How to send a package without the recipient learning my address
March 18, 2024 1:54 AM Subscribe
Apologies for the vagueness, but here goes. I need to send a package, I need to be sure that it arrives, and I need to do it in a way that does NOT allow the person on the other end to find out where I live--not from a return address or anything.
The package is just memorabilia. The only thing that makes this complicated is the person at the other end. Tl;dr: I've cut most contact with them, but I have a bunch of their stuff that they say they want back. I'd like to return it, but I don't want them finding out where I live in the process. I have an address for them. (Right now they have only my facebook.)
-How to ensure that the package arrives?
-How to ensure that none of it can be backtraced to me?
-My first idea was to get a PO box a certain distance away and set the return address to there. Would this work?
-Do you even need a return address these days? If I don't include one, what happens if the package gets lost?
The package is just memorabilia. The only thing that makes this complicated is the person at the other end. Tl;dr: I've cut most contact with them, but I have a bunch of their stuff that they say they want back. I'd like to return it, but I don't want them finding out where I live in the process. I have an address for them. (Right now they have only my facebook.)
-How to ensure that the package arrives?
-How to ensure that none of it can be backtraced to me?
-My first idea was to get a PO box a certain distance away and set the return address to there. Would this work?
-Do you even need a return address these days? If I don't include one, what happens if the package gets lost?
Assuming USPS:
You can put their address as the return address.
My brother once tried to mail himself stuff while visiting our dad. The post office wouldn't let him mail something without a return address, but were perfectly happy once he put his own address as the return address.
I would mail the packages from a post office some distance from where you live, given that if you want the tracking data, it'll include the origin.
posted by hoyland at 3:48 AM on March 18 [20 favorites]
You can put their address as the return address.
My brother once tried to mail himself stuff while visiting our dad. The post office wouldn't let him mail something without a return address, but were perfectly happy once he put his own address as the return address.
I would mail the packages from a post office some distance from where you live, given that if you want the tracking data, it'll include the origin.
posted by hoyland at 3:48 AM on March 18 [20 favorites]
We don't know where you are, but here at least there's nothing to stop you putting gibberish or nothing at all for the return address on a registered post parcel and putting it in the registered post mail box. You keep the little tag that lets you track it online and see that it was delivered. If it gets lost it obviously won't come back to you.
posted by deadwax at 3:48 AM on March 18 [5 favorites]
posted by deadwax at 3:48 AM on March 18 [5 favorites]
Another vote for using their address as the return address. I do this frequently for things related to my work.
posted by kimdog at 5:29 AM on March 18 [3 favorites]
posted by kimdog at 5:29 AM on March 18 [3 favorites]
Take your box to a parcel mailing shop in person and put whatever the hell you want on the return address. The counter staff simply don't care what's on it, they only care the box is sealed and you pay the shipping fee. "Zoom, Box 2, Boston MA, 02134"
posted by seanmpuckett at 5:30 AM on March 18 [6 favorites]
posted by seanmpuckett at 5:30 AM on March 18 [6 favorites]
If you are concerned about giving information about your general location in addition to information about your specific address, be sure not to mail it from a post box, mailing shop, or post office that is near your home, to avoid informative postmarks.
posted by redfoxtail at 5:41 AM on March 18 [8 favorites]
posted by redfoxtail at 5:41 AM on March 18 [8 favorites]
If you are concerned about giving information about your general location in addition to information about your specific address, be sure not to mail it from a post box, mailing shop, or post office that is near your home, to avoid informative postmarks.
This is what I was going to suggest, plus the suggestion above to go to one of those parcel stores, put down either a fake return address or use the person's own address as the return, and pay cash.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:30 AM on March 18
This is what I was going to suggest, plus the suggestion above to go to one of those parcel stores, put down either a fake return address or use the person's own address as the return, and pay cash.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:30 AM on March 18
I’ve been in this situation before, for several letters over several years. Since you want to be sure it gets there, gibberish or their address as the return address won’t work—you won’t find out if it gets returned.
I used two methods during the time I was doing this. One method: with their permission, I used a friend’s address in another state as the return address.
The other method I used was, again with their permission, to put my Quaker meeting’s return address. This was less good from the perspective of hiding my general location, but I was ok with that risk.
If you need your location to be absolutely hidden, these aren’t perfect solutions but I was comfortable with the level of risk.
posted by Well I never at 6:41 AM on March 18
I used two methods during the time I was doing this. One method: with their permission, I used a friend’s address in another state as the return address.
The other method I used was, again with their permission, to put my Quaker meeting’s return address. This was less good from the perspective of hiding my general location, but I was ok with that risk.
If you need your location to be absolutely hidden, these aren’t perfect solutions but I was comfortable with the level of risk.
posted by Well I never at 6:41 AM on March 18
If you're really stuck for a return address, memail me. I use a Personal Mailbox (it's a street address in California, with an "apartment number", but is actually a ship-n-mail type place so someone could go there but they'd be disappointed) that scans in all mail I receive so I can forward the scan to you, or the package if it's returned. It's also got a name on it which I don't use anywhere, and should someone try to track me down they'd get the same "huh?" that extended warranties and student loan scams get.
This won't do anything about the postmark on the outgoing parcel, which might well have city/state on it. If I was really determined to not leave a trail, I'd probably do a 2-3 hour drive to somewhere else. But if you had a friend elsewhere who could be trusted to handle this, you could wrap and package your container and then package it a second time to send to them, they strip off the outer packaging and then mail it out.
posted by Lyn Never at 7:10 AM on March 18 [12 favorites]
This won't do anything about the postmark on the outgoing parcel, which might well have city/state on it. If I was really determined to not leave a trail, I'd probably do a 2-3 hour drive to somewhere else. But if you had a friend elsewhere who could be trusted to handle this, you could wrap and package your container and then package it a second time to send to them, they strip off the outer packaging and then mail it out.
posted by Lyn Never at 7:10 AM on March 18 [12 favorites]
Distant PO box, proof of delivery via email, and then close the postal account.
Courier service, without any return address on label?
(Whatever you decide, photograph the contents of the box, and send; once they've signed for their memorabilia package, block them on FB.)
posted by Iris Gambol at 7:45 AM on March 18
Courier service, without any return address on label?
(Whatever you decide, photograph the contents of the box, and send; once they've signed for their memorabilia package, block them on FB.)
posted by Iris Gambol at 7:45 AM on March 18
Add a friend's address as return. Someone who lives far from you. Done.
jfc, do not do this. Not without that friend's fully informed consent at a minimum, and not without thinking really hard about the risks you're trying to avoid. It is not difficult to imagine anonymous' abusive ex-husband beating their current address out of this friend.
Please do not give out security or safety advice to anyone, ever, if you can't manage to be the least bit curious or empathetic about what they need to be safe or secure from and why.
posted by mhoye at 7:46 AM on March 18 [19 favorites]
jfc, do not do this. Not without that friend's fully informed consent at a minimum, and not without thinking really hard about the risks you're trying to avoid. It is not difficult to imagine anonymous' abusive ex-husband beating their current address out of this friend.
Please do not give out security or safety advice to anyone, ever, if you can't manage to be the least bit curious or empathetic about what they need to be safe or secure from and why.
posted by mhoye at 7:46 AM on March 18 [19 favorites]
Nthing the strategy of putting the recipient's address as the return address. That's an easy solution.
If, however, you don't want the recipient to know even the state/city in which you reside, you will need to do more than that because the postmark (or tracking information if applicable) will show the state/city of origin. The only way around that would be to mail the package to someone (or some company) located elsewhere to re-post so the package would be posted from that location.
posted by slkinsey at 8:00 AM on March 18 [2 favorites]
If, however, you don't want the recipient to know even the state/city in which you reside, you will need to do more than that because the postmark (or tracking information if applicable) will show the state/city of origin. The only way around that would be to mail the package to someone (or some company) located elsewhere to re-post so the package would be posted from that location.
posted by slkinsey at 8:00 AM on March 18 [2 favorites]
The counter staff simply don't care what's on it, they only care the box is sealed and you pay the shipping fee. "Zoom, Box 2, Boston MA, 02134"
In this case, I would recommend putting the return address in ubbi dubbi.
posted by slkinsey at 8:03 AM on March 18 [10 favorites]
In this case, I would recommend putting the return address in ubbi dubbi.
posted by slkinsey at 8:03 AM on March 18 [10 favorites]
If you would like, you're welcome to ship the box to this internet stranger and I'll happily mail it on to them, after removing the label from you. I can validate that at least one of the current Metafilter admins knows that I'm a real (and decent) human if that is useful to you.
posted by arnicae at 8:31 AM on March 18 [7 favorites]
posted by arnicae at 8:31 AM on March 18 [7 favorites]
If you want to put a plausible, but safe, return address on the package, may I suggest using the address of a post office?
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:49 AM on March 18 [1 favorite]
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:49 AM on March 18 [1 favorite]
A lot of the cross-border mailing services will give you an address to use to have things sent to. This isn't the one i've used in the past, but similar. They give you an address, you have things sent there, and you only pay when things arrive or when you pick them up (they will notify you). Put this address as the return address, and if the package ends up there they can usually forward it to wherever you are, or just discard it. Not free, but should work. If the place i linked to doesn't do exactly what makes sense, there's probably one that does.
posted by cgg at 8:51 AM on March 18 [2 favorites]
posted by cgg at 8:51 AM on March 18 [2 favorites]
They know where you lived, so use an old address so they'll know who it's from. If you really don't want them to know even your general location, have someone mail it from another location, because it will be postmarked. Priority Mail is tracked; you'll get a tracking number.
It's kind of you to send things to a person you don't want to have contact with, for Reasons.
posted by theora55 at 8:57 AM on March 18 [2 favorites]
It's kind of you to send things to a person you don't want to have contact with, for Reasons.
posted by theora55 at 8:57 AM on March 18 [2 favorites]
Yeah, you can ship it Priority Mail or Priority Mail Express, you can even do it all online at usps.com and pay for & print the label there. You'll get a tracking number, and can watch the parcel's journey from end to end. You can choose whether or not a signature is required at the receiver end. You can put their return address, or gibberish, because all you need is the tracking number to track the shipment's progress and confirm delivery.
However, anyone with that tracking number can also view that whole journey, including the city where the parcel was picked up. So, you may want to travel to another post office and drop it off there, or ship it to a trusted friend, provide a pre-paid label for the next leg, and have your friend re-ship it for the final part of the journey.
posted by xedrik at 9:18 AM on March 19
However, anyone with that tracking number can also view that whole journey, including the city where the parcel was picked up. So, you may want to travel to another post office and drop it off there, or ship it to a trusted friend, provide a pre-paid label for the next leg, and have your friend re-ship it for the final part of the journey.
posted by xedrik at 9:18 AM on March 19
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posted by nanny's striped stocking at 2:21 AM on March 18 [5 favorites]