Work wants me back, I want to go back, but should I?
March 21, 2024 5:04 AM Subscribe
Started new job, old job wants me back and is willing to pay me a lot more than I currently make. I’m conflicted about leaving my new place of work so quickly. Not sure if I should stay or go back.
I left an awful work situation because my boss was absolutely incompetent. Before this boss I actually liked where I worked and the people I worked with. Very recently (less than two weeks) I started a new job that came with a pay cut, a commute but some really cool coworkers and a great boss. My old boss has been fired. Old boss has been replaced with a much respected and liked co-worker and they want me back. They want me back to the tune of a near 30% pay raise and a promotion. I want to go back but I am feeling guilty about leaving. It is incredibly difficult to find someone with experience to do my job and leaving will cause my new boss and coworkers significant problems. I will be burning bridges and hurting people I genuinely like. But nearly a 30% pay raise, a job title that will potentially set me up for other promotions in the future, better retirement, less driving/more family time are on the line. I was raised to value integrity above pretty much every thing else. What is the right thing to do here? I’m feeling sick about this.
I left an awful work situation because my boss was absolutely incompetent. Before this boss I actually liked where I worked and the people I worked with. Very recently (less than two weeks) I started a new job that came with a pay cut, a commute but some really cool coworkers and a great boss. My old boss has been fired. Old boss has been replaced with a much respected and liked co-worker and they want me back. They want me back to the tune of a near 30% pay raise and a promotion. I want to go back but I am feeling guilty about leaving. It is incredibly difficult to find someone with experience to do my job and leaving will cause my new boss and coworkers significant problems. I will be burning bridges and hurting people I genuinely like. But nearly a 30% pay raise, a job title that will potentially set me up for other promotions in the future, better retirement, less driving/more family time are on the line. I was raised to value integrity above pretty much every thing else. What is the right thing to do here? I’m feeling sick about this.
If there were other people applying for you same job the company might even still be able to pin some of them down.
This. You won't be leaving the new place in that bad a spot, really. This happens from time to time (I am in HR) and we can generally fill the role again pretty quickly with one of the still warm candidates.
posted by phunniemee at 5:26 AM on March 21 [18 favorites]
This. You won't be leaving the new place in that bad a spot, really. This happens from time to time (I am in HR) and we can generally fill the role again pretty quickly with one of the still warm candidates.
posted by phunniemee at 5:26 AM on March 21 [18 favorites]
I agree with mskyle, your personal ethics are laudable and rare (which is probably part of the reason your old job wants you back, lol) and it's an unfortunate scenario that will be an uncomfortable conversation with your new job, BUT it's worth pointing out that in the larger scheme of things, you don't owe any corporation or business anything whatsoever.
There's no reason to sacrifice your future quality of life and financial wellbeing for your new colleagues feelings. I would just be 100% transparent about the scenario, they will get it.
posted by jeremias at 5:32 AM on March 21 [4 favorites]
There's no reason to sacrifice your future quality of life and financial wellbeing for your new colleagues feelings. I would just be 100% transparent about the scenario, they will get it.
posted by jeremias at 5:32 AM on March 21 [4 favorites]
I agree with everyone else, but I would just double check with yourself that whatever underlying issue that led you to have to put up with a terrible Old Boss for so long that you left isn't going to do something else bad.
posted by slidell at 5:36 AM on March 21 [20 favorites]
posted by slidell at 5:36 AM on March 21 [20 favorites]
Of course you should take the offer from your old job! You haven't shared any material reason to stay at the new place, except the guilt of leaving a new job quickly. That's not a good reason to reject increased pay, benefits, and lifestyle improvements.
Your current / new job is so new that your boss and coworkers will be shocked and not happy you are resigning - but I don't think its going to be long-term damage. Its better to dip out now than in 6 months or a year, when maybe you'd have acquired key responsibilities and they are no where near the hiring cycle they just finished.
posted by RajahKing at 5:37 AM on March 21 [3 favorites]
Your current / new job is so new that your boss and coworkers will be shocked and not happy you are resigning - but I don't think its going to be long-term damage. Its better to dip out now than in 6 months or a year, when maybe you'd have acquired key responsibilities and they are no where near the hiring cycle they just finished.
posted by RajahKing at 5:37 AM on March 21 [3 favorites]
50% might be a better incentive than 30% increase. If they're that desperate to get you back, they should offer more.
posted by Slinga at 5:43 AM on March 21 [9 favorites]
posted by Slinga at 5:43 AM on March 21 [9 favorites]
You will be leaving them in more of a lurch in 2 months than you are now when they can't possibly have integrated you into their business needs to a great degree and when they have a good chance of calling in the second choice candidate.
Go to your new boss, tell them what has happened and that while you hate the idea of doing this to them, that you aren't trying to counter bargain on a job you've already taken and that for a huge pay raise, title bump and a shorter commute, you really don't have much choice to go back.
If your new boss is actually a great boss, they will understand.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:44 AM on March 21 [13 favorites]
Go to your new boss, tell them what has happened and that while you hate the idea of doing this to them, that you aren't trying to counter bargain on a job you've already taken and that for a huge pay raise, title bump and a shorter commute, you really don't have much choice to go back.
If your new boss is actually a great boss, they will understand.
posted by jacquilynne at 5:44 AM on March 21 [13 favorites]
Nth-ing old job. If I was newboss, and you came and explained the situation like jacquilynne says, I would basically say "Sorry to lose you, but I completely understand. Keep us in mind if you do decide to leave in the future!"
posted by mrgoat at 6:13 AM on March 21 [3 favorites]
posted by mrgoat at 6:13 AM on March 21 [3 favorites]
I work in a state job where our staff routinely leave because the private sector can offer them better pay and advancement opportunities. Inevitably they feel guilty for leaving but I have started telling them that it’s not their problem if the state doesn’t pay this position adequately or staff it in a functional way. Their responsibility is to taking care of themselves. And don’t get me wrong, it is an almost unbelievable pain when we are short staffed, but I still don’t think that people should sacrifice better pay/benefits to keep us afloat. I’m never upset with people who leave.
Don’t stay because you are guilty. People will understand if you get a better opportunity.
posted by corey flood at 6:24 AM on March 21 [12 favorites]
Don’t stay because you are guilty. People will understand if you get a better opportunity.
posted by corey flood at 6:24 AM on March 21 [12 favorites]
If the new boss and coworkers are worth their salt, their response will be “Aw crap, it was nice to have met you.“ There may, however, be an attempt to offer competitive pay so you should be ready for that.
The real concern I see is what the situation at your old company actually is. There are plenty of well liked, respected people who have no business managing organizations in general and people in specific. You don’t mention how long your old boss was in place but I am sure that losing you is not the only damage that was caused and it may take a deft hand to recover.
In your place I would be sounding out my former coworkers about how things are going before settling on switching back. Assuming it still sounds good, I think a quick apology to your new boss and coworkers is all that is called for. Any reasonable person is going to understand your decision.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:41 AM on March 21 [16 favorites]
The real concern I see is what the situation at your old company actually is. There are plenty of well liked, respected people who have no business managing organizations in general and people in specific. You don’t mention how long your old boss was in place but I am sure that losing you is not the only damage that was caused and it may take a deft hand to recover.
In your place I would be sounding out my former coworkers about how things are going before settling on switching back. Assuming it still sounds good, I think a quick apology to your new boss and coworkers is all that is called for. Any reasonable person is going to understand your decision.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:41 AM on March 21 [16 favorites]
I have a coworker who was just offered this kind of deal, but with maybe even a bigger raise. I've told him to take it but I think he is leaning towards staying, for the same sorts of "what about the team?" and "people count on me!" kinds of reasons. I think it would be a big mistake if he declines, and when you get an offer that is better on all fronts (salary, title, commute, etc.), you should almost always take it.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:46 AM on March 21
posted by Dip Flash at 6:46 AM on March 21
So general advice is to never take a counter offer because usually there was a reason you left in the first place. I think the question you need to ask yourself is does the removal of that old boss solve all of your problems with old job or were their systemic issues that encouraged or allowed issues with old boss to exist. What happens if your coworker moves on in 2 years. Will you be back in the same boat? But yeah loyalty is not a thing in jobs. You are selling your labor. Decide who you want to sell it to.
posted by edbles at 6:51 AM on March 21 [8 favorites]
posted by edbles at 6:51 AM on March 21 [8 favorites]
So general advice is to never take a counter offer because usually there was a reason you left in the first place.
Personally, I think this common advice is too simplistic and that there are a lot of times where it makes sense to take a counter offer. But, like the comment above says, you have to assess if the underlying issues that drove you away were actually fixed, or if you'll just be back in the same situation in six months? More salary can make up for some frustrations, but if the system is broken or toxic, even having more money won't help all that much.
posted by Dip Flash at 8:04 AM on March 21 [3 favorites]
Personally, I think this common advice is too simplistic and that there are a lot of times where it makes sense to take a counter offer. But, like the comment above says, you have to assess if the underlying issues that drove you away were actually fixed, or if you'll just be back in the same situation in six months? More salary can make up for some frustrations, but if the system is broken or toxic, even having more money won't help all that much.
posted by Dip Flash at 8:04 AM on March 21 [3 favorites]
There are a few ways to look at this.
One is to treat it as a simple counter-offer. It certainly is that. And I agree with Dip Flash above--the reasons for not taking a counter are moot here. Your toxic former boss is gone, etc. That alone might be appealing enough for you to leave.
Second is that you're in a counter-offer position with your NEW employer, too. This might be a time to bring your current salary in line with what your previous employer is offering you to come back. Letting the new employer know how badly your old one wants you back is unlikely to do anything apart from benefit you.
Third though, you might be in a position to accept that higher counter and promotion, but add another stipulation: that you'll be in line for [promotion/bonus/pay increase/taking over the group] after [x] months/years.
You might also be able to sweeten the incentives for the previous employer by telling them you'll return after 3 months and will come back with lots of new intel on how another organization is doing the same (or related) work. That's also likely to be interesting to them...
posted by yellowcandy at 8:12 AM on March 21 [2 favorites]
One is to treat it as a simple counter-offer. It certainly is that. And I agree with Dip Flash above--the reasons for not taking a counter are moot here. Your toxic former boss is gone, etc. That alone might be appealing enough for you to leave.
Second is that you're in a counter-offer position with your NEW employer, too. This might be a time to bring your current salary in line with what your previous employer is offering you to come back. Letting the new employer know how badly your old one wants you back is unlikely to do anything apart from benefit you.
Third though, you might be in a position to accept that higher counter and promotion, but add another stipulation: that you'll be in line for [promotion/bonus/pay increase/taking over the group] after [x] months/years.
You might also be able to sweeten the incentives for the previous employer by telling them you'll return after 3 months and will come back with lots of new intel on how another organization is doing the same (or related) work. That's also likely to be interesting to them...
posted by yellowcandy at 8:12 AM on March 21 [2 favorites]
You haven't even been at the new place two weeks, so you don't know all the problems there yet. And respectfully, no one is so valuable that them leaving a job in two weeks means certain doom. I'm not sure you're burning that many bridges.
I was in a similar situation once: left a job and company I had been at for ages when there was some organizational turnover and I had a weird new boss situation, went to a new job, and then the new bosses at the old company were fired and I was offered a job with a raise at my original place. I left the very nice people at the new job where I had been for maybe five weeks. It wasn't great, but they understood, even took me out to lunch when I left. In truth, that new job wasn't a great fit for me, anyway, because it wasn't nearly as interesting or challenging, but I had a longer commute, etc.
It's okay to choose more money and a shorter commute. I think you'll really regret not going back. Sounds like they want you, and you want it.
posted by bluedaisy at 9:12 AM on March 21 [3 favorites]
I was in a similar situation once: left a job and company I had been at for ages when there was some organizational turnover and I had a weird new boss situation, went to a new job, and then the new bosses at the old company were fired and I was offered a job with a raise at my original place. I left the very nice people at the new job where I had been for maybe five weeks. It wasn't great, but they understood, even took me out to lunch when I left. In truth, that new job wasn't a great fit for me, anyway, because it wasn't nearly as interesting or challenging, but I had a longer commute, etc.
It's okay to choose more money and a shorter commute. I think you'll really regret not going back. Sounds like they want you, and you want it.
posted by bluedaisy at 9:12 AM on March 21 [3 favorites]
Yeah, if the current gig isn't valuing you by paying you, then it's not like you leaving is solely on you. It takes two to tango and if you're "bad" for leaving then they're "bad" for underpaying you relative to your old (and now presumably new) job. But of course, that's a silly way to look at it, isn't it, "bad" and "good"? It's all just people with relatively equal power (although, this isn't really true in a general sense between employers and employees, which is even more assurance that you're not doing anything wrong here) acting in their own best interests. Your interests no longer align with the company's and so it doesn't make sense for you to remain. To do so could likely lead to resentment or other problems further down the line when you finally decided you have to bail which isn't really fair to the company in the long run and the whole while you're under earning. Staying becomes a lose-lose for everybody. Better to rip the band-aid now for your benefit but also for the company's.
posted by flamk at 9:59 AM on March 21
posted by flamk at 9:59 AM on March 21
I'm with edibles and Dip Flash. Take the cash and go back, but really take some time and sniff out what happened to the bad boss and how that person was able to function for so long in that position.
Sit down with their HR and ask this question direct to their faces. They want you but they have a lot of explaining to do first.
posted by JoeZydeco at 10:43 AM on March 21 [3 favorites]
Sit down with their HR and ask this question direct to their faces. They want you but they have a lot of explaining to do first.
posted by JoeZydeco at 10:43 AM on March 21 [3 favorites]
Less than two weeks in? Take your old job back unless you really find a new unknown red flag about old company.
posted by ch1x0r at 12:07 PM on March 21
posted by ch1x0r at 12:07 PM on March 21
Companies hire and fire at will. If you want your old job back, take it. Also, most companies put employees on a probationary period. Are you on one? What happens if you stay for several months and your boss decides you are a bad fit. I think the probationary period works both ways. If the new job is a bad fit for you, then it's a bad fit.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:23 PM on March 21 [1 favorite]
posted by Bella Donna at 1:23 PM on March 21 [1 favorite]
Ask for a 30% raise at the new place. Tell them the offer. When they say no to you, leave for the new place, knowing you just stuck it to The Man. Congratulations!
posted by Geckwoistmeinauto at 4:47 PM on March 22
posted by Geckwoistmeinauto at 4:47 PM on March 22
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You genuinely like your new boss and coworkers; hopefully they feel the same about you and they will understand that you can't turn this down.
Rip off that bandaid! It will be OK.
posted by mskyle at 5:18 AM on March 21 [34 favorites]