Becoming a single mom
October 23, 2023 3:35 PM Subscribe
I am about to turn 35, and considering this path. I'd love to hear directly from single moms and those who considered it.
I am about to turn 35, and still single. I'm actively dating, but haven't met the one. I've been pretty clear on my dating profile that I want kids, and screening out people who don't want them.
That said....I really want biological kids. I would be super sad to get to 70 and look back at my life without kids.
I've already frozen my eggs, with a good total amount, so that's a good backup.
But when I consider using a sperm donor, my head starts spinning. Something about it feels so daunting. I have a high intensity and high stress job that I love, but adding a kid without a partner feels overwhelming. I also don't know if I love the idea of being the only one fiscally responsible. And finally, having a sperm donor without any sense of their background is a little sad to me (but that last piece is something that I would need to do anyways as I am queer). I already have a therapist which is useful.
I guess simply put, I'd rather not be a single mom but I'd rather be a single mom than without kids. And I'd rather be a single mom than with a partner who is the wrong fit and/or doesn't even contribute (which seems harder than being a single mom, honestly).
So I guess my question is for single moms: can you share your stories about how and when you decided to have kids? Was it really hard being a single mom without spousal support? I'm also open to general thoughts on this area as I really don't know where to start.
I am about to turn 35, and still single. I'm actively dating, but haven't met the one. I've been pretty clear on my dating profile that I want kids, and screening out people who don't want them.
That said....I really want biological kids. I would be super sad to get to 70 and look back at my life without kids.
I've already frozen my eggs, with a good total amount, so that's a good backup.
But when I consider using a sperm donor, my head starts spinning. Something about it feels so daunting. I have a high intensity and high stress job that I love, but adding a kid without a partner feels overwhelming. I also don't know if I love the idea of being the only one fiscally responsible. And finally, having a sperm donor without any sense of their background is a little sad to me (but that last piece is something that I would need to do anyways as I am queer). I already have a therapist which is useful.
I guess simply put, I'd rather not be a single mom but I'd rather be a single mom than without kids. And I'd rather be a single mom than with a partner who is the wrong fit and/or doesn't even contribute (which seems harder than being a single mom, honestly).
So I guess my question is for single moms: can you share your stories about how and when you decided to have kids? Was it really hard being a single mom without spousal support? I'm also open to general thoughts on this area as I really don't know where to start.
I have two friends who are single parents by choice. The physically daunting part is frontloaded - so as long as you can hire a full time nanny from day one, you’ll be more than able to handle it. My partnered mom friends and I agree that their lives appear significantly easier in some ways since they don’t have to navigate the viscitudes of coparenting. One of my single-by-choice friends says this too …
posted by haptic_avenger at 4:29 PM on October 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by haptic_avenger at 4:29 PM on October 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
My partnered mom friends and I agree that their lives appear significantly easier in some ways since they don’t have to navigate the viscitudes of coparenting. One of my single-by-choice friends says this too …
Yep...SMCs getting together are all kind of talking about how hard it must be for all those partnered-parents to have to constantly make decisions collaboratively and have to put up with someone who does things their own way and yet is entirely entitled to do that.
I did not hire a nanny and am kind of anti-nanny. Like everyone else can do whatever they want, but I've always known that I would not want to leave my kid alone with anyone.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 4:37 PM on October 23, 2023
Yep...SMCs getting together are all kind of talking about how hard it must be for all those partnered-parents to have to constantly make decisions collaboratively and have to put up with someone who does things their own way and yet is entirely entitled to do that.
I did not hire a nanny and am kind of anti-nanny. Like everyone else can do whatever they want, but I've always known that I would not want to leave my kid alone with anyone.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 4:37 PM on October 23, 2023
I've always known that I would not want to leave my kid alone with anyone.
Totally respect that - as long as you have help on hand in the newborn phase. That was the only time period I actually needed-needed another person around.
posted by haptic_avenger at 4:43 PM on October 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
Totally respect that - as long as you have help on hand in the newborn phase. That was the only time period I actually needed-needed another person around.
posted by haptic_avenger at 4:43 PM on October 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
I know two or three women who did this, and they all moved home to be near their own parents for the first couple of years. You need help with nighttime feedings, laundry, etc in the early months.
posted by Ollie at 5:34 PM on October 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by Ollie at 5:34 PM on October 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
I was a single Mom from age 5 on. My ex- never provided meaningful financial support, even when we were together. As a co-parent after divorce, he was hostile to me, sabotaged me as a parent, so, yeah, that was and is horrible. It's not easy, but with a strong support network, can be done. The finances require effort but are not the hardest part.
I strongly urge you to consider what you'll do if you have a child with a disability, anything from Muscular Dystrophy to Cerebral Palsy to a trisomy like Down Syndrome to a mental illness. Anything like that is just huge amounts of work and expense and stress, though doesn't affect love. It's just much harder on your own. About 3% of infants have a congenital health issue at birth; this doesn't include mental illness.
Parenting is a wild ride that I would not choose to miss.
posted by theora55 at 5:53 PM on October 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
I strongly urge you to consider what you'll do if you have a child with a disability, anything from Muscular Dystrophy to Cerebral Palsy to a trisomy like Down Syndrome to a mental illness. Anything like that is just huge amounts of work and expense and stress, though doesn't affect love. It's just much harder on your own. About 3% of infants have a congenital health issue at birth; this doesn't include mental illness.
Parenting is a wild ride that I would not choose to miss.
posted by theora55 at 5:53 PM on October 23, 2023 [5 favorites]
I appreciate your question because I'm five years older and actually coming to the opposite conclusion. However, there's lots of overlap and explaining my perspective is helpful for me and perhaps useful for you.
I think the bottom line is that you should have bio kid/s if that is your wish!! And I think you are wise to sooner rather than later, although there's no guarantee that it wouldn't work later or, conversely, that it will work now. Along those lines, one thing I want to challenge you on is the idea that you would be very sad looking back at 70 if you don't have kids. Again, I fully support your having kids but there are plenty of people, including those in cis-het couples, who had hoped to have kids and tried hard but were not able to. They may have great disappointment but most all go on to find other forms of happiness. Conversely, there are 70yo parents who look back and regret having had kids; it's just not as acceptable to talk about. Most people find peace with whatever hand they're dealt with. I know a few people who are single moms by choice and all are very happy with their lives and satisfied with their choices. They have lovely kids who seem happy and/or have grown up to live a good life. I know of more women who ultimately decided against it and are happy with their choice or circumstance! A way to approach this might be less of win-lose and more that either outcome would be win-win, just in very different ways.
Now to get into specifics! I agree that it's better to have kids alone than with the wrong person. Tbh the sperm donor thing is a major reason I decided against kids myself BUT it's so doable and normal; I'm glad this option exists! It's not your only option, however, as you may find someone in your greater social circle who is willing to be a donor, open to contact but not custody or co-parenting. Yes, it's tricky and there are pros and cons but it's a possibility! As for dating, while you would be super busy with little ones and there are definitely people who are not open to becoming stepparents, plenty of people would love to become part of your family. Clearly, the right partner for you would be on board and the cool thing is that you have your entire lifetime to connect; sadly, the timeline for bio kids is a bit more limited (pressing but not urgent at 35!)
The financial risk and job challenges are very real, especially if you live in the USA that is so unfriendly to parents and kids. However, the US is also full of single parents who are doing their best and often doing a damn good job. You find a way to make it work but I'd be prepared to create many plans, from a financial safety net to a network of helpers if possible. Those stressors are also a reason I chose not to have kids on my own but I really could do it if I wanted kids as badly as you do. There are so many great accounts across social media to follow, from queer women who are single moms by choice to couples who are childfree/childless by circumstance. I just saw a OBGYN who talks honestly about pregnancy after 35 -- both professionally and from her own experience -- and it was interesting (admittedly, also showed me I was really not up for it.) All of these people have such great perspectives!
You are wise to seek out people's experiences. I think you know what you want and are aware of risks and challenges! You want to be a mom to biological child/ren, and that is awesome! I am confident that you will do everything you can to make the most of your circumstances! And that, whatever happens, you will find happiness and joy in your life.
posted by smorgasbord at 7:55 PM on October 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
I think the bottom line is that you should have bio kid/s if that is your wish!! And I think you are wise to sooner rather than later, although there's no guarantee that it wouldn't work later or, conversely, that it will work now. Along those lines, one thing I want to challenge you on is the idea that you would be very sad looking back at 70 if you don't have kids. Again, I fully support your having kids but there are plenty of people, including those in cis-het couples, who had hoped to have kids and tried hard but were not able to. They may have great disappointment but most all go on to find other forms of happiness. Conversely, there are 70yo parents who look back and regret having had kids; it's just not as acceptable to talk about. Most people find peace with whatever hand they're dealt with. I know a few people who are single moms by choice and all are very happy with their lives and satisfied with their choices. They have lovely kids who seem happy and/or have grown up to live a good life. I know of more women who ultimately decided against it and are happy with their choice or circumstance! A way to approach this might be less of win-lose and more that either outcome would be win-win, just in very different ways.
Now to get into specifics! I agree that it's better to have kids alone than with the wrong person. Tbh the sperm donor thing is a major reason I decided against kids myself BUT it's so doable and normal; I'm glad this option exists! It's not your only option, however, as you may find someone in your greater social circle who is willing to be a donor, open to contact but not custody or co-parenting. Yes, it's tricky and there are pros and cons but it's a possibility! As for dating, while you would be super busy with little ones and there are definitely people who are not open to becoming stepparents, plenty of people would love to become part of your family. Clearly, the right partner for you would be on board and the cool thing is that you have your entire lifetime to connect; sadly, the timeline for bio kids is a bit more limited (pressing but not urgent at 35!)
The financial risk and job challenges are very real, especially if you live in the USA that is so unfriendly to parents and kids. However, the US is also full of single parents who are doing their best and often doing a damn good job. You find a way to make it work but I'd be prepared to create many plans, from a financial safety net to a network of helpers if possible. Those stressors are also a reason I chose not to have kids on my own but I really could do it if I wanted kids as badly as you do. There are so many great accounts across social media to follow, from queer women who are single moms by choice to couples who are childfree/childless by circumstance. I just saw a OBGYN who talks honestly about pregnancy after 35 -- both professionally and from her own experience -- and it was interesting (admittedly, also showed me I was really not up for it.) All of these people have such great perspectives!
You are wise to seek out people's experiences. I think you know what you want and are aware of risks and challenges! You want to be a mom to biological child/ren, and that is awesome! I am confident that you will do everything you can to make the most of your circumstances! And that, whatever happens, you will find happiness and joy in your life.
posted by smorgasbord at 7:55 PM on October 23, 2023 [3 favorites]
I have been a single mom with a basically absent bio dad for eight years, and then a married mom for ten years after that, and honestly the first situation was FAR PREFERABLE to the second. A++ would do again. My spouse was not useful as child rearing help and actively caused more work than be alleviated. Basically, it’s better to have a great partner, but if you can’t get that, being a single mom is the way to go.
posted by corb at 8:25 PM on October 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by corb at 8:25 PM on October 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
Are there any men you know who might want some involvement in a child's life? Maybe some kind of contract could be worked out that would allay some of your areas of interest (money, childcare, knowing the dad's life story).
- One of my male friends very nearly became a sperm donor, with a contract which would have included no financial responsibility for the baby, but "uncle-type" visits, travel together when the child was more self-sufficient, and the child knowing he was the dad. It ended up not happening because the woman found someone else, but the man was excited about it and pretty sure he was interested. He's a great guy and I think he would have been a great fit for that arrangement.
- Another friend (wealthy, forever bachelor type) was strongly considering creating a contract so that he would father a friend's child. She would raise the child as a single mom but he would know the child and provide some financial child support. He didn't want to co-parent but he wanted to pass on his genes and he had money to spare. The woman met a romantic partner so it didn't happen, but they discussed it all through her 30s.
- I know two gay men who bought a house with two lesbians who had a baby. Each couple has 2 floors of the house and the child lives with the moms, but visits the men several days a week, and the men provide stable, reliable childcare. The men were super excited to be this child's longterm chosen family and while they don't consider themselves the child's dads, they do love the child, pay for some expenses, and plan to be a part of the child's life forever.
All this to say, there are creative arrangements and men out there who are open to considering them!
posted by nouvelle-personne at 8:31 PM on October 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
- One of my male friends very nearly became a sperm donor, with a contract which would have included no financial responsibility for the baby, but "uncle-type" visits, travel together when the child was more self-sufficient, and the child knowing he was the dad. It ended up not happening because the woman found someone else, but the man was excited about it and pretty sure he was interested. He's a great guy and I think he would have been a great fit for that arrangement.
- Another friend (wealthy, forever bachelor type) was strongly considering creating a contract so that he would father a friend's child. She would raise the child as a single mom but he would know the child and provide some financial child support. He didn't want to co-parent but he wanted to pass on his genes and he had money to spare. The woman met a romantic partner so it didn't happen, but they discussed it all through her 30s.
- I know two gay men who bought a house with two lesbians who had a baby. Each couple has 2 floors of the house and the child lives with the moms, but visits the men several days a week, and the men provide stable, reliable childcare. The men were super excited to be this child's longterm chosen family and while they don't consider themselves the child's dads, they do love the child, pay for some expenses, and plan to be a part of the child's life forever.
All this to say, there are creative arrangements and men out there who are open to considering them!
posted by nouvelle-personne at 8:31 PM on October 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
I’m a queer single mom by choice, via sperm donor. I started trying at 32, and had my kid at 34, but it was honestly something I was talking about since college. While I wanted to find a partner, I think a part of me always expected that I would not.
My kiddo is 2 now, and I’ve ended up relying on my own parents for help a LOT more than I anticipated, but this is largely due to unexpected health issues that hit me when my kid was about 10 months old (and continue to affect me now).
Other than my own health stuff, the hardest parts for me have been financial and childcare. (Tbh a lot of my childcare stress could have been solved by having more money, so…really financial.) I live in a really high cost of living area, and have kind of just resigned myself to being in the red until we’re out of the daycare years. But obviously that’s not an ideal situation and leads to a fair amount of constant background stress.
Overall it has been harder than I expected, in different ways than I expected. I get envious of my partnered friends and their double-income lives, and their ability to pick up the slack for each other. And I get envious of my able-bodied friends, and sometimes feel guilty that the me my kid is growing up with is not the me who got pregnant. But I am so, so grateful to have him in my life, and I would absolutely do it all over again.
Happy to answer any other questions by memail I’d you have any!
posted by rabbits plinkety plinkety plink at 9:17 PM on October 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
My kiddo is 2 now, and I’ve ended up relying on my own parents for help a LOT more than I anticipated, but this is largely due to unexpected health issues that hit me when my kid was about 10 months old (and continue to affect me now).
Other than my own health stuff, the hardest parts for me have been financial and childcare. (Tbh a lot of my childcare stress could have been solved by having more money, so…really financial.) I live in a really high cost of living area, and have kind of just resigned myself to being in the red until we’re out of the daycare years. But obviously that’s not an ideal situation and leads to a fair amount of constant background stress.
Overall it has been harder than I expected, in different ways than I expected. I get envious of my partnered friends and their double-income lives, and their ability to pick up the slack for each other. And I get envious of my able-bodied friends, and sometimes feel guilty that the me my kid is growing up with is not the me who got pregnant. But I am so, so grateful to have him in my life, and I would absolutely do it all over again.
Happy to answer any other questions by memail I’d you have any!
posted by rabbits plinkety plinkety plink at 9:17 PM on October 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
Are you the sort of person who finds it easy to build a social network? If so, no worries. If not, then you will need to work at building an appropriate/helpful social network because you do in fact need a village to raise a child. The most successful single-by-choice parent I know had amassed a large enough group of friends that she was able to proceed without any practical assistance from her own family and when disaster struck (and oh god did it strike) her child was looked after and cared for. You do not need a partner for anything, but you do need other people who care about you and are helpful.
posted by plonkee at 9:04 AM on October 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by plonkee at 9:04 AM on October 24, 2023 [1 favorite]
I've known several women who have done this very successfully and are super happy! What they all share, however, is 1. very strong family or friend support and 2. money -- real financial security. If one of those was missing, I would still totally go for it; without either, I would be a bit more wary.
posted by caoimhe at 12:58 PM on October 24, 2023
posted by caoimhe at 12:58 PM on October 24, 2023
I raised my daughter by myself, and the only thing I missed about not having a partner was financial support. I mostly did it in towns and cities where I didn’t know even one other person in the area, let alone have any family there. The first three months were rough, due to lack of sleep, but other than that, as long as you can do it financially, it was nice to not have to consult with anyone about how to raise my daughter. Not gonna lie, though - the financial aspect was hard, the entire time. I worked two full time jobs for a while, along with three hours of commuting time each day. (But I had her young, before I had established any kind of career, and was basically stalled until she was in her late teens because back then, jobs didn’t give promotions to single mothers who needed to take time off when their kid was sick. Or to women at all, generally, if there was a mediocre white man with no experience or certifications who could be put in the role instead. [Yeah, tell me again, world, about how easy us boomers had it.])
posted by MexicanYenta at 4:27 AM on October 25, 2023
posted by MexicanYenta at 4:27 AM on October 25, 2023
I did this, and would do it again, no question. I was approaching 40, not partnered and not really interested in being partnered, but I wanted a kid. I went for it, and I'm glad I did. My kiddo is almost 4 and keeps me on my toes but is generally just a super kid and I'm so glad she's in my life.
That's not to say it has been easy! She was born a month before COVID hit, which mean I was in lockdown alone with a 5-week-old baby. My family is 2,000 km away and my friends might as well have been. But we managed! And now we're great.
I'd echo the concerns people have raised above about social/familial support networks and financial concerns. Also think about how comfortable you are with asking for help – I thought I was good at it, but "can you help me hang these curtains" and "it's 2 am, the baby won't stop crying and I'm out of infant Tylenol, please help" are two very different asks.
I have watched so many of my mom friends struggle after adding a baby to the dynamic – either because dad didn't help or was actually more work, or was jealous or oblivious or their child-rearing ideas were in complete opposition to each other. Having seen so many dads in (in)action, I know for sure that I made the choice that's right for me. Yes, I have to do it all – but I'm never frustrated because there's another adult around who isn't pulling their weight.
Re: sperm donor - depending on your provider, you'll actually get to learn a TON of information about the person and their background, genetics, etc. Right down to voice samples, writing samples, childhood photos. That was the part that I found overwhelming. I actually joked that I knew more about my donor than some people know about their husbands. My fertility clinic team advised using an anonymous, open ID donor (as in, your kid can contact them after they are 18), and told me they had seen too many horror stories of known-donor situations going very badly wrong. Your team may have other/additional advice.
Feel free to message me if you want to chat more. Good luck!
posted by notquitejane at 8:53 AM on October 25, 2023
That's not to say it has been easy! She was born a month before COVID hit, which mean I was in lockdown alone with a 5-week-old baby. My family is 2,000 km away and my friends might as well have been. But we managed! And now we're great.
I'd echo the concerns people have raised above about social/familial support networks and financial concerns. Also think about how comfortable you are with asking for help – I thought I was good at it, but "can you help me hang these curtains" and "it's 2 am, the baby won't stop crying and I'm out of infant Tylenol, please help" are two very different asks.
I have watched so many of my mom friends struggle after adding a baby to the dynamic – either because dad didn't help or was actually more work, or was jealous or oblivious or their child-rearing ideas were in complete opposition to each other. Having seen so many dads in (in)action, I know for sure that I made the choice that's right for me. Yes, I have to do it all – but I'm never frustrated because there's another adult around who isn't pulling their weight.
Re: sperm donor - depending on your provider, you'll actually get to learn a TON of information about the person and their background, genetics, etc. Right down to voice samples, writing samples, childhood photos. That was the part that I found overwhelming. I actually joked that I knew more about my donor than some people know about their husbands. My fertility clinic team advised using an anonymous, open ID donor (as in, your kid can contact them after they are 18), and told me they had seen too many horror stories of known-donor situations going very badly wrong. Your team may have other/additional advice.
Feel free to message me if you want to chat more. Good luck!
posted by notquitejane at 8:53 AM on October 25, 2023
I'm going to weigh in from the "those who considered it" perspective, because I spent multiple years (and thousands of dollars in therapy) wrestling with this question before I decided not to do it.
The bottom line that I came to was this: It is a parent’s job to make sacrifices for their child, and not the other way around. And purposefully bringing into the world a child who will never know 50% of their lineage and family and identity -- just so *I* could have the experience of parenting -- wouldn't be fair to that child. I'd be asking that child to sacrifice something fundamental and irreplacable for the sake of *my* desires. In the end, that didn't seem to me to be a fair thing to do; it seemed like the best thing I could do for my "future child" was to not create it at all.
I will add this: My decision was informed by the fact that I'm an only child, my parents both died on the younger side, and thus this hypothetical child of mine would truly have nobody except me in terms of lineage. And when I go (particularly if I God forbid died very early), they would have no family at all. Why would I want to replicate my somewhat sad situation onto another person who has no choice in the matter?
Maybe I would have felt different if I had a large sibling group with lots of cousins and/or two living parents who were gung-ho about grandparenting. Who knows? It took me a long time, but I'm as at-peace as I'm ever going to be with the decision.
I have a stable and comfortable life, I've been able to do a ton of things that I wouldn't have been able to do if I had a child, and I am working hard on building a rich life through means other than parenting. I occasionally think about fostering, haven't ruled that out, but the ship has sailed on pregnancy for me, and -- although I can't say that I'm ecstatic about it -- I'm also not perpetually sad.
posted by mccxxiii at 3:29 PM on October 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
The bottom line that I came to was this: It is a parent’s job to make sacrifices for their child, and not the other way around. And purposefully bringing into the world a child who will never know 50% of their lineage and family and identity -- just so *I* could have the experience of parenting -- wouldn't be fair to that child. I'd be asking that child to sacrifice something fundamental and irreplacable for the sake of *my* desires. In the end, that didn't seem to me to be a fair thing to do; it seemed like the best thing I could do for my "future child" was to not create it at all.
I will add this: My decision was informed by the fact that I'm an only child, my parents both died on the younger side, and thus this hypothetical child of mine would truly have nobody except me in terms of lineage. And when I go (particularly if I God forbid died very early), they would have no family at all. Why would I want to replicate my somewhat sad situation onto another person who has no choice in the matter?
Maybe I would have felt different if I had a large sibling group with lots of cousins and/or two living parents who were gung-ho about grandparenting. Who knows? It took me a long time, but I'm as at-peace as I'm ever going to be with the decision.
I have a stable and comfortable life, I've been able to do a ton of things that I wouldn't have been able to do if I had a child, and I am working hard on building a rich life through means other than parenting. I occasionally think about fostering, haven't ruled that out, but the ship has sailed on pregnancy for me, and -- although I can't say that I'm ecstatic about it -- I'm also not perpetually sad.
posted by mccxxiii at 3:29 PM on October 25, 2023 [2 favorites]
This sounds nuts but, honestly, I'd tell any (male) doctor that I would be requiring them to provide a DNA test to ensure that I was receiving donor sperm and not their OWN sperm. There's a story on the news every few months about some creepy doctor using his own sperm.
posted by cyndigo at 4:08 PM on October 27, 2023
posted by cyndigo at 4:08 PM on October 27, 2023
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I have said many times that I think it's less work to go it alone -- like actually alone, not you-have-a-partner-and-they're-away-for-two-weeks-for-work -- than to have a partner who doesn't do his share because not having the partner is one less thing to manage and it frees up a lot of time (look, I know there are certain benefits a partner offers that just aren't the same alone, but from a strictly time-use perspective, not having a partner saves time). If you've gone through my posting history you can also see that I have lots of time to pursue my own projects -- AT HOME. My son goes to bed by 8, I go to bed between midnight and 1. that's 4-5 hours every night for me. Women with partners don't get that. That said, there are things that need to get done during the day -- like job and things that involve leaving the house or businesses or services that are only open certain hours -- and it seems like it's often impossible to deal with all those things. I'm not sure how different that would be without a kid, though, except for the part that without a kid I could leave the house at night...but if the services are closed they're closed.
Anyway, if you are in a city, there are SMC groups. Find the one for your city, or better yet, your neighbourhood and join it. They will usually welcome people who are considering single parenthood, not just already parents. You can talk to people there and if you have a child that community will be part of your community.
Anyway, I don't necessarily want to type all the details onto the web, but feel free to memail me and I'd be happy to chat by email or to schedule a video call if you'd like to talk.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 4:21 PM on October 23, 2023 [9 favorites]