Strategies for learning to drive
August 3, 2023 12:29 PM   Subscribe

I'm about to start driving lessons in an automatic car. I'm 50, am anxious about driving, not someone with physical skills or great co-ordination, and have ADHD (inattentive). I'm in the UK, though guess some strategies will apply internationally. Can you suggest anything which will help me learn? For instance, this possibly sounds daft but should I make notes after lessons? If you are someone who has learnt in a similar situation it would be great to hear what worked for you.

I don't think I know anyone who has an automatic car in which I could practice outside lessons, though I will check. If my instructor has availability, I will try to have lessons more frequently than weekly, though I'm not sure if she does - I've had to wait a couple of months to get space with her (she specialises in nervous learners).

I have looked at other questions, of which Why can't I drive?! and Any tips for an older learner driver (UK)? are most relevant.

Thanks for your help.
posted by paduasoy to Travel & Transportation (32 answers total) 14 users marked this as a favorite
 
Taking notes about driving per se is likely not helpful. The actual practice of driving is not open book. You might want to find resources about driving regulations in your area, since these can be a bit obscure.

Best advice for actually driving is calm down and take it slow. It's all strange at first, but it becomes second nature through repetition. Just take your time and have confidence that, yes, you can drive like everybody else.
posted by SPrintF at 1:16 PM on August 3, 2023 [2 favorites]


Something that helped me when learning is that driving has two basic parts: operating the car and maneuvering around other cars. Operating an automatic car is pretty easy to learn mechanically. The two pedals, the blinkers (turn indicators), the shifter, and the steering are all based on simple machines like levers and gears. Reversing is a bit more advanced. But you can get used to the physical action of making the car go forward and turning in a few minutes. Being close to another moving thing is a different thing and that is what takes practice. Following the rules of the road, being predictable to other drivers, and predicting what those other drivers will be doing is the complicated part of driving.
posted by soelo at 1:17 PM on August 3, 2023 [3 favorites]




I am learning to drive in my thirties in pretty much the exact same circumstances as you - hello! I'm five two hour lessons in and honestly, it's going OK? I have definitely found medication to be very very helpful - I have done two lessons without and both of those were much less successful. I'm also trying hard to focus on 'practicing' the skills of checking mirrors and rehearsing the steps when I'm a passenger in the car, to try and build some muscle memory. I'm also practicing my left and right and the movements of flicking the indicators on, because my spatial awareness is pretty dodgy and I want to get as much of that on autopilot as quickly as possible.

Having two hour lessons has been very important - by the end of hour one I am starting to relax enough to really learn. I would love to drive more often than weekly, but it's not possible right now - I'm hoping being an alert passenger will help a little to make up that gap.

Good luck! So far I am finding that driving is physically easier than I thought, and mostly not scarier than I can cope with. I'm taking it slow, as I guess you will too, but slow progress is still progress!
posted by In Your Shell Like at 1:24 PM on August 3, 2023 [1 favorite]


My English motoring friends spoke pretty highly of what is now called I am Road Smart and the training it provides. You might want to look to see if there is something of interest to you there.

Beyond that, you really need consistent time behind the wheel. Even if it's in little short bursts (for example, driving down to the market), do that. Do that every day until the route and the feeling of the route and the car become familiar. Then do the same thing making a trip to the post office (or wherever you need to go). But take those trips when you're relaxed and not in a rush. Know that you can pull over and stop if you need to and build in cushions of time that exceed the actual amount of time it should take to get where you're going.
posted by sardonyx at 1:26 PM on August 3, 2023 [1 favorite]


Soelo’s advice is good. It’s very helpful to separate the two skills, and to first work on just learning the physical mechanics of operating a vehicle. When I learned, I probably spent two hours driving up and down a rural 1/4mile private driveway that had a turn it. It helped me get a feel for the brakes, the steering wheel, where the mirrors are, etc. Yiu can do this in an empty parking lot or anywhere wide and open.
posted by samthemander at 1:34 PM on August 3, 2023 [1 favorite]


I learnt to drive in my late twenties after some abortive lessons earlier. While I wasn't in the exact position you were in, I was certainly very anxious, and was convinced that I would never be able to learn.

Even after passing my test I was not very comfortable, and it took a few weeks of driving every day to truly ease me in to it.

The challenging part is simply that driving will not be an automatic skill for you, and you will need to think about what you are doing, which naturally makes you slower to react to situations experienced drivers can cope with. But this is to be expected: all new drivers will be in this situation.

Ultimately, practice will mean you will internalise things like the size of your car, the positioning you take on the road, and the many other things that will initially feel like too much.

One really important thing to remember is that you can change instructors if you are not happy with the experience; different instructors will mesh with different people.
posted by Cannon Fodder at 1:38 PM on August 3, 2023


Best answer: Especially because of your ADHD, it will be helpful to you to learn some defensive driving strategies that give you a greater margin for error when driving. While this might seem like more to learn, it will hopefully make your learning process less risky and anxiety-inducing. For instance...
- When you are stopping in traffic, stop while you can see the tops of the back tires of the car in front of you (in other words, don't edge up close to the car in front of you). This gives you a better chance of not crashing into someone's rear bumper if you misjudge speed or distance, or if someone behind you does something stupid.
- When you're moving in the flow of traffic, keep a lot of space between you and the car in front of you (more distance the faster you're going). This gives you more time to react if something unexpected happens.
- Anytime you're driving in an area where kids might be walking or playing, go slower than you think is necessary.

You can find more defensive driving strategies online, as well as defensive driving courses you can take as part of your learning process.
posted by ourobouros at 1:57 PM on August 3, 2023 [2 favorites]


Best answer: I learned in my 20s (very unusual where I’m from) and what helped me relax and learn was reading a book about how cats worked. Which is weird! The random book I read was probably “Cars for Dummies” or something like that and I remember nothing from it. But before I read it I was anxious and afterwards I was not. I have never heard of this method helping anyone else, but want to throw it out there just in case.
posted by lepus at 1:57 PM on August 3, 2023 [1 favorite]


The tricky bit about any physical skill is not usually understanding what you should do, in some kind of logical way that you can take notes on. The tricky bit is getting the knowledge out of your brain and into your muscle memory.

But the good news is that your brain is designed to learn physical skills. You may be uncoordinated/dyspraxic, but this just means it will take you longer than it might for someone else. Literally the only thing you have to do for your brain to figure this out, is to show up for lessons, and keep showing up, even when you're frustrated because something's not clicking yet. Your brain will do all the rest of the work on its own.

One thing that might help is just to be self aware about your anxieties and frustrations with it and try to actively manage that, if you can, so that you're not bringing them into the lesson. Be as patient and kind with yourself as you would be with someone else. It will take time, but you'll get there and it will be fine!
posted by quacks like a duck at 2:01 PM on August 3, 2023 [1 favorite]


Best answer: I learned to drive in my 30s. One thing that helped a lot was to intentionally watch drivers while I was a passenger in cars (Ubers, taxis, driving with friends). Seeing the head motions, where their eyes went, how they handled merging and navigation, all helped demystify the process.

You mention that access to an automatic car outside of lessons is an issue. Would you consider learning to drive a manual car, if it means you’ll be able to practice more often? That’s the only reason I learned to drive a manual car, it took two or three lessons to get the hang of it.
posted by third word on a random page at 2:03 PM on August 3, 2023 [1 favorite]


Not convinced notes will do anything to learn to drive. If you break it down, driving is a range of sequences of activities you string together in different combinations. There are only so many different sequences.

Just by driving you practice these until they become second nature. Only once they are second nature will you be able to focus your attention fully on traffic around you and the route you’re taking/navigation.

So as with any skill, you will feel awkward at first. You’ll take longer to do most things. That’s fine, that’s why your instructor’s car identifies you as learner driver. Most people remember they were learner drivers at some point.

People sometimes get extra anxious because they feel responsible for a moving car, big chunk of metal that can cause damage. That is true. However, your instructor’s job is to assume you’ll miss things and intervene if required. They also most likely have dual pedals so can brake if required. So it’s not all on you at this point.

Especially while you get to grips with the basics it is a good thing that you won’t have access to other vehicles. Every car is a different size, reacts slightly differently, buttons and levers are in slightly different places so it’s just another thing to worry about remembering. Get really comfortable with your instructor’s vehicle, pass your test.
posted by koahiatamadl at 2:04 PM on August 3, 2023


Best answer: I'm in the UK and learned to drive last year in my mid-thirties. I did it for practical reasons rather than any actual desire to be a driver, and I was quite worried going into it.

I had a really calm and patient instructor and honestly that made the most difference when I speak to other people who had a rough time with harsh or critical instructors. So you're off to a great start with someone who specialises in less confident learners. Ask the instructor what tactics their other students use, you might get some good suggestions from folk in a similar boat.

I personally did find it useful to write stuff down after the lessons, I'd maybe glance at it during the week if I had a chance and then look over it before the next lesson. It was stuff like what gear you should be in going round a corner, what lane you should be in at roundabouts, sometimes wee diagrams or notes about road signs I'd seen. I also found it useful to watch videos on YouTube of people doing the manoeuvres, reverse parking and stuff. Obviously you need the actual practice of just doing it in the car lots of times but I do think the videos helped me feel a bit more confident. When it comes to the test there will likely be someone in your area who has filmed themselves driving the test routes, I paid like £5 to access the youtube channel of the relevant one for me about a month before my test and watched them all a few times at 1.5 or double speed. Many people would find this to be overkill but for me it helped me feel a bit better prepared and more confident. I passed first time after about 40 hrs of lessons and no access to another car to practice in.

Also something I didn't understand about cars is that the newer ones do so much for you. I learned in a totally standard manual car but the one I drive now is a newer automatic. This car puts the lights on automatically, the wipers, it has a camera for reversing etc etc. Especially when I started driving I found it comforting that I didn't need to worry so much about those things and could just concentrate on awareness of other drivers, pedestrians, basically keeping safe.

I was not that enthused about learning to drive but surprised myself by actually enjoying it. Hope you have a similar experience - you'll be grand, you can do this!
posted by Lluvia at 2:05 PM on August 3, 2023 [4 favorites]


Once I had the basics down, I gave myself an intensive - I signed up for an extra 10 hours of lessons and did a 2-hour lesson every day for 5 days. Really let me get comfortable and iron in some muscle memory. Made a huge difference for me.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 2:14 PM on August 3, 2023


To address something others haven't said yet: I can say that ADHD medication makes a profound difference in calm, attentiveness and patience for drivers with ADHD, and in being able to do driving-related things like stopping driving for a break when the body needs it, getting petrol before you run out, registering your vehicle so it doesn't get towed, maintaining your vehicle on a schedule so it lasts a long time and, crucially, filtering out the behavior of other drivers so it doesn't become a distraction to you. The difference is truly profound (and noticeable to passengers, who will be happy rather than concerned to be in your car).

Driving, despite its portrayal as banal in the media, is extremely challenging mentally. Even for neurotypical people, being a driver means being confronted with little time to react to high-stakes, novel situations when they are least expected, all while in an interior which is designed to make you, frankly, a little too comfortable and which is full of tempting "momentary" distractions like in-car screens and climate-control knobs. This leads, as you know, to driving being one of the leading causes of death in many societies; these risks are all heightened for folks with ADHD. Here is an open-access paper from 2015 about ADHD drivers and their experiences on the road. The UK government has this page describing some special conditions for drivers with ADHD.

As you work through your feelings that folks without ADHD might not experience when you're behind the wheel, here are some things to keep in mind:

- Speak to your doctor about your expected driving load during your lessons and after you earn your license, and how it might interact with your medication regimen, if you are indeed taking medication for your ADHD. You may find that you're fine in the morning but that you aren't as focused on the ride home in the evening if you're going to commute by car, for example, and perhaps there's a way to slightly alter your medicine if that's something you'll want to change.

- Think about routes and alternate routes in advance and give yourself a way to follow them while driving without looking at the screen. GPS that talks to you through the car speakers might be helpful, using a sticky note with "Left on High St, right on Forest Ave [one block after Big Tesco], stop at 207 Forest [green house, blue front door]" might be helpful, having a friend travel with you the first few times might be helpful. You can also pull off the road and check a paper map or call the place you're going for directions. Really, give yourself permission to do whatever you need to do to support your wayfinding so it can happen without you needing to interact with a screen while in the midst of driving.

- Don't expect to be able to, or even to want to, have the radio on at all at first. You may want a window down or at least cracked so you're able to hear things happening outside as you drive, like sirens from approaching emergency vehicles, if you're concerned you might miss those things.

- Don't worry about people behind you trying to use their vehicles and way of driving to intimidate you into doing something you don't want to do, like change lanes or speed. Let them manage themselves and adapt to the safe and deliberate way you are driving; take up the space you are entitled to take up.

- Get very acquainted with the meaning of signs and symbols in your area as pertains to the movement of a vehicle. On a quiet country road if there's one near you, is there a way a friend who drives could take you around an area with a few 20 mph curve speed limits at, say, 15, 20, and 25 mph, so you can feel in your body what it's like to feel the car's movements as you speed a bit, or be cautious?

- Automatics are indeed a bit simpler to drive than manuals, but depending on your ADHD, there are still many things you will notice about the mechanics of the car moving in space that others might not notice at all, like the car idling at a low-ish rpm at a red light and sounding like it might stall (it won't!), or the sound of the wind moving past the wing mirrors. Finding ways to not let things like that intrude into your mind while responsible for piloting this large piece of metal down the road will be important.

- Driving on holiday, paradoxically, can be very enjoyable if your ADHD is managed well and if the area you're headed is best enjoyed pootling along in a hilariously small hire car on pretty, quiet roads with, like, five local farm shops to stop for snacks at along the way and at a speed where pulling into lay-bys and taking photos is something you have ample time to do. You could set yourself a goal, if it's financially feasible, of going somewhere with left-hand-side traffic in the next few years that is also a place where a rented car is a real boon to exploration because other transit networks don't really get you places fast enough. I'm thinking of places I've driven before like this, like the west of Ireland, Cyprus, or, if you'd like a slightly more challenging but still safe and enjoyable rural getaway, Hokkaido.

- This may seem obvious, but remember that you can still use other ways of getting around that aren't driving. I know people with ADHD who drive only when they need to because they recognize that driving a car is a larger risk for them than for other people and choose to cycle, take the bus/train or walk the rest of the time. If that's a choice you find yourself making, embrace it. People may tell you you "need" thousands of hours in a car to be a good driver, but you're not someone else, you don't get a medal for doing something you don't enjoy and that may feel like a significant risk to you and others, and you don't owe anyone else driving a car in the lane next to you the feeling that they are sharing the road with the cast of Top Gear. Not every trip (perhaps not even most trips!) needs to be made by car, and while it may not be simple all the time, it is possible in much of the UK to live a car-light lifestyle even if going car-free isn't an option. A car is a tool in a wider toolbox of mobility and you don't have to use the same tools as everyone else; your life is, after all, unique to you!

Whatever your ADHD means for you, please be gentle and forgiving with yourself and take your time to read and absorb as much information as you need to feel like you can be the safe driver you want to be. Good luck!
posted by mdonley at 2:28 PM on August 3, 2023 [9 favorites]


I learned to drive in my late 30s, after learning in my early 20s and forgetting. Nothing was more helpful than having a calm and patient instructor I had absolute confidence in, with a dual wheel setup so he could take control if needed. It was still pretty harrowing, and I’m still not the most confident driver. It’s easy to get flustered, especially if other drivers aren’t being patient with you. Finding a cadence of lessons that worked well for me was key, as was being prepared to have way more lessons than the average before testing. Making it clear to my instructor that my main goal was not passing the test, but really working on the rough spots of my driving like backing in, parallel parking, etc helped too.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 3:33 PM on August 3, 2023 [1 favorite]


Response by poster: Hi, this is helpful, thank you. Adding that I am in the group of people for whom ADHD medication does not work.
posted by paduasoy at 3:51 PM on August 3, 2023 [1 favorite]


I also recommend trying your best to find a great instructor and, if you can, just take more lessons if you feel you need them. I learned how to drive in my late 20s, and I was pretty embarrassed about it. I'm quite comfortable with it now. I passed my driver's test fine, but even took more lessons on a few things I thought I needed more work on (like learning how to merge on a busy highway, for example).

I also didn't feel "comfortable" driving outside of my comfort zone until I had places to drive to, that I really wanted to go to or HAD to go to. I don't know what the rules are regarding this, but if you could perhaps have a friend in the passenger seat and you could go out together to visit somewhere you'd like. Thinking of the destination helped me a lot. Driving though a crowded downtown was something I had to do to go to the university to get to my classes. Driving long distances on a highway was something I had to do to go on a vacation (or to visit home, from when I temporarily lived out of town).

And I just don't do things I don't feel comfortable doing. There are certain intersections where I live that have intersections with high accident rates, so I don't make left turns there, for example. I'll make them a block earlier or a block later.
posted by VirginiaPlain at 3:52 PM on August 3, 2023


I don't think a lack of attention is a problem - the aim in driving is to be familiar enough with it that you don't really pay attention unless something happens that needs thought. Ninety-five percent of the time you're on autopilot.
I've taught a few people to drive. It's really not hard, or the billion or so people in the world who drive couldn't all do it.
My fear, as the teacher, and when teaching my children, is that they'll hesitate while looking for the brake pedal, so before they drive I sit them in the car with the engine off and have them move their foot from the accelerator to the brake and back a few hundred times. I want it to be something they can do without thinking, because in most emergencies you want to hit the brake.
So far it seems to have helped.
posted by AugustusCrunch at 5:01 PM on August 3, 2023


I have been driving for over four decades. To me, once you learn how to mechanically operate the vehicle and know the rules of the road, it is all about practice, practice, practice. Time behind the wheel and familiarity with the roads on which you will be traveling is the key to getting comfortable.

I regularly drive a large pickup truck in NYC and on the surrounding highways. I am not nervous about it at all because I do it so regularly. The first few times I did it, I was a mess. Successful practice leads to successful driving and confidence. When I travel and rent a car, I am again apprehensive on new roads. Roads have personalities or the traffic on them do. I know this is not Britain, but driving on a 5 lane highway in LA where I did not know the traffic patterns or where my exit was, was nerve racking. My point is practice and familiarity. That breads confidence and success.

When I learned to drive, my instructor was big on defensive driving skills. Little things like anticipating what other drivers would do by glancing at their front wheels (can't turn the car without turning the front wheels), thinking about what you might do in their situation, giving yourself enough braking room in a developing situation, etc. Having confidence in what to do in most situations will make driving much more relaxed. How do you get confidence? Practice, practice, practice.

In addition to watching the driver of your car when you are a passenger, try to watch the cars around you and anticipate what they might do and what you might do in reaction. You want to anticipate other's moves and you want them to anticipate yours. For example, turn signals.

Finally, there are a lot of drivers out there. Not all of them are perfect. Don't expect to be confident and perfect from the start. Take it progressively. Start in less stressful low speed situations and work your way up to speed and more traffic. Know the limitations of your equipment (vehicle). What kind of pickup does it have? Are the tires new or worn a little? What are the brakes like (worn or very grippy)? etc.

Also, don't rush. There are speed limits, but you are not required to go the limit, Take your time. You have as much right to the road as anyone else (as long as you exceed the minimum speed.)

Good luck. You got this.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 6:31 PM on August 3, 2023 [2 favorites]


This is going to sound nuts, but I am not the only person I know with adhd who prefers a manual transmission. It’s just enough extra work that it eats up the part of my brain that would be wandering off to get distracted.
posted by hoyland at 7:36 PM on August 3, 2023 [2 favorites]


Best answer: I was a nervous learner in the UK, 20 years ago. Cards on the table - I did not end up with a driving licence. But I did learn to drive; I just didn't learn how not to be terrified of practical tests, which is a separate problem.

Are you nervous about the first lesson itself? I was.

I know you don't have access to an automatic. But if you have access to a car at all, you might find it helps the first-lesson nerves if you've already tried things like: working out where the best position for the seat is, and moving it there; putting your feet on the pedals, and thinking about which shoes will work best; adjusting the mirrors to give you the best view; putting your hands on the steering wheel in the right position, and looking in the mirrors and over your shoulder; and if it's safe to do so, taking the handbrake off and putting it back on.

Notice I'm not suggesting you actually drive the thing, or even start the engine - just get a sense of how it feels to be sitting behind the wheel, and how you're going to need to move and position your body. Your instructor's car won't be the same, but at least you won't be sitting in the first lesson with absolutely everything being new to you.

I had two-hour lessons, and I agree with In Your Shell Like that that's really helpful, if it's an option. I was exhausted by the end of them, between the concentration needed for driving and the need to be socially "on" for so long, but I was so anxious at the start of each one that it took me well into the first hour to start to relax enough to absorb what I was being taught.

I took notes, and it helped. I need to see stuff written down in order to remember it. So things like what order to perform actions in, where my reference points should be for parallel parking, how to tell if I was approaching a bend at the right speed - I wrote them down after the lesson so that I could refer back to them later, and in particular so that I could remind myself of them before the next lesson.

What I really regret is that I allowed myself to be pushed into taking the test before I felt ready. I had had a lot more lessons than the average, but I'd had no opportunity to practise in between, and we'd done very little practice within the lessons on certain of the manoeuvres. So performing them successfully still felt more like luck than judgement, and that wasn't good enough. Practical exams have always been very difficult for me, and I needed to be 100% sure that I knew what I was doing, so that the only hurdle was the stress of doing it under exam conditions. My instructor didn't understand that, and I wasn't able to speak up for myself effectively enough to get what I needed. So I went in feeling inadequately prepared, my anxiety got the better of me, I failed, and then that added even more stress when I tried again, and it went even worse. Hence, no licence. If this sounds at all relatable - please, please don't make my mistake.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 3:04 AM on August 4, 2023


This is going to sound nuts, but I am not the only person I know with adhd who prefers a manual transmission. It’s just enough extra work that it eats up the part of my brain that would be wandering off to get distracted.
It's not nuts at all. I encourage everyone to learn how to drive manual just because it's a useful skill, but I think it also supports mindfulness and sustained focus in a way that is helpful if you are prone to inattention. Also related to inattentive ADHD, I never use cruise control because I found it was making me "tune out" in a potentially dangerous way.

OP, you might find some of the answers to Help me map out driving difficulty levels in San Francisco helpful. The location-specific advice obviously doesn't apply to you but there are good general suggestions about progressively building skills and confidence that anyone can use.
posted by 4rtemis at 3:32 AM on August 4, 2023


As someone who also has ADHD and a number of other learning disabilities, I wanted to share that going to driving school was one of the very best learning experiences of my life, and I still think of things I learned in that class as I drive 40+ years later. The driving school is still open and when it was time for my kid to learn to drive I sent them there, and I also attended the required parent class, and in that I too learned things that I still retain and think about. This is just to say that I think that if you find a driving school with good reviews, and you do all of the class work and driving time, you may find it is enough. I now work in education, and I think that the fact that learning to drive has a tangible outcome, and specific tasks that rely on muscle memory makes it somewhat easier to master. Often time when one learns a subject the focus is on the theory and not the practice. Learning to drive you are putting the theory into practice imediately.
posted by momochan at 6:28 AM on August 4, 2023


Best answer: I am also in the UK and learned in my mid-20s, which felt quite late compared to others. I managed to go from zero to passed within 8 weeks, one or two lessons a week.

Much good advice here already. But here are perspectives you may not get from the mostly US commenters here:

1) Learning to use an automatic will be easier than learning to drive a manual. But after about five hours, I found the mechanics of operating a manual car fairly intuitive (barring the odd stall). The trickier job was learning the rules and nuances of getting around the roads and other road users. This will take a lot of concentration and help from your instructor at first but don't worry, it will all become second nature before long.

2) UK cities (and Europe in general) have very narrow and crowded roads absolutely full of hazards. Other drivers are moody and in a hurry. On the bright side, if you can drive here, you can drive anywhere.

3) Roundabouts were confusing at first. I didn't understand where I was supposed to be in them. Fundamental to this problem was that I didn't understand the point of a roundabout. You may want to look up a video explaining the whys and hows, as it is difficult to grasp when you are behind the wheel. I now think they are brilliant and when I have to drive in the US it kills me the amount of time I spend waiting in backed up traffic at red lights at intersections.

4) A big part of driving well is knowing where you are trying to go, as this determines lane placement, which in turn helps you be in the right place at the right time, rather than trying to make potentially dangerous manouvers to get past other drivers to reach your exit. You will save yourself a lot of trouble if you can intuit which lane you are supposed to be in by reading road signs and lane markings. So try to get the knack of this early.

5) I found a high volume of lessons in short succession was stressful but very effective. Repetition and hours behind the wheel will make things intuitive. You will begin to perform the correct procedures (mirror, signal, manouver) without thinking. You will begin to intuit what to look out for without thinking ("That pedestrian is coming up to a zebra crossing, I should slow in case they step onto it.") Once you can do that, you will be sure to pass.
posted by Probabilitics at 7:08 PM on August 4, 2023


It occurred to me I should elaborate on where I was going with the "I prefer manuals" comment. I don't know the rules in the UK around licensing when learning to drive, but if you're allowed to practice on a manual while having lessons in an automatic, I wouldn't be afraid of doing so.

I learned to drive at school in the US, and you'd have an hour's lesson in the car once a week, taking turns driving with one or two other students. In other words, the vast majority of my practice time was with my mom, who had a manual transmission. (In Illinois, you needed 25 hours of supervised practice before taking the test (the theory test in the US is a joke and you do it to get a learner's permit) and my school required we do 50.) Having proper instruction definitely helped and it probably helped that the lessons were in an automatic (though I developed a "this feels weird, I should be shifting" reflex quite quickly), especially for passing and getting on the highway. I assume others spent less time driving round deserted car parks than I did, but other than having to spend time up front learning to get the car moving without stalling, the manual made no difference. (Though for full disclosure, in Illinois, if you pass the road test at school to a high standard, you "waiver" out of the state test, so that does mean I took the road test in an automatic. My mom convinced my dad to swap cars for a week or two so I could practice in an automatic.)

I'm also seconding the suggestion of learning about roundabouts in YouTube. They were the thing I was most nervous about driving in the UK (though it turns out switching sides of the road really throws off my sense of where the car is in space--parking was a nightmare), and it was surprisingly straightforward to go from "I understand how roundabouts work because I've been riding in cars in Britain off and on my whole life" to "I can drive round one" courtesy of an evening of YouTube driving lessons. (Ironically, I hate roundabouts in the US because people don't indicate and don't behave predictably because no one has told them what to do.)
posted by hoyland at 3:23 AM on August 5, 2023


Response by poster: Thanks for all the answers. So far, it hasn't gone well. Terror and anxiety are making it impossible for me to follow the instructor's directions. She has told me "driving isn't for everyone". I'm taking a few days to decide but really I think this is not going to work. If I could learn off-road, it might be possible, but I don't think that is an option.
posted by paduasoy at 11:38 AM on September 15, 2023


Can you try, I don't know, an industrial estate on the weekend? I did the vast majority of my practicing in an empty hospital car park in the evening. My mom eventually let me drive round the roads of the hospital complex and only then did we move on to actual roads.
posted by hoyland at 8:20 AM on September 18, 2023


If I could learn off-road, it might be possible, but I don't think that is an option.

Are there not empty parking lots or other areas without a lot of traffic where you could learn? My kid is learning how to drive my car with its manual transmission, and we spent a few hours in a few mostly empty, flat parking lots before we ever went onto streets with other traffic. And then we went into some very low traffic, low speed areas to get practice in more real conditions.
posted by bluedaisy at 1:10 PM on September 18, 2023


Response by poster: I'm looking for another instructor who will focus on off-road. The pool of instructors who offer automatics doesn't seem large. The instructor I used didn't really seem to have strategies for very anxious people (and maybe there just aren't any).
posted by paduasoy at 2:01 AM on September 19, 2023


Best answer: The instructor I used didn't really seem to have strategies for very anxious people (and maybe there just aren't any).

I have been a teacher of intimidating physical skills (although not driving) and I can tell you that there are PLENTY of strategies for anxious people. It can take a bit longer, that's all. I'm going to explain a bit of it, in case it's helpful.

The basic underlying theme is that you need to find somewhere that feels safe to you (like the industrial estate or car park at a weekend). Then you have to learn the smallest easiest thing. That might just be "press the accelerator just until the car moves a tiny bit, then let go and the instructor will brake to a stop". Practice that one thing over and over until you're comfortable, even if that takes a lot longer than the instructor is used to. Only then do you add a tiny extra thing. Only one extra thing at a time! If there's four steps to the instruction and you didn't already drill the first three steps to death, you need to find a way to break it down more.

The moment something gets overwhelming, you stop and go back to practicing something you're comfortable with. If you're really stressed, take a moment to just breathe.

Don't add any more things until you're comfortable with the previous things. Don't add another thing really near the end of the lesson.

When you get towards the end of the lesson, especially if it's stressful, make sure to end the lesson on something you already know well enough to end with a success. When you start the next lesson, begin with something easy and work your way up again slowly, even if you're repeating a bunch of stuff you did last time.

Any decent instructor should be happy with you "driving" the lesson a bit more and being clear about what you need. You're the paying customer, after all!
posted by quacks like a duck at 3:40 PM on September 19, 2023 [1 favorite]


Response by poster: I had another lesson today with a different instructor who seems to have a few more strategies. We were in a car park - still pretty terrifying though, cars and trucks and irritable pedestrians were all doing. Have booked a second one with him in a couple of weeks. Taking it moment by moment.
posted by paduasoy at 6:21 AM on November 14, 2023 [1 favorite]


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