Improving Body Language
May 9, 2006 12:20 AM Subscribe
How should I improve my body language ?
I appear very laid-back and lethargic. I have a non-expressive face. And my looks give the impression of a straightforward guy. How can I develop a dynamic, active, expressive body language ?
I appear very laid-back and lethargic. I have a non-expressive face. And my looks give the impression of a straightforward guy. How can I develop a dynamic, active, expressive body language ?
Take a public speaking class or join Toastmasters. Any decent prep for public speaking will include a videotaped evaluation of your performance. You'll be amazed watching yourself - nervous tics you never knew you had, random movements, etc., all distracting from what you're trying to communicate. It's not easy to sit through but incredibly valuable. And the first step-mastery is self-knowledge. Your teacher/coach will help you reduce the extraneous movement and replace it with directed, purposeful movement and effective eye-contact.
Also, what redteam said: smile.
posted by zanni at 1:28 AM on May 9, 2006
Also, what redteam said: smile.
posted by zanni at 1:28 AM on May 9, 2006
Touch people. Not me, of course, I need my personal space, but I've watched people be considered the life of the party by the way they zoom into a room, reach over and touch this person on the shoulder, lean into someone else and touch them on the wrist or the elbow, listen while nodding, smile, laugh and exit without having really contributed anything but cheer. Is that the sort of thing you want to do?
Do not touch genitals (yours or anyone elses), or leave both your hands in your pockets. Stand straight, no matter how tall you are.
I like Redteam's idea of people watching. Don't copy Anthony Hopkins from Silence of the Lambs but.
posted by b33j at 2:52 AM on May 9, 2006
Do not touch genitals (yours or anyone elses), or leave both your hands in your pockets. Stand straight, no matter how tall you are.
I like Redteam's idea of people watching. Don't copy Anthony Hopkins from Silence of the Lambs but.
posted by b33j at 2:52 AM on May 9, 2006
Take a class in pilates or yoga or the Alexander Technique - it may not help you directly with gestures or facial expression, but will give you better stance, more poise, and make you more aware of your body. From that the rest may also flow.
posted by penguin pie at 6:19 AM on May 9, 2006
posted by penguin pie at 6:19 AM on May 9, 2006
This question is exactly me, too. I'm for the most part fairly inexpressive unless I'm laughing, and pretty much my only facial gesture is eyebrow movement -- not by deliberate choice, it's just how I react. I'm typically silent and have frequently been mistook for being a nice guy just because I didn't say anything mean when others were chiming in, or that I'm just off to the side most of the time.
I think part of the problem is that I have loads of mild social phobias and won't engage in certain social games ("cahoots" type games, or the cardgame Mao) for reasons I haven't quite yet uncovered.
I desperately want to be the person-who-is-hugged-hello type, because hugs just blow my mind so effectively and radically transform how my day is going and will go for the rest of it, in inexpressably joyful ways that defy explanation. I can last a whole week on sheer gladness in my step on one good hug from a good friend -- but my body language (I am guessing) seems to be the hinderance that people that are naturally huggers just never make it over to me.
The person that suggested smiling -- it is incredibly hard for me to smile because it would require me to be ingenuine, I'm not a naturally smily person and it seems fake and a "lying" feeling to smile when I don't want to.
posted by vanoakenfold at 6:51 AM on May 9, 2006
I think part of the problem is that I have loads of mild social phobias and won't engage in certain social games ("cahoots" type games, or the cardgame Mao) for reasons I haven't quite yet uncovered.
I desperately want to be the person-who-is-hugged-hello type, because hugs just blow my mind so effectively and radically transform how my day is going and will go for the rest of it, in inexpressably joyful ways that defy explanation. I can last a whole week on sheer gladness in my step on one good hug from a good friend -- but my body language (I am guessing) seems to be the hinderance that people that are naturally huggers just never make it over to me.
The person that suggested smiling -- it is incredibly hard for me to smile because it would require me to be ingenuine, I'm not a naturally smily person and it seems fake and a "lying" feeling to smile when I don't want to.
posted by vanoakenfold at 6:51 AM on May 9, 2006
I wish we could see pictures of you in action. (I suppose that would be weird though. Heh.)
One thing that you might relate to: I had a posture problem that took a bit of retraining to work out. Basically, I didn't know which way to tilt my pelvis. (Heh. That sounds weird too, but basically, my pelvis tilted forward, so my trunk tilted back.) When I corrected that (and when I remember to correct it, and yeah, a yoga teacher taught me how to stand up properly) I felt better and looked better. That was a start. Keeping my head up was another. (I always felt too tall, like I was taking up too much space, so I kept my head down and rounded my shoulders down.)
My point here is: I think your problem is fear. Is it fear of people looking at you? Fear of people seeing you have feelings?
Are you actually lethargic? Or do you appear lethargic? I don't understand the distinction you're making. When you say "appear," it seems to me that you're indicating you feel things or emotions that you're not expressing, or don't know how to release through your body. Why is that? Can you spend some time alone thinking about the physical expression that comes naturally with what you're feeling? What happens when you get mad? Do you wave your arms? Does your voice get louder? Or do you get immobile, and smolder? There's some sort of touchstone there in the change you want to make: identifying your body with your feelings.
And yes: smiling and gesticulating and the like will feel very fake. That's TOTALLY normal. And it doesn't matter. We can't tell from the outside!
posted by RJ Reynolds at 7:22 AM on May 9, 2006
One thing that you might relate to: I had a posture problem that took a bit of retraining to work out. Basically, I didn't know which way to tilt my pelvis. (Heh. That sounds weird too, but basically, my pelvis tilted forward, so my trunk tilted back.) When I corrected that (and when I remember to correct it, and yeah, a yoga teacher taught me how to stand up properly) I felt better and looked better. That was a start. Keeping my head up was another. (I always felt too tall, like I was taking up too much space, so I kept my head down and rounded my shoulders down.)
My point here is: I think your problem is fear. Is it fear of people looking at you? Fear of people seeing you have feelings?
Are you actually lethargic? Or do you appear lethargic? I don't understand the distinction you're making. When you say "appear," it seems to me that you're indicating you feel things or emotions that you're not expressing, or don't know how to release through your body. Why is that? Can you spend some time alone thinking about the physical expression that comes naturally with what you're feeling? What happens when you get mad? Do you wave your arms? Does your voice get louder? Or do you get immobile, and smolder? There's some sort of touchstone there in the change you want to make: identifying your body with your feelings.
And yes: smiling and gesticulating and the like will feel very fake. That's TOTALLY normal. And it doesn't matter. We can't tell from the outside!
posted by RJ Reynolds at 7:22 AM on May 9, 2006
I have a habit of sitting hunched over, supported by my elbows on lap. To me, it's just comfortable. To other people, it looks like I'm doing all I can to not fall into a coma.
posted by the jam at 9:19 AM on May 9, 2006
posted by the jam at 9:19 AM on May 9, 2006
You say you're looking for a "dynamic" body language. I hope you don't mean that you want to be one of those people who thrash around and wave their arms all over when they talk, because this is the body language equivalent of yelling. It's rarely articulate and completely inelegant.
Read some books on body language and then go out and watch how other people use body language (consciously or unconsciously) to communicate with each other. Start paying attention to what your own body language is saying (and it says a lot).
Once you know how to read what you and other people are saying with your body you can start to improvise, send selective signals, make up your own situational subtext.
For example, my boss is considerably shorter than me, and I found that I was using a lot of domination body language. I also noticed we butted heads on a lot of issues. When I modified how I held myself around him, adopting a more open and passive stature, I was able to get him to accept my viewpoint more often.
posted by lekvar at 12:32 PM on May 9, 2006
Read some books on body language and then go out and watch how other people use body language (consciously or unconsciously) to communicate with each other. Start paying attention to what your own body language is saying (and it says a lot).
Once you know how to read what you and other people are saying with your body you can start to improvise, send selective signals, make up your own situational subtext.
For example, my boss is considerably shorter than me, and I found that I was using a lot of domination body language. I also noticed we butted heads on a lot of issues. When I modified how I held myself around him, adopting a more open and passive stature, I was able to get him to accept my viewpoint more often.
posted by lekvar at 12:32 PM on May 9, 2006
A lot (most? all?) of this is culturally determined, so be careful about which of the recommendations above you pick, as they may not be appropriate for your cultural environment.
posted by aramaic at 4:59 PM on May 9, 2006
posted by aramaic at 4:59 PM on May 9, 2006
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Do you want to make people feel closer to you? Do you want to be more engaging? Do you want more presence? Are you afraid that being more expressive will make you appear less straightforward?
First off, I recommend smiling. Really smiling, though. What they call a Duchenne smile. It's supposed to be involuntary, but maybe you can allow yourself to have them more often, if you're not already. If you see somebody that you're happy to see, or if you're talking to somebody about something that excites you, smile. It really changes your appearance.
Look at who you're speaking to and consider making appropriate hand movements when you speak.
I also recommend some serious people watching. Begin watching the way people interact from a distance and don't be afraid of imitating the movements that you like. Try this at a public place with a lot of people milling about (park, mall, outdoor shopping area, some outdoor area at work). If you're concerned about people knowing that you're watching them, wear sunglasses. You can even get away with copying movie actors you admire.
posted by redteam at 1:13 AM on May 9, 2006