Help with energy, eating and acceptance
January 9, 2025 6:12 AM Subscribe
A long question ahead, so thanks in advance for reading. In short, I’m looking for advice on patterns of behaviour, and either accepting them, or (maybe?) changing them. I struggle a lot with swinging between high and low energy days, and find myself often cancelling plans and retreating to bed. I’m trying to get to a place where I can get better at either accepting these patterns, or figuring out what’s problematic and what’s not. Have you been in this situation? Can you accept yourself and your body – and how? CW: discussion of body weight and image.
Recently, I’ve been going through old diaries, I realise that I’m having the exact same issues to do with energy, body image, and feeling bad about both of those things as I was three years ago.
I was probably having the same issues before then, but I was/am an alcoholic and previously I was drinking too much (and in total denial about it) to mask them. I’ve been sober since March 2021, and I am wildly grateful for my sobriety and finding sobriety pretty straightforward, although I’m always cautious of being complacent about it. However, in case it’s relevant, I’d say that alcohol is really not a problem for me any more in terms of ever wanting to drink or being around people drinking.
In many ways, my life is measurably better than it was, especially when I was drinking. I did all the things I was ‘supposed’ to do including getting exercise, eating better, finding new friendships, reading and writing about sobriety and life, and, of course, getting sober. I left a long-term relationship and worked hard on myself, and am now with an astounding person, and in love in a way I didn’t think I could ever be again in my mid-forties.
But… I have bursts of being active and seeing friends and doing stuff, and then days where I hang around in bed and eat junk food and read and then feel really super bad about it. I also find myself eating total crap in a way that freaks me out because I am eating to a point of discomfort, and also feel like it is sometimes out of control in a way that reminds me of drinking. Like I’ll stop at the shops on the way home from work and buy chocolate and crisps even though I told myself I wouldn’t. I understand that comfort eating is sometimes a useful response, but I can’t quite figure out what exactly I’m seeking comfort about? During these times, I want to retreat and be alone and I cancel plans and avoid work. I work a hybrid job where I can be at the office or at home, and I find myself with very little energy at the end of the day either way.
My life is comfortable – I have a good job which is flexible and not too high pressure, I have a wonderful girlfriend who I love and who loves and cares about me, I have good friends and live in a nice city and I get to do the things I like such as hiking and reading and climbing and drinking coffee in bed with my gf. A big breakthrough for me regarding alcohol abuse (both my own and that of my parents) was learning not to be ashamed, and how unhelpful shame is as a feeling. But I feel ashamed about my eating and getting so wiped out and wanting to be in bed and I can also see myself beating myself up about it over the years and it’s frustrating.
I don’t want to get bogged down with weight and health because I’m trying very hard to separate those and my own internal fatphobia, but I lost a fairly significant amount of weight, of which I’ve regained a bit (as is totally normal), and that weighs very, very heavily on my mind. I think so much about my body and my clothes and avoid mirrors and photographs. I think about when I had lost weight and how good I felt being able to climb bigger hills and run but then I just think ‘fuck it’ and eat chocolate. I don’t want to feel like this, and it drives me bonkers because I understand abstractly that my weight is not my value, and I hate the way the world values people (and especially women) and their weight. But I still lie awake at night thinking my gf might dump me because I’ve gained weight since we met. This is despite the fact that she is super loving and vocal about all parts of me, and even discussions we’ve had where I’ve shared my concerns. She’s always completely loving and supportive and so all of this stuff about weight is really inside my own head.
So, in an attempt to either accept myself, or try another approach, I’m interested in hearing other experiences. Part of the inspiration has been from reading Oliver Burkman’s books ‘4000 weeks’ and ‘Meditation for mortals’ and from reading about books like Leena Norms’ ‘Half-Arse Human: How to Live Better Without Burning Out’. Both of these authors espouse accepting yourself and not being perfect, and that we’ll never ‘get through everything’ and so to work on the acceptance rather than wishing for a more productive life. I’m really keen to hear if any of you have been able to get to this kind of place of acceptance – and if so, what worked? What didn’t?
Some more specific questions I’ve been thinking about below:
• Is it possible to move on from the huge pressures we put on ourselves about weight and body image? Did you? How did you get there?
• Are these energy highs and lows normal? Related to age? Menopause? Or just who I am? I’m a procrastinator about some things (work) but not others (housework etc). Having these ‘duvet days’ are not harming anyone or significantly affecting my work, but they make me feel bad about myself, and I’m not sure it’s sustainable to feel overwhelmed so often (maybe 2/3 times a month but sometimes more).
• Am I just an introvert and need time off?
• Do I need to worry specifically about my eating habits? I’m trying very hard to just go for moderation but I would really like not to be gorging on chocolate and junk food like crisps. Have you been able to get a handle on this kind of pattern?
• Or is just this the (privileged) human condition? Are we all tired, helpless, and beating ourselves up about not being able to face the world sometimes?
I do understand the usual advice about exercise and therapy and I was doing a lot of therapy, although not at the moment. I do feel better when I exercise regularly, and I’m still fairly active. I’m open to therapy again and to doing the work. Recent bloodwork and other health indicators all normal.
What I’m most interested in is others’ experiences of anything that ‘clicked’ for them when continually facing the same issues. I’m trying to appreciate that life is not perfect, and that we can’t control our problems and be in some future wonderful place where everything is ok. But it’s starting to become so clear that I’m STILL beating myself up about the same things that I have done for YEARS, and I’m fed up of that! I think I’ve realised there’s never going to be a perfect answer, and that I’m not going to become a perfect person, but how on earth do you get there?
Recently, I’ve been going through old diaries, I realise that I’m having the exact same issues to do with energy, body image, and feeling bad about both of those things as I was three years ago.
I was probably having the same issues before then, but I was/am an alcoholic and previously I was drinking too much (and in total denial about it) to mask them. I’ve been sober since March 2021, and I am wildly grateful for my sobriety and finding sobriety pretty straightforward, although I’m always cautious of being complacent about it. However, in case it’s relevant, I’d say that alcohol is really not a problem for me any more in terms of ever wanting to drink or being around people drinking.
In many ways, my life is measurably better than it was, especially when I was drinking. I did all the things I was ‘supposed’ to do including getting exercise, eating better, finding new friendships, reading and writing about sobriety and life, and, of course, getting sober. I left a long-term relationship and worked hard on myself, and am now with an astounding person, and in love in a way I didn’t think I could ever be again in my mid-forties.
But… I have bursts of being active and seeing friends and doing stuff, and then days where I hang around in bed and eat junk food and read and then feel really super bad about it. I also find myself eating total crap in a way that freaks me out because I am eating to a point of discomfort, and also feel like it is sometimes out of control in a way that reminds me of drinking. Like I’ll stop at the shops on the way home from work and buy chocolate and crisps even though I told myself I wouldn’t. I understand that comfort eating is sometimes a useful response, but I can’t quite figure out what exactly I’m seeking comfort about? During these times, I want to retreat and be alone and I cancel plans and avoid work. I work a hybrid job where I can be at the office or at home, and I find myself with very little energy at the end of the day either way.
My life is comfortable – I have a good job which is flexible and not too high pressure, I have a wonderful girlfriend who I love and who loves and cares about me, I have good friends and live in a nice city and I get to do the things I like such as hiking and reading and climbing and drinking coffee in bed with my gf. A big breakthrough for me regarding alcohol abuse (both my own and that of my parents) was learning not to be ashamed, and how unhelpful shame is as a feeling. But I feel ashamed about my eating and getting so wiped out and wanting to be in bed and I can also see myself beating myself up about it over the years and it’s frustrating.
I don’t want to get bogged down with weight and health because I’m trying very hard to separate those and my own internal fatphobia, but I lost a fairly significant amount of weight, of which I’ve regained a bit (as is totally normal), and that weighs very, very heavily on my mind. I think so much about my body and my clothes and avoid mirrors and photographs. I think about when I had lost weight and how good I felt being able to climb bigger hills and run but then I just think ‘fuck it’ and eat chocolate. I don’t want to feel like this, and it drives me bonkers because I understand abstractly that my weight is not my value, and I hate the way the world values people (and especially women) and their weight. But I still lie awake at night thinking my gf might dump me because I’ve gained weight since we met. This is despite the fact that she is super loving and vocal about all parts of me, and even discussions we’ve had where I’ve shared my concerns. She’s always completely loving and supportive and so all of this stuff about weight is really inside my own head.
So, in an attempt to either accept myself, or try another approach, I’m interested in hearing other experiences. Part of the inspiration has been from reading Oliver Burkman’s books ‘4000 weeks’ and ‘Meditation for mortals’ and from reading about books like Leena Norms’ ‘Half-Arse Human: How to Live Better Without Burning Out’. Both of these authors espouse accepting yourself and not being perfect, and that we’ll never ‘get through everything’ and so to work on the acceptance rather than wishing for a more productive life. I’m really keen to hear if any of you have been able to get to this kind of place of acceptance – and if so, what worked? What didn’t?
Some more specific questions I’ve been thinking about below:
• Is it possible to move on from the huge pressures we put on ourselves about weight and body image? Did you? How did you get there?
• Are these energy highs and lows normal? Related to age? Menopause? Or just who I am? I’m a procrastinator about some things (work) but not others (housework etc). Having these ‘duvet days’ are not harming anyone or significantly affecting my work, but they make me feel bad about myself, and I’m not sure it’s sustainable to feel overwhelmed so often (maybe 2/3 times a month but sometimes more).
• Am I just an introvert and need time off?
• Do I need to worry specifically about my eating habits? I’m trying very hard to just go for moderation but I would really like not to be gorging on chocolate and junk food like crisps. Have you been able to get a handle on this kind of pattern?
• Or is just this the (privileged) human condition? Are we all tired, helpless, and beating ourselves up about not being able to face the world sometimes?
I do understand the usual advice about exercise and therapy and I was doing a lot of therapy, although not at the moment. I do feel better when I exercise regularly, and I’m still fairly active. I’m open to therapy again and to doing the work. Recent bloodwork and other health indicators all normal.
What I’m most interested in is others’ experiences of anything that ‘clicked’ for them when continually facing the same issues. I’m trying to appreciate that life is not perfect, and that we can’t control our problems and be in some future wonderful place where everything is ok. But it’s starting to become so clear that I’m STILL beating myself up about the same things that I have done for YEARS, and I’m fed up of that! I think I’ve realised there’s never going to be a perfect answer, and that I’m not going to become a perfect person, but how on earth do you get there?
"Do I need to worry specifically about my eating habits? I’m trying very hard to just go for moderation but I would really like not to be gorging on chocolate and junk food like crisps. Have you been able to get a handle on this kind of pattern?"
There's a great 12 step program for that. It's the only thing that ever worked for me: all the "tools" like food plans, accountability buddies, "self-knowledge," avoiding triggers, bla bla bla, eventually failed. DM me if you're interested.
posted by rabia.elizabeth at 7:35 AM on January 9 [2 favorites]
There's a great 12 step program for that. It's the only thing that ever worked for me: all the "tools" like food plans, accountability buddies, "self-knowledge," avoiding triggers, bla bla bla, eventually failed. DM me if you're interested.
posted by rabia.elizabeth at 7:35 AM on January 9 [2 favorites]
I'm a lot like you! 40s, sober for almost 3 years (the highest of fives to you!!!!) but didn't struggle too much with it, lots of energy dips, wild eating habits, recent weight gain, a wonderful partner who I found after sobriety. And I love Oliver Burkeman's books and philosophy, I've found it so helpful in shaping my life. Some things that have been really helpful:
1. Proper mental health diagnosis and medication. I was treated for depression for 15+ years but after I got sober, I was diagnosed with bipolar II. Since being medicated for it, I'm much, much more even in my mood, which has knock on effects with everything else. It also got me to start treating my body much more evenly (my wonderful partner helps with that, too.) It's a health condition and it requires me to sleep at normal times, get some movement every day, and get out of the house - I'm not built for work from home. These requirements suck some times; I don't love having to work out for a half hour plus every day, but I haven't found anything else that works. For workouts, walking counts. Ring fit counts. Yoga counts. Anything where I'm not sitting and staring at the TV counts, basically. I asked what the lowest level effort would be workable for me and committed to it. And I reward myself for it - I'm not exercising for the calories, I'm exercising because it's what I owe my human body.
You didn't say anything about your mental health so I'm not at all saying that you might have something like this, but the way I've treated myself since my diagnosis, as a somewhat delicate princess (I say that with much affection for myself and my needs) might be helpful.
2. Cutting down on obligations. That means I've been ruthless in determining who gets my time; I only see in person maybe...6 people outside of a couple hobby groups. I don't have the capacity for me, unless I overexert myself, and no one wants that. This has translated to one non-hobby social thing every other week or so. I'm having dinner with a friend tonight, and hosting a board game night the first week of February - that's it! No more stuff!
Much like seemoorglass, I recognized that my capacity is lower than I thought it was. Honoring that has made a huge difference, and has allowed me to keep my commitments. And that feels really good; it's helped my self-respect. It's similar to keeping the promise I made to myself about drinking.
3. For the obligations I do have, leaving whenever I need to in order to fit in exercise and sleep. I'm home by 8, in bed by 9 most nights. Does it suck? Absolutely. Oh well. Worth it.
4. I don't love the name, but the Half Size Me podcast has been so helpful in changing my eating habits. I've cut down on binging and have been more consistent and thoughtful about what and how I eat, and I'm slowly losing weight without much drama. The overall idea is: to lose weight and keep it lost, you need to eat and move in a way that's sustainable. It's not very complicated. Every day I decide what I'm going to eat and write it down; if I eat those things, I check them off. If I make a better choice than what I've written, I get a star. If I eat something outside what I've planned that's not an equivalent swap, I note that and highlight it. The important thing is that the plan is reasonable and allows for treats; it needs to account for the things I want to eat, not what I should eat. So yesterday I had two treats and a dinner out, and that was all planned, so I win. This has really helped cut down on unplanned, uncontrolled eating, and it feels both compassionate and sustainable.
Hopefully something in this helps for you. Please message me if you want to talk about this; I recognized myself in a lot of what you said and while the things above might make it seem like I've got it together, there are a lot of ups and downs. Best of luck!
posted by punchtothehead at 8:56 AM on January 9 [4 favorites]
1. Proper mental health diagnosis and medication. I was treated for depression for 15+ years but after I got sober, I was diagnosed with bipolar II. Since being medicated for it, I'm much, much more even in my mood, which has knock on effects with everything else. It also got me to start treating my body much more evenly (my wonderful partner helps with that, too.) It's a health condition and it requires me to sleep at normal times, get some movement every day, and get out of the house - I'm not built for work from home. These requirements suck some times; I don't love having to work out for a half hour plus every day, but I haven't found anything else that works. For workouts, walking counts. Ring fit counts. Yoga counts. Anything where I'm not sitting and staring at the TV counts, basically. I asked what the lowest level effort would be workable for me and committed to it. And I reward myself for it - I'm not exercising for the calories, I'm exercising because it's what I owe my human body.
You didn't say anything about your mental health so I'm not at all saying that you might have something like this, but the way I've treated myself since my diagnosis, as a somewhat delicate princess (I say that with much affection for myself and my needs) might be helpful.
2. Cutting down on obligations. That means I've been ruthless in determining who gets my time; I only see in person maybe...6 people outside of a couple hobby groups. I don't have the capacity for me, unless I overexert myself, and no one wants that. This has translated to one non-hobby social thing every other week or so. I'm having dinner with a friend tonight, and hosting a board game night the first week of February - that's it! No more stuff!
Much like seemoorglass, I recognized that my capacity is lower than I thought it was. Honoring that has made a huge difference, and has allowed me to keep my commitments. And that feels really good; it's helped my self-respect. It's similar to keeping the promise I made to myself about drinking.
3. For the obligations I do have, leaving whenever I need to in order to fit in exercise and sleep. I'm home by 8, in bed by 9 most nights. Does it suck? Absolutely. Oh well. Worth it.
4. I don't love the name, but the Half Size Me podcast has been so helpful in changing my eating habits. I've cut down on binging and have been more consistent and thoughtful about what and how I eat, and I'm slowly losing weight without much drama. The overall idea is: to lose weight and keep it lost, you need to eat and move in a way that's sustainable. It's not very complicated. Every day I decide what I'm going to eat and write it down; if I eat those things, I check them off. If I make a better choice than what I've written, I get a star. If I eat something outside what I've planned that's not an equivalent swap, I note that and highlight it. The important thing is that the plan is reasonable and allows for treats; it needs to account for the things I want to eat, not what I should eat. So yesterday I had two treats and a dinner out, and that was all planned, so I win. This has really helped cut down on unplanned, uncontrolled eating, and it feels both compassionate and sustainable.
Hopefully something in this helps for you. Please message me if you want to talk about this; I recognized myself in a lot of what you said and while the things above might make it seem like I've got it together, there are a lot of ups and downs. Best of luck!
posted by punchtothehead at 8:56 AM on January 9 [4 favorites]
Best answer: Seeking sugar is a reasonable bodily response to exhaustion, even though in the modern world it often backfires… I also have swings of energy more than I like, and like many people above have had to accept them. Do you like your duvet? Maybe you could lean into pleasant resting earlier when you’re tired and see if “warm and safe and quiet” also soothes the bodily stress?
I’m in a Zoom group for aging female farmers and the PT-type advice is long on eating lots of protein— more than we used to need — and taking rest hours and rest days — also more than we used to need.
One of my grandfathers, a small man of immense direct accomplishments, used to say “never hurry never quit” which included an iron commitment to elevenses and a short afternoon siesta.
posted by clew at 9:39 AM on January 9 [5 favorites]
I’m in a Zoom group for aging female farmers and the PT-type advice is long on eating lots of protein— more than we used to need — and taking rest hours and rest days — also more than we used to need.
One of my grandfathers, a small man of immense direct accomplishments, used to say “never hurry never quit” which included an iron commitment to elevenses and a short afternoon siesta.
posted by clew at 9:39 AM on January 9 [5 favorites]
I remember reading about the links between sugar cravings and alcohol cravings and thinking it made sense to me as someone with both. I don't know how you work, but for me, when I'm taxed (every day), by the end of the day I "need" a "treat" - that could be sugar, fat, or alcohol.
Also agreed with the above that if I work hard on getting enough protein and fiber (and by enough, we're talking 100+ g of protein for my large menopausal self, 30+ g of fiber)... I feel a lot better and can do more. The main thing for you is that I (as someone with zero dogs in this fight) would want you to not feel shame around your eating and to have enough energy to live your life as you'd like. A rule of thumb I've heard from many a dietician / nutrition professional is that for healthy living 85-90% of our food should be the Good Stuff (plants, protein, some carbs) and 15-10% can be treats.
Do you think you might be close to that ratio? Are you happy with where you're at? If not, I encourage you to get some help from a professional. I can't pretend to have these things figured out for myself, but thus far I've always been helped by asking a professional (it turns out that because it's their jobs, they know a lot, and are helpful - Weird!).
posted by ldthomps at 6:29 PM on January 9 [3 favorites]
Also agreed with the above that if I work hard on getting enough protein and fiber (and by enough, we're talking 100+ g of protein for my large menopausal self, 30+ g of fiber)... I feel a lot better and can do more. The main thing for you is that I (as someone with zero dogs in this fight) would want you to not feel shame around your eating and to have enough energy to live your life as you'd like. A rule of thumb I've heard from many a dietician / nutrition professional is that for healthy living 85-90% of our food should be the Good Stuff (plants, protein, some carbs) and 15-10% can be treats.
Do you think you might be close to that ratio? Are you happy with where you're at? If not, I encourage you to get some help from a professional. I can't pretend to have these things figured out for myself, but thus far I've always been helped by asking a professional (it turns out that because it's their jobs, they know a lot, and are helpful - Weird!).
posted by ldthomps at 6:29 PM on January 9 [3 favorites]
Have your thyroid antibodies been checked? This sounds so much like Hashimoto's thyroiditis—an autoimmune condition where the body is attacking the thyroid, resulting in swings of too much and too little thyroid hormone. Functionally, it means you have energy for a period of time (days, weeks) and then crash and struggle to do anything for a time. It is much more common among women and more likely with age: up to 30% of senior women are affected.
Also get your iron and Vitamin D levels checked. When my levels of those are low, I feel emotionally fragile and physically exhausted.
posted by Mournful Bagel Song at 5:07 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]
Also get your iron and Vitamin D levels checked. When my levels of those are low, I feel emotionally fragile and physically exhausted.
posted by Mournful Bagel Song at 5:07 AM on January 10 [1 favorite]
I think you’re just not getting enough rest. I didn’t realize that until COVID, when everything shut down and I finally got enough rest for the first time in my life at age 30.
I thought I was prone to depression, irritability, etc and that was just my nature. Turns out it’s only a reaction to being too busy and overstimulated and I have the capacity to be a very calm, happy person.
Unfortunately, the pace of modern life doesn’t allow the amount of rest I require, so I only got to experience that briefly during lockdowns.
I would try planning rest days before you crash - they’re a lot more enjoyable that way. I agree with everything seemoorglass has said.
posted by wheatlets at 5:42 AM on January 10 [2 favorites]
I thought I was prone to depression, irritability, etc and that was just my nature. Turns out it’s only a reaction to being too busy and overstimulated and I have the capacity to be a very calm, happy person.
Unfortunately, the pace of modern life doesn’t allow the amount of rest I require, so I only got to experience that briefly during lockdowns.
I would try planning rest days before you crash - they’re a lot more enjoyable that way. I agree with everything seemoorglass has said.
posted by wheatlets at 5:42 AM on January 10 [2 favorites]
I have ADHD, am medicated for depression, which is a lifelong issue. I have a poorly diagnosed autoimmune issue. My energy levels vary, a lot. When I get a bit of exercise, like weekly dance group, I may be flat out exhausted for a day or more.
Things that help: ADHD means my body does not tend towards a regular schedule, but a regular schedule with strong habits helps a ton. I set an alarm. I put my meds on a phone alarm because it's hard for me to set habits. I try to do some scheduled stuff to help me have a good daily pattern. I changed anti-depressants and the new one is an enormous help. I do everything I can to force myself to exercise. I don't tolerate dairy, so I make most of my food, and getting good nutrition - lots of veg, some protein, lots of fiber, limited sugar and low-nutrition-density foods - makes a big difference.
Things that don't help: Blame, guilt, criticism. These make things worse.
I have a list: Do a little cleaning, Read, Walk, Write, Connect w/ somebody, Listen to Music, Nutrition, Drink water, Check the lists of tasks.
and when I do any item, I mentally award a star, and if I have a day when I do most of them, lots of self-praise, and if I do all of them, I am a rockstar. Rewards change behavior better than absolutely anything else. I have procrastinated on an actual star chart, but it would likely help.
I have consciously cut mean, critical, unkind people from my life, including some family, and I'm old; new friendships are harder now, but life is much better. I am much more clear about my goals, and what I want in my life. Keep valuing yourself, go forth and live your best life your own way.
posted by theora55 at 2:01 PM on January 11 [2 favorites]
Things that help: ADHD means my body does not tend towards a regular schedule, but a regular schedule with strong habits helps a ton. I set an alarm. I put my meds on a phone alarm because it's hard for me to set habits. I try to do some scheduled stuff to help me have a good daily pattern. I changed anti-depressants and the new one is an enormous help. I do everything I can to force myself to exercise. I don't tolerate dairy, so I make most of my food, and getting good nutrition - lots of veg, some protein, lots of fiber, limited sugar and low-nutrition-density foods - makes a big difference.
Things that don't help: Blame, guilt, criticism. These make things worse.
I have a list: Do a little cleaning, Read, Walk, Write, Connect w/ somebody, Listen to Music, Nutrition, Drink water, Check the lists of tasks.
and when I do any item, I mentally award a star, and if I have a day when I do most of them, lots of self-praise, and if I do all of them, I am a rockstar. Rewards change behavior better than absolutely anything else. I have procrastinated on an actual star chart, but it would likely help.
I have consciously cut mean, critical, unkind people from my life, including some family, and I'm old; new friendships are harder now, but life is much better. I am much more clear about my goals, and what I want in my life. Keep valuing yourself, go forth and live your best life your own way.
posted by theora55 at 2:01 PM on January 11 [2 favorites]
This NYT article about eating better is not terrible. I'll make a frozen meal of beef w/ broccoli and add extra frozen broccoli, or add frozen spinach to lots of things. I love roasted veg., and frozen cauliflower is way easier and great with red's hot sauce and olive oil, or frozen Brussels sprouts with bacon. A microwaved/ baked sweet or white potato is a pretty tasty and nutritious meal. If you have the energy to chop veg for salad, that's excellent, but if you don't, that frozen mashed butternut squash with butter is fine. Plan the vegetables 1st. Salsa is a vegetable. Keep foods in the house that are easy and nutritious.
posted by theora55 at 2:11 PM on January 11 [1 favorite]
posted by theora55 at 2:11 PM on January 11 [1 favorite]
Best answer: • Is it possible to move on from the huge pressures we put on ourselves about weight and body image? Did you? How did you get there? yes. I try to stop gaining, have been largely successful. Anti-depressants tend to have weight gain as a side effect, so I feel like this is a Big Win.
• Are these energy highs and lows normal? Related to age? Menopause? Or just who I am? I’m a procrastinator about some things (work) but not others (housework etc). Having these ‘duvet days’ are not harming anyone or significantly affecting my work, but they make me feel bad about myself, and I’m not sure it’s sustainable to feel overwhelmed so often (maybe 2/3 times a month but sometimes more). 2 or 3 low energy days a month are totally reasonable;I'd be really happy with that. Depression takes a toll, menopause is a wild card.
• Am I just an introvert and need time off? If that's a thing, accept it.
• Do I need to worry specifically about my eating habits? I’m trying very hard to just go for moderation but I would really like not to be gorging on chocolate and junk food like crisps. Have you been able to get a handle on this kind of pattern? It's hard to have good nutrition in the US; we are hammered by bad messages and ads - eat snacks, eat fast food, drink sodapop, Eat. Eliminating dairy helps me avoid crappy food because I mostly have to cook from scratch.
• Or is just this the (privileged) human condition? Are we all tired, helpless, and beating ourselves up about not being able to face the world sometimes? Crappy nutrition is presented as normal, but you can make different choices.
I have a document I review regularly with strategies for nutrition and weight management, feel free to use any part of it you like.
posted by theora55 at 2:33 PM on January 11 [1 favorite]
• Are these energy highs and lows normal? Related to age? Menopause? Or just who I am? I’m a procrastinator about some things (work) but not others (housework etc). Having these ‘duvet days’ are not harming anyone or significantly affecting my work, but they make me feel bad about myself, and I’m not sure it’s sustainable to feel overwhelmed so often (maybe 2/3 times a month but sometimes more). 2 or 3 low energy days a month are totally reasonable;I'd be really happy with that. Depression takes a toll, menopause is a wild card.
• Am I just an introvert and need time off? If that's a thing, accept it.
• Do I need to worry specifically about my eating habits? I’m trying very hard to just go for moderation but I would really like not to be gorging on chocolate and junk food like crisps. Have you been able to get a handle on this kind of pattern? It's hard to have good nutrition in the US; we are hammered by bad messages and ads - eat snacks, eat fast food, drink sodapop, Eat. Eliminating dairy helps me avoid crappy food because I mostly have to cook from scratch.
• Or is just this the (privileged) human condition? Are we all tired, helpless, and beating ourselves up about not being able to face the world sometimes? Crappy nutrition is presented as normal, but you can make different choices.
I have a document I review regularly with strategies for nutrition and weight management, feel free to use any part of it you like.
posted by theora55 at 2:33 PM on January 11 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thank you all for your thoughtful responses - it's always a relief to feel understood and I'm grateful for all your thoughts and suggestions. Accepting that my energy levels maybe aren't what I think they 'should' be, and factoring in time for rest and relaxation is super helpful. I'm very much a morning person, which I enjoy, but I do need to make sure I'm getting to bed when I'm really tired, and not staying up too late. Same for balancing out socialisation etc. - that's a perspective that I need to think about having been quite isolated while I was drinking and then much more sociable recently.
I've also been giving a lot of thought to prioritising vegetables and fibre and aiming for a balance which has been helpful already - not beating myself up over any small slight (often leading to bingeing) and just trying to eat lots of vegetables alongside everything else. I do generally eat pretty well, and I'm lucky in that I enjoy cooking and have the space and time to buy fresh food and cook. I'd say I cook about 90% of my meals - it's more the 'if I'm not doing it perfectly I'll just give up and eat total rubbish' and then I have a few days of eating bread and butter and crisps and chocolate. I do agree that focusing on the nutritious for about 80% of the time is doable so that life can get in the way and I can enjoy eating out or having a treat. Also getting back into some meal prep and planning so that it's less tempting to go for an easy comfort. When I lost a lot of weight previously, I did that through low carb - it worked, but it's a lot of work to prep and plan for and it's hard to avoid carbs completely if you want to eat with others.
So I think for all factors, it's being a bit more gentle rather than diving into doing EVERYTHING and then becoming exhausted. Seeing that from your thoughtful perspectives has been really helpful - thank you!
posted by sedimentary_deer at 11:02 AM on January 13 [3 favorites]
I've also been giving a lot of thought to prioritising vegetables and fibre and aiming for a balance which has been helpful already - not beating myself up over any small slight (often leading to bingeing) and just trying to eat lots of vegetables alongside everything else. I do generally eat pretty well, and I'm lucky in that I enjoy cooking and have the space and time to buy fresh food and cook. I'd say I cook about 90% of my meals - it's more the 'if I'm not doing it perfectly I'll just give up and eat total rubbish' and then I have a few days of eating bread and butter and crisps and chocolate. I do agree that focusing on the nutritious for about 80% of the time is doable so that life can get in the way and I can enjoy eating out or having a treat. Also getting back into some meal prep and planning so that it's less tempting to go for an easy comfort. When I lost a lot of weight previously, I did that through low carb - it worked, but it's a lot of work to prep and plan for and it's hard to avoid carbs completely if you want to eat with others.
So I think for all factors, it's being a bit more gentle rather than diving into doing EVERYTHING and then becoming exhausted. Seeing that from your thoughtful perspectives has been really helpful - thank you!
posted by sedimentary_deer at 11:02 AM on January 13 [3 favorites]
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Here's the lightbulb moment that changed everything for me: I had to accept that my actual energy capacity is wayyy lower than what I wanted it to be. Like, I'd have these super fun, social days that felt great in the moment, thinking that was my “happy medium” place. but then - boom - I'd be completely wiped out, coping in weird and unproductive ways, or generally feeling awful afterward.
The pattern was so obvious once I actually looked at it. It took me forever to look at the data to actually see that though. Because I so wanted my most active days to be my happy medium - I was basically in denial that I couldn’t sustain them.
What's working for me now:
- Being super picky about how I hang out with people (wrapping up earlier, having folks over to my chill space instead of going out, doing mellow activities like walks or coffee dates in the middle of the day)
- I had to look at which friendships were secretly exhausting me. Still love those people, but had to switch some to more of a text-and-occasional-visit vibe with them.
- Getting real with myself that yeah, I wish I could do more, but avoiding the burnouts - both big and small - is way more a priority.
The great thing is, I'm still having a great social life and doing stuff I love - it just looks different now. Instead of pushing myself into that boom-and-bust cycle, I'm playing the long game with what actually works for my body. I’m accepting that I’m easily overstimulated and I’m living my life accordingly.
Memail me if you wanna chat more about any of this! I really get it.
posted by seemoorglass at 6:43 AM on January 9 [6 favorites]