How to keep in touch with a kid, internationally
January 7, 2025 3:07 PM Subscribe
Over the last few years, Mr. Blah & I fell in love with our neighbors, and their 8yo daughter became like a quasi-grandchild to us. Now they've got to relocate literally all the way across the world from us. Everybody's sad about it, especially the kid—apparently her first reaction was "But what about Blah & Mr. Blah?" Please give me some tips and suggestions for staying in touch with her?
We're in CA and they're moving to Singapore, and it all happened very suddenly. We're using the few weeks they're still here to do lots of activities with the kid, but how can we stay in touch after they move?
I know we can FaceTime, but I also know from past experience that that gets old quickly for kids. Can you help me think up other ways? I absolutely plan on sending snail mail letters, because I know it's fun for kids to get mail. What else? The kid doesn't have her own phone, but does have a tablet.
Any Singapore-specific suggestions would be great too. Will it be easy/feasible for me to send packages from the US with small gifts?
And yes, we will plan to visit them in person but that won't happen very soon.
We're in CA and they're moving to Singapore, and it all happened very suddenly. We're using the few weeks they're still here to do lots of activities with the kid, but how can we stay in touch after they move?
I know we can FaceTime, but I also know from past experience that that gets old quickly for kids. Can you help me think up other ways? I absolutely plan on sending snail mail letters, because I know it's fun for kids to get mail. What else? The kid doesn't have her own phone, but does have a tablet.
Any Singapore-specific suggestions would be great too. Will it be easy/feasible for me to send packages from the US with small gifts?
And yes, we will plan to visit them in person but that won't happen very soon.
Online gaming? My kid will sometimes play Smash Bros or other games with his cousin that lives in a different country. There's a 13-14 hour time difference which means Friday and Saturday evenings here are the only times that work so they don't get to do it very often but they have a good time when they do.
A group chat for both families could work too. That way everyone can share things on their own schedules.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 3:29 PM on January 7 [3 favorites]
A group chat for both families could work too. That way everyone can share things on their own schedules.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 3:29 PM on January 7 [3 favorites]
Do you currently do any games or shared activities that might translate decently to a video call? For a lot of kids "come look into a screen in order to converse with Adult" is less appealing than "come play with Adult".
Record them some audiobooks, maybe chapter by chapter? Write letters with lots of illustrations? Send them short video messages - they might more enthusiastically send you back messages of their own than do a live video chat.
Know that after a while you might wind up becoming the beloved family friends the kids interact with only once in a long long while when there's an in-person visit. If that happens, try not to resent it or be too sad about it. Most kids aren't great at long-distance relationships, but that doesn't mean they forget you or won't be really happy to see you in person. Whatever you do, try not to be very demanding. My parents had some friends when I was growing up who I liked a lot when I was little but who would be pretty insistent about getting me to spend time with them, and as I got older and much more stressed and busy - and then as I moved away and would come home for short visits and hear "we want to spend a whole day with you!" - it became more of an obligation than something I was enthusiastic about, because it felt like they were thinking mostly about themselves and the image they had stored of me as a cute little kid, without a ton of consideration for the real person with a real life that I was.
posted by trig at 3:36 PM on January 7 [1 favorite]
Record them some audiobooks, maybe chapter by chapter? Write letters with lots of illustrations? Send them short video messages - they might more enthusiastically send you back messages of their own than do a live video chat.
Know that after a while you might wind up becoming the beloved family friends the kids interact with only once in a long long while when there's an in-person visit. If that happens, try not to resent it or be too sad about it. Most kids aren't great at long-distance relationships, but that doesn't mean they forget you or won't be really happy to see you in person. Whatever you do, try not to be very demanding. My parents had some friends when I was growing up who I liked a lot when I was little but who would be pretty insistent about getting me to spend time with them, and as I got older and much more stressed and busy - and then as I moved away and would come home for short visits and hear "we want to spend a whole day with you!" - it became more of an obligation than something I was enthusiastic about, because it felt like they were thinking mostly about themselves and the image they had stored of me as a cute little kid, without a ton of consideration for the real person with a real life that I was.
posted by trig at 3:36 PM on January 7 [1 favorite]
We love our family group chat- my parents have a small toy dog that they pose for photos when they travel, which the kids (4 and 2) love. Older kids might like trading puzzle scores?
Plus video calls.
posted by freethefeet at 3:51 PM on January 7 [1 favorite]
Plus video calls.
posted by freethefeet at 3:51 PM on January 7 [1 favorite]
I moved recently and play online board games with old friends while chatting on the phone to stay in touch. The website board Game Arena works well for this but it’s probably geared to more serious gamers.
Alternatively, playing a physical board game over Zoom if both households have a copy of the game will work for some simple games. The type of game you want is called “roll n write.” Bloom and Quixx are popular examples. These are games where each player marks items off on their own individual scorecard but shares the dice. “Can’t Stop” is similar and should also work well over Zoom.
posted by ticketmaster10 at 3:57 PM on January 7 [1 favorite]
Alternatively, playing a physical board game over Zoom if both households have a copy of the game will work for some simple games. The type of game you want is called “roll n write.” Bloom and Quixx are popular examples. These are games where each player marks items off on their own individual scorecard but shares the dice. “Can’t Stop” is similar and should also work well over Zoom.
posted by ticketmaster10 at 3:57 PM on January 7 [1 favorite]
my parents have a small toy dog that they pose for photos when they travel, which the kids (4 and 2) love
Buy a pair of stuffed animals, you get one and she gets one, and you can send her pictures of yours having adventures. She can update you on hers, or her parents can share pictures of it.
posted by BungaDunga at 4:21 PM on January 7 [9 favorites]
Buy a pair of stuffed animals, you get one and she gets one, and you can send her pictures of yours having adventures. She can update you on hers, or her parents can share pictures of it.
posted by BungaDunga at 4:21 PM on January 7 [9 favorites]
I don’t live quite as far from my nieces as Singapore, but I have been recording myself reading books and they can listen to them on their Yoto. So far, they really enjoy it. It’s something my dad did when he was traveling so I could still listen to him.
posted by PussKillian at 4:55 PM on January 7
posted by PussKillian at 4:55 PM on January 7
Send fun letters. Eg blow up a balloon, write a letter on it, deflate it and send that. Or a funny letter on toilet paper, or a "hostage letter" from magazine cut outs, or a teeny tiny letter that you need a magnifying glass for, or a giant letter that unfolds, or a puzzle letter, or a letter that arrives in ten different envelopes...those sorts of things can be so fun for a kid to receive.
posted by EarnestDeer at 5:32 PM on January 7 [3 favorites]
posted by EarnestDeer at 5:32 PM on January 7 [3 favorites]
With my long distance nieces and nephews, having an activity on the zoom is crucial. Our favorite is Art Club, where we all watch a YouTube drawing video and then color them in. Our favorite is the Art for Kids hub - fun for all ages and abilities. Today we all drew dragons.
posted by MillyMath at 5:34 PM on January 7 [1 favorite]
posted by MillyMath at 5:34 PM on January 7 [1 favorite]
What about something like a LoveBox or a Friendship Lamp? Multiple companies make Friendship Lamps, which is great because the one I linked just now is not the most attractive; there are other options out there. These are definitely a bit expensive, though.
Definitely read the reviews for LoveBox if you are interested - most are happy with theirs but apparently there can be issues with certain types of wifi and they can be tricky to get set up out of the box.
posted by BeeJiddy at 6:50 PM on January 7
Definitely read the reviews for LoveBox if you are interested - most are happy with theirs but apparently there can be issues with certain types of wifi and they can be tricky to get set up out of the box.
posted by BeeJiddy at 6:50 PM on January 7
Singapore is awesome, and quite possibly the best place in the world to be an eight-year-old. Move with them!
More realistic: if the kid is food-oriented you can assign them snack-related homework. Singapore is a snacking paradise so if you say e.g. "I want to see a picture of you with a different icy dessert every week" they'll never run out of options and might be self-motivated to play along and keep in touch.
I have never done this so am not sure of the logistics, but if you want to double-down on the mailing-gifts thing, you could try mailing gifts to snapmail boxes rather than to their home. Then the family could have a little adventure traveling to a new box in a new neighborhood (fun fact: there are no bad neighborhoods in Singapore) to pick up the package. https://snapmail.sg/map
Online gaming is a great idea but you might want to consider asyncronous options, as the timezone difference may make it difficult to overlap during waking hours.
posted by eraserbones at 8:06 PM on January 7
More realistic: if the kid is food-oriented you can assign them snack-related homework. Singapore is a snacking paradise so if you say e.g. "I want to see a picture of you with a different icy dessert every week" they'll never run out of options and might be self-motivated to play along and keep in touch.
I have never done this so am not sure of the logistics, but if you want to double-down on the mailing-gifts thing, you could try mailing gifts to snapmail boxes rather than to their home. Then the family could have a little adventure traveling to a new box in a new neighborhood (fun fact: there are no bad neighborhoods in Singapore) to pick up the package. https://snapmail.sg/map
Online gaming is a great idea but you might want to consider asyncronous options, as the timezone difference may make it difficult to overlap during waking hours.
posted by eraserbones at 8:06 PM on January 7
Seconding asynchronous gaming options. Back when Words With Friends was a thing, I played long-distance with a 9yo cousin. Maybe Chess With Friends, or whatever game the kid is interested in.
posted by hovey at 9:14 PM on January 7
posted by hovey at 9:14 PM on January 7
During the pandemic we did this with facebooks messenger kids. It’s very locked down, the kid doesn’t need a profile, there are games built in to play (the drawing ones are hilarious) and texting with kids often provides delightful insights you don’t otherwise get.
posted by dpx.mfx at 11:01 PM on January 7
posted by dpx.mfx at 11:01 PM on January 7
For the last tuthree years, I've been writing on the reg'lar to my two Gdaus (now 9 and 13) who live in the country next door. I think on the reg'lar is important, more so than the content. Like a lot of chat it is mostly phatic - an indication that your care and have devoted time and attention to the other party. Our 'exchange' is almost entirely one-way and often includes quizzes and puzzles because that's who we are. There are 26 fortnights in a year and 26 letters in the alphabet, so starting an illustrated series of cards might be an idea: Anaheim, Berkeley, Carson, Downey and the Richard Scarry adventures of the Mayor of each place ?
posted by BobTheScientist at 2:53 AM on January 8 [1 favorite]
posted by BobTheScientist at 2:53 AM on January 8 [1 favorite]
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posted by bluedaisy at 3:11 PM on January 7 [3 favorites]