pre-teen daughter accessing porn through Libby app -- help!
September 17, 2024 7:18 AM Subscribe
Our 10-year-old has Libby on her devices to read library books (and no other Internet access outside school). A look at her recent history indicated that , in addition to some relatively good books about sex, she's been looking at a wide range of Mature content. Is it true that I can't block this? How do I talk to her about it?
Our household is liberal and open about bodies and sexuality. We've had basic talks with her and bought her a few books (which I know she has read).
When I checked her Libby library app reading history for the month, there were her usual books and also -- books about teens and sex, bad romance books, anime romances, and -- what really bothers me -- some really kinky, misogynistic, and graphic erotica graphic novels.
Two questions:
1. Internet research seems to indicate that there's no way to limit access to mature content on Libby. Is this true? Are there better library apps?
2. How do I talk to her about this? She tens to be a very dramatic, emotional kid. I know she'll be mortified. Added difficulty -- by talking about this, I'll be indicating that I can see what she reads, which will probably lead to her deleting her reading history from now on. I hate to lose access to that, esp now.
I feel lost.
Our household is liberal and open about bodies and sexuality. We've had basic talks with her and bought her a few books (which I know she has read).
When I checked her Libby library app reading history for the month, there were her usual books and also -- books about teens and sex, bad romance books, anime romances, and -- what really bothers me -- some really kinky, misogynistic, and graphic erotica graphic novels.
Two questions:
1. Internet research seems to indicate that there's no way to limit access to mature content on Libby. Is this true? Are there better library apps?
2. How do I talk to her about this? She tens to be a very dramatic, emotional kid. I know she'll be mortified. Added difficulty -- by talking about this, I'll be indicating that I can see what she reads, which will probably lead to her deleting her reading history from now on. I hate to lose access to that, esp now.
I feel lost.
I would want to make sure that she had chosen these books out of her own curiosity (presumably driven by random catalog searches) and not because someone inappropriate (i.e., not a peer) had been recommending them to her. For that reason, I think you do need to speak to her, gently, focusing on what interests her about them, which should allow you to slip in a low-key question about how she came across them and whether she's talking to anyone else about them.
FWIW, I think most age-inappropriate written content will go right over a kid's head (as it did mine), but visual depictions, like the graphic novels, are more problematic.
posted by praemunire at 8:14 AM on September 17 [9 favorites]
FWIW, I think most age-inappropriate written content will go right over a kid's head (as it did mine), but visual depictions, like the graphic novels, are more problematic.
posted by praemunire at 8:14 AM on September 17 [9 favorites]
Response by poster: Is the fear that exploring these feelings she's having gonna imprint them deeply? Set her up for negative relationship models and patterns?
Yes, absolutely. This stuff is way beyond a bondage shoot in Penthouse. I'm kinky myself, but I don't think this kind of content is ok for a tween.
FWIW, I think most age-inappropriate written content will go right over a kid's head (as it did mine), but visual depictions, like the graphic novels, are more problematic.
I agree. The extreme visuals are what's most disturbing to me.
posted by quiet wanderer at 8:19 AM on September 17 [3 favorites]
Yes, absolutely. This stuff is way beyond a bondage shoot in Penthouse. I'm kinky myself, but I don't think this kind of content is ok for a tween.
FWIW, I think most age-inappropriate written content will go right over a kid's head (as it did mine), but visual depictions, like the graphic novels, are more problematic.
I agree. The extreme visuals are what's most disturbing to me.
posted by quiet wanderer at 8:19 AM on September 17 [3 favorites]
The app Boundless (formerly axis360) by Baker &Taylor has age-limited user profiles (and often shorter wait lists than Libby/overdrive) but the only library I’ve known to participate with it is San Francisco Public Library.
posted by needs more cowbell at 8:21 AM on September 17
posted by needs more cowbell at 8:21 AM on September 17
Definitely talk to her, she may also be upset and disturbed by what she saw. She was very probably not expecting it but can't figure out how to bring it up without getting in trouble.
It's not clear if these are things she has looked at once and that was enough or if she's going back to them often. I am not sure if you are looking at detailed viewing history or just loans. She may have looked briefly and closed it and doesn't want to look again.
It will likely be awkward and she might be upset. But children aren't damaged by seeing disturbing images -- they do need to be able to talk to trusted adults about them. You have the opportunity to build a dialogue here with her, if you would like to be one of those adults in her life. It likely won't be something you can achieve in a single conversation, but something to work on having conversations about over the rest of her teenage years.
I wouldn't try to limit her access or restrict her to a different app. These days it's functionally impossible to wall kids off from potentially disturbing content. She is likely to perceive restrictions as punishment, making her less likely to talk to you. Try to make it clear that you are not judging her or looking to punish her for looking at these things. It really is a natural curiosity but you want to be able to send the message that the extreme things she has seen are not the norm or anything expected of her as she grows up.
She may start deleting her history - all the more important for her to be able to talk with you in a non-judgemental caring space.
posted by ewok_academy at 8:37 AM on September 17 [11 favorites]
It's not clear if these are things she has looked at once and that was enough or if she's going back to them often. I am not sure if you are looking at detailed viewing history or just loans. She may have looked briefly and closed it and doesn't want to look again.
It will likely be awkward and she might be upset. But children aren't damaged by seeing disturbing images -- they do need to be able to talk to trusted adults about them. You have the opportunity to build a dialogue here with her, if you would like to be one of those adults in her life. It likely won't be something you can achieve in a single conversation, but something to work on having conversations about over the rest of her teenage years.
I wouldn't try to limit her access or restrict her to a different app. These days it's functionally impossible to wall kids off from potentially disturbing content. She is likely to perceive restrictions as punishment, making her less likely to talk to you. Try to make it clear that you are not judging her or looking to punish her for looking at these things. It really is a natural curiosity but you want to be able to send the message that the extreme things she has seen are not the norm or anything expected of her as she grows up.
She may start deleting her history - all the more important for her to be able to talk with you in a non-judgemental caring space.
posted by ewok_academy at 8:37 AM on September 17 [11 favorites]
My daughters are 10 and 13 and raised sex positively, like yours. I think what you might worry about is that they're absorbing this stuff without context. For that reason, I would ask her curiously about what she finds interesting about it. Find out where this comes from.
But also explain to her that that you think it's not a good idea for her to be absorbing misogynist and degrading things because the things you read do color your world view - that's how brains work.
Try to understand where she's coming from and try to let her understand you. Even if it's, like, a totally cringe conversation.
If she ends up censoring her reading list - well, I'm GenX and in my view you're supposed to hide some things from your parents. If she finds it more exciting because it's forbidden, that could happen. But also she'll be reading those things very differently with your context in mind.
posted by Omnomnom at 8:39 AM on September 17 [3 favorites]
But also explain to her that that you think it's not a good idea for her to be absorbing misogynist and degrading things because the things you read do color your world view - that's how brains work.
Try to understand where she's coming from and try to let her understand you. Even if it's, like, a totally cringe conversation.
If she ends up censoring her reading list - well, I'm GenX and in my view you're supposed to hide some things from your parents. If she finds it more exciting because it's forbidden, that could happen. But also she'll be reading those things very differently with your context in mind.
posted by Omnomnom at 8:39 AM on September 17 [3 favorites]
Have you spoken with your local librarian about this?
My understanding of Libby is that it gives you access to the e-content of your local library system (or other libraries that you are able to get an account with). This sounds like an issue that the librarians in your library should be informed about. If they're already aware of it, they may have some suggestions.
I am very much anti-censorship, but when I see the graphic depictions of violence and sexual violence in some graphic novels I am horrified, and would be worried about the impact of my tween seeing such things. I would also suggest contacting Libby if your library doesn't have suggestions.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 8:43 AM on September 17 [9 favorites]
My understanding of Libby is that it gives you access to the e-content of your local library system (or other libraries that you are able to get an account with). This sounds like an issue that the librarians in your library should be informed about. If they're already aware of it, they may have some suggestions.
I am very much anti-censorship, but when I see the graphic depictions of violence and sexual violence in some graphic novels I am horrified, and would be worried about the impact of my tween seeing such things. I would also suggest contacting Libby if your library doesn't have suggestions.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 8:43 AM on September 17 [9 favorites]
What device is she using to read the stuff she checks out on Libby? On my child’s Kindle, I can set it up so that anything she borrows has to be approved through the Amazon Parent Dashboard if she wants to read it on her Kindle. Other devices may have similar parent controls available.
You could just tell her it’s a change to her account going forward without making an issue of previous check-outs if that’s the path you want to take.
posted by Kriesa at 8:47 AM on September 17 [7 favorites]
You could just tell her it’s a change to her account going forward without making an issue of previous check-outs if that’s the path you want to take.
posted by Kriesa at 8:47 AM on September 17 [7 favorites]
If the library has their kids collection set up separately you might be able to limit it to that. You can also pin the juvenile filter, but she can defeat that. (And it filters out other things.)
It’s a tough one. I don’t have issues with the written stuff but the graphic novels are really over the top. I dealt with it by talking to my kids about it but it wasn’t really an easy road. I wanted them to be able to borrow lots without worrying about my reaction. I’m not sure we ended up with the right balance. Solidarity.
posted by warriorqueen at 9:12 AM on September 17 [2 favorites]
It’s a tough one. I don’t have issues with the written stuff but the graphic novels are really over the top. I dealt with it by talking to my kids about it but it wasn’t really an easy road. I wanted them to be able to borrow lots without worrying about my reaction. I’m not sure we ended up with the right balance. Solidarity.
posted by warriorqueen at 9:12 AM on September 17 [2 favorites]
Is it possible that your daughter has shared her Libby credentials with a friend, and has no idea this particular content is being added to her history?
posted by xedrik at 9:40 AM on September 17 [2 favorites]
posted by xedrik at 9:40 AM on September 17 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I would say don't bring it up, because the cost of that--her humiliation (which cannot be overstated; at this age everything is a huge deal, especially if her personality is already "dramatic") and subsequent turn toward secrecy is all but assured. And then just continue to have conversations about respect and consent and healthy relationships and sexuality etc. etc.
It's also going to be really nice for you to have access to her reading activity in the near future. I think it's too early to burn that bridge. And if she doesn't have a reason to be secretive, you can continue to monitor and step in if you notice a pattern of use. One month's worth of history isn't super indicative of much, but if this keeps up for 3-4 months (and especially if you notice a change in her demeanor or behavior), then that's appropriate for an intervention. But saying something at this point will probably cause more harm than good.
posted by knotty knots at 9:52 AM on September 17 [13 favorites]
It's also going to be really nice for you to have access to her reading activity in the near future. I think it's too early to burn that bridge. And if she doesn't have a reason to be secretive, you can continue to monitor and step in if you notice a pattern of use. One month's worth of history isn't super indicative of much, but if this keeps up for 3-4 months (and especially if you notice a change in her demeanor or behavior), then that's appropriate for an intervention. But saying something at this point will probably cause more harm than good.
posted by knotty knots at 9:52 AM on September 17 [13 favorites]
Best answer: As the mother of an almost 9 year old, I feel you. I can offer what my mother said about not wanting me to read her Cosmopolitan magazines. She said: "I don't want you to read those because they talk about sex in ways that are not real. Real sex and sexual relationships are not like what they talk about in Cosmopolitan." It didn't stop me from reading it but the warning that what I was reading was not to be taken at face value did stick with me and I applied it to a lot of content I consumed over the years. I recognize that Cosmo is different from erotic manga but the message is valuable whether or not you figure out how to restrict the content.
posted by vunder at 10:13 AM on September 17 [5 favorites]
posted by vunder at 10:13 AM on September 17 [5 favorites]
Best answer: Definitely talk to her about it. Her mortification should not be a deterrent to your parenting obligations! I'm kind of on the extremely liberal side as a parent, like you are, but even I think ten years old is far too young to be looking at kinky and misogynistic content.
My chosen way of dealing with this with my own kids - I have a 13 yr old who, when she was 12, was introduced to hentai by her school friend - has been to talk to them nonjudgmentally but also rather relentlessly and continuously about porn. Some tips:
Ask lots of questions, and validate their curiosity and their experience a lot so that they feel safe sharing with you. Don't moralize when you're in question-mode. Ask how they found this stuff, what led them to it, who's talking about it in school, who they're able to talk to about what they see, do they have friends they confide in who can support them, if they've ever been freaked out by anything, if they found anything funny, whether any of it was boring, etc.
These are conversations where open ended questions will generally get you nowhere. Better to start with a lot of yes-no questions, so that they can give you some easy answers. When they are warmed up they may be willing to share details with you on their own. More "Have you seen comics where characters do [x]?" , less "Tell me about the types of things you've seen in these comics."
Take a firm and unequivocal stand against her viewing or using porn. For example: "You're doing your job as a kid by being curious and following your curiosity. Now it's my turn to do my job as a parent and keep you safe from things that can harm you. This is adult stuff, it's not for you." Even if your kid gets around you and breaks these rules, it's important as a parent to hold the firm line that you don't recommend it to them. Parental lines are important to kids. They feel safe knowing we have limits and will hold them for the child.
Speaking of lines, don't punish or give consequences for porn use. Rather, find ways to keep the kid away from it. Keep your kid busy and supervised - at 10 she is still young enough that she will benefit from it immensely. More activities, and suck up the greater time commitment... temporarily. As a second order of defense, use limits on device usage - no devices after 6 pm, for example, or limiting device time to 2 hours per day. As a third order of defense, use parental locks on devices, uninstall Libby for now (you can provide access to whatever books the kid wants to read by either borrowing physical books or providing epubs/pdfs manually). I know, I know, you want to empower your child and leave them free to explore books but right now, temporarily, it's time for some strict measures to remove access to porn.
Continue to talk about sex and porn with your kid even after you have forbidden it. Be real about it? As real as you can anyway. Acknowledge that lots of times, fantasy and imagination can be erotic and arousing, even if it's never translated to reality. But emphasize that real sex is better than fantasy and porn, and that excessive and/or too early porn can spoil real sex for people.
posted by MiraK at 10:27 AM on September 17 [9 favorites]
My chosen way of dealing with this with my own kids - I have a 13 yr old who, when she was 12, was introduced to hentai by her school friend - has been to talk to them nonjudgmentally but also rather relentlessly and continuously about porn. Some tips:
Ask lots of questions, and validate their curiosity and their experience a lot so that they feel safe sharing with you. Don't moralize when you're in question-mode. Ask how they found this stuff, what led them to it, who's talking about it in school, who they're able to talk to about what they see, do they have friends they confide in who can support them, if they've ever been freaked out by anything, if they found anything funny, whether any of it was boring, etc.
These are conversations where open ended questions will generally get you nowhere. Better to start with a lot of yes-no questions, so that they can give you some easy answers. When they are warmed up they may be willing to share details with you on their own. More "Have you seen comics where characters do [x]?" , less "Tell me about the types of things you've seen in these comics."
Take a firm and unequivocal stand against her viewing or using porn. For example: "You're doing your job as a kid by being curious and following your curiosity. Now it's my turn to do my job as a parent and keep you safe from things that can harm you. This is adult stuff, it's not for you." Even if your kid gets around you and breaks these rules, it's important as a parent to hold the firm line that you don't recommend it to them. Parental lines are important to kids. They feel safe knowing we have limits and will hold them for the child.
Speaking of lines, don't punish or give consequences for porn use. Rather, find ways to keep the kid away from it. Keep your kid busy and supervised - at 10 she is still young enough that she will benefit from it immensely. More activities, and suck up the greater time commitment... temporarily. As a second order of defense, use limits on device usage - no devices after 6 pm, for example, or limiting device time to 2 hours per day. As a third order of defense, use parental locks on devices, uninstall Libby for now (you can provide access to whatever books the kid wants to read by either borrowing physical books or providing epubs/pdfs manually). I know, I know, you want to empower your child and leave them free to explore books but right now, temporarily, it's time for some strict measures to remove access to porn.
Continue to talk about sex and porn with your kid even after you have forbidden it. Be real about it? As real as you can anyway. Acknowledge that lots of times, fantasy and imagination can be erotic and arousing, even if it's never translated to reality. But emphasize that real sex is better than fantasy and porn, and that excessive and/or too early porn can spoil real sex for people.
posted by MiraK at 10:27 AM on September 17 [9 favorites]
If your library system has Hoopla, that one has a Kids' Mode. Sora is the Libby equivalent for kids which you may also have access to through the library or school system.
Personally, if I had an inkling my parents were looking at my searches I'd go to great lengths to hide it better. So I'd want to have a general discussion about how to find books you like, what to do if you find something that makes you uncomfortable, and what others have said here about how to distinguish fantasy vs. real sex. And yes, look for a pattern of behavior-- does this pop up when she goes to a specific friends' house, is it intensifying, or is it just one of those things and she moves on in a month.
You could also make sure that kid-appropriate works about sex are available; You know, sex? by Cory Silverberg is a young-teen-appropriate graphic novel about sex, puberty, and relationships that is probably about right.
posted by blnkfrnk at 10:42 AM on September 17 [2 favorites]
Personally, if I had an inkling my parents were looking at my searches I'd go to great lengths to hide it better. So I'd want to have a general discussion about how to find books you like, what to do if you find something that makes you uncomfortable, and what others have said here about how to distinguish fantasy vs. real sex. And yes, look for a pattern of behavior-- does this pop up when she goes to a specific friends' house, is it intensifying, or is it just one of those things and she moves on in a month.
You could also make sure that kid-appropriate works about sex are available; You know, sex? by Cory Silverberg is a young-teen-appropriate graphic novel about sex, puberty, and relationships that is probably about right.
posted by blnkfrnk at 10:42 AM on September 17 [2 favorites]
You may be reluctant, but you need to be talking to your child about this. They have access through various means (internet usage, libraries, friends, books and magazine passed around at school or elsewhere, etc) and simply removing or limiting Libby doesn’t protect them from porn.
In the same breath, I am not saying your child is accessibility age appropriate content and should continue to consume it. But this requires discussions around media, representation, what is realistic and what is not, etc. a great way to do this is actually watching a sitcom together and having some conversation about it. I also like Vunder’s comment about Cosmo.
posted by raccoon409 at 10:45 AM on September 17 [2 favorites]
In the same breath, I am not saying your child is accessibility age appropriate content and should continue to consume it. But this requires discussions around media, representation, what is realistic and what is not, etc. a great way to do this is actually watching a sitcom together and having some conversation about it. I also like Vunder’s comment about Cosmo.
posted by raccoon409 at 10:45 AM on September 17 [2 favorites]
Another option is just to delete Libby and go back to printed books. My tween gets screen time, but for reading they use dead trees.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 1:35 PM on September 17 [3 favorites]
posted by Winnie the Proust at 1:35 PM on September 17 [3 favorites]
You're focused on the porn and for good reason, but as someone who read a lot of old school christian and non christian romance books growing up, they did a lot of damage to my understanding of what made a good relationship, how a relationship was formed and what to expect from a relationship. Like another poster, I would wait another month and see if she's still reading them and in the meanwhile talk about how reading shapes our understanding of the world for good and bad and not focus exclusively on the porn.
posted by Art_Pot at 1:41 PM on September 17 [6 favorites]
posted by Art_Pot at 1:41 PM on September 17 [6 favorites]
Best answer: Yeah, this age is really a fulcrum. I agree it helps to have a view into your kid's media consumption for a little while longer. One thing I realized was that I didn't have to be transparent with my kids about my parenting choices. It was ok to simply make changes for their well-being without telling them. I was allowed to be omniscient media Goddess for a while longer, which meant that I could lock things down behind the scenes (such as the advice above about talking to the librarian, switching devices, etc.) without it being connected in any way to anything I learned from reviewing their histories. There were many nights where unplugging the router ("Weird, the internet is out") was a perfectly valid parenting choice.
That still allows you to have 'organic' conversations without her knowing you've seen her reading history, in ways that won't shame her or cause her to retreat into secrecy. I started a lot of conversations where I offered up myself as a character in the bad sitcom of life, like: "Ugh, get this: once my friend borrowed my library card and took out [some embarrassing book] and then didn't bring it back on time and it was on my record for a fine!" or "My teacher did this thing that I absolutely should have told an adult about."
I was frank with my kids that they would occasionally see my deus ex machina in their online life. "I will continue to periodically review and adjust your online access. Here's what those limits look like." Echoing solidarity.
posted by cocoagirl at 4:50 PM on September 17 [3 favorites]
That still allows you to have 'organic' conversations without her knowing you've seen her reading history, in ways that won't shame her or cause her to retreat into secrecy. I started a lot of conversations where I offered up myself as a character in the bad sitcom of life, like: "Ugh, get this: once my friend borrowed my library card and took out [some embarrassing book] and then didn't bring it back on time and it was on my record for a fine!" or "My teacher did this thing that I absolutely should have told an adult about."
I was frank with my kids that they would occasionally see my deus ex machina in their online life. "I will continue to periodically review and adjust your online access. Here's what those limits look like." Echoing solidarity.
posted by cocoagirl at 4:50 PM on September 17 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: Wow, thank you all very much. I feel that I got some great responses from differing perspectives on this. I'm still working on the next steps, but hearing from you all has been invaluable. It's impossible to pick a best response here!
posted by quiet wanderer at 7:24 PM on September 17
posted by quiet wanderer at 7:24 PM on September 17
My parents were like cocoagirl. I was coming here to say you can and should talk to her generally but you don't need to say you saw her Libby history - she might even volunteer it while you're talking (that's the sort of thing I would have done at 10). Like 'OMG I accidentally saw this Manga the other day and it was so disturbing. Have you ever come across any Manga that you found upsetting?' 10 year old me would not even have been suspicious. It's so much better to have a grounded conversation with an adult than to stew in private or go off with your friends.
posted by maggiemaggie at 7:29 PM on September 17 [2 favorites]
posted by maggiemaggie at 7:29 PM on September 17 [2 favorites]
Another for vote for speaking to her generally but not bringing up spotting her libby reading history , to avoid complete mortification
posted by elgee at 10:55 PM on September 17 [1 favorite]
posted by elgee at 10:55 PM on September 17 [1 favorite]
"Mature" books does not equate to "porn". There are spicy romance books you can check out from library that would make you blush, and there are clinical books on sexuality or sexual organs that will bore you to death.
If your daughter is merely curious about the topic, I'd encourage a conversation, not freak out and wave the banhammer like an overzealous MAGA follower such as DeSantis, and sorry to bring politics into this.
posted by kschang at 8:36 AM on September 18
If your daughter is merely curious about the topic, I'd encourage a conversation, not freak out and wave the banhammer like an overzealous MAGA follower such as DeSantis, and sorry to bring politics into this.
posted by kschang at 8:36 AM on September 18
Response by poster: "Mature" books does not equate to "porn". There are spicy romance books you can check out from library that would make you blush, and there are clinical books on sexuality or sexual organs that will bore you to death.
kschang
You are making an awful lot of mean assumptions here. No one is freaking out and turning MAGA. I never mentioned anything like a banhammer.
We are a liberal polyamorous queer household. I am uber kinky and pretty much nothing would make me blush. But a fair bit of het-centered graphic erotica would make me pissed off at the misogynistic assumptions. And yes, I don't think a ten year old needs graphic visual violent sex scenes. If you disagree, I fear for your own kids.
She is 10 and I wanted (and received) good advice on how to prepare her for the world of sexuality and --- yes-- inappropriate content. I know exactly what she's had access to and how long she spent looking at it. I am not an idiot or a prude. I'm happy with her reading about sex and romance.
posted by quiet wanderer at 8:44 AM on September 19 [2 favorites]
kschang
You are making an awful lot of mean assumptions here. No one is freaking out and turning MAGA.
We are a liberal polyamorous queer household. I am uber kinky and pretty much nothing would make me blush. But a fair bit of het-centered graphic erotica would make me pissed off at the misogynistic assumptions. And yes, I don't think a ten year old needs graphic visual violent sex scenes. If you disagree, I fear for your own kids.
She is 10 and I wanted (and received) good advice on how to prepare her for the world of sexuality and --- yes-- inappropriate content. I know exactly what she's had access to and how long she spent looking at it. I am not an idiot or a prude. I'm happy with her reading about sex and romance.
posted by quiet wanderer at 8:44 AM on September 19 [2 favorites]
Sorry, when I see "porn", I reacted instinctually. My apologies.
posted by kschang at 12:26 PM on September 19 [1 favorite]
posted by kschang at 12:26 PM on September 19 [1 favorite]
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The only ways to work through this are to have a conversation with her about it and mortify her or to instead just not make it a short term conversation specifically about the books she's reading and more a long game about the values you want to instill in her. I suppose you could also have a sneaky conversation with her about some of the weird books you've noticed when using Libby and just talk generally about safe approaches without making it about what she's reading.
I also urge you not to worry or feel lost - who among us didn't dabble in some strange books and magazines as kids? Our parents just didn't have access to the list of books we read in order to mortify us about them or to feel the level of anxiety you're feeling about it; they could just pretend it wasn't happening. Curiosity is normal and healthy and instilling strong values in her will overcome whatever messages she's getting in what she's reading - including sex-positive values by not causing her to feel embarrassed by being curious about kinks and such.
posted by urbanlenny at 7:58 AM on September 17 [13 favorites]