Help me be a less anxious pet-owner
February 7, 2024 5:17 AM Subscribe
How can I, as a pet owner, learn to have more chill?
I've had a cat for only 4 months now. I've never owned a pet as an adult before. I absolutely love animals and I always imagined my life would contain pets.
I've posted a lot about my journey to pet ownership to AskMe and received great advice. I have wanted pets for years but never felt ready, or other things went wrong; and I am very happy to have my little unicorn kitty at last. She seems like a really happy cat, eats and drinks and toilets well, is very friendly and affectionate, loves to play and have a chat, has a clean bill of health. I think it was the right life choice for me, as she brings me so much entertainment and comfort; but it has come at the cost of a LOT of second-guessing and anxiety and feeling like a bad person/terrible pet owner etc.
I research everyday cat stuff like mad. I am really careful and observant about making sure she has the right level of stimulation and enrichment etc. I habitually have dreams of her dying or being sick. Sometimes at night I imagine what it will be like when she dies. Whenever I need to take UC to the groomer or the vet, I stress about it for days beforehand, and I always have to really psych myself up to putting her into her carrier and taking her anywhere. Going away has become fraught with guilt and worry for me. The irony is that she does absolutely fine while I'm away. She hates going to the vet/groomer obviously but recovers quickly as soon as she's back home. I think a lot of my anxiety is completely unnecessary and does neither of us any good. I'd love to be a less anxious pet-owner.
I notice such a difference between my attitude to her and those of my friends who have more experience of pet ownership. They seem so much more relaxed and unlikely to go into a reddit spiral the second their cat behaves in a slightly new or unexpected way. I no longer hang out on the cat advice boards, it plays havoc with my anxiety, but apart from that I am looking for other ways to manage my anxiety about having a cat and keeping her healthy and safe.
I've had a cat for only 4 months now. I've never owned a pet as an adult before. I absolutely love animals and I always imagined my life would contain pets.
I've posted a lot about my journey to pet ownership to AskMe and received great advice. I have wanted pets for years but never felt ready, or other things went wrong; and I am very happy to have my little unicorn kitty at last. She seems like a really happy cat, eats and drinks and toilets well, is very friendly and affectionate, loves to play and have a chat, has a clean bill of health. I think it was the right life choice for me, as she brings me so much entertainment and comfort; but it has come at the cost of a LOT of second-guessing and anxiety and feeling like a bad person/terrible pet owner etc.
I research everyday cat stuff like mad. I am really careful and observant about making sure she has the right level of stimulation and enrichment etc. I habitually have dreams of her dying or being sick. Sometimes at night I imagine what it will be like when she dies. Whenever I need to take UC to the groomer or the vet, I stress about it for days beforehand, and I always have to really psych myself up to putting her into her carrier and taking her anywhere. Going away has become fraught with guilt and worry for me. The irony is that she does absolutely fine while I'm away. She hates going to the vet/groomer obviously but recovers quickly as soon as she's back home. I think a lot of my anxiety is completely unnecessary and does neither of us any good. I'd love to be a less anxious pet-owner.
I notice such a difference between my attitude to her and those of my friends who have more experience of pet ownership. They seem so much more relaxed and unlikely to go into a reddit spiral the second their cat behaves in a slightly new or unexpected way. I no longer hang out on the cat advice boards, it plays havoc with my anxiety, but apart from that I am looking for other ways to manage my anxiety about having a cat and keeping her healthy and safe.
The obvious solution is to get another cat! (And then a third one for good measure!) This way you can compare behaviors and feel more assured over the range of what is "normal".
Try reading a book on cat care instead of scouring the internet ("daily"? "like mad"?) - they are more likely to be edited and less likely to dwell on the doom scenarios.
I think your worries are understandable - it's likely that the emotional attachment to a small creature that is completely dependent on you was not something you considered when thinking about getting a pet. People usually think about "do I have time?" and "can I afford food/vet bills?", rather than the more ephemeral aspects of pet ownership. Now the cat is here and you feel that weight or responsibility and attachment. It's normal, and over time it's likely to fade into the warm fuzzy feeling of living in symbiosis with this amazing animal.
posted by Dotty at 5:50 AM on February 7
Try reading a book on cat care instead of scouring the internet ("daily"? "like mad"?) - they are more likely to be edited and less likely to dwell on the doom scenarios.
I think your worries are understandable - it's likely that the emotional attachment to a small creature that is completely dependent on you was not something you considered when thinking about getting a pet. People usually think about "do I have time?" and "can I afford food/vet bills?", rather than the more ephemeral aspects of pet ownership. Now the cat is here and you feel that weight or responsibility and attachment. It's normal, and over time it's likely to fade into the warm fuzzy feeling of living in symbiosis with this amazing animal.
posted by Dotty at 5:50 AM on February 7
I hear you. The night before I got my current pup, and the first few nights afterwards, I had horrendous dreams about the worst things that could possibly happen. I won't tell you I'm not still an anxious, doting owner, because I am, but I did learn to feel less terrified for her. A lot of it was just time and letting my hindbrain learn that she would be fine in good situations without me.
Although reading comment sections is not the answer, I have found that watching videos of pet owners and pet rescues helps me gain perspective. Ordinary pet owners who keep vlogs or post goofy tweets help me realize the range of good pet ownership. So do pet rescues, in their own way. The fosters and volunteers are so kind, and God knows what the creatures went through beforehand, but they learn to live happily.
posted by Countess Elena at 6:15 AM on February 7
Although reading comment sections is not the answer, I have found that watching videos of pet owners and pet rescues helps me gain perspective. Ordinary pet owners who keep vlogs or post goofy tweets help me realize the range of good pet ownership. So do pet rescues, in their own way. The fosters and volunteers are so kind, and God knows what the creatures went through beforehand, but they learn to live happily.
posted by Countess Elena at 6:15 AM on February 7
I think it's just going to take time and experience. Nine years ago I asked a question about one dog in a pair dying. Two years ago I didn't need to re-ask that question because I had experienced it before and wasn't as nervous about it. Sad, always. But prepared.
For any online forum (even this beloved one) I ignore the most extreme answers on both sides of it. "You're cruel if you don't carry your dog in a mailbag everywhere you go" is tossed in the same bin as "chain your dog outside with a doghouse and he'll be fine." The best advice lives in the middle of the spectrum.
Murphy is my sixth dog. Murphy but hates going to the vet and groomer. He is Not Brave. (He gets that from me.) He shakes and whines the entire way there, and I feel terrible right along with him. My groomer loves Murphy and says he's completely fine as soon as I leave. The vets treat him with love and care. Murphy's tongue is slightly longer than the size of his brain, so I can't make him remember this. The only thing I can do in this case is make myself feel better.
Which is why we established Russell Rule #1: We always come back. I tell him (and me) this every time I leave him somewhere, or even if I go somewhere without him. Three hours at the groomer for him, a week away for me, the same rule applies. "Rule 1, Murphy, we always come back." It makes me feel better.
Steal that for your kitty - it's your new house rule. "I know you're upset, Kitty, but don't forget Rule 1: I always come back for you."
You and Kitty are going to be FINE. Kitty's already fine. You'll get there.
posted by kimberussell at 6:17 AM on February 7 [4 favorites]
For any online forum (even this beloved one) I ignore the most extreme answers on both sides of it. "You're cruel if you don't carry your dog in a mailbag everywhere you go" is tossed in the same bin as "chain your dog outside with a doghouse and he'll be fine." The best advice lives in the middle of the spectrum.
Murphy is my sixth dog. Murphy but hates going to the vet and groomer. He is Not Brave. (He gets that from me.) He shakes and whines the entire way there, and I feel terrible right along with him. My groomer loves Murphy and says he's completely fine as soon as I leave. The vets treat him with love and care. Murphy's tongue is slightly longer than the size of his brain, so I can't make him remember this. The only thing I can do in this case is make myself feel better.
Which is why we established Russell Rule #1: We always come back. I tell him (and me) this every time I leave him somewhere, or even if I go somewhere without him. Three hours at the groomer for him, a week away for me, the same rule applies. "Rule 1, Murphy, we always come back." It makes me feel better.
Steal that for your kitty - it's your new house rule. "I know you're upset, Kitty, but don't forget Rule 1: I always come back for you."
You and Kitty are going to be FINE. Kitty's already fine. You'll get there.
posted by kimberussell at 6:17 AM on February 7 [4 favorites]
How often do you need to take your cat to the groomer or vet?
If you get a furminator or similar comb/brush you can give your cat a good brushing every so often – they need it more in the spring and summer, as you'll find out. It isn't something they naturally dislike. My cat likes it and leans happily into the brush so I can give her a sort of all-over massage at the same time. Cats mostly take care of their own grooming, but an occasional brushing reduces the shedding and means they swallow less fur when they wash. Cats don't need to be shampooed unless they somehow get a noxious substance on their fur.
I recommend the Youtube video of the Helpful Vancouver Vet on how to clip a cat's nails. He's reassuring in general but even so, please don't watch all his cat videos at once.
If you can brush your cat and clip her claws now and then, she doesn't need to see a groomer.
Get some nice toys and distribute them around the house and she will entertain herself, for the most part.
I've had cats all my life. Right now the cat is in the kitchen complaining that it still isn't summer outside. I let her get on with it. After a time, you'll also become a little more blasé unless the cat really needs something (like being fed at 5 a.m.)
It is customary to pay the cat tax here with a nice picture of your kitty.
posted by zadcat at 6:17 AM on February 7 [4 favorites]
If you get a furminator or similar comb/brush you can give your cat a good brushing every so often – they need it more in the spring and summer, as you'll find out. It isn't something they naturally dislike. My cat likes it and leans happily into the brush so I can give her a sort of all-over massage at the same time. Cats mostly take care of their own grooming, but an occasional brushing reduces the shedding and means they swallow less fur when they wash. Cats don't need to be shampooed unless they somehow get a noxious substance on their fur.
I recommend the Youtube video of the Helpful Vancouver Vet on how to clip a cat's nails. He's reassuring in general but even so, please don't watch all his cat videos at once.
If you can brush your cat and clip her claws now and then, she doesn't need to see a groomer.
Get some nice toys and distribute them around the house and she will entertain herself, for the most part.
I've had cats all my life. Right now the cat is in the kitchen complaining that it still isn't summer outside. I let her get on with it. After a time, you'll also become a little more blasé unless the cat really needs something (like being fed at 5 a.m.)
It is customary to pay the cat tax here with a nice picture of your kitty.
posted by zadcat at 6:17 AM on February 7 [4 favorites]
Response by poster: It is customary to pay the cat tax here with a nice picture of your kitty.
Hehe. Sorry. Cat tax.
posted by unicorn chaser at 6:23 AM on February 7 [17 favorites]
Hehe. Sorry. Cat tax.
posted by unicorn chaser at 6:23 AM on February 7 [17 favorites]
Work on your anxiety, generally. This is very likely not about the cat, but about the anxiety. And if you need this as a push: your cat will be happier if you are not a nervous wreck all the time. How would YOU feel if your roommate was in a constant state of distress about you?
But, for reframing: stop pathologizing. You didn't adopt a bomb, you adopted a companion animal that is thoroughly-documented to be extremely individualized and esoteric in personality ("cats are weird", "why does my cat do X/because it's a cat") and you're missing out on building a relationship with your particular cat because you're turning everything into a problem.
Something that helps a lot, I think, is to remember the default State of Cat. They are constructed to mostly sleep and feed themselves, and most of their enrichment is smelling the world's sniffs and hunting prey. Now, cats figured out a long time ago that this was all far less effort and danger to do inside people's houses and so they invited themselves in and domesticated us and will manipulate us masterfully to get what they need. But they don't need much. They like all kinds of things, but most of them are not requirements.
If you really want general cat health and behavior education and guidance on doing nice things for your cat, watch Jackson Galaxy videos and leave it at that, he has a very good youtube channel. I am recently re-felined after almost 20 years, and I've found subject-specific information there that has been helpful. You do not need a discussion board for your cat. That is too much thinking about cat. Not even the cat wants you to think about it that much.
posted by Lyn Never at 6:30 AM on February 7 [6 favorites]
But, for reframing: stop pathologizing. You didn't adopt a bomb, you adopted a companion animal that is thoroughly-documented to be extremely individualized and esoteric in personality ("cats are weird", "why does my cat do X/because it's a cat") and you're missing out on building a relationship with your particular cat because you're turning everything into a problem.
Something that helps a lot, I think, is to remember the default State of Cat. They are constructed to mostly sleep and feed themselves, and most of their enrichment is smelling the world's sniffs and hunting prey. Now, cats figured out a long time ago that this was all far less effort and danger to do inside people's houses and so they invited themselves in and domesticated us and will manipulate us masterfully to get what they need. But they don't need much. They like all kinds of things, but most of them are not requirements.
If you really want general cat health and behavior education and guidance on doing nice things for your cat, watch Jackson Galaxy videos and leave it at that, he has a very good youtube channel. I am recently re-felined after almost 20 years, and I've found subject-specific information there that has been helpful. You do not need a discussion board for your cat. That is too much thinking about cat. Not even the cat wants you to think about it that much.
posted by Lyn Never at 6:30 AM on February 7 [6 favorites]
Read your past asks and you're used to playing caretaker for elderly people with short fuses. I bet you've transferred that mentality to the cat.
posted by kingdead at 6:55 AM on February 7 [10 favorites]
posted by kingdead at 6:55 AM on February 7 [10 favorites]
This seems like it might be less a cat problem than an anxiety problem - is it worth checking in with a professional about your mood?
But also: there was a period a few months after getting a cat for the first time, when I got hit with the weight of caring for a living creature, and the thing that made it better was that I slowly learned that I could trust my cat to tell me what she needs. Like, there are some things where you do need to be careful (poisonous plants), and you have to be somewhat attentive to pain/sickness because cats will hide pain, but: if my cat is bored, she will yell at me. If my cat is hungry, she will yell at me and sit in front of her food bowl. If my cat is thirsty, she will yell at me and sit in front of her water bowl. I know that when she yells at me as I'm getting ready to go to work in the morning, it's because she doesn't want to be left alone for nine or ten hours. I think it takes time to build up that trust, where your cat knows how to tell you what it wants and you know what it means when your cat acts the way it does.
posted by Jeanne at 7:04 AM on February 7 [1 favorite]
But also: there was a period a few months after getting a cat for the first time, when I got hit with the weight of caring for a living creature, and the thing that made it better was that I slowly learned that I could trust my cat to tell me what she needs. Like, there are some things where you do need to be careful (poisonous plants), and you have to be somewhat attentive to pain/sickness because cats will hide pain, but: if my cat is bored, she will yell at me. If my cat is hungry, she will yell at me and sit in front of her food bowl. If my cat is thirsty, she will yell at me and sit in front of her water bowl. I know that when she yells at me as I'm getting ready to go to work in the morning, it's because she doesn't want to be left alone for nine or ten hours. I think it takes time to build up that trust, where your cat knows how to tell you what it wants and you know what it means when your cat acts the way it does.
posted by Jeanne at 7:04 AM on February 7 [1 favorite]
I have had so many cats all my life and a friend finally got a single cat after many years and my cats get like a tenth of the attention and care her entire family pours onto their furball - he’s a nice cat and happy in his position as King of the House but we both marvel at our very different attitudes to cat ownership. She would totally be on your end of the spectrum of cat ownership and that is Absolutely OK! Be a super fan of your cat and don’t feel embarrassed - just don’t judge other people who are at the less intense side on their cats.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 7:05 AM on February 7
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 7:05 AM on February 7
I'm also curious about all the vet and groomer visits - even fluffy cats can be managed at home with a brush, and that would seem less stressful for both of you than going to a groomer.
Anyway, I think you've gotten good advice already and I agree with those saying this sounds more of an anxiety problem than a new cat owner problem. I'd work on accepting the fact that at some point in this cat's life, you will overlook something or make a decision that you come to regret. Contrary to their ability/commitment to remind you of dinnertime, cats are really good at hiding their pain/illness, more so than dogs - statistically speaking, this is more likely to become an issue later in their life. In any case, you're not a bad cat owner if your cat eventually hides a medical issue from you for a bit.
I think the advice above of reading a cat book is a good idea - it's good to know the general best practices and common illnesses and their symptoms. And if you're ever wondering if something you've observed is a bad sign, ask your cat-owning friends, not the Internet.
posted by coffeecat at 7:11 AM on February 7
Anyway, I think you've gotten good advice already and I agree with those saying this sounds more of an anxiety problem than a new cat owner problem. I'd work on accepting the fact that at some point in this cat's life, you will overlook something or make a decision that you come to regret. Contrary to their ability/commitment to remind you of dinnertime, cats are really good at hiding their pain/illness, more so than dogs - statistically speaking, this is more likely to become an issue later in their life. In any case, you're not a bad cat owner if your cat eventually hides a medical issue from you for a bit.
I think the advice above of reading a cat book is a good idea - it's good to know the general best practices and common illnesses and their symptoms. And if you're ever wondering if something you've observed is a bad sign, ask your cat-owning friends, not the Internet.
posted by coffeecat at 7:11 AM on February 7
Seconding kingdead -- I suspect you are reenacting a script you learned elsewhere. No judgment, just sympathy. Not every caregiving relationship will be so fraught. I'd also recommend therapy if you can make time for it, to try to unlearn this pattern. Your cat is beautiful!! And look at that floof!!
posted by eirias at 7:12 AM on February 7 [3 favorites]
posted by eirias at 7:12 AM on February 7 [3 favorites]
You might find it useful to read some self help about OCD scrupulosity about pets, and exposure and response prevention as therapy.
posted by Rhedyn at 7:14 AM on February 7 [2 favorites]
posted by Rhedyn at 7:14 AM on February 7 [2 favorites]
Here is a potential source of motivation: animals pick up on our feelings. If you want your cat to be happy and relaxed, cultivate those qualities in yourself.
My friend feels terribly bad about taking her cat to the vet. She gets out the carrier with fear and dismay. I am sure her fear and dismay do not help relax the cat when it's time to get into the carrier.
I try to treat vet visits as "no big thing", so that if the cats feel nervous they will at least see me relaxed, and it will help them.
Similarly with claw clipping, if you approach it nervously your cat will pick up on that and sense that Something Terrible Is About To Happen. Whereas if you just trim one foot before dinner, no big deal, here's a treat for a good customer-- it's much easier.
One of my cats was a shy, wary little thing when I got her. She now jumps onto the laps of strangers. She has trust in the world, not just in me. If I had mirrored her nervousness, rather than showing her an example of calm, the story might have been very different.
posted by Pallas Athena at 7:20 AM on February 7 [4 favorites]
My friend feels terribly bad about taking her cat to the vet. She gets out the carrier with fear and dismay. I am sure her fear and dismay do not help relax the cat when it's time to get into the carrier.
I try to treat vet visits as "no big thing", so that if the cats feel nervous they will at least see me relaxed, and it will help them.
Similarly with claw clipping, if you approach it nervously your cat will pick up on that and sense that Something Terrible Is About To Happen. Whereas if you just trim one foot before dinner, no big deal, here's a treat for a good customer-- it's much easier.
One of my cats was a shy, wary little thing when I got her. She now jumps onto the laps of strangers. She has trust in the world, not just in me. If I had mirrored her nervousness, rather than showing her an example of calm, the story might have been very different.
posted by Pallas Athena at 7:20 AM on February 7 [4 favorites]
Hello, fellow anxious pet owner/friend! In my experience, it will get better but never go away. But that's ok, it's part of the deal. You won't always get it right, but you can only do your best. You've opened your home to a little beast who needed a home. That's pretty great.
I will agree a little work on your own anxiety - and avoiding cat boards (and people who say they have all the answers).
posted by Glinn at 7:34 AM on February 7
I will agree a little work on your own anxiety - and avoiding cat boards (and people who say they have all the answers).
posted by Glinn at 7:34 AM on February 7
Your cat is absolutely gorgeous and looks well cared for!
Chiming in with those who say this sounds it might be like an anxiety problem, rather than a pet problem per se. If that sounds plausible, you might want to consider taking steps to treat it directly. It might improve your life in other ways, too.
But, if you're a conscientious person who's never before had a small being completely dependent on you for its needs, it does scramble the brain a bit! (Ask me how I know.) It settles somewhat, with time and experience.
posted by praemunire at 8:31 AM on February 7
Chiming in with those who say this sounds it might be like an anxiety problem, rather than a pet problem per se. If that sounds plausible, you might want to consider taking steps to treat it directly. It might improve your life in other ways, too.
But, if you're a conscientious person who's never before had a small being completely dependent on you for its needs, it does scramble the brain a bit! (Ask me how I know.) It settles somewhat, with time and experience.
posted by praemunire at 8:31 AM on February 7
When I get anxious about my cat, I find it helpful to go through the checklist of questions I know the vet asks:
- are they eating and drinking?
- using the litter box?
- being their usual level of playful/affectionate (varies widely by cat)?
If the answer is yes to everything (and for me, it always is), then I identify my anxiety as baseless and give myself permission to move on.
posted by umwelt at 8:43 AM on February 7 [4 favorites]
- are they eating and drinking?
- using the litter box?
- being their usual level of playful/affectionate (varies widely by cat)?
If the answer is yes to everything (and for me, it always is), then I identify my anxiety as baseless and give myself permission to move on.
posted by umwelt at 8:43 AM on February 7 [4 favorites]
Though it is probably the anxiety speaking (did the same thing with my dog), just wanted to offer another idea with vet visits. In my area, there are vets that do come to you (not just for end of life care), but they are a little pricier since it’s a house call. If you’re just getting routine checkups/bloodwork/vaccines, and you can afford the price bump, that might be a viable route for your kitty. You absolutely do not have to do this to be a good pet owner! I think there’s a lot of external and internal pressure to do all of the things, and it’s hard to pull out of the morass what kind of life you actually want to live with your cat.
posted by sincerely yours at 9:24 AM on February 7
posted by sincerely yours at 9:24 AM on February 7
You're describing a disproportionate amount of worry for the situation. You have the resources, knowledge, and skills to give this cat a safe, comfortable, and good life. Others have suggested this may be connected to anxiety or OCD, and I think that's well worth considering; if you're interested in therapy, look for a therapist with training in OCD and anxiety, because non-specialists can sometimes have difficulty distinguishing between the two and the treatments are very different. In the mean time:
Give yourself an alternative to the Reddit/google spiral. Pick a day of the week and a cat-related book. Let's say you pick Tuesdays and The Behaviour of the Domestic Cat. Every Tuesday, read one chapter of the book. Reflect on how this feels. If it helps you to feel like a more prepared and capable cat owner, great. If it makes you anxious, stop.
Take your vet seriously. They know how to assess a cat's health. They say your cat is healthy. If this feels impossible or ridiculous, that offers further evidence this is a mental health issue rather than a lack of skill with pets.
Remember that this relationship is new, and it's ok to be nervous. You may be feeling the discomfort of change and mistakenly labeling it as "bad cat ownership." Even if there are moments when you don't know what your cat needs or wants from you, even if there are moments when your cat is distressed, that's just... being a pet owner. You now live with a creature that depends on you, but you can't talk to each other. You're not failing this cat by experiencing this natural adjustment process.
posted by theotherdurassister at 4:54 PM on February 7
Give yourself an alternative to the Reddit/google spiral. Pick a day of the week and a cat-related book. Let's say you pick Tuesdays and The Behaviour of the Domestic Cat. Every Tuesday, read one chapter of the book. Reflect on how this feels. If it helps you to feel like a more prepared and capable cat owner, great. If it makes you anxious, stop.
Take your vet seriously. They know how to assess a cat's health. They say your cat is healthy. If this feels impossible or ridiculous, that offers further evidence this is a mental health issue rather than a lack of skill with pets.
Remember that this relationship is new, and it's ok to be nervous. You may be feeling the discomfort of change and mistakenly labeling it as "bad cat ownership." Even if there are moments when you don't know what your cat needs or wants from you, even if there are moments when your cat is distressed, that's just... being a pet owner. You now live with a creature that depends on you, but you can't talk to each other. You're not failing this cat by experiencing this natural adjustment process.
posted by theotherdurassister at 4:54 PM on February 7
Longtime cat staff here. Cats are weird creatures and their personalities change over time. They pick up odd habits and will learn from you. Example: one of my two boys, Taz, now insists on getting combed after breakfast and dinner, as I'm done washing the dishes. How did he start that? I guess I combed him a couple times at that time, and now he wants it every day, twice a day. It's super cute but I don't feel pressure that I *must* comb him when he yaps at me. If I'm rushed, I say, sorry dude, give him a couple pets and go on with my day. He curls up with his brother and goes to sleep. All's well. As long as they are eating, drinking, using the box, and sleeping seemingly 20 hours a day, I don't worry.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 5:09 PM on February 7
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 5:09 PM on February 7
Awww, you have such a gorgeous floof!
I tend to the anxious, too, and it's been really helpful fo rme to run down a checklist similar to what umwelt posted. If your cat is:
-eating
-drinking
-peeing
-pooping
-playing
-purring (if applicable)
around at least once per day, the kitty is probably fine. Good luck!
posted by TwoStride at 5:23 PM on February 7
I tend to the anxious, too, and it's been really helpful fo rme to run down a checklist similar to what umwelt posted. If your cat is:
-eating
-drinking
-peeing
-pooping
-playing
-purring (if applicable)
around at least once per day, the kitty is probably fine. Good luck!
posted by TwoStride at 5:23 PM on February 7
What a beautiful cat! Thank you for the cat tax. And what a very lucky cat to be in a loving and caring home. Good for you.
I’m hecking anxious, always have been, although therapy and meds help.
I also hate taking my kitties to the vet (one got terrible car sickness which was Not Ideal). We found a house call vet. They can’t do surgery but they do annual well visits, vaccinations, sick calls, and work closely with a brick and mortar vet only ten minutes from my house. This reduces stress immensely. Maybe that’s an idea?
This part is easy to say and hard to do, but when you interact with kitty, maybe try to be as present and mindful as possible. This helps me when I have to leave them for travel or work or whatever. We also have several very trusted cat sitters in case something comes up unexpectedly-again, reduces my anxiety. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t know down to the minute how long it takes to get to my local emergencies 24/7 vet clinics. Again, having a plan helps me a LOT. I rarely need to implement it but I know what to do.
If you are on Twitter may I recommend George the Stourbridge Junction Cat? That always calms me down, especially after a hard day.
My cats are good at communicating, but it took me a while to learn what they are trying to tell me and I still get it wrong sometimes. They always forgive me in the end. You are ahead of the curve in that you want to do a good job. Listen to your gut, not the wackos on the internet. I also prefer books and am reading a good one right now, The Hidden Language of Cats. Dogs are way better at reading people and communication what they want; cats have more subtle cues.
I think you sound like a caring person and will be fine Pro tip: find all the favorite toys and games and rotate them cuz some cats will play the same game over and over ad nauseum and others crave variety. My Tikki cat is very subtle with her play amd affection cues and the Mo cat is just a big old kitten, always ready to play play play. Experiment amd you will figure each other out.
We have faith in you!!
posted by kyraU2 at 9:10 PM on February 7
I’m hecking anxious, always have been, although therapy and meds help.
I also hate taking my kitties to the vet (one got terrible car sickness which was Not Ideal). We found a house call vet. They can’t do surgery but they do annual well visits, vaccinations, sick calls, and work closely with a brick and mortar vet only ten minutes from my house. This reduces stress immensely. Maybe that’s an idea?
This part is easy to say and hard to do, but when you interact with kitty, maybe try to be as present and mindful as possible. This helps me when I have to leave them for travel or work or whatever. We also have several very trusted cat sitters in case something comes up unexpectedly-again, reduces my anxiety. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t know down to the minute how long it takes to get to my local emergencies 24/7 vet clinics. Again, having a plan helps me a LOT. I rarely need to implement it but I know what to do.
If you are on Twitter may I recommend George the Stourbridge Junction Cat? That always calms me down, especially after a hard day.
My cats are good at communicating, but it took me a while to learn what they are trying to tell me and I still get it wrong sometimes. They always forgive me in the end. You are ahead of the curve in that you want to do a good job. Listen to your gut, not the wackos on the internet. I also prefer books and am reading a good one right now, The Hidden Language of Cats. Dogs are way better at reading people and communication what they want; cats have more subtle cues.
I think you sound like a caring person and will be fine Pro tip: find all the favorite toys and games and rotate them cuz some cats will play the same game over and over ad nauseum and others crave variety. My Tikki cat is very subtle with her play amd affection cues and the Mo cat is just a big old kitten, always ready to play play play. Experiment amd you will figure each other out.
We have faith in you!!
posted by kyraU2 at 9:10 PM on February 7
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Have you considered therapy? I know it's not accessible for everyone because of cost/insurance issues, but when you're struggling with anxiety that is distressing and difficult to manage, this is what therapy is for.
That said, I also think you're right to call out that your chill pet owner friends have had pets for longer than four months. Some of this will fade with time. But that doesn't mean you can't look for support now.
posted by capricorn at 5:25 AM on February 7 [4 favorites]