How to be an awesome grandparent

July 21, 2024 9:04 AM

I'm living near my grandchildren now, and I want to be an awesome grandparent. If you had awesome grandparents, please share what made them awesome. How did they make you feel safe, loved, and happy in their home? What did they do that made you really want to visit them?

Specifics are especially welcome, e.g., rather than "they were always kind to me," something like "I had my own set of dishes at their house." And even if there's something weird that you don't think most people would do (they made me a three-story dollhouse), please share.

(I would prefer to keep this positive, so if you did not have awesome grandparents, I'm very sorry, but please let's not do a lot of complaining.)

posted by FencingGal to Human Relations (39 answers total)

My grandmother had specific treat foods (Pilsbury cinnamon rolls and Spaghetti-Os) that were forbidden at my house but always on hand at hers. Nowadays I'd say get parental OK on this, but when I miss my grandma I totally pop open a pack of store cinnamon rolls.

The same (paternal) grandmother also maintained a very positive relationship with my mother, her DIL, through and after a contentious divorce and despite my mother not always (not often, in fact!) being emotionally stable. The return on this was enormous, and not just for me -- decades later, my mother was the one who visited and made sure that my grandma was taken care of in her decline. No idea the details of your family, but...if there's an in-law or ex-in-law relationship there, nurture it if you can!
posted by LadyInWaiting at 9:20 AM on July 21 [9 favorites]

My grandparents stocked my favourite snacks when I came. They kept a small but familiar box of toys and some books, and a cosy blanket at one set’s house. I played in one grandmother’s jewelry box and another’s walk-in closet.

But most of all my grandparents were interested in and spent time with me in a way my parents didn’t have time for. Hours of playing “restaurant” (where my grandfather basically had to sit and order things occasionally.) Trips to the corner store for a treat. My grandmother always took me out to a Florida cafeteria. My other grandfather despite other bad things spent hours with me in the woods and creek fishing for minnows and crayfish with nets and buckets, exploring mushrooms and the forest floor, skipping slate stones.

They also shared what they loved - opera, The Swiss Family Robinson, etc. How to truss a chicken. How to position maraschino cherries and pineapple on a ham. How to play Bingo and (at sea) play the slots, and when to quit. How to make a gin and tonic. Family stories.

It was really the time, and getting to know them.

As a parent, I see that with my own kids’ grandparents too. I also appreciate the times those grandparents have respected me - asked me about rules and treats. It’s made it easier to support that connection. (Not taking about the failures there too- we’re past those stages now for the most part.)
posted by warriorqueen at 9:23 AM on July 21 [6 favorites]

There were special art supplies - part of this of course was because my grandfather had been a partner in a specialty office supply store, but still. There were pastels, special crayons that were harder than crayolas and came in a tin, colored pencils, special things like metallic crayons that laid down a heavy layer of color and came in gold, silver and bronze. There were also inks and fountain pens although those were more of a "use with an adult" thing. I spent hours at my grandfather's desk drawing and coloring. We had crayons, pens, pencils and watercolors at my house - my parents weren't monsters! - but the special stuff at grandpa and nana's was really memorable. I still have the gold and silver crayons and I take them out and smell them when I'm ready for a burst of Proustian sadness.

I didn't have special dishes or anything that I remember, but I did get a lot of alone time at their house just to read or draw. Part of this was that their house was laid out in this funny three-level way and had a fully finished basement - it wasn't huge but it was comfortably sized and the layout meant that it was peaceful.

My grandfather did woodworking with me. In retrospect, I can see that he felt more at ease with my brother or maybe even liked him more and thus did more woodworking with him, but the stuff we did was really fun and special and helped me to be more comfortable with simple repairs. This could easily have been cooking or sewing or simple gardening, etc rather than woodworking.

From when I was small I did some light fun chores when I was at my grandparents' - if I was over for the day with Nana, we'd almost always have Campbell's canned chicken noodle soup for lunch and half a sandwich, and I mostly got the lunch. I also helped with the dishes afterward and eventually just did them myself. I'd set the table, etc. This was special and more fun than chores at home, partly because it was different and partly because it was always simpler and quicker than home chores, not that I was overburdened at home.

Nana liked to knit and sew. She didn't teach me knitting but she did give me some scraps of fabric and I used to embroider - I haven't grown into an expert embroiderer but I do know enough sewing to fix things and I do embroider a little now and then.

We really didn't watch TV at their house. I know that screens are about a million times more pervasive now, but there was just a vibe at grandpa's and nana's that it was time for crafts and reading. Grandpa and Nana never watched TV while we were over (they weren't big TV watchers anyway). My parents weren't big TV watchers, either, but my brother and I did watch plenty of cartoons at home, so it wasn't that we just didn't watch TV in general.
posted by Frowner at 9:23 AM on July 21

chocolate chip pancakes at Perkins til I puked. it was awesome.
posted by mullacc at 9:26 AM on July 21

Not my Nana but my Great Aunt Barbara kept this enormous fancy cut glass jar chock full of infinite gumdrops for me and the other children to help ourselves from whenever we wanted. It sat on the sideboard in the family room and never ever ran out. I don't even particularly like gumdrops but it made me feel so special. Most grownups don't let kids have free access to sugar so it definitely makes an impact.
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 9:38 AM on July 21 [3 favorites]

My mother-in-law would play with my son at the beach, build sand structures, etc. She was really hand-on with children and he loved it.

What are you good at? Share it with them. Baking cookies, Dancing, Music, Looking at the Stars. Kids and people in general like attention and listening. Everybody wants to feel special. I made monkeybread; you seemed to like it last time. But not just sugar and treats. Make some healthy foods, too. Teach them any family or regional specialties.

There was an older couple that lived across the street from us when I was a kid. They had a swing out back, on rope from a tall branch. They had a box of toys. They liked occasional visits and were kind and sweet. We'd visit our friend's aunt and uncle in a city; they always took us to museums and the zoo and concerts and it was really fun. It will be great, you'll be great.
posted by theora55 at 9:39 AM on July 21 [1 favorite]

Scattershot reminiscence...

My grandparents' home was full of interesting things. Lots of books, including plenty of children's books (some left over from their own children's childhoods, some more recently acquired). Pop-up books, annuals, novels. Lots of little things on the shelves in front of them to pick up and fiddle with: spinning tops, metal ball puzzles, interesting shells and stones. Coloured pens and telephone pads for doodling on or folding into origami. An antique rocking horse, and a rocking chair too! A piano! Coloured lightbulbs in one of the rooms! Glass fishing floats! A bagatelle board! A tabletop covered in little china animals! A jamjar full of marzipan fruits - I didn't like marzipan, but I loved looking at the fruits. Friendly cats! The whole house was like a cabinet of curiosities.

The bowls they used to use for pudding (dessert) had a picture on the bottom, so as you finished up your crumble or pie or ice cream, you would see the picture take shape.

Gran used to bake - the house always smelled welcoming - and sometimes she would let me help. Jam tarts, and making weird little guys out of the leftover pastry fragments. Their garden was full of fruit bushes, and we were allowed to pick and eat while we were out there playing. Curiosity was encouraged. What's that bird? What's that building I can see from my window? What's the name of this shell?

They took us to the sweetshop, the bookshop, the seaside, the moor, the forest, the library, the museum, the playground. They flew kites with us, and helped us build snowmen.

When we stayed over, Gran would bring us chocolate digestives when she came to wake us in the morning. Soft-boiled eggs for breakfast with crusty white bread and butter. Home-baked treats always on hand for mid-afternoon peckishness, or to take out as part of a picnic lunch.

They had Imperial Leather soap in the bathroom, and the smell of it will always send me back to happy childhood holidays.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 9:43 AM on July 21 [6 favorites]

yep yep we had particular snacks there that we were not allowed at home (cream soda!! gold fish crackers!) also they would slip a fiver into our hand on the way out. it seemed so subversive and awesome!! five whole dollars! don't tell yr mom!!
posted by supermedusa at 9:59 AM on July 21 [3 favorites]

Are you interested in parent perspectives here too? As in, “my parents/in-laws are awesome grandparents and this is the special sauce they bring to let the littles know they are loved”?
posted by eirias at 10:18 AM on July 21

There was only one grandparent left when I was growing up and this is about her.

Not a specific set of dishes but my brother and I insisted that the same dishes were used every time we visited and she kept favourite snacks on hand and cooked our favourite food.

She always had time to do things with us/ there were always outings. Some of that was just the local shop. But they were different from those by our house so that was grand. This was before barcodes and she didn’t want to bring or get out her glasses so I had to read the price labels for her. There were lots of walks to the local park. We went on all kinds of outings - lakes, parks, museums, interesting shops - all with local public transport, which was interesting in its own right.

I was the kind of child that liked to help so she was patient and let me do things for her. As I got older she showed an interest and listened to what I had to say.

I can still buy the fabric softener she used, my mum didn’t use any, and it always reminds me of her and staying at her house.
posted by koahiatamadl at 10:21 AM on July 21 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Are you interested in parent perspectives here too? As in, “my parents/in-laws are awesome grandparents and this is the special sauce they bring to let the littles know they are loved”?

Yes absolutely. Thanks for asking.
posted by FencingGal at 10:21 AM on July 21

Going through collections (jewelry, souvenirs, photos) with me and using them as prompts for stories. Helping me discover the world, just walking around the town or in nature and again, telling me about things. Most of all, my grandparents had what felt like all the time in the world for me even though most of them were still working through my childhood. I think it helped they were far away so my visits were special occasions.

And yes on the woodworking. I inherited some of the tools and I treasure them.
posted by I claim sanctuary at 10:35 AM on July 21 [1 favorite]

my grandmother would always be willing to tell histories of her past. it didn't matter how many grandkids asked, or how many times she told them, or how many school reports she ended up in, she was always an amazing patient storyteller. Just this aspect of kindness and patience made a big impression on me.
posted by evilmonk at 10:36 AM on July 21 [1 favorite]

It is not an exaggeration to say that my grandparents saved my life with their example of love and kindness. My parents are very selfish and flawed people. (Imagine the most stereotypical “me generation” nouveau-rich divorced Boomers you can imagine, you'll pretty much be bang on.) My grandparents literally taught me what love was and prevented me from either suicide or at best growing up to be a much worse, more stunted person. I have a photo of both grandmothers when they were young in my house as a kind of shrine/memorial.

I’ll start with my maternal grandmother who lived frugally and independently after becoming a widow years before I was born, in her own home til the age of 94. She was a tall, gracious, intelligent, lovely woman (in another time she might be called a “handsome” woman) who loved to read and stay informed and kept lots of books in her home. She was a docent in a museum and taught me much about art. She told me stories of growing up on a farm and going through the Great Depression, and taught me to always try to be cheerful even when it was hard, and to never take anything for granted. I remember once I was crying about some body-image stuff as a teenager, and said “I hate myself!” and she said in the strongest tone of voice “don’t you ever say that about yourself!” I hear that voice years later as the voice that counteracts the voice of self-hatred in my head, to this day, at 36 years old. It’s her voice. I also vividly remember once we were going for a walk and a woman who was talking on her phone and not looking almost hit us with her car, my grandmother made her stop and roll down the window and said “You almost hit my granddaughter and you could have killed her, you should be ashamed of yourself!” and the woman did look ashamed. Although I was embarrassed at the time, it is now a strong memory of fierce love and protection. She was a no-nonsense woman who was proud to take care of herself and her own. She let me read every book in her house even if it was “bad for my eyes” to read in the dark and she visited me in college for years even when it was difficult for her to make long car trips alone due to her age. She taught me by example that a woman could live independently and not have to let anyone push her around.

My paternal grandfather next. He was an extremely gentle man with a silly sense of humor who loved to garden. His garden was his whole heart and pride and joy and he puttered in it for years until he got sick. He sent me seeds and clippings when I was a young adult, and bags of pecans from his tree. As a child he sent me postcards every single day at camp. This man would sit down at his desk and write a postcard to his grandchild every single day. They were often silly and lighthearted and sometimes just said “hi hi hi hi! Thinking of you, love Poppa.” I have a stack of them. He also had many silly rhymes and sayings and loved to play cards and dominoes with me. He also always had butterscotch candies he would share! He taught me the importance of gentleness, lightheartedness, humor, and a lot about gardening. He was not wealthy but was generous with what he had. When I moved into an apartment he gave me some solid pecan furniture that had belonged to his parents, and when he passed he left a little money to all his grandkids.

Last but not least, my paternal grandmother. This woman was not even related to me by blood, but she married my grandfather before I was born (my bio grandmother died of breast cancer) and to me she was my grandmother. I remember finding out she was not my “real” grandmother when I was around 6 or 7, I asked her if it was true, and she pinched herself and said “Feels pretty real to me!” I can’t express what an incredible, amazing, loving woman she was. She was a retired French and math teacher, grew up in Louisiana and had that true old-timey Southern grace and charm in conversation. She could put anyone at ease. She was a true lady. She knew I loved to read, so she would take me to the children’s bookstore, slip me a $100 bill (they were not wealthy) and whisper to me “go pick yourself out some books.” She did this multiple times as a surprise for me. I get choked up thinking about this. She and my grandfather would have me visit for the whole weekend often (about an hour drive away) and then drive halfway back so my parents could pick me up. I often cried on the way home because I wanted to stay with my grandparents longer! She maintained a good relationship with my mother after my parents’ divorce and often talked sense into my father. (I think this is noteworthy because paternal grandmothers in particular can have blind spots for their sons). I spent the whole summer while my parents were getting divorced with my grandparents. It was actually a happy memory despite everything. When she found out I was studying French in school she was delighted and would often write me emails in French to help me practice. She often told me the story of how I was born under a beautiful full moon and she was so happy she got to be there for my birth because I was the youngest grandchild and she had just retired. What a kind thing to tell a child that has stuck with me!

There is so much more but I would just go on forever. It is impossible to overstate the impact my grandparents had on my life. They are the best example of love I ever experienced.
posted by stockpuppet at 10:37 AM on July 21 [11 favorites]

There were a LOT of cousins at any gathering of my mom's side of the family. But our grandparents always, always spent at least a little bit of time with each of us, individually. It might have been my grandmother asking me to help make the biscuits (a job of honor!) or my grandfather taking me for a ride around the property on the tractor. We never felt like we had to compete for their attention.

All of my cousins lived in the same small town that our grandparents lived in. My family lived hours and hours away. One of my cousins and I graduated high school on the same day and, I will never, ever forget this: our grandfather traveled to my graduation. He told me that he got to be at all of my cousin's ball games and other events and so it was important to him that he be at my graduation. It's no wonder I named my son after him!

So I guess my answer is: time. The time spent with them was the most important thing. They listened to us and made us feel special.
posted by cooker girl at 10:44 AM on July 21 [4 favorites]

My maternal grandmother would show me her 'secret treasures' which were really just boxes of cheap costume jewelry and scarves and old (probably not valuable) coins and buttons and really just a bunch of junk that I would just dig through for hours.
posted by greta simone at 10:48 AM on July 21 [6 favorites]

Unfortunately I never really got to know my bio grandparents (they had either passed or were so deep into dementia, sadly) but I did have a grandparent-like relationship with a neighbor in his 70s growing up, so assuming that's allowed:

-It was clear that basically his door was always open. I mean, I'd call first before heading over but generally unless it was his nap time or he had errands to do, he was always happy to have a visitor. Like others have mentioned, I'd be welcomed with snacks (Goldfish, usually). But I guess the point is, I never doubted that he enjoyed my company because he generally made himself very available, and when you're a little kid having an adult take interest in you is great.

-He shared his hobbies with me. He was an avid shell collector - I enjoyed looking at his collection, and he would occasionally gift me items from his collection. He also loved the Far Side cartoons and the Peanuts - he had complete collections of both, and I'd often page through his books. He had also done a fair bit of traveling the US with his wife when they were younger, and he would show me photos from their trips. Kids are generally curious, and I enjoyed hearing about the different National Parks he had visited and seeing the photos - it made me excited about traveling some day.
posted by coffeecat at 10:51 AM on July 21 [2 favorites]

My grandmothers both just utterly delighted in time with the grandchildren. On one side, we got oatmeal raisin cookies every time we went over, and we were encouraged to tell her about what we read and show her our art and so on. And on the other, we were asked what we were interested in at school…and then the next time we went over, there was an age-appropriate book or set of stickers relevant to that. The latter had a candy dish always available to kids (it was a cool little machine, actually, where you had to push a slot to get an m&m). She hosted lunch for all of the local cousins once a week, and we’d play in the basement while the grownups grown-upped upstairs. When we slept over, she made us waffles on this ancient waffle iron that had the tiniest little waffle holes that were perfect for catching syrup, and we’d all sit at the kitchen table and watch Matlock or Murder, She Wrote. (I was like 5; these probably were not parent-approved shows). She had us do lots of art: drawing and painting on little tiles and so on. She taught us bits of foreign languages, and she let the rambunctious kids build big forts and jump off things into piles of pillows. That my note about her is longer than my note about my other grandma just reflects her proximity—both were wonderful grandmas, but the latter one was a 5 minute drive away and we saw her at least three or four times a week.
posted by moosetracks at 10:57 AM on July 21 [1 favorite]

You didn't say how old they are, or how far away from them you are, both of which can make a difference.

Until I was 16, my sibling and I lived an hour from one set of grandparents. Some things that stand out:

* We would spend a week or so at our grandparents' house every summer. Their community had a pool which we would spend a lot of time at. Especially fun would be going later in the evening when my grandfather was done with work and he would play with us in the pool. At home, we didn't have a pool, though a few friends had above-ground pools, and of course the community pool was in-ground with a diving board, etc.

* Probably like many, we had our own cups, etc. at their house.

* My grandfather took me fishing a few times. Just him and me. At this point, fishing is one of those things I wouldn't mind getting back to, but never have. But that doesn't dampen the memories of time spent with him.

* They taught me various card games that adults would play (pinochle, gin rummy, for example). We would play them often, no matter who was there, and often I was the one who chose what we would play. Letting the child make an "adult" decision is empowering.

* They had a dog at most times (two different dogs, separately, for the most part). They trusted us with their dogs. We spent many, many hours with the dogs, especially the second one.

* In the mornings, my grandmother would open the door to the room(s) we were staying in and let the dog come in and wake us. Not having a dog at home, it was a fun experience to be woken by a dog licking us.

* My sibling and I loved riding in the back seat of their car when they would drive one particular road that had a lot of hills. It was a lot like being on a roller coaster.

* We befriended a few kids our ages who lived near our grandparents. They could have been more closed off about that and not let us visit them.

* Their neighbors owned a pizza parlor which we would sometimes visit. We got to hang out with the owners of a restaurant when we were like 12. If you're not used to something like that, it can be pretty neat at that age.

I think all of these kind of come down to trust your grandchildren, treat them like young adults (obviously their ages, personality, maturity all matter to some extent), and emphasize the things that are available where you live which they don't have at home. Both your home and your community (and naturally this is impacted by how far away you live, if you're one street away, well, it's the same community). Most of all though, it's time spent together.

Both of these grandparents passed away in the last 5 years. Thank you for the trip down memory lane, because creating memories together is what it's really all about.
posted by Meldanthral at 11:05 AM on July 21 [1 favorite]

My grandkids think I am the *awesomest* grandma because I got them their own horses and saddles, taught them to ride, and took them horse camping in the backcountry. The other thing I did was let them swim in a (clean) horse trough and when the water slopped out, they could play, nay absolutely WALLOW, in the mud. Parents hate it; most younglings adore making mud pies. But all that's a pretty hard act to follow, I 'd admit. But get kids outside and show them how to enjoy dancing in the rain, finding rocks, making leaf rubbings, sailing boats in a puddle, catching frogs, finding animal scat in the woods--oh, man, my first owl pellet! Poking bugs--We had lighting bugs to catch, but I guess they're all gone now. Crickets are fun, though.

My grandparents never played with me, other than card games with a real deck of cards. At first Go Fish, eventually cribbage, crazy-8s, pinochle, and poker. They didn't have kiddy games. Bad G-pa jokes and riddles. They had tons of books and nat geos with squashy chairs or a tree to read in, Sears catalogs to cut out dolls and other magazines to make our own picture books, tons of art supplies, and BLANKET FORTS! As littles, we had balls, a wagon, a trike/bike, dollys, and scrap wood blocks. Nothing fancy or plastic. Oddly enough, I never remembered being bored with the basics and my sibs and I would spend hours making up games with those few props. Although it was a big deal when we were in our tweens and got Slinkys and Silly Putty. The Silly Putty got grungy and the slinky wire bent pretty fast, so they were a wash. Needless to say, G-parents gave books, art supplies, and clothes at Christmas and for birthdays.

Gramma let me cook with her. She didn't use a cookbook, and she taught me her recipes. The first one I memorized was egg noodles: one cup flour which was equivalent to grandma's cupped hands, one egg, one half of an eggshell filled with oil. Roll out, slice into thin strips, allow to dry till not floppy. There was something magical about using the eggshell rather than a measuring spoon. I couldn't wait till my hands were big enough to not have to use a measuring cup, but alas, my eye isn't as calibrated as Gramma's, so I still use the cup. We also had 'exotic' foods that we never got at home. Tacos. Dandelion salad. The first pomegranate. Wine!

It wasn't always fun, but it was always good and different from being at home. We had chores, because that was just what responsible people do when they live together: make your bed, clean your shoes, sweep the steps, shovel snow, help wash dishes, dust (a privilege to do the special knickknacks!) Every day, something. Not onerous, but we were expected to, because we weren't just babies anymore. We had to practice multiplication tables, read out loud, count money in the store (and be quick!) But it was all not too bad because there was a couple cookies or pack of M&Ms, or we could test grandpa on the 11, 12, 13 times tables, and sometimes he'd forget, so we didn't have to share the cookies. I learned to prune roses, plant seeds, which were the weeds and the best way to pull them. Actually, there was plenty of work at Gramma's, and she was pretty cranky if you didn't do it or were sloppy, but her quiet approval and pride in us at good job meant the world. Her expectations were age appropriate with a slight challenge, but very little chance of absolute failure. One thing--she always said please and thank you, which gave the jobs a certain dignity.
posted by BlueHorse at 11:10 AM on July 21 [2 favorites]

My grandparents essentially never criticized or corrected me even when I'm sure I needed it. My grandfather said, "You're just in time," (to share some of whatever he'd been making) every time we arrived. Took me decades to realize he said this literally every time. He just acted happy to see me/us. That's all there is to it really.
posted by shadygrove at 11:38 AM on July 21 [3 favorites]

Actually, I want to clarify a bit on that first para--it sounds like we must have had/have money to keep horses, but that wasn't/isn't true. The kids' horses were an old retired ranch horse given to me, a $50 rescue out of the kill pen that I trained, and a collection on a boarder's bad debt. The just up and left the horse. I cleaned house for one saddle and fashioned stirrups out of a nylon seatbelt for another old kack. One given to us. The truck and trailer are old with some rust. The whole outfit is clean and safe, but we're pretty redneck. Now everything is all about the modern 'horse industry' and the mystique of unproven supplements, and famous trainers with DVDs and clinics and their expensive branded equipment. So much bullshit with 'rhythm bells' and horse psychics and aromatherapy. Horses don't just have a saddle; they need a wardrobe. Trucks and trailers are huge and cost more than we paid for our house. Everything is big bucks.

That's kind of a rant, but I guess what grandparents can teach their kids is that you don't have to have the fanciest outfit to have a lot of fun or to have the most expensive horse to win a competition if you work hard. A pound hound can teach responsibility and love for animals as well as a critter with a pedigree. Oh, and to beware of snake oil salesman and people with fancy outfits that talk big but don't know how clean stalls or actually ride their expensive 4-hooved accessories!
posted by BlueHorse at 11:52 AM on July 21 [2 favorites]

Some of my favorite specific memories with my grandma:

We always had hot chocolate together during the cold months. I had a specific mug that I always used, there were always lots of mini marshmallows, and we often drank it in front of the fireplace. I even had an impromptu visit where I brought all my high schools friends over there one day and told them she would probably offer hot chocolate, and that was one of the first things she said when the half dozen of us walked in.

I was over there with my favorite cousins a lot of the time, and she always encouraged whatever play ideas we came up with. She was air drying some bedsheets once while we were outside once, and we decided underneath the sheets was out new playhouse. She ended up bringing out chairs, a table, lunch, etc. and we spent most of the afternoon out there.

She had special routines and ceremonies with all the different grandkids. Favorite songs we sang together, specific names, things we told each other. She would rotate which kids' house she would stay at for Christmas, so that year was always very special. Christmas cookie baking together was a huge tradition.

We played a lot of games together. She would teach me card games she played growing up, or games her friends had taught her.
posted by Teadog at 12:37 PM on July 21 [2 favorites]

I agree with everyone else, that I have a lot of specific food memories connected to my maternal Grandmother. We got food at her house that we didn't get at home. She showed us how to make milkshakes at home, and also lemonade from scratch. We also had a set space where we kept our things and slept (it was a basement in our case, but it felt special.) I remember my Grandmother always bringing us to special places near her house in Connecticut. Waterfalls, an amusement park with child size rides, and also Chuck E. Cheese. This was in the 1980s, and they served beer at Chuck E. Cheese, and if you bought a pitcher, you got extra coins! I do not blame her for enjoying beer when dealing with all of the noise. My Grandmother was a crafter and maker, and she introduced me to so many skills that I use to this day. I remember once she wanted to make Root Beer and we drove all over getting ingredients. I know how to sew and craft because of her. She bought me all the supplies for anything I wanted to make. I also remember my Grandmother had a great sense of humor, and always seemed to enjoy us kids, and laughed at the things we did. As I got older, my Grandmother was always willing to try new things, especially if it was one of her grand-kids asking her. I remember making her Thai curry, and although it was spicier than she was used to, she ate it all. My Grandmother lived with me when my oldest daughter was born, and it was so wonderful to have someone to help me with a newborn. My mother was a lot like an earlier poster, and I think I learned most of how to be kind and generous from my Grandmother. My own kids love my mom a lot, and they have fond memories of her, which I appreciate for them. Her biggest gift to them was changing her will to leave them her cottage in Cape Cod where they spent a lot of time with her.
posted by momochan at 1:11 PM on July 21 [1 favorite]

They had a bookshelf (low to the floor so it was easy to reach all the books as a kid) of non-fiction of all genres with lots of beautiful pictures. They also had some buckets of weird stuff like horse teeth and odd rocks near the fire place. They let us play with both without any warnings to not damage things, we just had to put them back after.

Lovely gardens with climbable trees and hiding places. Corgis to play with.

If we spent the night then there was breakfast in the morning and we got to school organized and on time without any drama or crying. My parents never managed that.
posted by meepmeow at 1:41 PM on July 21 [2 favorites]

My grandma kept funsize snickers in the vegetable drawer of her fridge for me. A lovely secret.
posted by samthemander at 2:23 PM on July 21 [4 favorites]

My grandfather bought me a fishing pole, and taught me how to fish, took me places to fish with him, and taught me how to clean fish. (I think it was mostly my mother who taught me how to cook them.

Share your own hobbies.
posted by SemiSalt at 2:44 PM on July 21 [1 favorite]

My grandmother taught me so many things that I cherish to this day: how to shuffle cards, how to play easy card games, how to put on a duvet cover, how to sew, hygiene when she noticed my mother didn't teach me about shaving or deodorant. We lived far away so we stayed for months during the summer. She bought me many craft projects to work on, let me cook a meal for the family when I was a teen (boosted my confidence), picked wild berries in the yard, my grandfather taught me how to ride the lawnmower/tractor, taught me how to shoot a bullseye...

They paid for tennis lessons and drove me to them. We had birthday parties at their house for cousins. Went to another family reunion.

As I became a young adult, we kept in touch through email. She was also my biggest supporter. She listened to anything I wanted to talk about in my life. She worked and supported her family when her kids were young, so she gave me good advice on how to deal with co-workers (that my parents never taught me).

Let me watch any TV I wanted. Had cable TV when my parents didn't. Had all kids of magazines that I would read through.
posted by mxjudyliza at 4:07 PM on July 21 [1 favorite]

My grandparents who lived 15 minutes away made sure I memorized their phone number so I could call them. One time I missed the bus home for what felt like one too many times due to being a spacey kid overwhelmed by the chaos of school letting out and I was so stressed about the idea of getting any amount of scolded for it (I wouldn’t have actually gotten in trouble, but I had so little experience being in trouble that the stakes felt unreasonably dire) that I called my grandfather from the front office of my elementary school, who was in fact delighted to come pick me up and drive me home.
posted by deludingmyself at 5:28 PM on July 21 [2 favorites]

Food was a big one for me too! My grandfather was not what I'd call an amazing cook, yet every time we visited him a few hours away, he'd make us shells and cottage cheese for dinner and it was a treat. Of course, that wasn't something I knew as a kid, I just knew that we got this special meal with him (it's about the only thing he could cook) and now it's something that always brings up great memories.

I'm watching a similar thing happen with my mom and my kids and it's really cute. She often makes them French toast in the morning on the days when she takes care of them and they are so so excited to have it. It's not something we make at home, either, so it's very much something they associate with the grandparents.

I think in general having something special that's just for them that they don't get at home is going to be something they cherish. Hobbies are a great idea. Maybe try thinking about what sort of things the the parents aren't super into (see upthread for examples like watching lots of TV, having two sodas in a day, eating breakfast with jammies on, not having to take afternoon rest, climbing trees in the yard or park, making a specific food) and find a way to give that to them!
posted by Brassica oleracea at 5:47 PM on July 21 [1 favorite]

My grandmother just straight up told me, every time I saw her, that I was an amazing, wonderful, brilliant, fantastic, loveable child. With great conviction. It was over the top, and I guess out of synch with current advice to praise kids for their efforts rather than immutable traits. But what can I say? I felt so safe and loved with her, always.
posted by Ausamor at 5:59 PM on July 21 [5 favorites]

I stayed overnight with my grandparents every Friday night for years. They were both very laid back and comfortable to spend time with. It was a welcome and much needed break from my narcissistic mother. I was allowed to read for as long as I wanted without being scolded. They always had Necco wafers which I thought was a great treat. Also, my grandmother often put together delicious homemade parfaits as dessert for the grandchildren. My grandfather would always give me a quarter (this was in the 1950s) while saying, "Don't spend it all on one thing."
posted by Scout405 at 6:51 PM on July 21 [2 favorites]

I loved visiting and staying with each of my two Nanas (growing up in the 70s and 80s). They both had infinite patience, time, and love; it felt like they genuinely enjoyed our company. Reflecting on why it was so much fun with them, I think one reason was that they were so laidback compared to my parents. My Mum is so house proud, you could eat off her floors and drop in unannounced and her home looks like a show home, which takes a lots of work, especially with 3 young children. Everything was always immaculate, including us, and Mum didn’t like mucky or messy hobbies.

In contrast, one Nana let us make mud pies, decorated with beautiful flowers picked from her garden. She grew fruit, vegetables and lots and lots of flowers, so there was always something nice to pick or harvest. We did lots of arts and crafts - bowls of sand decorated with flowers, or dying bunny tails (a plant that we picked at the beach) different colours using dye from soaking paper streamers in water.

My other Nana did sewing projects with us, and we’d often go home with a new handmade stuffed toy or snuggly blanket. She encouraged my love of reading; I discovered Enid Blyton’s Famous Five in her bookcase.

Neither Nana had a lot of money but they spoilt us with their time and imagination. Both were fantastic cooks and patiently did baking with us.

Thanks for asking this question, it’s been lovely to reminisce on such wonderful memories.
posted by MissyMonster at 9:19 PM on July 21 [2 favorites]

I had really wonderful local grandparents. They had nine local grandchildren and hosted family dinner every Sunday evening. One thing I loved was my grandmother gifted us money for Christmas and birthdays and if we went shopping with her to spend it, she would also buy us lunch, so obviously we all picked that option. It was such a nice way of her showing she wanted to spend time with us and getting some one on one time.

My grandfather's favorite thing was swimming in the ocean and I have many fond memories of long swims with him, so I agree with sharing hobbies.
posted by carolr at 7:44 AM on July 22

Response by poster: Thanks so much to everyone for all of these delightful answers. I'd have to mark them all as "best."
posted by FencingGal at 8:13 AM on July 22

My grandma died when I was seven, but she read to me, helped teach me to read at three, and taught me to always take good care of books, because they're our friends.

One of the sweetest memories of her was when I asked her to read a particular book to me again, even though I could read it myself now, and she did. I don't think she did 'voices' or anything like that. It was just so special when she read to me. We were sharing a story.
posted by tomboko at 10:50 AM on July 22

My grandfather taught me how to whistle.
posted by egeanin at 11:07 AM on July 22

My grandfather was very handy. I appreciated him showing me how to do stuff and being his apprentice when he fixed stuff around the house. He also showed me how to play some songs on his organ and let me play with the headphones on. Basically showing stuff he loved to do made me love to do it.

My grandmother was into crocheting and showed me again and again how to do it because I forgot in between visits. I have one of her blankets that passed to me and I wish she was around to show me for the 1,000th time because I will remember this time I swear. She was not a very emotive person but she gave me special hair-dos when she took care of us. If I have french braids or an intricate bun in a photo from that time, I know who did my hair.

We had an activity we did every time we visited that was a BIG TREAT -- amusement park visit. My mom and my grandfather were big into roller coasters but my dad hated them so we didn't really go as a family. Riding every insane ride there was, I got to see the relationship between my mom and my grandfather in a way you don't see when the whole loud family is together.
posted by *s at 11:50 AM on July 22

My maternal grandparents always made me feel welcome. They introduced me to bird watching, giving me a bird book and looking up birds with me. They invited me to help in their garden; I loved snapping beans with my grandmother on the porch. We were given time to do our own thing when we visited them (if I wanted to just read, then it was encouraged). I was the kind of kid who loved family history, so we'd go over photos and/or stories. Also, my grandmother and I wrote letters to each other (we lived several states apart and only got to see them twice a year usually). My grandfather invited us into his workshop, and let us help garden, and was just always loving and kind (I did not have a good father, so I relished his attention).
I just always felt loved and accepted just as I was, and it was just what I needed.
posted by annieb at 4:46 PM on July 25