How to Plan a Trip: Extended Family Edition
September 4, 2024 4:07 PM Subscribe
My stepfather has a vision, he wants our 13-14 person extended family to go on a grand adventure together. He’s also picked a location for this which exactly two people in the group is interested in, 3 have flat out refused, and the rest are reluctant. I’m going to see him on Friday and want to propose a location that more people will be enthusiastic about. Please help me come up with suggestions.
His chosen vacation destination is a remote island chain that has some reasonably priced hotels, 200 to 300 a night per room. I think we’d all be fine with this, except that getting there includes a 14 hour flight, another connecting flight, and a two hour boat trip. Exploring the area involves a minimum of four hours a day in transit between the islands. The parents on the trip hate this plan as it’s far more time in transit than having a vacation. Plus while there is a lot of activities to do for adults there's not many for kids or whole families. The six parents would be constantly shuffling childcare duties around or just hanging out at the hotel. This is a lot of travel time to sit around at a hotel for three days. I’ve been trying to think of somewhere else we can go, but it’s not an easy group to cater too.
Limitations:
Between the group there’s four children, who will be between 4-8.
Multiple people get seasick.
Out of the adults 2-3 can’t comfortably walk far distances.
At least two people have a crippling fears of heights, driving on a cliffy road would ruin their whole day.
Multiple people cannot handle temperatures in the high 90s.
The only time of year we all can make it is early July. We all live in the US, most of us on the west coast.
At this point I’m open to all price points, but he is thrifty and would likely baulk at any suggestions of “fancy” accommodations, which I think would be private transportation beyond a shuttle or a luxury resort. However as he is not paying for the trip I think he could be out voted on the cost.
There is literally no chance we would be capable to sharing a rental house, roughly 1/2 of the group are not on speaking terms at any given time (if his ex wife who he invited comes this number will jump to 3/4ths since…you know what I have no idea what the current feuds between her and her adult children are about, just that they wax and wain yearly). Camping is also out.
We do all have passports.
What I think would make everyone willing to go is a location that’s in nature, remote enough that it feels off the beaten path but not so remote that the majority of the trip is spent in transit. I’d like to stay in one main location and either have activities on site or easy transportation options that are under an hour. If I was in charge of planning this I would suggest we go to one of the many beautiful national parks. However all my national park trips have been before kids and tended to involve just me and a tent so I have no idea if there’s the type of facilities my extended family wants. If there isn’t an air conditioned hotel and it’s hot people will revolt. Also anything in Florida is also out for complicated family feuding reasons, same with Hawaii.
Is there somewhere nice in Alaska? Iceland that’s kid friendly? Mexico where we could join a family friendly tour group? Nice hotel next to a National Park?
Despite everything I would like to go on this trip, I enjoy traveling and I think my kid would love a week or so with her cousins around.
Any ideas?
His chosen vacation destination is a remote island chain that has some reasonably priced hotels, 200 to 300 a night per room. I think we’d all be fine with this, except that getting there includes a 14 hour flight, another connecting flight, and a two hour boat trip. Exploring the area involves a minimum of four hours a day in transit between the islands. The parents on the trip hate this plan as it’s far more time in transit than having a vacation. Plus while there is a lot of activities to do for adults there's not many for kids or whole families. The six parents would be constantly shuffling childcare duties around or just hanging out at the hotel. This is a lot of travel time to sit around at a hotel for three days. I’ve been trying to think of somewhere else we can go, but it’s not an easy group to cater too.
Limitations:
Between the group there’s four children, who will be between 4-8.
Multiple people get seasick.
Out of the adults 2-3 can’t comfortably walk far distances.
At least two people have a crippling fears of heights, driving on a cliffy road would ruin their whole day.
Multiple people cannot handle temperatures in the high 90s.
The only time of year we all can make it is early July. We all live in the US, most of us on the west coast.
At this point I’m open to all price points, but he is thrifty and would likely baulk at any suggestions of “fancy” accommodations, which I think would be private transportation beyond a shuttle or a luxury resort. However as he is not paying for the trip I think he could be out voted on the cost.
There is literally no chance we would be capable to sharing a rental house, roughly 1/2 of the group are not on speaking terms at any given time (if his ex wife who he invited comes this number will jump to 3/4ths since…you know what I have no idea what the current feuds between her and her adult children are about, just that they wax and wain yearly). Camping is also out.
We do all have passports.
What I think would make everyone willing to go is a location that’s in nature, remote enough that it feels off the beaten path but not so remote that the majority of the trip is spent in transit. I’d like to stay in one main location and either have activities on site or easy transportation options that are under an hour. If I was in charge of planning this I would suggest we go to one of the many beautiful national parks. However all my national park trips have been before kids and tended to involve just me and a tent so I have no idea if there’s the type of facilities my extended family wants. If there isn’t an air conditioned hotel and it’s hot people will revolt. Also anything in Florida is also out for complicated family feuding reasons, same with Hawaii.
Is there somewhere nice in Alaska? Iceland that’s kid friendly? Mexico where we could join a family friendly tour group? Nice hotel next to a National Park?
Despite everything I would like to go on this trip, I enjoy traveling and I think my kid would love a week or so with her cousins around.
Any ideas?
Cancun in July is HOT. We did this trip (13 people, 5 kids ranging from 3yo)-8yo at the newish Club Med in Quebec Province this summer. It worked out well! Lots of activities for the kids and plenty for adults. The food was good. It was easy.
posted by vunder at 4:29 PM on September 4 [6 favorites]
posted by vunder at 4:29 PM on September 4 [6 favorites]
We did a trip to France with 10 last year and decided to join a group tour. As a seasoned world traveler who is very comfortable on his own, this kind of hurt me, but it was definitely the best way to go for this many people. It just solved so many problems around accommodations, getting from place to place, finding places to eat. And the fact that all of the key decisions were made by the tour company eliminated squabbling and resentment (mostly). All in all a very positive experience, though if we we're to do it again we'd probably pass up some of the add-ons and side trips in favor of more down time.
posted by mr_roboto at 4:29 PM on September 4 [4 favorites]
posted by mr_roboto at 4:29 PM on September 4 [4 favorites]
My first thought is the Pacific Coast in Costa Rica. It has everything you're looking for, plus monkeys. Look at Manuel Antonio area or Nosara/Samara. People who want adventure can have adventure, but people who want luxury, air conditioning, and relaxation can have that. There's a lot of kid friendly stuff, and in general Costa Rica is extremely tourist friendly while still offering a chance to see some things that are incredible in the wild. Weather is the main wildcard with this suggestion. It probably won't technically be over 90 as long as you're right on the beach, but it could be pretty darn hot, so I would make sure to get AC in any lodging.
posted by luzdeluna at 4:32 PM on September 4 [7 favorites]
posted by luzdeluna at 4:32 PM on September 4 [7 favorites]
Maybe a hotel near Banff National Park in Canada?
posted by vegartanipla at 4:38 PM on September 4 [4 favorites]
posted by vegartanipla at 4:38 PM on September 4 [4 favorites]
Cancun in July is HOT
Ah, there was a lot in this post, and I missed that only July was possible. I would not actually recommend Cancún in July.
posted by grouse at 4:41 PM on September 4
Ah, there was a lot in this post, and I missed that only July was possible. I would not actually recommend Cancún in July.
posted by grouse at 4:41 PM on September 4
For a hot second, I was thinking you were talking about the San Juan Islands in Washington State, but I don't think travel there and between the islands would be that onerous.
You could definitely rent some vacation homes and break up the family. There is a fair amount to do there from biking, farm tours, whale watching, sea kayaking, hiking, or doing absolutely nothing and just lazing about. It won't be disgustingly hot. You do have to take ferries to and between the islands, but once you're on your home base, you can mostly do walk on ferry rides and there really isn't any bobbing up and down to make anyone seasick.
If Islands are totally off the table, you could have a similar experience staying near Port Angeles or Port Townsend, easy access to Olympic National Park, Sol Duc Hot Springs, lavender farms, whale watching, good seafood, many ways for people to "choose their own adventure" and come back together.
posted by brookeb at 5:06 PM on September 4 [8 favorites]
You could definitely rent some vacation homes and break up the family. There is a fair amount to do there from biking, farm tours, whale watching, sea kayaking, hiking, or doing absolutely nothing and just lazing about. It won't be disgustingly hot. You do have to take ferries to and between the islands, but once you're on your home base, you can mostly do walk on ferry rides and there really isn't any bobbing up and down to make anyone seasick.
If Islands are totally off the table, you could have a similar experience staying near Port Angeles or Port Townsend, easy access to Olympic National Park, Sol Duc Hot Springs, lavender farms, whale watching, good seafood, many ways for people to "choose their own adventure" and come back together.
posted by brookeb at 5:06 PM on September 4 [8 favorites]
Yeah, the San Juans are a good idea. I also wanted to propose many places along the Oregon coast. July weather is generally fantastic (some days will be so hot you’ll have to take off your sweaters) the scenery is outstanding. There are generally speaking beautiful empty beaches for those inclined and really pleasant forest walks that give way to clifftop views. Cannon Beach is the trendiest and most expensive, with lots of nice shopping and restaurants- other places are less crowded, more relaxed and have fewer amenities. Newport and Lincoln city are kinda trashy in a happy blue collar sorta way. There are chartered fishing trips. Ashland is LOVELY and 1.5 hours from places on the southern coast (which gets windy.) Wherever you are it’s too cold to swim in the ocean, tho there are nearby lakes.
posted by carterk at 6:04 PM on September 4 [3 favorites]
posted by carterk at 6:04 PM on September 4 [3 favorites]
After thinking about it, I want to nth the suggestion for the San Juans or Port Angeles, both of which offer pretty easy access to Victoria/Vancouver BC. The ferries themselves can be super enjoyable, and I guess I don’t have to tell you about the splendors of Vancouver, which are legion, or even Victoria which is very, very cute…
posted by carterk at 6:11 PM on September 4 [1 favorite]
posted by carterk at 6:11 PM on September 4 [1 favorite]
You should rent a scout camp. Rent out the whole place, then you spend the entire time doing whatever you want based on your abilities and interests. When we did this we had people canoeing, SUPing, playing board games, hiking, sitting around drinking and talking, floating around with floaties, reading on the dock, mountain biking, playing bocce, etc., all at the same time, in various groups or alone. Everyone was happy. You get there and unpack and that’s it. It’s super cheap but also really fun. VERY kid friendly and easy on parents. There are awesome ones throughout the PNW and mountain west. The only hitch is food—we just brought a massive load of stuff from Costco and made simple meals. It was super fun and a great memory. I don’t know if it’s a “grand adventure” but it’s unusual and something you can only really do with a big group so the size and diversity of your group is a plus and not a problem to be solved.
posted by HotToddy at 6:45 PM on September 4 [3 favorites]
posted by HotToddy at 6:45 PM on September 4 [3 favorites]
Maybe one of the communities around the great lakes? Door County or the Apostle Islands, for example, are beautiful, and the regional tourism economy is well set up for mixed levels of physical ability. July is early firefly season.
posted by VelveteenBabbitt at 6:47 PM on September 4 [1 favorite]
posted by VelveteenBabbitt at 6:47 PM on September 4 [1 favorite]
I actually came here to suggest the new Club Med in Quebec but see I was beaten to it. It’s a really nice newly constructed space, great food, and should be beautiful views in July. If you’re careful and on the lookout you can get least 40% off. There is included childcare for kids 4+ and you can book childcare for kids under that age so the parents can get a proper break. And have I mentioned that despite being an all-inclusive the food is actually really good?
posted by peacheater at 7:08 PM on September 4 [4 favorites]
posted by peacheater at 7:08 PM on September 4 [4 favorites]
Would a cruise be an option? (To Alaska, or around the North Atlantic) In fair weather, seasickness should be a nonissue, as cruise ships are basically floating mini-cities. I watch a YouTube channel called Emma Cruises and while she’s pretty deeply invested in travel via cruise, I still find it compelling and persuasive.
There will be plenty to do for the kids, plenty of space for folks to avoid each other, and almost certainly accessible excursion options for folks who don’t want to walk a ton.
The only thing you’d be “missing” is everyone in the same (private) room for dinner or some family hang out, and if your stepfather sprang for a suite, that would probably accommodate everyone for an hour or two at a time.
posted by itesser at 7:10 PM on September 4 [5 favorites]
There will be plenty to do for the kids, plenty of space for folks to avoid each other, and almost certainly accessible excursion options for folks who don’t want to walk a ton.
The only thing you’d be “missing” is everyone in the same (private) room for dinner or some family hang out, and if your stepfather sprang for a suite, that would probably accommodate everyone for an hour or two at a time.
posted by itesser at 7:10 PM on September 4 [5 favorites]
A cruise could be so perfect for this group. Adventure for the bold, comfort for the cozy, food managed and childcare aplenty.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:04 PM on September 4
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:04 PM on September 4
Vegas is surprisingly family friendly these days.
Then could have a shuttle trip to Zion
posted by St. Peepsburg at 8:44 PM on September 4
Then could have a shuttle trip to Zion
posted by St. Peepsburg at 8:44 PM on September 4
Vegas in July is probably very hot.
posted by NotLost at 8:48 PM on September 4 [7 favorites]
posted by NotLost at 8:48 PM on September 4 [7 favorites]
If your stepfather was considering a 14 hour flight and you're all on the West Coast just fly to Japan and stay in Kyoto for a week.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 9:05 PM on September 4
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 9:05 PM on September 4
Club Med. Pricey but the all inclusive is a blessing with children and picky adults and you can scatter and meet back up. They often have local activities for people who want a holiday. A cruise with that situation sounds a nightmare for me - you can’t escape!
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 9:16 PM on September 4 [3 favorites]
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 9:16 PM on September 4 [3 favorites]
I had a similar negotiation-Lead Planner proposed staying on an island in the Bay of Fundy, which was too much added travel time so we found a charming town on the shore St. Martin New Brunswick CA and had our family vacation adventures from there with lovely July weather.
posted by childofTethys at 9:56 PM on September 4
posted by childofTethys at 9:56 PM on September 4
Kyoto in July is also not recommended! As is most of Japan outside of maybe Hokkaido alas.
Iceland is definitely a longer flight plus bus/car transfer to somewhere more remote than Reykjavik, but gorgeous and cool. I'd recommend Vik í Myrdal or Höfn, both are small towns / big villages with some tourist infrastructure including modern hotels and gorgeous scenery.
posted by I claim sanctuary at 11:42 PM on September 4 [1 favorite]
Iceland is definitely a longer flight plus bus/car transfer to somewhere more remote than Reykjavik, but gorgeous and cool. I'd recommend Vik í Myrdal or Höfn, both are small towns / big villages with some tourist infrastructure including modern hotels and gorgeous scenery.
posted by I claim sanctuary at 11:42 PM on September 4 [1 favorite]
I am absolutely not an all-inclusive resort kind of person in the least, but with the complications you have here, it seems like the best and most logical choice.
These places are made for families mostly, so kids will have stuff to do, even childcare if the adults want to get away. Plus, meals will not be an issue. I cannot imagine trying to coordinate meals in a small restaurant or café in some remote island for even seven people at a time (if you split in 2 groups). Doing that a few times a day? Ugh.
I think if you go to some remote, more adventure type place, the group will be split up almost always. Think travel (are you going to rent a bus?) food (again, restaurants accommodating that number?) and other basics.
I wish you well, and it sounds like your step dad has some really ambitious plans and is excited about making this an extraordinary trip of a lifetime! He likely has very good motives. But no way in hell would I travel even with seven people on a far-off, action getaway like that! Add in little kids and it's just going to be a logistical nightmare. Go all inclusive.
Tell him the time with the family together is the most important part, not being in the most exotic location.
posted by SoberHighland at 6:15 AM on September 5 [3 favorites]
These places are made for families mostly, so kids will have stuff to do, even childcare if the adults want to get away. Plus, meals will not be an issue. I cannot imagine trying to coordinate meals in a small restaurant or café in some remote island for even seven people at a time (if you split in 2 groups). Doing that a few times a day? Ugh.
I think if you go to some remote, more adventure type place, the group will be split up almost always. Think travel (are you going to rent a bus?) food (again, restaurants accommodating that number?) and other basics.
I wish you well, and it sounds like your step dad has some really ambitious plans and is excited about making this an extraordinary trip of a lifetime! He likely has very good motives. But no way in hell would I travel even with seven people on a far-off, action getaway like that! Add in little kids and it's just going to be a logistical nightmare. Go all inclusive.
Tell him the time with the family together is the most important part, not being in the most exotic location.
posted by SoberHighland at 6:15 AM on September 5 [3 favorites]
If your group is open to small group travel, organisers are often willing to organise a trip for family/friend groups. So if you can narrow down a location you may want to explore that. You would be moving around a few locations but transportation, accommodation, meals etc are all organised by someone else. They will also organise any activities.
This may also be a time where an actual travel agent could be very helpful.
Considering ages, activity levels and expectations around comfort I do think all inclusive resorts would be another good option. Those who want to chill by the pool may, those who want to explore can join excursions the resort offers or can book for them.
posted by koahiatamadl at 6:32 AM on September 5
This may also be a time where an actual travel agent could be very helpful.
Considering ages, activity levels and expectations around comfort I do think all inclusive resorts would be another good option. Those who want to chill by the pool may, those who want to explore can join excursions the resort offers or can book for them.
posted by koahiatamadl at 6:32 AM on September 5
Would folks be disappointed if it’s not out of country? Because my extended family likes the more local resorts like Sunriver, OR and Suncadia, WA. Usually the more close/compatible folks rent a biggish house and other groups rent smaller houses/condos nearby. The big house is the main meeting and eating spot but being able to retreat is key for some of us. The activities include swimming, pickleball, rafting, hiking, walking on easy paths, biking, and shopping.
posted by Knowyournuts at 5:22 PM on September 5 [1 favorite]
posted by Knowyournuts at 5:22 PM on September 5 [1 favorite]
I also think a cruise would tick A LOT of boxes and remove quite a bit of the logistical struggles but with multiple folks prone to seasickness, that's probably out.
Outside of that, the next best bet feels like a biggish resort, in order to have lots of on site activities for chill days catering to different interests and abilities. The Great Lakes, as mentioned above have quite a few.
In Northern lower Michigan I'm familiar with Crystal Mountain and Grand Traverse Resort. Over 90 degrees in July is possible but would be pretty short-lived if it happened. Both are within an hour of Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore and Lake Michigan, with lots of other outdoor, nature-y activities (tubing on the Platte River, u-pick cherry orchards, day trips to Manitou Island) or not so nature-y (casinos, winery tours up the Mission Peninsula) nearby.
They both have onsite stuff like archery, kids crafts, golf, pools, lift chairs up what passes for a mountain in MIchigan, etc. Flights to Traverse City won't be direct, but an easy connection via Chicago, MPLS or Detroit. You'd need a van for transport around the area though.
posted by thatquietgirl at 2:09 PM on September 6 [1 favorite]
Outside of that, the next best bet feels like a biggish resort, in order to have lots of on site activities for chill days catering to different interests and abilities. The Great Lakes, as mentioned above have quite a few.
In Northern lower Michigan I'm familiar with Crystal Mountain and Grand Traverse Resort. Over 90 degrees in July is possible but would be pretty short-lived if it happened. Both are within an hour of Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore and Lake Michigan, with lots of other outdoor, nature-y activities (tubing on the Platte River, u-pick cherry orchards, day trips to Manitou Island) or not so nature-y (casinos, winery tours up the Mission Peninsula) nearby.
They both have onsite stuff like archery, kids crafts, golf, pools, lift chairs up what passes for a mountain in MIchigan, etc. Flights to Traverse City won't be direct, but an easy connection via Chicago, MPLS or Detroit. You'd need a van for transport around the area though.
posted by thatquietgirl at 2:09 PM on September 6 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Big thank you to everyone who made suggestions! I want to go on so many trips now, and I had a great list of ideas to bring to my Stepfather yesterday. Unfortunately for me the family dynamics are beyond my understanding, when you try to stay out of the drama it become incomprehensible. As of right now it looks like this nice plan ignited enough of a fight between my step sister and step brother that who knows if it will happen at all.
Everyone who manages to make this work with your extended families and has fun, I envy you greatly!
posted by lepus at 7:39 AM on September 7
Everyone who manages to make this work with your extended families and has fun, I envy you greatly!
posted by lepus at 7:39 AM on September 7
I think Alaska is the right idea - and you should go on a small-boat cruise. Look at UnCruise or Lindblad/National Geographic for itineraries.
- Everyone gets their own cabins
- Options for activities that accommodate multiple abilities (short walks or stay on boat vs hard hikes or kayaking etc)
- Tons of wildlife and views just from the boat
- No need to transit once you’re on the boat
- Close to the West Coast of the US
- Cool weather in July - probably 50s to 60s ranging from periodic sun to light rain.
- The two companies I mentioned specifically suppor these types of big family trips and often offer discounts.
posted by annie o at 8:50 AM on September 7
- Everyone gets their own cabins
- Options for activities that accommodate multiple abilities (short walks or stay on boat vs hard hikes or kayaking etc)
- Tons of wildlife and views just from the boat
- No need to transit once you’re on the boat
- Close to the West Coast of the US
- Cool weather in July - probably 50s to 60s ranging from periodic sun to light rain.
- The two companies I mentioned specifically suppor these types of big family trips and often offer discounts.
posted by annie o at 8:50 AM on September 7
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posted by grouse at 4:25 PM on September 4