Life Parts

August 9, 2024 11:07 AM

I'm writing lyrics for a song. The subject is how some people remain part of your life even after they are gone. What can you tell me about your experience with this?
posted by falsedmitri to Human Relations (13 answers total)

I'm a hoarder of photographs. Most of them are scanned in. I occasionally open a random folder of photos and go through them. They often contain images of people who are long gone from my life but whose memory lingers. I find the experience to be bittersweet.

Not sure if this is what you were looking for, but this experience came to mind when I read your question.
posted by akk2014 at 11:14 AM on August 9 [3 favorites]

This poem has always been one of my faves and I think it captures the idea so nicely:

The Cities Inside Us
Alberto Rios

We live in secret cities
And we travel unmapped roads.

We speak words between us that we recognize
But which cannot be looked up.

They are our words.
They come from very far inside our mouths.

You and I, we are the secret citizens of the city
Inside us, and inside us

There go all the cars we have driven
And seen, there are all the people

We know and have known, there
Are all the places that are

But which used to be as well. This is where
They went. They did not disappear.

We each take a piece
Through the eye and through the ear.

It's loud inside us, in there, and when we speak
In the outside world

We have to hope that some of that sound
Does not come out, that an arm

Not reach out
In place of the tongue.
posted by missjenny at 11:17 AM on August 9 [9 favorites]

Specific to blood relatives who have passed-I see them (my mother and my aunt, especially) when I look at myself. Like I look like my mother did when she was my age, I see her face when I look in the mirror. I also find myself saying things in a certain way or feeling drawn to certain foods/places/activities in ways that suddenly remind me of my loved ones who have passed on. It's like the traits we always shared continue to express themselves through me in ways that help me feel like I'm still connected to them.
posted by little mouth at 11:21 AM on August 9 [3 favorites]

I think we're all a collection of all the people we've ever known. Maybe you say a certain phrase because it's something your granddad always said, or try on the sparkly top that's not quite your style because it reminds you of your high school friend, or you put honey on your yogurt now because an ex prepared it for you that way and you liked it. None of us are thoroughly original, everyone we've cared for has left some kind of impact.
posted by phunniemee at 11:26 AM on August 9 [7 favorites]

My dad passed about 3 years ago - he was an engineer, and was always building things, fixing things, making things. We live in houses we built with him, use things he made, enjoy the convenience of items he redesigned to work better. He's there everyday when I get a spoon out of the drawer he fixed, or I tell one of his stories at a party. Everyone leaves an imprint on the world
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:41 PM on August 9 [2 favorites]

I basically scrapbook my walls and so there are artifacts and reminders of the people I've lost all around me. Sometimes those feelings are stabby and sometimes those feelings are warm.
posted by Sauce Trough at 12:51 PM on August 9 [3 favorites]

When I think about planting things in a garden, I always think "plant in threes", because that's one of the things my mum always said. No straight lines and no even numbers when planting. My anxiety and fear of getting things wrong also reflect her influence. My honesty comes from her insistence that you get in twice as much trouble for telling a lie than you ever will for telling the truth. It's a mixture of good and bad, but who I am and how I interact with the world is how I interacted with her and it's a reminder of her.
posted by Martha My Dear Prudence at 1:09 PM on August 9 [1 favorite]

I’m reminded of the Catholic ritual of mass with the line: “do this in memory of me”
posted by St. Peepsburg at 2:34 PM on August 9

When my best friend of over 25 years died, I felt like an entire portion of my life was suddenly sort of...severed. Whole conversations, mutual experiences, the music we played together, in-jokes - it's all just...over. Gone. There's whole topics of interest that I don't have in common with any of my other friends, so I simply can't talk about them anymore even though they still interest me. Those times still exist in my head, and he taught me things that are still part of who I am today (I'm a better cook because he helped me become one). But the experience of that friendship is over, permanently, and it can't be duplicated with anyone else. "You step in the stream, but the water has moved on."

Even now, years later, I'll occasionally see or hear something and think "Oh, John will like...oh. Well, he would have liked it."
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:37 PM on August 9 [4 favorites]

I carried my grandmother's last Christmas check in my wallet for at least a decade after she passed. I had it in there to take it to the ATM, but I never had the chance to deposit it before the end since she declined very suddenly after the holidays. And then I just liked to see her handwriting. So she was literally with me, day in and day out, for years.

I carry a smaller wallet now so I don't have space for it. But it's still around my house somewhere.
posted by potrzebie at 3:37 PM on August 9 [1 favorite]

My friend's mom sees blue jays as visits from her late husband. She called her son one day to say "I saw a blue jay a the park, Dad was there" and her son replied, "Come to the cottage, we feed peanuts to about twenty squirrels and eight Dads on the deck every morning."
posted by nouvelle-personne at 2:11 AM on August 10 [2 favorites]

In times particularly of stress my late grandparents used to send me dimes. I'd find dimes in the oddest of places, once on my way back into the house with more groceries - a dime on the top step that wasn't there on my first trip in. I'm in much better days now, so I appreciate the rare dime they send these days especially.

I hold those I've lost close in my heart. I bring them up to the surface of my mind because I am afraid if I don't, they'll be lost forever.
posted by annieb at 12:19 PM on August 12

Every time I think about someone I loved who is gone, I wish they could know (wherever they are now) that I am still thinking about them and will never stop thinking about them. I don't know, the idea of being forgotten by loved ones really pains me.
posted by keep it under cover at 3:23 PM on August 13