"Rest hoarding" - is this a thing? What are your experiences?

December 19, 2024 4:55 AM

You often hear about how people who didn't get enough to eat growing up will overeat - eating at every opportunity they can, even when it's not necessary, because their body is used to not getting enough and not knowing when the next meal will be. I think I do the same with rest. Does anyone else do this, and what helped you stop?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (9 answers total)

What are your experiences?

learning about circadian rhythms [nih] & different kinds of sleep [brainfacts] helped me better understand this aspect of being human. i still stop to rest whenever i can. one thing i find helpful is keeping notebooks & writing instruments nearby
posted by HearHere at 5:24 AM on December 19 [1 favorite]

I think my body has forced me to do this on occasion, but it usually came after periods of sleep deprivation. It wasn't anything I was intentionally doing. Some examples:

* The early Aughts was when I was doing theater, and I always had a "day job" along with it - and there was a two-year period when I was pretty consistently getting theater work and was thus in a period of near-constant sleep debt. I intentionally took a break from theater after that and allowed myself to let myself go to bed when my body wanted to and after a couple months things regulated more again.

* I tend to have trouble sleeping when I'm under severe stress, and have been through a couple of periods of that stress (I've JUST YESTERDAY ended one such period). Usually listening to my body and letting myself wake up or sleep when it wanted to fixed things after a little while.

Again, this was nothing I did intentionally, in the sense that I would decide "well, I have downtime now, I need to catch up on sleep" and would make myself to bed even if I didn't feel sleepy. Instead, I would just let my body call the shots for a while - if I was starting to feel sleepy sooner than usual, I would sleep, even if it was mid-day on a weekend. And if I woke up, I'd wake up, even if it was earlier than usual. My thinking is that the previous period of sleep debt just knocked my personal sleep cycle off kilter, and I was letting my body re-find its own balance again.

I also focus on having good sleep hygiene - no screens in my bedroom, a consistent bedtime, and if I can get up and out of bed when I'm having a wakeful period in the middle of the night I do so. I also take a magnesium supplement because I've found it helps me maintain a good sleep cycle. Usually doing that helps my body "reset" after a screwed-up period.

It's pretty screwy at first, don't get me wrong. Yesterday was my last day at a SERIOUSLY screwed-up job, and I am taking the next two weeks off before starting the job hunt again; I've been averaging only about four hours of sleep for the past couple months from the stress (that's one reason why I quit). My usual "bedtime" is 10 pm, but I started falling asleep at 8:30. I went to bed and woke up again about 2:30 am and couldn't get back to sleep until 4; but then stayed asleep until 7:30 again. But it's just the first day, and I'm going to just listen to my body and ride it out; I'll probably be a little more "normal" within a couple weeks.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:01 AM on December 19 [3 favorites]

I am by nature a slow and leisurely person. Virtually everything that happened to me while I was growing up and in my career happened too quickly and under too much pressure. It didn’t turn me into the person I am, but it was really uncomfortable and made me bend my life out of shape to get some regular peace and quiet.

Now that I am retired, I take as long as I want to do things and I take naps when I feel like it. It turns out that there really is such a thing as enough quiet time for me, I had just never been able to achieve it before.

It sounds like you may be going through something similar.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:10 AM on December 19 [10 favorites]

I think some of the stuff about functional freeze state could be relevant here. It’s one of the reasons I do it and I guess I’m just hoping it can improve later, since I can’t afford treatment.
posted by lokta at 6:12 AM on December 19 [2 favorites]

Search for "sleep hygeine" and follow the advice. Do not live in your bedroom (if you can help it). Bedroom is for sleep and sex. Nothing else. Other tips like making your bed every morning can really be helpful, too. It's one more thing that reinforces sleep as a ritual, as a daily occurrence that's just as important as having a bowel movement and brushing your teeth and eating. Making sleep as regular and routine as possible is the goal. I know that's not a direct answer to your question, but making sleep as regular as possible can even out weird patterns and habits.
posted by SoberHighland at 6:40 AM on December 19

Yes, I experience this and I find the “tell” is when I don’t want to get out of bed for emotional reasons rather than physical ones. Where being in bed feels like safety and the experience of being able to lay there unharassed is so compelling that anything else you might enjoy in life—that might motivate you to get up—pales in comparison. Sometimes it’s good to indulge in this; other times, it loops around to reinforcing the “the rest of the world is scary, I can’t go out there” feeling which is not so good.

I got a pair of bone conduction headphones that I keep by my bed. I put on some music from a playlist called “comfort songs” to give me some of that feeling of safety while also motivating me, as I find music very motivational. The bone conduction headphones part is important because I can still hear what’s going on around me, noise outside or around the house, to keep me grounded and not just let me further zone out to the music.
posted by brook horse at 6:52 AM on December 19 [3 favorites]

I wonder if there's some overlap with an idea I once read about procrastination - that it's not a time management issue but a matter of emotional overload and trying to regulate that. Could "rest hoarding" be connected to matters of comfort and emotional content in your life? That question also calls up consideration of the trauma spectrum and its potential relationship with all of the above.
posted by concinnity at 7:59 AM on December 19 [6 favorites]

This may not be exactly what you mean, but "sleep debt" is definitely a thing:

"Sleep debt is a term describing the difference between the amount of sleep needed, and the amount of sleep obtained. Sleep debt can accumulate over time, resulting in poor cognitive performance, increased sleepiness, poor mood, and a higher risk for accidents. . . . While there are still many unanswered questions and debates about the nature of recovery sleep, such as the exact components of sleep important for recovery of function, the amount of sleep needed to recover and the impacts of prior sleep history on recovery, recent research has revealed several important attributes about recovery sleep: (1) the dynamics of the recovery process is impacted by the type of sleep loss (acute versus chronic), (2) mood, sleepiness, and other aspects of cognitive performance recover at different rates, and (3) the recovery process is complex and dependent on the length of recovery sleep and the number of recovery opportunities available." (from Dynamics of recovery sleep from chronic sleep restriction Nov '22)
posted by radiogreentea at 9:10 AM on December 19 [3 favorites]

For me it brings to mind burnout, and the resulting cycle of being exhausted all day but unable to get restful sleep at night. I long to just lay down midday between meetings and close my eyes. If I'm working from home I often do this. After work, I cocoon myself in a blanket on the sofa and relish mindlessly scrolling on my phone.

I don't think I'll be able to stop until I address the stress of my job, and take time off to recover from the burnout. Studies have shown that recovery from burnout can take anywhere from a few weeks (for short-term stress) to over a year (for chronic, sustained stress).
posted by keep it under cover at 11:54 AM on December 19 [4 favorites]