Etiquette of asking for money
May 2, 2024 8:23 AM Subscribe
I transferred a fairly expensive ticket to a friend-of-a-friend and am not sure how/if/when to ask them for the cost of it without being a jerk. Advice?
So a friend and I were scheduled to attend a class that is only held once and does not refund. I have to miss it due to a family emergency, and asked Friend if she knew anyone who'd want to go in my place (otherwise it just gets wasted). She asked around and Friend of Friend (FOF) was available and interested.
I was not involved in any of these convos so I don't know if the cost was mentioned ever. But I transferred the ticket, FOF accepted with a nice message but said nothing about venmo/paying it back. I suspect that possibly Friend didn't ever mention the cost to FOF just because everything was very last minute and she probably didn't have it front of mind. It's the sort of class that a person might think cost, oh, 30 or 40 bucks -- I myself was shocked at the actual price (~$200 USD).
I know Friend but not overly well; I barely know FOF at all. Overall I don't want to create any ill will or be like "ZING you thought this was a nice favor, but money please"
Eating this cost will not ruin me or anything but my life has been chaotic and expensive so I wouldn't hate having a couple hundo back in my bank account. Still, if the best route is to just chalk it up to lesson learned, don't book expensive nonrefundable classes when you're a non-millionaire human with a life, that's okay.
In normal times I'd probably be able to parse this on my own but frankly it's been like a month since I slept and everything is a constant nightmare? So I'd love some guidance.
So a friend and I were scheduled to attend a class that is only held once and does not refund. I have to miss it due to a family emergency, and asked Friend if she knew anyone who'd want to go in my place (otherwise it just gets wasted). She asked around and Friend of Friend (FOF) was available and interested.
I was not involved in any of these convos so I don't know if the cost was mentioned ever. But I transferred the ticket, FOF accepted with a nice message but said nothing about venmo/paying it back. I suspect that possibly Friend didn't ever mention the cost to FOF just because everything was very last minute and she probably didn't have it front of mind. It's the sort of class that a person might think cost, oh, 30 or 40 bucks -- I myself was shocked at the actual price (~$200 USD).
I know Friend but not overly well; I barely know FOF at all. Overall I don't want to create any ill will or be like "ZING you thought this was a nice favor, but money please"
Eating this cost will not ruin me or anything but my life has been chaotic and expensive so I wouldn't hate having a couple hundo back in my bank account. Still, if the best route is to just chalk it up to lesson learned, don't book expensive nonrefundable classes when you're a non-millionaire human with a life, that's okay.
In normal times I'd probably be able to parse this on my own but frankly it's been like a month since I slept and everything is a constant nightmare? So I'd love some guidance.
If money wasn't communicated from you to your friend then I would consider this a case of lessons learned. It is highly unlikely FOF expected to pay since it probably sounded to that person that this was a use-it-or-lost it deal and you'd rather give it away then have it be wasted. The reality is that you couldn't make it anyhow so at least you got the "joy" of knowing that someone you know got some benefit from it.
Life happens, move on and you'll be happier.
posted by smilefreely at 8:32 AM on May 2 [123 favorites]
Life happens, move on and you'll be happier.
posted by smilefreely at 8:32 AM on May 2 [123 favorites]
Personally I would expect any conversations about reimbursement to have happened with the 'does anyone want to go in my place', e.g. 'hey, do you know anyone who would like to go with you, since I can't? I'm looking to recoup what I paid/I'd be willing to take half since it's last minute' or whatever. IMO, if it's just a 'can you find anyone to go' then the assumption is you just don't want the ticket to go to waste, and it's not about getting money back.
If I were FOF, I would have definitely asked Friend if there were any expectations of reimbursement, but since that doesn't seem to have happened here, it looks like the assumption is it was free.
If the class has not happened yet, I would drop a line to Friend and say 'Hey, sorry I didn't mention up front but I'm hoping to recoup the cost of the ticket, could you pass that along to your friend and see if that's alright with them?'
If the class has already happened, I would probably just eat the cost and try to do it in a different order next time.
posted by rachaelfaith at 8:33 AM on May 2 [38 favorites]
If I were FOF, I would have definitely asked Friend if there were any expectations of reimbursement, but since that doesn't seem to have happened here, it looks like the assumption is it was free.
If the class has not happened yet, I would drop a line to Friend and say 'Hey, sorry I didn't mention up front but I'm hoping to recoup the cost of the ticket, could you pass that along to your friend and see if that's alright with them?'
If the class has already happened, I would probably just eat the cost and try to do it in a different order next time.
posted by rachaelfaith at 8:33 AM on May 2 [38 favorites]
My guess is that FOF assumed that since you already paid for the ticket, and since you can't go, the ticket would be provided at no cost. It's quite possible that FOF wouldn't have agreed to take the class if they knew a significant cost would be associated with it.
Something similar happened to me at a bakery recently. I had special-ordered a dozen cupcakes. When I went to pick them up, the baker (who is also the business owner) said to me, "Hey, I have three of those same cupcakes left from the batch, and I'm about to close for the day. Do you want them?". I said, "Sure, I'll take them". And then she proceeded to charge me for them. There was no easy way to get out of the situation, so I paid for them.
With regard to your situation: I'm not sure about the best course of action. Given the ambiguity involved, I would probably discreetly talk to your friend about it and see what she says. If FOF thought the ticket was essentially a gift, I would probably eat the cost.
posted by alex1965 at 8:34 AM on May 2 [9 favorites]
Something similar happened to me at a bakery recently. I had special-ordered a dozen cupcakes. When I went to pick them up, the baker (who is also the business owner) said to me, "Hey, I have three of those same cupcakes left from the batch, and I'm about to close for the day. Do you want them?". I said, "Sure, I'll take them". And then she proceeded to charge me for them. There was no easy way to get out of the situation, so I paid for them.
With regard to your situation: I'm not sure about the best course of action. Given the ambiguity involved, I would probably discreetly talk to your friend about it and see what she says. If FOF thought the ticket was essentially a gift, I would probably eat the cost.
posted by alex1965 at 8:34 AM on May 2 [9 favorites]
This is probably something I would have tried to make clear before transferring the ticket, but it sounds like the urgency of the situation precluded this for you! Given that, I wouldn't assume FOF expected to pay for this - it could have been an assumed "better to transfer than let it go to waste" situation. Even as an "Ask" person, I'd hedge my request a bit:
"Hi F! I realize we didn't talk about this before the fact, but I was wondering if you'd mentioned the cost of the ticket to FOF? Anything they could do to offset the cost would be really helpful if they're able, as you know it was pretty expensive! My Venmo is @blastcheese, thanks so much!"
posted by rabbitbookworm at 8:34 AM on May 2 [17 favorites]
"Hi F! I realize we didn't talk about this before the fact, but I was wondering if you'd mentioned the cost of the ticket to FOF? Anything they could do to offset the cost would be really helpful if they're able, as you know it was pretty expensive! My Venmo is @blastcheese, thanks so much!"
posted by rabbitbookworm at 8:34 AM on May 2 [17 favorites]
An expensive lesson, I know, but take it. Especially at one remove, you really have to be clear about reimbursement expectations up front. Consider yourself a generous society patron for the night!
posted by praemunire at 8:36 AM on May 2 [11 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 8:36 AM on May 2 [11 favorites]
My guess is that FOF assumed that since you already paid for the ticket, and since you can't go, the ticket would be provided at no cost. It's quite possible that FOF wouldn't have agreed to take the class if they knew a significant cost would be associated with it.
Agreed. Alas, you missed the window to get your money for this one.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:51 AM on May 2 [9 favorites]
Agreed. Alas, you missed the window to get your money for this one.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:51 AM on May 2 [9 favorites]
While I agree that this should have been handled up-front with your friend, I also think there's space to ask your friend something along the lines of 'hey, I really appreciate you arranging this with FOF, and I was wondering if your friend was expecting to pay for part or all of the ticket cost, or if it was a freebie, since you and i didn't really discuss it.'
There's probably a more elegant way to word that, to convey you're asking about expectations and assumptions and not 'hey asshole, pay up.'
Basically, what rabbitbookworm said.
posted by ApathyGirl at 9:08 AM on May 2 [12 favorites]
There's probably a more elegant way to word that, to convey you're asking about expectations and assumptions and not 'hey asshole, pay up.'
Basically, what rabbitbookworm said.
posted by ApathyGirl at 9:08 AM on May 2 [12 favorites]
$200 is a lot of money, and hopefully there's some value in the class. Assuming your friend knows how expensive this class was, since they were attending too.
So I'd follow rabbitbookworm's wording: "hey friend, I know it was all last minute, and I'm glad FOF was able to use the ticket. Since the class is $200, can you find out if they'd be comfortable paying something toward the cost of the ticket? Does $50 sound fair?..."
posted by hydra77 at 9:09 AM on May 2 [2 favorites]
So I'd follow rabbitbookworm's wording: "hey friend, I know it was all last minute, and I'm glad FOF was able to use the ticket. Since the class is $200, can you find out if they'd be comfortable paying something toward the cost of the ticket? Does $50 sound fair?..."
posted by hydra77 at 9:09 AM on May 2 [2 favorites]
I don't think you need to swallow the cost and blame yourself. There is absolutely no harm in asking - I like @phunniemee's script in the first comment of this thread.
The recipient of your ticket is perfectly free to say "no", or offer you a lesser amount, or tell you that they don't appreciate the way you surprised them with the cost. Or they can choose to pay you the full amount. DON'T MAKE THE DECISION FOR THEM ON THEIR BEHALF. Having good boundaries means allowing people to make these choices for themselves. You ask for what you would like. Let them respond the way they choose. And let them decide how they feel. Don't stomp all over other people's personal boundaries by trying to read their mind, making assumptions about how they might feel and whether they will consider this unfair, presume what they will be able to afford or what amount of money will be a surprisingly large cost, etc etc etc etc. Stay in your lane. Think only your own thoughts and *be curious* about their response, rather than presuming it and jumping to the end of the interaction all by yourself.
There is nothing rude about asking for this money, nor is it harmful to anybody. It is indeed your responsibility to ask, because you want that $200. You have a duty to be honest about what you want, so that you may preserve resentment-free pain-free grudge-free secret-chagrin-free relationships with people. They have a duty to be honest with you in return, too, and to let you know if they cannot or will not give you what you're asking for. This is how healthy relationships work, even casual relationships with passing acquaintances.
posted by MiraK at 9:22 AM on May 2 [7 favorites]
The recipient of your ticket is perfectly free to say "no", or offer you a lesser amount, or tell you that they don't appreciate the way you surprised them with the cost. Or they can choose to pay you the full amount. DON'T MAKE THE DECISION FOR THEM ON THEIR BEHALF. Having good boundaries means allowing people to make these choices for themselves. You ask for what you would like. Let them respond the way they choose. And let them decide how they feel. Don't stomp all over other people's personal boundaries by trying to read their mind, making assumptions about how they might feel and whether they will consider this unfair, presume what they will be able to afford or what amount of money will be a surprisingly large cost, etc etc etc etc. Stay in your lane. Think only your own thoughts and *be curious* about their response, rather than presuming it and jumping to the end of the interaction all by yourself.
There is nothing rude about asking for this money, nor is it harmful to anybody. It is indeed your responsibility to ask, because you want that $200. You have a duty to be honest about what you want, so that you may preserve resentment-free pain-free grudge-free secret-chagrin-free relationships with people. They have a duty to be honest with you in return, too, and to let you know if they cannot or will not give you what you're asking for. This is how healthy relationships work, even casual relationships with passing acquaintances.
posted by MiraK at 9:22 AM on May 2 [7 favorites]
Another thought that occurs to me: do you know anything about FOF?
Because if it was a midcareer professional, they might be a little disconcerted by any request for reimbursement, but in the end think, hey, I got to do this cool class, I can give the person something (a quarter? a half?). A combination of life experience and actual capital might make this a little awkward, but no big deal.
But if it was some semi-employed recent grad, they might feel obliged to pay it, and panicking because they assumed it was free, and there sure isn't a spare $50, much less $200, in their budget. Having been in that position in life and remembering the sinking terror of an unexpected bill, I'd hate to inflict that on someone like me in my twenties.
Basically, the closer FOF is to a life/financial peer, the more I'd be willing to think about an indirect approach (though I still think you have to let it go). If they're not, that would only reinforce my original position. And if you don't know: precautionary principle.
posted by praemunire at 9:24 AM on May 2 [12 favorites]
Because if it was a midcareer professional, they might be a little disconcerted by any request for reimbursement, but in the end think, hey, I got to do this cool class, I can give the person something (a quarter? a half?). A combination of life experience and actual capital might make this a little awkward, but no big deal.
But if it was some semi-employed recent grad, they might feel obliged to pay it, and panicking because they assumed it was free, and there sure isn't a spare $50, much less $200, in their budget. Having been in that position in life and remembering the sinking terror of an unexpected bill, I'd hate to inflict that on someone like me in my twenties.
Basically, the closer FOF is to a life/financial peer, the more I'd be willing to think about an indirect approach (though I still think you have to let it go). If they're not, that would only reinforce my original position. And if you don't know: precautionary principle.
posted by praemunire at 9:24 AM on May 2 [12 favorites]
Questions about money are so personal
I could not bring myself to ask for repayment, I tend to agree with comments that suggest "this ship has sailed" and to just move on. But I also have *a tendency* to be this way, and some people would have no qualms for at least putting it out there.
Whatever you do, don't let it bug you. If it will bug you that you never brought it up, and the friend is a good friend, you can always bring it up and let them know it would bug you if you didn't bring it up, and see what happens. My complex with money is such that, I just can't deal with these situations and I'm constantly moving on, I'd rather buy all the meals then have a conversation about who owes what, it's ridiculous actually
posted by elkevelvet at 9:30 AM on May 2 [3 favorites]
I could not bring myself to ask for repayment, I tend to agree with comments that suggest "this ship has sailed" and to just move on. But I also have *a tendency* to be this way, and some people would have no qualms for at least putting it out there.
Whatever you do, don't let it bug you. If it will bug you that you never brought it up, and the friend is a good friend, you can always bring it up and let them know it would bug you if you didn't bring it up, and see what happens. My complex with money is such that, I just can't deal with these situations and I'm constantly moving on, I'd rather buy all the meals then have a conversation about who owes what, it's ridiculous actually
posted by elkevelvet at 9:30 AM on May 2 [3 favorites]
Sorry but being retrospectively asked for money when it wasn't mentioned up front would leave a sour taste in my mouth — especially as, to avoid now feeling like a freeloader, I now have to cough up a significant fraction of $200 for a class which I might reasonably have assumed only cost $30-40. Don't beat yourself up, it was an easy miscommunication to have made. (As you can tell, I am very much from Guess Culture).
posted by Klipspringer at 9:32 AM on May 2 [26 favorites]
posted by Klipspringer at 9:32 AM on May 2 [26 favorites]
I think the fact that you didn’t ask for the money upfront has left you exposed here. I would file it under lessons learned.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:33 AM on May 2 [3 favorites]
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:33 AM on May 2 [3 favorites]
If someone asked me for money retroactively I would be both extremely stressed by that (seriously, what kind of position am I being put in here) and extremely put off by everyone involved. That wouldn't be Ask Culture, that would be insane and (for anyone stressed about money like I am) downright cruel. "Unpublished" charges are not okay, for anything.
The two decent options here are either to eat the cost or to ask the intermediary friend if the FOF know about the money. But if they didn't you have to be willing to graciously say "my bad, of course I don't expect them to pay retroactively."
posted by trig at 9:37 AM on May 2 [22 favorites]
The two decent options here are either to eat the cost or to ask the intermediary friend if the FOF know about the money. But if they didn't you have to be willing to graciously say "my bad, of course I don't expect them to pay retroactively."
posted by trig at 9:37 AM on May 2 [22 favorites]
Response by poster: Welp it is good to have my overall Midwestern instincts confirmed on this one. If I had been doing the inviting, I would for sure have mentioned the cost, but since I wasn't and don't know at all how Friend framed it to FOF, I think this one is lost to the seas.
Sorry but being retrospectively asked for money when it wasn't mentioned up front would leave a sour taste in my mouth
Same, honestly. It would feel like a switcheroo and I wouldn't feel like I could back out if it was too expensive.
Thanks for the gut check MeFi!
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:38 AM on May 2 [28 favorites]
Sorry but being retrospectively asked for money when it wasn't mentioned up front would leave a sour taste in my mouth
Same, honestly. It would feel like a switcheroo and I wouldn't feel like I could back out if it was too expensive.
Thanks for the gut check MeFi!
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:38 AM on May 2 [28 favorites]
Next time, I would frame it as “I’d like to sell this ticket, do you know anyone who might be interested?” The “go in my place” bit likely set up the expectation that you just didn’t want the spot wasted. Typically when someone can’t make an event and wants to recoup the cost (whether entirely or in part) they describe it as wanting to sell the ticket.
posted by brook horse at 9:42 AM on May 2 [17 favorites]
posted by brook horse at 9:42 AM on May 2 [17 favorites]
Just to add one quick thing -- if you used the same framing that you used here -- "I don't want this to go to waste" -- that right there is the flag to me that you were offering this as a giveaway, not reselling it.
"I don't want this to go to waste" is what you say when you just want to make sure a thing gets used.
"I can no longer attend this and I'm looking to sell my ticket to this event" would be the phrasing that would clue me in that you were looking for some reimbursement.
posted by anastasiav at 9:42 AM on May 2 [16 favorites]
"I don't want this to go to waste" is what you say when you just want to make sure a thing gets used.
"I can no longer attend this and I'm looking to sell my ticket to this event" would be the phrasing that would clue me in that you were looking for some reimbursement.
posted by anastasiav at 9:42 AM on May 2 [16 favorites]
Response by poster: Yeah, if I'd been doing the direct asking, it would all have gone that way. I guess second lesson learned is not to play telephone with this sort of thing either! The thing is that Friend paid me back for her ticket without even asking, so I guess I just unconsciously figured she would set it up that way for FOF. But that's a bold assumption for all the reasons you mention!
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:45 AM on May 2
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:45 AM on May 2
We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese: I was not involved in any of these convos so I don't know if the cost was mentioned ever.
This is where I'd start. Ask Friend if she brought up payment with FOF at all.
posted by capricorn at 10:05 AM on May 2 [8 favorites]
This is where I'd start. Ask Friend if she brought up payment with FOF at all.
posted by capricorn at 10:05 AM on May 2 [8 favorites]
Friend and Friend-of-Friend, the ticket was 200, is there any chance you can reimburse any of the cost?
posted by theora55 at 10:36 AM on May 2 [1 favorite]
posted by theora55 at 10:36 AM on May 2 [1 favorite]
> So a friend and I were scheduled to attend a class that is only held once and does not refund. I have to miss it due to a family emergency, and asked Friend if she knew anyone who'd want to go in my place (otherwise it just gets wasted).
FWIW I would absolutely interpret this phrasing as "I'm giving the ticket away for free."
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 10:43 AM on May 2 [21 favorites]
FWIW I would absolutely interpret this phrasing as "I'm giving the ticket away for free."
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 10:43 AM on May 2 [21 favorites]
If you didn't state that the ticket would cost the friend (or friend of friend) money, it was a free gift. Don't try to charge them after the fact. In the future, if you are looking to sell something, you should communicate that you are selling it, and the price of it.
posted by Slinga at 11:50 AM on May 2 [4 favorites]
posted by Slinga at 11:50 AM on May 2 [4 favorites]
Ah, I am reminded of a time I offered to lend this exact same amount of money to a not-very-close friend when we were out together on a work assignment abroad. She found a gorgeous piece of art that she really wanted, but didn’t have the cash with her to buy it. I offered to lend the money, she took me up on it, I will never see that $200 again.
The way I try to frame it for myself isn’t, How foolish of me! I’ll never do THAT again, but rather, Whoa! I didn’t set out to give a gift, but I did, and this person greatly enjoys that gift. I can be more discerning about my gift-giving in future, but I’ve definitely gotten $200 worth of enjoyment reminding myself that someone has a beautiful thing for my having given it.
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 11:53 AM on May 2 [1 favorite]
The way I try to frame it for myself isn’t, How foolish of me! I’ll never do THAT again, but rather, Whoa! I didn’t set out to give a gift, but I did, and this person greatly enjoys that gift. I can be more discerning about my gift-giving in future, but I’ve definitely gotten $200 worth of enjoyment reminding myself that someone has a beautiful thing for my having given it.
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 11:53 AM on May 2 [1 favorite]
If it were me and my friends I'd have a) gifted the ticket since there was no way to get a refund and I'd want to see it used and b) if I were gifted the ticket I'd have double checked to see if anyone wanted reimbursement.
I don't think the your friend or friend of a friend would have been out of line to assume it was a gift. I'd have actually rather have it gone to someone who wouldn't normally be able to afford it but would still appreciate the experience.
posted by mikesch at 12:32 PM on May 2 [1 favorite]
I don't think the your friend or friend of a friend would have been out of line to assume it was a gift. I'd have actually rather have it gone to someone who wouldn't normally be able to afford it but would still appreciate the experience.
posted by mikesch at 12:32 PM on May 2 [1 favorite]
I vehemently disagree with the notion that "healthy" relationships include never considering the response you would get. I am very curious who would actually react well to having a cost sprung on them after the fact, not externally as that is easy to fake, but internally. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with a person who would get upset by that.
"Having good boundaries" means being clear about what you want, sure; it doesn't mean you get to come back forevermore with everything you ever made a mistake on that is bothering you, nor that you get a free pass to never consider how anybody else might react to something you do or say. Part of a relationship is indeed anticipating possible reactions and moderating what you say or do in order to avoid intentionally causing other people grief when it can be avoided. That is why 90% of the answers here are "that ship has sailed," not because there is no way for it to be paid for now, but because of the overwhelmingly likely reaction it would cause, which is to say a negative one.
If I know that my father had a bad experience with, let's say, riding a roller coaster, it is not "staying in my lane" to ask him if he wants to go ride that roller coaster with me without taking into account how he might react. This isn't quite the same thing (not a specific pre-existing trauma), except that "Surprise! Via what method would you like to send me $200 for this thing you almost certainly thought was free?" is a pretty universally bad experience, and it's not going out on much of a limb to intuit how people will respond to it.
To actually answer the question, I think that ship has sailed.
posted by tubedogg at 3:03 PM on May 2 [9 favorites]
"Having good boundaries" means being clear about what you want, sure; it doesn't mean you get to come back forevermore with everything you ever made a mistake on that is bothering you, nor that you get a free pass to never consider how anybody else might react to something you do or say. Part of a relationship is indeed anticipating possible reactions and moderating what you say or do in order to avoid intentionally causing other people grief when it can be avoided. That is why 90% of the answers here are "that ship has sailed," not because there is no way for it to be paid for now, but because of the overwhelmingly likely reaction it would cause, which is to say a negative one.
If I know that my father had a bad experience with, let's say, riding a roller coaster, it is not "staying in my lane" to ask him if he wants to go ride that roller coaster with me without taking into account how he might react. This isn't quite the same thing (not a specific pre-existing trauma), except that "Surprise! Via what method would you like to send me $200 for this thing you almost certainly thought was free?" is a pretty universally bad experience, and it's not going out on much of a limb to intuit how people will respond to it.
To actually answer the question, I think that ship has sailed.
posted by tubedogg at 3:03 PM on May 2 [9 favorites]
I'm as asky as you can get, and i think it would be awkward asking for money now. Talk to friend though, if money was mentioned then you're fine to ask, if not then ehhh
posted by Sebmojo at 5:14 PM on May 2 [2 favorites]
posted by Sebmojo at 5:14 PM on May 2 [2 favorites]
Bring it up with the friend, JIC. You were in the midst of an emergency. Not a time to draw up a contract.
Even if friend didn't mention it, seems like at the event people would have said things like "best 200 bucks I ever spent" or "not really what I expected for the investment. Two hundred isn't nothing to me." The friend and the ticket recipient very likely both know what it costs.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 6:42 PM on May 2 [1 favorite]
Even if friend didn't mention it, seems like at the event people would have said things like "best 200 bucks I ever spent" or "not really what I expected for the investment. Two hundred isn't nothing to me." The friend and the ticket recipient very likely both know what it costs.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 6:42 PM on May 2 [1 favorite]
Maybe I am usually blunt, but no see harm in a soft ask along the lines of "so glad FOF got to use my ticket and it didn't go to waste. I don't what FOF's expectations were about paying for the ticket but it cost me $200 . If they feel comfortable reimbursing me for a part of that expense, it would be greatly appreciated."
If they come back and say, "I thought it was just a gift" then you just say, "Well, it was an expensive ticket so I was hoping to get something back but the bottom line is that I'm still glad someone was able to put it to good use." So, no pressure to pay, just an unapologetic request followed accepting a no gracefully.
posted by metahawk at 2:39 PM on May 3
If they come back and say, "I thought it was just a gift" then you just say, "Well, it was an expensive ticket so I was hoping to get something back but the bottom line is that I'm still glad someone was able to put it to good use." So, no pressure to pay, just an unapologetic request followed accepting a no gracefully.
posted by metahawk at 2:39 PM on May 3
I would have been super happy and assumed the ticket is free for me. I would really feel uncomfortable if I learn later that I was expected to pay for it.
posted by maloqueiro at 1:20 PM on May 4
posted by maloqueiro at 1:20 PM on May 4
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"The tickets were $200, my Venmo is @blastcheese!"
Just start from the assumption that your friend intends to pay you back and give the info required. No need to borrow on a whole bunch of stress that doesn't even exist yet.
posted by phunniemee at 8:27 AM on May 2 [5 favorites]