It's not for me

March 10, 2024 10:48 AM

I need a polite and graceful way out of this job.

Here is why, in no particular order:
1. I'm really not good at this software program. They have more procedures than Washington, D.C. I'm working very hard, have taken copious notes and entered items, maybe I'm too old to learn it?
2. I didn't like the way she scolded me for having a biopsy (I said procedure) and missing a day of training when it's a national company that focuses on that particular condition I was being tested for. I know in the business world no one cares about that.
3. Who knows what my health will do in the future. I simply don't have the strength to be yelled at when I miss a day due to my health.

Bonus: I'm on my last day training and will work with the supervisor today. Double bonus: Someone (who I don't know well) told me about the job and possibly dropped my name, so I feel awful about that, will it reflect on her? She's so kind. I would like to escape without hurting her.

I thought of just saying, "it's not a good fit" exactly like she threatened me.

Thoughts on crafting this?

posted by intrepid_simpleton to Work & Money (15 answers total)

Best answer: If you're leaving a job in or at the end of a training period, saying "thanks so much for the opportunity, but it's not a good fit. My last day will be..." is totally fine.

I doubt you're too old to learn a program. My guess is the documentation and training is a bit chaotic.
posted by warriorqueen at 10:51 AM on March 10 [15 favorites]

Put your needs 1st - every company will put their needs 1st. But do consider that the actual work might be satisfying and you might enjoy your co-workers, and money is useful. Giving you a hard time about time off for urgent medical needs is a jerk move. But it may not be a good indicator of how the job will be.

If you leave, just say, I won't be staying, do you want 2 weeks' notice? Because 2 weeks is polite, expected, and not unreasonable, but may not be useful when you just completed training.
posted by theora55 at 10:58 AM on March 10

Best answer: "It's not a good fit" is perfectly reasonable. It is also perfectly reasonable to say "I'm disappointed that the company does not appear willing to support employees with health needs, given its mission" but I am 100% out of fucks with corporate anti-human bullshit.
posted by restless_nomad at 11:00 AM on March 10 [20 favorites]

Response by poster: My co-workers are lovely.
posted by intrepid_simpleton at 11:01 AM on March 10

Best answer: I don’t think you’re too old to learn - some applications are just not intuitive or there may be method to the madness the app enforces but that only becomes clear with more experience.

If it’s not working for you it’s not working. If the main reason it’s not working is the person training you and if you won’t be working closely with them after the training period I might give it another couple of weeks to see if things settle a bit more.

In any case, if you want to leave, ‘not a good fit’ is the accepted thing to say if you’re a recent hire. That’s what they would tell you if they wanted to let you go at this point.
posted by koahiatamadl at 11:05 AM on March 10 [2 favorites]

It is perfectly polite and graceful to put in your two weeks notice and say "moving on for personal and professional reasons". If you want to be extra polite you can add phrases like "grateful for the opportunity... privileged to work alongside..." etc.

You don't owe any more info, nor is it rude to keep your reasons to yourself. If they keep grilling you for a specific reason, keep repeating the phrase "personal and professional reasons" until they tire of asking.
posted by splitpeasoup at 11:17 AM on March 10 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Hey, you know your situation better than I do, but maybe take a breath and give it a week or two after the training period? That might make a difference. I realize the supervisor is your main problem - you can also try moving to a different supervisor, or:

If you're at the point of leaving anyway, maybe you could have a frank but generous conversation with her about your experience and needs? I'm in favor of ultimatums before ultimate endings.
posted by amtho at 11:37 AM on March 10 [2 favorites]

Best answer: Hold up. Two of your three reasons relate to how they treated you when you needed to take a little time off due to a serious medical condition. I don't know all the facts here, but broadly speaking, harassing or taking an adverse employment action against someone (like letting you go) due to a disability is absolutely not ok, and depending on the country where you live, quite possibly illegal. (I don't know whether your exact situation would qualify legally-speaking, but they should be respectful regardless.) Here's a link specific to California. I would consider all of that in how you proceed,.e.g., whether you really want to let them off the hook for "scolding" and threatening to take an adverse action against you by pretending you're leaving for personal reasons instead of as a result of how you were treated around this issue.
posted by slidell at 11:40 AM on March 10 [8 favorites]

Best answer: I would punish her for her bad behavior.

By saying ‘I’m quitting because you criticized me sharply for missing a day for an important medical test, which is more than a little ironic since the entire mission of this organization is helping in the fight against a major medical problem, and I will not work for someone who would do something like that'.

And I would put that in writing to her superior AND to whatever instrumentality constituted them or contracted with them to work against this disease.
posted by jamjam at 1:03 PM on March 10 [17 favorites]

I don't sense you to be a confrontational person, but if you do decide to stick it out it may be worthwhile to see how the org handles this issue if you bring it up to her manager's manager or HR. Knowing how people respond to these sorts of things will likely help you understand whether you're working in a sick system or not. HR especially would likely be very interested to know that you were threatened over a medical issue, something that they could easily be sued for.
posted by Aleyn at 1:17 PM on March 10 [1 favorite]

Here's how I did it in a similar circumstance.

"I wanted to let you know, I've accepted a new role today and won't be able to continue with this project.

I appreciate the team's help with everything over the past couple of weeks. I know there's been a bit of a learning curve with this role. I hope you're soon able to find someone who can step in smoothly and continue the work.

Please let me know any steps I should complete for offboarding, and I'll be happy to help!"

Note: It doesn't have to be true that you've accepted another role. The role I accepted: Not dealing with their unrealistic expectations anymore. This was not me giving notice, either. I was done that day. You're early enough in the role that it's entirely realistic that you might have had something else in the pipeline.
posted by limeonaire at 3:50 PM on March 10 [2 favorites]

If you are considering quitting anyway, I don't see the harm in talking to your manager about your concerns about how they reacted to you taking time off for a medical reason. Make note of their response and escalate to HR if needed.

Some people will say that you should never go to HR because they are there to protect the company. But one thing they might need to protect the company from is your manager's illegal behaviour about personal leave.
posted by kinddieserzeit at 4:59 PM on March 10 [2 favorites]

Make sure you understand your options and costs for medical insurance before you leave, especially if you are in the US.
posted by SyraCarol at 10:55 AM on March 11

Response by poster: SyraCarol, I have government insurance and it's....not great. I can't wait til the date I age into...that other government insurance. What other options mean ye?
posted by intrepid_simpleton at 12:23 PM on March 11

Response by poster: I feel as if I can't do both (politely exit and mention the things the mgr did). But I'll meditate on it.

If that wasn't enough, we can't eat for the entire 8 hours cause 1. there is no one to cover the desk) and 2. we can't eat up front.

I think an entity would be interested.
posted by intrepid_simpleton at 2:55 PM on March 11