How do I teach someone to drive?

May 21, 2008 5:53 PM

Tips for teaching someone to drive who is not familiar with USA car culture?

My friend grew up in India, came to the US for grad school, and now is looking for jobs and wants to be able to drive. I figured teaching her would be an easy task, since she has a learner's permit, and has been out driving 4-5 times before with other people.

Wrong.

As we circled an empty parking lot for a couple of hours last week at 2 mph - not using the accelerator at all yet - I had lots of time to think. And what I realized is that if you grow up in the US you have a ton of exposure to cars. You know all the street signs, to buckle up, who has right of way, etc. You've probably pretended to steer your parents car many, many times. You've played video driving games. You've fantasized and visualized about driving so much that you have a lot of mental practice before you even get behind the wheel.

We'll go out driving again next week and I'm trying to develop goals for these sessions. The first goal is to increase confidence, and make absolutely sure she is familiar with which is the brake and which is the gas.

What other goals should I think about? What do new drivers need to learn? What surprised you when you learned to drive? What is so obvious that I'm not even thinking of it? We are in the suburbs in northern Virginia, if it matters.

posted by selfmedicating to travel & transportation (22 comments total)

Oh, forgot to mention previous threads that helped were this, this and this.
posted by selfmedicating at 5:57 PM on May 21

I found that playing GTA 3 (or today GTA 4) to be worthwhile in getting the hang of some elements of US driving. Just ignore the missions and drive around town, obeying the lights, going through intersections properly, avoiding peds and other cars etc. It's not driving experience, but she can do it at home, and it might help learn some of what to expect from signals and intersections. The more that those things get processed automatically, the more confident and able she will be.
posted by -harlequin- at 6:15 PM on May 21

Don't drive less than 70 in the left lane if the speed limit is 55.
Don't slam on the brakes if you're speeding and you see a speed trap.
When you're learning to parallel park and unfamiliar with the car, point the passenger side mirror down as far as it will go so you can see the curb until you get a feel for the width of the car.
When backing up, actually turn your head whenever possible - your mirrors aren't that good.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 6:19 PM on May 21

My father's maxim was defensive driving. Be very attentive to what is happening around, not distracted by your immediate environment. This might an excellent goal for someone ill-attuned to American driving.
posted by rabbitsnake at 6:49 PM on May 21

I wonder if, for someone really starting at square one like this, if it might not be safer to leave the driving lessons to a professional teacher? As you say, it's one thing to teach someone to drive who's at least got years of experience as a car passanger in the U.S., and has therefore absorbed the countless details of just being on the road (signs, signals, etc.), even if they've never driven a car before. I've helped a couple of people learn to drive under those circumstances, and they all got the hang of the basics pretty quick -- I mean, by lesson six, we were on the freeway practicing lane changes, not still going over brake vs. gas.

If, as I infer, she's really not clear on the difference between the brake and gas or the meaning of basic signs and signals, this sounds like a bigger task than you might safely be able to accomplish. After all, the concept of "defensive driving" (as rabbitsnake mentions, for example) isn't going to really mean anything to her at this point if she really isn't familiar with the shape of a yield sign or the existence of fast and slow lanes on the highway. My hunch would be that she needs to be able to study in a classroom and work with a simulator before any lessons on the road (or even in a parking lot) will be very effective.

Sorry if this doesn't seem to be answering your question; it's great that you want to help your friend out (and obviously, keep encouraging her!), but under the circumstances it just seems riskier than the usual "hey, can you teach me how to drive" situation.
posted by scody at 7:15 PM on May 21 [2 favorites]

I'm going to come right out and say, I think you're just plain mistaken, or at least, focusing on the wrong thing.

A given person from India who can't drive doesn't need different training from a given person from American who can't drive. India has cars, and trucks and buses, and movies/TV shows/video games in which people drive cars and trucks and buses. Lack of immersion in US car culture is irrelevant.

You're right, they didn't grow up with the same stop signs and traffic lights as Americans, but acquiring that knowledge is a completely different training task, involving memorising information.

Actually driving a car, like playing a musical instrument or a sport, is all about muscle memory and practice, practice, practice. That's all you have to do at this early stage, help her get confident and help her hands and feet get familiarity with their tasks. Once she's got that, then you worry about the signs. Until she gets that confidence and the actual physical tasks are no longer fully occupying all the processing power of her mind (and/or stressing her out), don't require her to read signs, just let her know when to stop and when to go.
posted by AmbroseChapel at 7:24 PM on May 21 [1 favorite]

The best thing you can do as a friend? Pay for a few lessons. Seriously. Teaching someone will mean subconsciously passing on the bad habits you've picked up since you took your test. And NoVa has plenty of multi-lingual driving schools -- not that I'm implying that your friend needs that specifically, but it suggests that there'll be instructors accustomed to teaching adults with her experience level, rather than ones who just cater to 17-year-olds.

After a few lessons to establish core skills, you'll be better placed to do the driving-round stuff with her -- which may include being told that you're doing things wrong.

North Americans regard learning to drive as a rite of passage, and most states have road tests that accommodate being 'taught' by friends and parents. This does not make for good drivers. (I agree with paulsc's comment in one of those earlier threads.)
posted by holgate at 7:30 PM on May 21

I'll consider the professional lessons - it's a good idea. Unfortunately I don't know her well enough that paying for the lessons wouldn't be weird. I also don't want her to think I'm blowing her off by suggesting them.

Even if she does get lessons, she's likely to do more practice time with me, so keep those suggestions coming. Any thoughts on where to learn? Someone in an earlier thread suggested a cemetery which sounded brilliant.
posted by selfmedicating at 7:45 PM on May 21

Similar to AmbroseChapel's comment, I found it helpful when my driving instructor (and parents/friends with whom I practiced driving) emphasized that driving is not an instinctual thing. It's not something that's easy and second-nature right away. It's a lot of little tasks you have to think about all at once, and it can be really overwhelming until it becomes routine.

That said, I think you should beg off the actual teaching aspect--leave that to a professional--and be there for when she wants to practice what she's learned. You can probably frame it as "I don't want you to learn my bad habits, but I'm happy to help you practice."
posted by Meg_Murry at 8:06 PM on May 21

Plan on some winter driving lessons when the time comes -- even in DC, you need to know how to deal with ice. A shopping mall after hours, in my experience, can be good for that.
posted by gnomeloaf at 8:07 PM on May 21

This isn't an India vs America thing. This is a non-confident beginning learner thing.

First thing to teach is basic car control. First basic car controls to teach are the smooth start, the smooth stop, and very-low-speed manoeuvring using the clutch to regulate power delivery to the wheels. The empty parking lot is a good place for that. Next comes the relationship between steering and the position of the car on the road: scatter a few tennis balls around the parking lot and practice running over them.

While teaching these skills, you need to be hammering the messages that it's OK for this to feel weird and difficult at first and that practice, practice, practice is all that's required to fix that.

What you'll need to teach yourself is how to display a completely unreasonable degree of patience.
posted by flabdablet at 8:09 PM on May 21

For most of my life, I have been uncomfortable driving. I got my license when I was 18, only so that I wouldn't have to go to college without a driver's license. From 18 until 28, I doubt I drove a car more than 20 times. When I was 28, my then-girlfriend bought me a car, and tried to teach me how to drive it. It was the sweetest gift anyone has ever given me, but it freaked my shit out, and we ended up selling the car. I got my next car when I was 31, and had someone take me around and help me remember how to drive, and how to learn to be comfortable driving. Your friend may be a natural, but if she's not , here's my advice.

1) Don't practice in places where the person is never going to drive. I practiced alot in a parking lot. That was unhelpful in getting me used to driving alongside other cars, changing lanes, turning, etc. I was the most bad-ass parking lot driver ever, and it was completely useless. Similiary, I practiced alot on streets where we knew there weren't going to be alot of cars. This was also unhelpful, plus I was in an unfamiliar area, and worried about getting lost.
2) Do practice driving routes that the person will probably use. Practice driving from home to work, from work to home, from home to a friend's house, etc.
3) Don't practice on a stickshift. People who learned stick in 5 minutes are convinced everyone can learn it that easily. It's an unnecessary annoyance if you're trying to remember a bajillion things, like which is the gas and which is the brake, or which way to flip a turn signal.
4) Help your friend by giving driving directions waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay early, like as soon as possible. When turning, tell them when they should go if they can't figure it out.
5) Tell the person what they should be doing with their feet. When I first got my license, I don't think anyone ever told me that my foot doesn't have to actually be on the gas pedal when it's not on the brake. When someone finally explained the concept of just taking my foot off the gas, I found it much easier to feel in control of my speed.
6) Help your friend adjust the mirrors so that they are in a good spot for her to see as much as possible.
posted by 23skidoo at 8:52 PM on May 21 [1 favorite]

The nutty thing about getting a drivers license in America (and presumably in other places in the world) is that the time you will have to drive the best (according to traffic laws and basic theory) is the time you take the test, it's downhill from there until you hit your seventies or eighties and have to take the test again. She should take a traffic safety course/drivers ed course and spend as much time as possible learning how to control the car in as safe an environment as possible before you hit the road. As pretty much everyone else has said. Don't have her play a video game, that's just silly.

It's like other real world skills that you learn first in school, there's a right way and a wrong way and a textbook way and you have to do it the textbook way at first and then learn the right way, which is all about practice.

Being a New Yorker by birth I didn't learn to drive until I moved to New Orleans when I was twenty one years old and I practiced endlessly in my mothers stick shift Toyota station wagon (before that I only drove my dad's old twelve cylinder Suburban and various muscled out pickups on back roads) and when I went to take the drivers test in New Orleans I wowed the lady with perfect performance while driving a standard station wagon and when she told me that I had totally passed with flying colors I got so excited that I slalomed through the parking lot of the DMV without any regard to the rules, driving through empty parking spots and so on and she asked me "Exactly what the fuck is wrong with you son? You got to drive properly everywhere, not just on the road." It always stuck with me and she was so shocked that I took the test with a standard transmission that she let me pass.

Point being, get her to take some drivers ed classes (most places don't let you pass from a learners permit to a drivers test without one anyway) and just let her learn the car for a long while in parking lots. You'll put a better driver on the road.

I see most everyone has already said some version of this, so I'm just adding to the chorus.

Oh, also, whenever she backs up, remind her to throw her arm across the passenger seat and look over her shoulder, way too many people these days back up looking in the rearview mirror, that's how you hit someone who is walking behind your car from the blind spot.

On preview:

Yeah, also be incredibly patient, learning how to drive is very weird and people who know how to do it forget what a super-steep learning curve is involved.
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:57 PM on May 21

On posting:
Yes, she needs to also drive in actual traffic before she takes the test, a bunch, as 23skidoo said.
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:58 PM on May 21

I am from India and went through this a few years ago. Some things that would be useful to know, A) Did your friend drive in India, ever? If yes, B) When was the last time she drove? If she has never driven before she should take professional lessons.
If she has some prior driving experience, even from 4 years ago, albeit in a different country where they drive on the "wrong" side of the road, your job is somewhat simpler than trying to teach her to drive for the first time. In India, we share roads with pedestrians, street vendors, huge buses, cows and dogs. It can be extremely chaotic and stressful. Just being behind the wheel can trigger anxiety in the beginning. In the US the bigger stress factor can be ending up on the correct side of the road when making a turn.

I would highly recommend renting a car for her for a day or a weekend. Get full insurance from the rental company and make sure she is covered. There is very little chance she will get into an accident, but you ,the instructor, will feel much more comfortable with the situation than if it is your car, which will also help with managing stress levels.
Also most rental cars are automatics, much easier than a manual. If she has driven in India, it was a stick shift. Even then, while she gets familiar with the driving environment, not worrying about changing gears will be very helpful. But make sure she is not pressing the brake and the accelarator at the same time, it can be troubling to have your left foot just sit there. I drove around in an automatic for about 3 years before switching to a manual.

She will probably have to know all the rules to pass the written exam, make sure she read all the material so the cultural aspect will become less of an issue.
Start in the parking lot, as scody and flabdablet suggest. Go over making turns, staying on the right side of the road, parallel parking, signaling, stopping, all the basics. She will probably want to go at 2 mph for a first one or 2 sessions. Don't worry, return to the parking lot till she gets to 10 or 15mph. Venture out on the road only after she has mastered the basics, then too, late at night or early in the morning, when road traffic is light. Once she feels comfortable with driving in general, you can take her driving during the day, on somewhat crowded streets. Don't even go on the highway till you feel relaxed being a passenger. She needs to understand her reaction time before going above 40 mph.

Seconding flabdablet and Divine_Wino on patience. If at any point during these sessions you feel that she is too much of a novice or it is causing her/you too much anxiety, tell her to get professional lessons. What you are doing is really very sweet. As a grad student from a foreign country she probably doesn't have too much money to spare. But it may be better for her to spend some money on renting a car or hiring a professional than strain friendships. Good friends are harder to come by. Good luck.
posted by avaa at 9:06 PM on May 21

First and foremost, get some insurance. For a nervous first time driver, both liability (which is required by law anyway) and collision is a good idea.

First time drivers make the mistake of using the right foot for the gas and the left foot for the brake. In the olden days, at least in the U.S., that was the standard method taught, so some old folks still drive that way. It's a mistake. The left foot should never be used, except maybe in an emergency to slam on your brakes. So right foot only for brake and gas.

Buckle up. Most states now, I think, have a seatbelt law, and it's just a good idea anyway.

It sounds like you've got the right idea, starting in a parking lot. Drive your friend to a deserted area, with lots of pavement and roads, but no traffic. Mall parking lots, industrial areas, anyplace where she can practice and not have to worry about other cars. When she gains more confidence, she can ease into busier areas.

Use an automatic, don't bother with a stick shift. Even experienced drivers (on automatics) have trouble with stick shifts.

A traffic rule perhaps unique (?) to the U.S. is the ability to turn right at a red light, after you've stopped. Equivalent to a "yield" sign, essentially.
posted by zardoz at 9:20 PM on May 21

As for the car renting advice... I'm pretty sure that you have to be a licensed driver in order to be allowed to drive a rental car, i.e. she would have to show them a driver's license or else she would not be covered under any insurance. So that is probably not going to be possible.
posted by kosmonaut at 10:50 PM on May 21

Dude, I want you to watch this.

There are cars in India.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 12:53 AM on May 22

Don't drive less than 70 in the left lane if the speed limit is 55.
Don't slam on the brakes if you're speeding and you see a speed trap.
When you're learning to parallel park and unfamiliar with the car, point the passenger side mirror down as far as it will go so you can see the curb until you get a feel for the width of the car.
When backing up, actually turn your head whenever possible - your mirrors aren't that good.
posted by Inspector.Gadget

This is incorrect. The left lane on a highway is a passing lane, not a "fast lane". You should not be in the left lane at all unless you are actually passing another car. If you are not passing anyone, move back into the traveling lane (which is NOT called the "slow lane"). This is one of the causes of a lot of traffic on highways in the US.

Otherwise the other things you mentioned are alright...you shouldn't be speeding if you can't afford to get the ticket (and I doubt this beginner will be speeding anyway since she seems somewhat nervous), and make sure the mirrors are all adjusted properly for the driver.
posted by Grither at 5:17 AM on May 22

I come from a family of late drivers: I got my license at 22, which is the youngest in the family. (The top one is early 40s.)

Stuff that might be helpful:

1) How does she learn best? Not just driving, but anything. Does she learn by talking through it, explaining it, visual cues, doing it, hearing you talk about it? Rely on these heavily.

2) One thing that might help, especially on the general info side, would be to have her ride as an active passenger for a few trips (especially trips that will be like she'll be driving: to work, hobbies, etc.) Start out by talking through each step (so, first I get in the car, then put on my seatbelt and adjust the mirrors, then turn the key...)

And then, as you drive, talk through things. "I want to turn right at the next light, so I start signalling here, and then slowing down to make the turn." Once she says she's gotten the hang of that, try having her talk you through each step (paying attention to safety, of course - but go somewhere where, for example, if she doesn't tell you to slow down/signal soon enough, you can just keep going straight.)

I found doing this in my head to be a really good way to learn things like how to manage turning distances and so on.

3) There are driving schools out there that specialise in nervous or limited-experience adult drivers: I went through one of these when I got my license, and they were very relaxed and helpful and went at a pace that was reasonable for me.

She's probably going to want more experience than these lessons would give her before doing a driving test or driving regularly - but if you do practice sessions with her as well, she should be fine.
posted by modernhypatia at 7:27 AM on May 22

Assuming you succeed, see if you can't get some of her other friends to chip in and buy a low-end GPS.

That way you neatly eliminate the problem of a new driver who is completely lost and stressed out, which is a recipe for disaster.
posted by Project F at 7:45 AM on May 22

First, get her a Virginia driver's manual (or whatever it's called there). It will have all the rules of the road she needs to know, including signage. She can study it anywhere when she has the time, and you can quiz her on it if she finds that helpful.

Second, don't take her on actual roadways until she's comfortable with gas, brakes, mirrors, and other vehicles around her. That's just begging for an accident that could get someone seriously hurt or put her off driving forever.

Third, practice, practice, practice. Video games if she likes, parking lots, private property, until she's confident in the controls of the car and doesn't flip out if another vehicle comes within 10 yards of her, then actual public roadways, with a gradual build in complexity of conditions (night, rain, hard curves, heavy traffic).
posted by notashroom at 8:19 AM on May 22