Thriving in Trump territory?

July 15, 2024 1:19 PM

I live on the western edge of Cincinnati (a city and neighborhood I ADORE). Four months ago, I took a job further west, which means I spend my days at a small business 20 miles outside the city center. Y’all, it is TRUMP territory.

In the six years I’ve been in Cincy, I’ve grown accustomed to the volume of religious signs, trucks flying big trump flags, etc etc.. However, the business where I work is run/staffed by Trumpers, and customers come in all day in MAGA and gun related gear. I like my job! I even like the people I work with! But I’m so tired. Maybe things will simmer down after the election, but that feels unlikely. I am blue metaphorically AND metaphorically. How do I love and live my everyday life when it is filled with people who want to take rights away from me and those I love? I’m not moving, nor do I want to find a different job (she said stubbornly) because I deserve to be here, too. For the most part, I keep quiet about my politics, but I am out of the closet at work, and have talked about trans rights several times (I’m queer but cis). It’s gone over ok! But I know they think I’m crazy.

posted by missmary6 to Human Relations (9 answers total)

You don’t say what the business is or describe the SES of the Trump-garbed customers, but just from the apparel alone I’m going to guess that your customers aren’t rich or empowered to make policy. That means they might be frustrated working class whites who don’t see themselves represented in the policy goals or people of the current democratic administration. If the people you work with are generally treating you well, you probably have more in common than you think. Lean into that and continue treating them with dignity and respect, and see if you can discover more common ground.
posted by toodleydoodley at 1:28 PM on July 15 [21 favorites]

I second toodleydoodley about finding common ground, though it can be challenging. Someone I know through Church is very MAGA but when I heard he was having trouble with Windows and Microsoft Office I came over to his house a couple times and helped him, so we seem to have a cordial relationship now.

On the other hand yesterday (Sunday) coming out of Catholic Mass I heard someone ranting about "not one prayer!". I was confused since Catholics say a LOT of prayers at Mass. I eventually realized he was saying that there wasn't a specific prayer offered concerning Trump and the shooting. And, "you know if it was the other guy they would have offered plenty of prayers".

I bite my tongue a lot. I do understand that not everyone benefits equally from different administrations. Heck, I graduated from college into the Arab oil embargo. But I am also a believer that "a rising tide raises all boats" (at least economically). But I strongly suspect going down that path would be a dead end.
posted by forthright at 3:11 PM on July 15 [2 favorites]

You are probably not alone in your area. There are probably a bunch of people who aren’t part of this murderous cult who keep their heads down for safety.

If you can and it feels safe for you to do so, try to find them and get involved in mutual aid, or fun activities. Since you’re close to a big city, you could start there and ask about connections to make in your work region. Even if there isn’t like, a drag brunch in your office park, there is probably a group doing outreach to marginalized people, or an establishment that is known to be queer friendly through word of mouth.

You could also signal to people coming into your work through more subtle indicators that you aren’t like the rest of the red hatted crowd. It fucking sucks that some areas are back to hanky code level obfuscation, but these all exist for a reason. Obviously don’t wear a big rainbow pride pin, but what are the chances your customer base knows about, say, a green carnation sticker on your clipboard? Or, a mini blahaj shark on your desk? If others can use dogwhistles for deathly purposes, we can use them for connection and hope.
posted by Mizu at 4:19 PM on July 15 [5 favorites]

How do I love and live my everyday life when it is filled with people who want to take rights away from me and those I love?

What's up SW Ohio! God I miss skyline. ANYWAY I'm from a rural, solid red township about two hours from you. I live elsewhere now, but I'm back there all the time right now for family caretaking. Almost every local person who is vital to my family's care displays MAGA/Trump merch and when I'm with them and working alongside them to care for my family, I am my best fair, warm, good humored, and effective self and I'm wearing a pride flag pins while doing it. We don't talk about it, obviously. And I don't have a boss to answer to. But I do it while holding in my heart the several gay adults who were both quietly out and in positions of community trust when I was growing up in the 80s. The Reagan, evangelical 80s! And my high school french teacher, my friend's Dad, the woman who ran the town hall? They were there. We've always been here.

So if it's safe for you at your workplace, maybe find a way to be visible there, too. Maybe that will shift how you feel in this daily interactions, knowing that you are at the least disrupting these folks assumptions and at best building connections that can change hearts.
posted by A Sock in the Hand at 5:10 PM on July 15 [12 favorites]

First off, by being who you are where you are you are doing amazing activist work. Lots of research has been done about how knowing a gay person can impact support for gay rights. This doesn't mean you have to talk politics, but you should share about your life, your relationships, your ups and downs (as safety and appropriateness dictates). The more people see you as a person the harder it is to demonize others.

As an activist though you need to fight burnout. . If you can, take a short 10 minute walk during the day. Find an awesome podcast to listen to right after work. Don't work after hours or the weekend if you can help it. Schedule lots of coffee dates with people who love and support you so you have a place to vent if needed. Make some art, grow flowers, see a show, take a nap, just relax when you can.
posted by brookeb at 5:26 PM on July 15 [10 favorites]

Find some birds of a feather if at all possible. I live in a very blue city in a very red state, but it doesn't get me down much (also cis, queer btw) because, I dunno, that's the country and to some extent the world, and if I were going to be unhappy to live in a red state I guess I'd really have to move to Scandinavia and even that's not a guarantee and I'm not moving, like you're not moving.

There will always be people who hate us, and we're in an undeniable upswing where they're really visible. But most places it's a matter of 55%-45% balances either the right way or the wrong way, and there are still people out there who can be your people. I lived in a VERY blue state and it didn't make everything wonderful. One county away, the balance was wrong again.

I'm not meaning this as "look on the bright side" as I fear it may be coming off, but like I remember the 90s when a pretty big majority of people hated queer people and it was scary but we hung together and got through it. Do you have somewhere to try and meet some bird of a feather, people with whom to scream about it when you need to?

(The grain of salt is the election obviously. I feel like things could get pretty bad and I might have to think of it in terms of safety rather than in terms of being comfortably in the majority.)
posted by less-of-course at 5:30 PM on July 15 [1 favorite]

I just never commented or mentioned anything on the topic of sex, period, when I was in a work environment.Im there to work.Outside the work environment .Im a older homo and have lived in large cities mostly. I've never felt threatened or in danger.. I can also handle myself if need be... It's probably different for a female. I've also never had a desire to be liked by everyone. No problem telling someone to get lost, including several family members. Even when the gays really didn't have any rights i didn't give it a thought.I don't want to be part of that club, the straight majority.
posted by Czjewel at 6:34 PM on July 15 [3 favorites]

Hey...fellow Cincinnati person here although I am in the opposite situation where I work with in a large multi-national company whose default policies and presence is 'non-maga' or at the very least non-political. Plus, most people have high enough emotional IQ to not bring up divisive topics. Occasionally, the mask will slip and it is pretty shocking. Of course, being part of a multi-national means I am at least tangentially exposed to Canadian, UK, European, Filipino and Indian politics at the least and those can be pretty hairy as well although they don't directly impact me.

I don't have many practical tips for you other than to give you hope and not to despair and to realize there are more allies out there and more unexpected allies. As my father-in-law's health declined rapidly last year into this year, my m-in-law got an older woman from the west side Catholic church to come check in on them more and more. In all my interactions this woman seemed, staid, prim, proper and ever other conservative coded adjective you could imagine. When my f-in-law was in his last days I had reason to be around this caretaker more and she revealed herself to be rabidly pro-choice and anti-maga. I never would have guessed.
posted by mmascolino at 7:13 AM on July 17

First, I'd like to push back on the notion expressed above that being out at work is "talking about sex". It's not. We don't need to carry the homophobes talking points for them.

Second, as a fellow queer person, I couldn't do what you're doing on a daily basis but I admire the spirit that drives you. Does thinking of it as planting seeds that someday might sprout into less hateful attitudes help at all? You're doing that, for sure. Hearts and minds can change when people are confronted with a living, breathing, likable example of someone they've imagined a monster. I wish you all the best
posted by donnagirl at 8:13 AM on July 18 [1 favorite]