Mother in Law said something about my not making enough money
December 25, 2024 1:20 PM Subscribe
How should I, or how should I have reacted when my Mother in Law made a comment about my wife making all the money?
This morning my wife and I had our usual phone call with her parents for Christmas. During our conversation my Mother in law said something along the lines of, "Well someone has to make the money, right Steve?" My name isn't Steve but for the purpose of this I'm Steve.
Currently my work has taken a very major hit. I work in the entertainment business and the last few years haven't been great. So right now my wife is making significantly more money then me.
We aren't in any financial trouble...nothing of the sort. My wife is supportive of the tough times in my work. I also saved up a lot of liquid cash before I was married so that during the hard times(they always come) I could stay afloat without picking up another job.
I felt deeply hurt by the comment my Mother in Law made. It's not as if I want to be making less money or doing less work.
In response to my mother in law, I said nothing and have said nothing to my wife. Don't wanna start something on Christmas. But I'm feeling a lot of resentment about it. Should I just let it slide? Or say something to my wife and or mother in law? Should I have said something during the actual moment of the comment? I don't love confrontation but this really bothered me. Maybe it's just my own insecurities about my work going poorly.
This morning my wife and I had our usual phone call with her parents for Christmas. During our conversation my Mother in law said something along the lines of, "Well someone has to make the money, right Steve?" My name isn't Steve but for the purpose of this I'm Steve.
Currently my work has taken a very major hit. I work in the entertainment business and the last few years haven't been great. So right now my wife is making significantly more money then me.
We aren't in any financial trouble...nothing of the sort. My wife is supportive of the tough times in my work. I also saved up a lot of liquid cash before I was married so that during the hard times(they always come) I could stay afloat without picking up another job.
I felt deeply hurt by the comment my Mother in Law made. It's not as if I want to be making less money or doing less work.
In response to my mother in law, I said nothing and have said nothing to my wife. Don't wanna start something on Christmas. But I'm feeling a lot of resentment about it. Should I just let it slide? Or say something to my wife and or mother in law? Should I have said something during the actual moment of the comment? I don't love confrontation but this really bothered me. Maybe it's just my own insecurities about my work going poorly.
Yuck. Mother in laws like feeling that they are defending their daughters from some imaginary foe. Chalk it up to miserable marriage projection and her feeling taken advantage of.
You don’t have to take it up now but be in the ready for the next comment and then say “ya you said that last time and I didn’t like it then either.”
You don’t have to explain yourself.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 1:37 PM on December 25 [13 favorites]
You don’t have to take it up now but be in the ready for the next comment and then say “ya you said that last time and I didn’t like it then either.”
You don’t have to explain yourself.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 1:37 PM on December 25 [13 favorites]
Ask your wife to tell her mother that her words, however intended, were hurtful and are not acceptable.
It is a spouse’s responsibility to limit harm from their own family’s toxicity.
posted by Lemkin at 1:47 PM on December 25 [43 favorites]
It is a spouse’s responsibility to limit harm from their own family’s toxicity.
posted by Lemkin at 1:47 PM on December 25 [43 favorites]
So first, there's likely some gender programming happening on both your MIL's part and yours. I doubt your MIL particularly cares to unpack it... but you might, for your own mental well-being. You're not doing anything wrong. It's nasty societal gender scripts that make MIL accusatory and you defensive.
Second, as for responding to MIL if she pulls this crap again, I'm with phunniemee. No-sale it.
posted by humbug at 1:56 PM on December 25 [5 favorites]
Second, as for responding to MIL if she pulls this crap again, I'm with phunniemee. No-sale it.
posted by humbug at 1:56 PM on December 25 [5 favorites]
That's just her being part of the patriarchy. My BIL hasn't worked outside the home in over a decade; my sister is c-suite because he takes care of everything at home. If the genders were reversed no one would say a thing, as I am happy to point out whenever anyone is crass nough to mention it.
Phunniemee has it. If you and your spouse are okay with things, that is all that matters.
posted by warriorqueen at 2:27 PM on December 25 [10 favorites]
Phunniemee has it. If you and your spouse are okay with things, that is all that matters.
posted by warriorqueen at 2:27 PM on December 25 [10 favorites]
What did you (or your wife) say before your MIL made that comment? It sounds like she was responding to a prior remark.
If your MIL was responding to a positive comment (such as "Wife got a promotion and we're so happy!"), the prior retorts in this thread work well.
If you were making a complaint such as "I had to cook Christmas lunch myself because Wife was working overtime again", it would be good to chat with your wife about division of labor and ensure you're on the same page about who does which tasks.
posted by vienna at 2:34 PM on December 25 [4 favorites]
If your MIL was responding to a positive comment (such as "Wife got a promotion and we're so happy!"), the prior retorts in this thread work well.
If you were making a complaint such as "I had to cook Christmas lunch myself because Wife was working overtime again", it would be good to chat with your wife about division of labor and ensure you're on the same page about who does which tasks.
posted by vienna at 2:34 PM on December 25 [4 favorites]
I've been the wife in this scenario with my late husband. The first time this happened, I was surprised by my mom's comment and didn't really say anything. Later, my husband told me it bothered him, so I made a point of having a conversation with my mom about it. Unfortunately, my mom being how she is, it never made a difference, but I always pushed back in the moment after that.
posted by moosedogtoo at 3:14 PM on December 25 [7 favorites]
posted by moosedogtoo at 3:14 PM on December 25 [7 favorites]
If your mother-in-law was any more toxic, she'd be declared a superfund site.
Next time she pulls something like this, you could laugh and say 'we all know why you married Stan, Marjorie, but nobody can figure out what he thought he was doing!'
But no matter how much your wife loves you for who you are, growing up with a mother like that, she probably has a little nagging voice in her head saying similar things, and this is a perfect opportunity to bring that out into the open and address this and related issues.
You might put together a short balance sheet reflecting the financial assets you and your wife have contributed to your marriage, and if your side's a lot lighter you could acknowledge it to your wife and come up with a plan to make things more equal in the future.
But for your mother-in-law, and possibly for your wife as well, this could also be about kids. And you should address that sooner rather than later or it really will haunt your marriage.
posted by jamjam at 4:17 PM on December 25 [2 favorites]
Next time she pulls something like this, you could laugh and say 'we all know why you married Stan, Marjorie, but nobody can figure out what he thought he was doing!'
But no matter how much your wife loves you for who you are, growing up with a mother like that, she probably has a little nagging voice in her head saying similar things, and this is a perfect opportunity to bring that out into the open and address this and related issues.
You might put together a short balance sheet reflecting the financial assets you and your wife have contributed to your marriage, and if your side's a lot lighter you could acknowledge it to your wife and come up with a plan to make things more equal in the future.
But for your mother-in-law, and possibly for your wife as well, this could also be about kids. And you should address that sooner rather than later or it really will haunt your marriage.
posted by jamjam at 4:17 PM on December 25 [2 favorites]
That's just her being part of the patriarchy.
Bingo, IMO.
...a very dear friend of mine has had similar encounters with his MIL. His wife earns 20x what he did in his last job.
For his MIL, what mattered was the easy patriarchal yardstick by which he could be measured and found wanting, which devalued all of the emotional (and physical!) labor he did to keep the family situation rolling along nicely so that his wife could focus on her very high-powered high-stress career. Guy is basically a 1950s stereotype housewife, except male.
Around me, this happens often enough that there's actually a slang term for it: "genderflip-1950s". I mean that literally, as in, if you go to a meetup, people start talking about spouse careers and someone says "oh, we're genderflip-1950s" people nod knowingly and move on to the next default conversation topic.
My friends' wife shut down those observations, in the moment, over about a year and a half, and then they stopped (to be clear: he stopped complaining. I am not privy to their personal conversations, but I did observe his wife shutting things down on more than one occasion. I may be misrepresenting the timeline but I don't think so).
I strongly suspect part of the judgement came from the MIL disapproving of her daughters' choices in life, and seeing the marriage/household as a continuation of those "poor decisions" (including such famous poor decisions as foregoing an arranged marriage in order to attend an Ivy League free-ride thanks to scholarship). The judging finally stopped after the daughter more or less said "fuck you, my life and marriage are a million times better than yours, where do you get off?" (it was a big blowup which I don't necessarily recommend, but I guess it worked for them in the long run?)
Long story short: patriarchy.
No, really.
posted by aramaic at 4:45 PM on December 25 [11 favorites]
Bingo, IMO.
...a very dear friend of mine has had similar encounters with his MIL. His wife earns 20x what he did in his last job.
For his MIL, what mattered was the easy patriarchal yardstick by which he could be measured and found wanting, which devalued all of the emotional (and physical!) labor he did to keep the family situation rolling along nicely so that his wife could focus on her very high-powered high-stress career. Guy is basically a 1950s stereotype housewife, except male.
Around me, this happens often enough that there's actually a slang term for it: "genderflip-1950s". I mean that literally, as in, if you go to a meetup, people start talking about spouse careers and someone says "oh, we're genderflip-1950s" people nod knowingly and move on to the next default conversation topic.
My friends' wife shut down those observations, in the moment, over about a year and a half, and then they stopped (to be clear: he stopped complaining. I am not privy to their personal conversations, but I did observe his wife shutting things down on more than one occasion. I may be misrepresenting the timeline but I don't think so).
I strongly suspect part of the judgement came from the MIL disapproving of her daughters' choices in life, and seeing the marriage/household as a continuation of those "poor decisions" (including such famous poor decisions as foregoing an arranged marriage in order to attend an Ivy League free-ride thanks to scholarship). The judging finally stopped after the daughter more or less said "fuck you, my life and marriage are a million times better than yours, where do you get off?" (it was a big blowup which I don't necessarily recommend, but I guess it worked for them in the long run?)
Long story short: patriarchy.
No, really.
posted by aramaic at 4:45 PM on December 25 [11 favorites]
You can be offended by the patriarchy or the condescension of it—and you’ve reason to—but I am also in this situation and I choose instead to define myself by virtues I have that aren’t related to my wage, which is in any case something my boss can take away from me at any time. ‘You’re not your job’ was a lesson I learned far too late in life.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 5:21 PM on December 25 [4 favorites]
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 5:21 PM on December 25 [4 favorites]
As an aside, you'll see lots of people talk about how much money they "make" or "earn". In fact, this number is simply their "pay". Some jobs are paid far less than their true worth, and many far more. Eg school teachers provide a vital service and should be paid more, while nobody really "makes" the $$$$ they are paid as part of their C-suite job, that money all comes from the workers.
Anyway, internalized patriarchy is a real big part of this and worth examining, but so is the bullshit capitalism that equates pay with value, and that might be useful for yourself, independent of dealing with MIL.
Words matter, and that's why I try to only talk about pay and remove "earn" and "make" from my vocabulary for these discussions.
posted by SaltySalticid at 6:06 PM on December 25 [16 favorites]
Anyway, internalized patriarchy is a real big part of this and worth examining, but so is the bullshit capitalism that equates pay with value, and that might be useful for yourself, independent of dealing with MIL.
Words matter, and that's why I try to only talk about pay and remove "earn" and "make" from my vocabulary for these discussions.
posted by SaltySalticid at 6:06 PM on December 25 [16 favorites]
We both do what we're good at. What's wrong with that?
posted by kschang at 6:09 PM on December 25 [3 favorites]
posted by kschang at 6:09 PM on December 25 [3 favorites]
I think I'd want to know what my partner said to their mother that it came back to me in that way, because MIL can fuck off but is your partner going to their mom with "Steve isn't holding up their end of the deal" or "I'm freaking out because Steve isn't working"? If so, that's a complaint that needs to be brought to you first before mom.
This just stands out to be because I'm in your partner's situation, down to your industry (which, I mean, is really stressing me out), and I am real careful about what I say to my mother specifically to make sure she doesn't say something inappropriate to him about it.
posted by Lyn Never at 6:13 PM on December 25 [8 favorites]
This just stands out to be because I'm in your partner's situation, down to your industry (which, I mean, is really stressing me out), and I am real careful about what I say to my mother specifically to make sure she doesn't say something inappropriate to him about it.
posted by Lyn Never at 6:13 PM on December 25 [8 favorites]
I'd talk about it with your wife. Find out whether this is something that she struggles with, and if it's something she has gotten from her parent before.
If you think this BS is her general attitude, then by all means address it with her or see if your wife is willing to.
If it feels like it came out of nowhere, venting to your wife and then letting it go may be a good choice. Knowing nothing about her parent, I can see it being possible that it was intended as a joke and was a foot-in-the-mouth situation for her, and making it a Whole Thing with her could lead to you feeling worse in the end because it will mean spending longer thinking about it.
posted by metasarah at 6:20 PM on December 25 [3 favorites]
If you think this BS is her general attitude, then by all means address it with her or see if your wife is willing to.
If it feels like it came out of nowhere, venting to your wife and then letting it go may be a good choice. Knowing nothing about her parent, I can see it being possible that it was intended as a joke and was a foot-in-the-mouth situation for her, and making it a Whole Thing with her could lead to you feeling worse in the end because it will mean spending longer thinking about it.
posted by metasarah at 6:20 PM on December 25 [3 favorites]
I'm in the arts too. It's weird and insidious how one's sense of self-worth and self-esteem can be dependent on the amount of work you get-- and no matter how much battle-armour you have for your soul, a prolonged thin period can be very wearing.
So MIL may have done more damage than she intended with her remark. I think talking to your wife first would be best, and you can decide on a unified strategy to deal with her mother if she decides to pretend she's witty again.
posted by Pallas Athena at 6:24 PM on December 25 [4 favorites]
So MIL may have done more damage than she intended with her remark. I think talking to your wife first would be best, and you can decide on a unified strategy to deal with her mother if she decides to pretend she's witty again.
posted by Pallas Athena at 6:24 PM on December 25 [4 favorites]
Yeah, internalized patriarchy and boomer mother-in-law gotta open her mouth and talk crap.
Agreed that you should talk to your wife, that she should have your back on it, and if she doesn't mind, feel free to call boomer MIL out: "Was that a joke, Gladys or you actually trying to be offensive?"
Or call me. I'm a boomer MIL, and when I hear crappy MILs giving the rest of us a bad name, I really want to go medieval on their butts.
posted by BlueHorse at 6:40 PM on December 25 [4 favorites]
Agreed that you should talk to your wife, that she should have your back on it, and if she doesn't mind, feel free to call boomer MIL out: "Was that a joke, Gladys or you actually trying to be offensive?"
Or call me. I'm a boomer MIL, and when I hear crappy MILs giving the rest of us a bad name, I really want to go medieval on their butts.
posted by BlueHorse at 6:40 PM on December 25 [4 favorites]
A lot depends on the mother-in-law. Perhaps she was referencing her own lack of earnings and attempting to commiserate.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:01 PM on December 25 [2 favorites]
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:01 PM on December 25 [2 favorites]
I agree that this is nothing more than outdated patriarchal programming and rudeness on your MIL's part. MIL might be jealous of her daughter's career and the support she gets from you. I like phunnimee's suggested response; it takes the power away from the remark and makes her look stupid if she harps on the subject.
To me, the real risk here is in letting her get inside your head and cause doubt in your marriage. I agree that raising it with your wife to let her know that the comment bothered you and get her views on the situation is an excellent idea, but please keep an open mind and be ready to listen to what she says, without projecting. You say that your wife has been supportive of you so far, so don't let your MIL's thoughtless comment make you start to doubt what you know about your relationship.
posted by rpfields at 7:07 PM on December 25 [1 favorite]
To me, the real risk here is in letting her get inside your head and cause doubt in your marriage. I agree that raising it with your wife to let her know that the comment bothered you and get her views on the situation is an excellent idea, but please keep an open mind and be ready to listen to what she says, without projecting. You say that your wife has been supportive of you so far, so don't let your MIL's thoughtless comment make you start to doubt what you know about your relationship.
posted by rpfields at 7:07 PM on December 25 [1 favorite]
Or, you could lean in to it.
"Well someone has to make the money, right Steve?"
"Omg YES and it sure as hell isn't going to be me! Not with this little workhorse around to do the heavy lifting" (at this point you can slap your partner on the ass and make her giggle)
Warning - you have to be 100% sure your partner is on your side before you pull a stunt like this.
posted by Vatnesine at 8:14 PM on December 25 [4 favorites]
"Well someone has to make the money, right Steve?"
"Omg YES and it sure as hell isn't going to be me! Not with this little workhorse around to do the heavy lifting" (at this point you can slap your partner on the ass and make her giggle)
Warning - you have to be 100% sure your partner is on your side before you pull a stunt like this.
posted by Vatnesine at 8:14 PM on December 25 [4 favorites]
I would jope that if your wife was on the call when this statement was made took notice and at least said something to you that acknowledged that this was rude, but maybe she didn't hear this?
It's not your or even your wife's job to bring your MIL into the 21st Century and it doesn't sound like she's open to new ways of thinking, so I don't think you need to address it with your MIL. However, you should be able to talk about this with your wife, it's important that you don't let this fester.
posted by brookeb at 8:16 PM on December 25 [2 favorites]
It's not your or even your wife's job to bring your MIL into the 21st Century and it doesn't sound like she's open to new ways of thinking, so I don't think you need to address it with your MIL. However, you should be able to talk about this with your wife, it's important that you don't let this fester.
posted by brookeb at 8:16 PM on December 25 [2 favorites]
"You must be very proud of her."
posted by JohnnyGunn at 11:24 PM on December 25 [9 favorites]
posted by JohnnyGunn at 11:24 PM on December 25 [9 favorites]
Keep in mind that this rankled for a reason, which means it is a touchy subject with you. If she had made a comment about you not liking little dogs out of the blue, you'd have drawn a blank and figured she was talking uninformed nonsense. You didn't react that way, probably because it hurt and reminded you that on some level you are worried about your ability to make an income. If you knew that you had a gig lined up in February that was going to bring in as much money as you would need for the entire year in 2025 you'd have squinted for a second and ignored her. But she hit a tender spot.
It is perfectly possible her words were gauche but intended to be supportive. Maybe it would be highly tactless for her to say things like, "I am so glad you guys are such a good team that you both adapt well when one of you makes more money than the other, and that one of your currently is able to pull in a decent income to ensure you stay afloat," but as the mother of an adult child she is going to think things like that - every time she walks past a homeless encampment - even if she ought to avoid saying it lest her anxiety and intention to be supportive be misconstrued.
Of course she could indeed be being passive aggressive, but often the best response to passive aggressive is counter passive aggressive - The correct response to passive aggressive is to respond like it was intended as supportive. That way if it wasn't passive aggressive intentionally no harm is done, and if it was passive aggressive you reduce the assailant to gibbering frustration because no matter how hard they hint, you glow under their approval. Force 'em to come right out and be openly hostile. THEN force them back into passive aggressive by going on the attack and accusing them of being rude and hurtful.
So, your mother-in-law. Is she generally supportive, accepting and inclusive? If so, you can ruin your own Christmas by stewing over a badly phrased expression of support. Or is she insinuating and regularly projects veiled hostility? Well in that case, you can ruin your own Christmas by caring what a mean bully says with intention to wound, when she has nothing worth listening to. Or perhaps she is anxious and frustrated and terrified about the economy/politics so that a pervasive dread of bad things happening to the people she loves permeates her every waking moment (like so many of us.) In that case, perhaps you can make yourself feel powerful and proactive, by first cutting her some slack for wittering stupidly at you, AND take control of the situation, by figuring out what boundaries you need to set around her to protect your mental health.
If her anxiety about your family's finances upsets you, then you need a barrier of some sort so she doesn't spread her anxiety to you. Clearly, sniping back at her is an excellent way of creating division in your family and your marriage. Clearly, stewing and building a head of resentment is a crappy thing to do to your mental health. But you could say to your spouse, on the level, that you have been feeling a bit bad about what your mother-in-law said, and see what she says. Very likely you need your spouse to reassure you that she is committed and willing to work with the income inconsistency, and that her mother does not despise you, or to admit it to you if there is a problem in one area or the other so you can work on it.
But it's Christmas, and you know what almost everyone does really well at Christmas time? Disappointment and hurt feelings and shame and alienation. The kids feel lonely because the parent is desperately baking cookies in the kitchen so they can have a perfect Christmas, the parents feel lonely because the kids are so delighted with the game they got as an Xmas gift that they don't look up all day and ignore the Christmas cookies. Grandma feels inadequate because she can no longer host Christmas and solve the adult kids' problems with a few bucks slipped over quietly. The adult kids feel bad because Grandma is downsizing and her life is contracting and they can see she would prefer the big old Christmas were she was in charge, and is going through Christmas feeling a sense of loss. God Bless us, Everyone!
Go out there and give your wife a big appreciative hug, and make sure she feels loved and that she is having a good Christmas. Make sure YOU have a good Christmas. Don't allow a dumb remark to rankle - after all you can be pretty sure that from time to time you inadvertently say things that hurt other people's feelings and then go blithely about your day after ruining theirs. People are sensitive. That includes you. Perspective. Cultivate resilience and express appreciation. Do something to feel better. It's Christmas. What would you prefer to do that would be fun, than sit and feel resentment? Do that.
posted by Jane the Brown at 6:42 AM on December 26 [15 favorites]
It is perfectly possible her words were gauche but intended to be supportive. Maybe it would be highly tactless for her to say things like, "I am so glad you guys are such a good team that you both adapt well when one of you makes more money than the other, and that one of your currently is able to pull in a decent income to ensure you stay afloat," but as the mother of an adult child she is going to think things like that - every time she walks past a homeless encampment - even if she ought to avoid saying it lest her anxiety and intention to be supportive be misconstrued.
Of course she could indeed be being passive aggressive, but often the best response to passive aggressive is counter passive aggressive - The correct response to passive aggressive is to respond like it was intended as supportive. That way if it wasn't passive aggressive intentionally no harm is done, and if it was passive aggressive you reduce the assailant to gibbering frustration because no matter how hard they hint, you glow under their approval. Force 'em to come right out and be openly hostile. THEN force them back into passive aggressive by going on the attack and accusing them of being rude and hurtful.
So, your mother-in-law. Is she generally supportive, accepting and inclusive? If so, you can ruin your own Christmas by stewing over a badly phrased expression of support. Or is she insinuating and regularly projects veiled hostility? Well in that case, you can ruin your own Christmas by caring what a mean bully says with intention to wound, when she has nothing worth listening to. Or perhaps she is anxious and frustrated and terrified about the economy/politics so that a pervasive dread of bad things happening to the people she loves permeates her every waking moment (like so many of us.) In that case, perhaps you can make yourself feel powerful and proactive, by first cutting her some slack for wittering stupidly at you, AND take control of the situation, by figuring out what boundaries you need to set around her to protect your mental health.
If her anxiety about your family's finances upsets you, then you need a barrier of some sort so she doesn't spread her anxiety to you. Clearly, sniping back at her is an excellent way of creating division in your family and your marriage. Clearly, stewing and building a head of resentment is a crappy thing to do to your mental health. But you could say to your spouse, on the level, that you have been feeling a bit bad about what your mother-in-law said, and see what she says. Very likely you need your spouse to reassure you that she is committed and willing to work with the income inconsistency, and that her mother does not despise you, or to admit it to you if there is a problem in one area or the other so you can work on it.
But it's Christmas, and you know what almost everyone does really well at Christmas time? Disappointment and hurt feelings and shame and alienation. The kids feel lonely because the parent is desperately baking cookies in the kitchen so they can have a perfect Christmas, the parents feel lonely because the kids are so delighted with the game they got as an Xmas gift that they don't look up all day and ignore the Christmas cookies. Grandma feels inadequate because she can no longer host Christmas and solve the adult kids' problems with a few bucks slipped over quietly. The adult kids feel bad because Grandma is downsizing and her life is contracting and they can see she would prefer the big old Christmas were she was in charge, and is going through Christmas feeling a sense of loss. God Bless us, Everyone!
Go out there and give your wife a big appreciative hug, and make sure she feels loved and that she is having a good Christmas. Make sure YOU have a good Christmas. Don't allow a dumb remark to rankle - after all you can be pretty sure that from time to time you inadvertently say things that hurt other people's feelings and then go blithely about your day after ruining theirs. People are sensitive. That includes you. Perspective. Cultivate resilience and express appreciation. Do something to feel better. It's Christmas. What would you prefer to do that would be fun, than sit and feel resentment? Do that.
posted by Jane the Brown at 6:42 AM on December 26 [15 favorites]
"I know, work better pick back up for me soon or we're gonna have to start looking at cheaper nursing homes for you."
posted by saladin at 9:57 AM on December 26 [5 favorites]
posted by saladin at 9:57 AM on December 26 [5 favorites]
I'd be very tempted to say (not in an accusatory or conspiratorial way, but as though you get to hear about a personal detail you're fascinated to learn more about, like she just said she lived in Patagonia for five years and it had just never come up before): "oh, you're in favor of the gender pay gap? I didn't know you were a sexist!"
posted by dick dale the vampire at 12:48 PM on December 27
posted by dick dale the vampire at 12:48 PM on December 27
I have a theory that people pick on their in-laws as a proxy because they don't want to pick on their actual kids, however much they might subconsciously like to. Anyway, what she is doing is kind of an in-law schtick, independent of how much meaning the actual topic may have for her. You can always just respond with an amused, "How 'bout it?" Sort of like, "I see what you're doing there." Then, you know, as a caring spouse, ask your wife how she feels about the subject and if it's something you actually need to discuss.
posted by BibiRose at 5:47 AM on December 29
posted by BibiRose at 5:47 AM on December 29
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posted by phunniemee at 1:23 PM on December 25 [44 favorites]