that the most useful thing I did for my mother was to strip everything from the landing screen. I left Phone, Safari and Mail. After she complained I moved Calendar back. Everything else got moved to the next screen.
Unfortunately she has to be present for it, but setting up FaceID was also a very welcome change.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 8:53 AM on February 8 [1 favorite]
Unfortunately she has to be present for it, but setting up FaceID was also a very welcome change.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 8:53 AM on February 8 [1 favorite]
I've been helping my mom of a similar age with her Apple devices for many years. I've helped her both in-person and remotely with the devices.
I only came to iPhone at model 14. Does the iPhone 11 have the Passwords app?
The iPhone 11 still runs (or can be updated to) iOS 18.3, the same version of iOS that all modern iPhones use. App support is roughly identical, and she could use iCloud to sync passwords in the way an iPhone 14 would.
The iPhone 11 supports both FaceTime (for making video calls) as well as Face ID (for unlocking the phone or authorizing purchases) with the front camera. It does not support Touch ID.
It wouldn't be possible for you to set up Face ID (or, on a different device, Touch ID) for her without her present, as they rely on the individual's personal presence to set up.
It was difficult for my mom to set up the Face ID and Touch ID biometrics on her different devices, as they often require a precision and speed of movement that might be consistent among young and middle-aged people, but can sometimes become difficult in the senior years, especially with arthritis in the hands or other issues that can limit movement. That being said, we did do it.
She can never remember passwords for anything ever.
At some point, even with password managers, it becomes extraordinarily difficult for some seniors to access the correct passwords, as there may be situations (which may not be the fault of their own choices) where the new password is not maintained in the password manager after a change, and the new password is soon forgotten. Even outside of disease like Alzheimer's, it's clear that the ability for immediate recall of series of letters and numbers for many typical seniors is difficult.
If she lives in a secure environment, it may be worthwhile to have her get a password notebook. I understand this advice is not at all in line with all of the password management advice since the dawn of passwords, and not what I personally do for myself or recommend to most individuals, but if she updates the password notebook and there's not an obvious risk of it being stolen, it can be tremendously helpful.
You can buy very nice password notebooks on Amazon. It sounds hokey, but it works.
Activating 2 factor authentication can greatly alleviate the concern about the password notebook being stolen or abused, especially if a phone is set up with Face ID, although it was a long road until my own mom was comfortable with the 2FA texts and emails.
She complains about text being too small, though I’ve repeatedly sent her instructions to enlarge it.
It sounds like you're familiar with the accessibility settings and enlarging text. My mom went through many issues being able to read her devices related to standard age-related cataracts, had cataract surgery, and now has a much easier time viewing her devices, even at default text sizes. There may be an issue here having to do with either cataracts or the power of her reading glasses that settings will not solve. Is she having trouble reading in general?
As far as I can make out over the phone, whoever set up her devices has somehow used Apple Mail to access her gmail rather than the Gmail app.
The Mail app that ships with Apple devices acts as a very good Gmail client, and is (as Thorzdad said) is often preferable to using the Gmail app itself. The issues are likely an outreach of the password issues. (Apple Mail's login errors regarding an incorrect password can sometimes be an almost abnormally tiny message on the lower left-hand side of the screen.)
She does not want to enter any credit card info into these devices.
This should not be an issue using free apps and services, although "not using credit cards online" has always been somewhat paranoid advice that is less and less practical in this modern world. There may need to be a discussion of using one credit card for online purchases, reviewing that statement monthly, and making sure she understands the protections that card allows against fraudulent purchases.
posted by I EAT TAPAS at 9:07 AM on February 8 [2 favorites]
I only came to iPhone at model 14. Does the iPhone 11 have the Passwords app?
The iPhone 11 still runs (or can be updated to) iOS 18.3, the same version of iOS that all modern iPhones use. App support is roughly identical, and she could use iCloud to sync passwords in the way an iPhone 14 would.
The iPhone 11 supports both FaceTime (for making video calls) as well as Face ID (for unlocking the phone or authorizing purchases) with the front camera. It does not support Touch ID.
It wouldn't be possible for you to set up Face ID (or, on a different device, Touch ID) for her without her present, as they rely on the individual's personal presence to set up.
It was difficult for my mom to set up the Face ID and Touch ID biometrics on her different devices, as they often require a precision and speed of movement that might be consistent among young and middle-aged people, but can sometimes become difficult in the senior years, especially with arthritis in the hands or other issues that can limit movement. That being said, we did do it.
She can never remember passwords for anything ever.
At some point, even with password managers, it becomes extraordinarily difficult for some seniors to access the correct passwords, as there may be situations (which may not be the fault of their own choices) where the new password is not maintained in the password manager after a change, and the new password is soon forgotten. Even outside of disease like Alzheimer's, it's clear that the ability for immediate recall of series of letters and numbers for many typical seniors is difficult.
If she lives in a secure environment, it may be worthwhile to have her get a password notebook. I understand this advice is not at all in line with all of the password management advice since the dawn of passwords, and not what I personally do for myself or recommend to most individuals, but if she updates the password notebook and there's not an obvious risk of it being stolen, it can be tremendously helpful.
You can buy very nice password notebooks on Amazon. It sounds hokey, but it works.
Activating 2 factor authentication can greatly alleviate the concern about the password notebook being stolen or abused, especially if a phone is set up with Face ID, although it was a long road until my own mom was comfortable with the 2FA texts and emails.
She complains about text being too small, though I’ve repeatedly sent her instructions to enlarge it.
It sounds like you're familiar with the accessibility settings and enlarging text. My mom went through many issues being able to read her devices related to standard age-related cataracts, had cataract surgery, and now has a much easier time viewing her devices, even at default text sizes. There may be an issue here having to do with either cataracts or the power of her reading glasses that settings will not solve. Is she having trouble reading in general?
As far as I can make out over the phone, whoever set up her devices has somehow used Apple Mail to access her gmail rather than the Gmail app.
The Mail app that ships with Apple devices acts as a very good Gmail client, and is (as Thorzdad said) is often preferable to using the Gmail app itself. The issues are likely an outreach of the password issues. (Apple Mail's login errors regarding an incorrect password can sometimes be an almost abnormally tiny message on the lower left-hand side of the screen.)
She does not want to enter any credit card info into these devices.
This should not be an issue using free apps and services, although "not using credit cards online" has always been somewhat paranoid advice that is less and less practical in this modern world. There may need to be a discussion of using one credit card for online purchases, reviewing that statement monthly, and making sure she understands the protections that card allows against fraudulent purchases.
posted by I EAT TAPAS at 9:07 AM on February 8 [2 favorites]
We hired someone who runs her own small local business helping elderly people with tech to help my father set up his phone and learn to use his iPad. Maybe you can find a similar business in your father's area. It didn't cost much and was a great solution.
posted by emd3737 at 9:31 AM on February 8 [3 favorites]
posted by emd3737 at 9:31 AM on February 8 [3 favorites]
There is a newish feature where you can designate family in your apple account and can choose to share passwords with family members. Maybe if you set this up so that you have access to her passwords you’ll see if she changes them? Or at least the new ones will also show up on your keychain.
posted by Darkivel at 10:35 AM on February 8 [2 favorites]
posted by Darkivel at 10:35 AM on February 8 [2 favorites]
Any other general advice you have for this situation?
See if there are community events for help for seniors with their tech. I've seen them at libraries, senior centers, and retirement homes. Sometimes it's a paid person (I believe MeFi's own jessamyn has done them in her role as a librarian), sometimes it's a volunteer (my mom's gotten help from a high school student getting their volunteer hours). This could be good to help her going forward, as things change and need to be updated.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:54 AM on February 8 [2 favorites]
See if there are community events for help for seniors with their tech. I've seen them at libraries, senior centers, and retirement homes. Sometimes it's a paid person (I believe MeFi's own jessamyn has done them in her role as a librarian), sometimes it's a volunteer (my mom's gotten help from a high school student getting their volunteer hours). This could be good to help her going forward, as things change and need to be updated.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:54 AM on February 8 [2 favorites]
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posted by sevensnowflakes at 8:07 AM on February 8 [3 favorites]