How can I help our 3 year old love books?
August 1, 2023 11:38 AM Subscribe
Our almost-3-year-old doesn’t like it when we read books to her. Doesn’t matter the time of day, reading material, location, she just hops down and runs elsewhere or plays with something. We don’t push it super hard or anything, but we know that this is the time to really build a reading habit. Is this normal? Or is there another way I should be going about this?
What complicated this is that our older child is a voracious reader and kind of always loved reading with us, since she very little. So it’s entirely possible our expectations are just off. Our younger daughter is different in a lot of ways — very headstrong, but that may just be typical 2 year old behavior. Any thoughts?
What complicated this is that our older child is a voracious reader and kind of always loved reading with us, since she very little. So it’s entirely possible our expectations are just off. Our younger daughter is different in a lot of ways — very headstrong, but that may just be typical 2 year old behavior. Any thoughts?
At bedtime, read while snuggling the older kid.
Younger kid may join in or not, or just spend time in the same room doing other, quiet things. As long as she doesn't interrupt. Periodically show her a particularly interesting picture or whatnot.
Make reading time a joyful family time.
Don't stress, three years old is plenty of time yet. My husband only started reading for fun when he was 19.
And even if she never enjoys reading: she will have other interests and a reading habit is not a life skill.
posted by Omnomnom at 11:49 AM on August 1, 2023 [8 favorites]
Younger kid may join in or not, or just spend time in the same room doing other, quiet things. As long as she doesn't interrupt. Periodically show her a particularly interesting picture or whatnot.
Make reading time a joyful family time.
Don't stress, three years old is plenty of time yet. My husband only started reading for fun when he was 19.
And even if she never enjoys reading: she will have other interests and a reading habit is not a life skill.
posted by Omnomnom at 11:49 AM on August 1, 2023 [8 favorites]
Is it the sitting-still aspect she doesn't like? You might try reading a book that has actions in it you can ask her to copy. When my kid was around this age I would read Eric Carle's From Head to Toe aloud, and -- I'm paraphrasing here; my kid is now 20 -- when the book goes "The parrot flaps her wings" I'd say to my kid "Can you flap your wings?" and let him run around like a maniac doing the flapping. We did that for every page of the book.
You could try various other ways of getting her involved -- asking her to point to something in the picture, or guess what comes next in the story, etc. -- but otherwise I agree that you might just try reading aloud in her presence and letting her do her thing, and see if that grows into more interest in reading later.
posted by BlahLaLa at 11:55 AM on August 1, 2023 [8 favorites]
You could try various other ways of getting her involved -- asking her to point to something in the picture, or guess what comes next in the story, etc. -- but otherwise I agree that you might just try reading aloud in her presence and letting her do her thing, and see if that grows into more interest in reading later.
posted by BlahLaLa at 11:55 AM on August 1, 2023 [8 favorites]
Being read to can be boring for a 3 year old!
When I am buying books for very young children, I always buy books that DO something. Pop-up books, slide your finger books. And I do not READ to them. I show them. Hey, look, an elephant! See how it pops the trunk? See this mouse jump out of the box?
An example here. (pictures in review at the bottom of the page).
When they are slightly older, I show and tell my own story using the book, asking a lot of question.
Hey, where is the spider? Is it a cat or a dog? See, the dog is jumping - yay!
I also sometimes read to older siblings while the younger one plays in the same room.
But also, I wouldn't force it.
posted by M. at 12:00 PM on August 1, 2023 [4 favorites]
When I am buying books for very young children, I always buy books that DO something. Pop-up books, slide your finger books. And I do not READ to them. I show them. Hey, look, an elephant! See how it pops the trunk? See this mouse jump out of the box?
An example here. (pictures in review at the bottom of the page).
When they are slightly older, I show and tell my own story using the book, asking a lot of question.
Hey, where is the spider? Is it a cat or a dog? See, the dog is jumping - yay!
I also sometimes read to older siblings while the younger one plays in the same room.
But also, I wouldn't force it.
posted by M. at 12:00 PM on August 1, 2023 [4 favorites]
I'm not a parent, so what the hell do I know, but would it be worth casually leaving one or two illustrated children's books in her room and giving her the opportunity to discover these herself via the pictures?
Comics would be another way to try this approach, and offer an integral mix of words and pictures in every panel.
posted by Paul Slade at 12:02 PM on August 1, 2023
Comics would be another way to try this approach, and offer an integral mix of words and pictures in every panel.
posted by Paul Slade at 12:02 PM on August 1, 2023
I think this is completely normal and how small kids enjoy books. You're supposed to read while they're running around and playing. It's fine. Two suggestions:
I ca
1. The Read-Aloud Handbook, which I recommend half-heartedly because I think it's way too focussed on the academic benefits of reading and also the book lists at the end are not at all diverse. But the info on how kids learn to enjoy books and stories is useful. It specifically says it's ok and common for kids to wander off and play and do other things while you read.
2. I can't find it, but the Toronto PUblic Library publishes a little booklet on pre-literacy skills. I can't find it online, but if you go to this website, the square on the bottom right is a basic summary. When my son was an infant and I took him to storytime at the library, we were lucky that the librarian running it did a week about each pre-literacy skill, which really helped me to link the skills to actual things I could do. Like for example, one thing I remember was when talking about understanding narrative, they read Brown Bear Brown Bear What Do you See? .. the thing the librarian pointed out was that because each page mentions what was mentioned on the previous page, it helps kids understand that the pages have an order and refer back and forward rather than just being a series of independent things. It seems obvious once you know that, but it is not necessarily obvious to new people.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 12:02 PM on August 1, 2023 [4 favorites]
I ca
1. The Read-Aloud Handbook, which I recommend half-heartedly because I think it's way too focussed on the academic benefits of reading and also the book lists at the end are not at all diverse. But the info on how kids learn to enjoy books and stories is useful. It specifically says it's ok and common for kids to wander off and play and do other things while you read.
2. I can't find it, but the Toronto PUblic Library publishes a little booklet on pre-literacy skills. I can't find it online, but if you go to this website, the square on the bottom right is a basic summary. When my son was an infant and I took him to storytime at the library, we were lucky that the librarian running it did a week about each pre-literacy skill, which really helped me to link the skills to actual things I could do. Like for example, one thing I remember was when talking about understanding narrative, they read Brown Bear Brown Bear What Do you See? .. the thing the librarian pointed out was that because each page mentions what was mentioned on the previous page, it helps kids understand that the pages have an order and refer back and forward rather than just being a series of independent things. It seems obvious once you know that, but it is not necessarily obvious to new people.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 12:02 PM on August 1, 2023 [4 favorites]
Oh, and the key to getting kids to like books is all those gimmicks that I kind of turned my nose up at: flaps, sounds, textures, licensed characters if they're into that etc. etc.. These are gateway books.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 12:04 PM on August 1, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 12:04 PM on August 1, 2023 [2 favorites]
Coloring books are fine at this age too. Better if they have a picture story that continues across multiple pages. Just so they see a few words and get the “left to right, beginning to end” flow of a book.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 12:08 PM on August 1, 2023
posted by St. Peepsburg at 12:08 PM on August 1, 2023
(Because my kid started kindergarten online during the pandemic I got to witness the early readers assessment the school did and it was literally just that, does the kid understand how pages turn and left to right flow of information. Even my kid was like “is that it??” And yup, that’s it)
posted by St. Peepsburg at 12:10 PM on August 1, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by St. Peepsburg at 12:10 PM on August 1, 2023 [2 favorites]
I think this is one of those every kid is different and has their own timeline kind of thing.
My younger kid has always been slower at reading than my older one. He can read, and does read for fun but it wasn't until after grade 1 that it became apparent that he could read with comprehension - we were always wondering up to then if he really knew what he was reading. He's just finished grade 3 and he'll read chapter books, like Roald Dahl type stuff, but the older one had gone through most of the Harry Potter books at that age. That being said he got a Zelda encyclopedia for his birthday last month, which is thick and mostly text, and he's read the hell out of it and shared interesting facts from it, so he can read, and gets some enjoyment from it, but not as much as his older sibling.
Keep reading to her and keep reading yourselves and it'll come to her in time.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 12:10 PM on August 1, 2023
My younger kid has always been slower at reading than my older one. He can read, and does read for fun but it wasn't until after grade 1 that it became apparent that he could read with comprehension - we were always wondering up to then if he really knew what he was reading. He's just finished grade 3 and he'll read chapter books, like Roald Dahl type stuff, but the older one had gone through most of the Harry Potter books at that age. That being said he got a Zelda encyclopedia for his birthday last month, which is thick and mostly text, and he's read the hell out of it and shared interesting facts from it, so he can read, and gets some enjoyment from it, but not as much as his older sibling.
Keep reading to her and keep reading yourselves and it'll come to her in time.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 12:10 PM on August 1, 2023
Oh, and try photo books. If there's something your child is interested in, make a photobook of pictures. I did a google image search for subways, streetcars, and buses. I made him a pocket-size photobook with 100 pictures. I gave it to him for his second birthday and then another copy a few months later when the cover wore off the first copy. He LOVED it. It's not "reading" mostly -- I mean there were some words in the images, on signs or whatever. But mostly we "read"it by describing each image. "This is an articulated old streetcar. It's a 501 going southbound to Union Station at Spadina and Front." "This is a line 1 subway at Museum station. the doors are open and people are getting on." "This is an articulated bus on line 38." etc. etc.
It's not reading, but it sure helped him to love (one) book(s) and developed his vocabulary and verbal skills, which are both important pre-literacy skills.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 12:11 PM on August 1, 2023 [4 favorites]
It's not reading, but it sure helped him to love (one) book(s) and developed his vocabulary and verbal skills, which are both important pre-literacy skills.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 12:11 PM on August 1, 2023 [4 favorites]
Have you brought your kids to library or book store storytimes? I used to do a lot of story hours and quite lot of the kids act like your younger daughter but they seem to enjoy the book-based interactions in a social atmosphere. I am fond of books like Happy Pig Day where you can encourage the kids to imitate the characters, or sing and dance. They may not want to look at a page but they enjoy the interaction and the storytelling which hopefully makes a case for the books too. But was others have said, it's really fine if they're not interested.
posted by BibiRose at 12:13 PM on August 1, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by BibiRose at 12:13 PM on August 1, 2023 [2 favorites]
My kid is 3.5 and has gone through periods of wanting to read ALL the books and also periods of being completely uninterested in books of any kind.
We've got tons of books around the house, and I offer a story and a cuddle every night as part of bedtime – sometimes she says yes, sometimes she says no. Sometimes she wants five different books. Sometimes the same book five times. We read only Bustletown (wordless "seek and find" books), making up our own stories, for a six- or eight-week period, by her request, when she was about the same age as your kiddo.
I figure that as long as you have books around, read (and are seen to be reading, and talk about what you're reading) yourself, and keep offering reading as a fun, low-key, low-pressure activity, you're doing just fine and she'll come to it in her own time.
posted by notquitejane at 12:13 PM on August 1, 2023
We've got tons of books around the house, and I offer a story and a cuddle every night as part of bedtime – sometimes she says yes, sometimes she says no. Sometimes she wants five different books. Sometimes the same book five times. We read only Bustletown (wordless "seek and find" books), making up our own stories, for a six- or eight-week period, by her request, when she was about the same age as your kiddo.
I figure that as long as you have books around, read (and are seen to be reading, and talk about what you're reading) yourself, and keep offering reading as a fun, low-key, low-pressure activity, you're doing just fine and she'll come to it in her own time.
posted by notquitejane at 12:13 PM on August 1, 2023
1. Let her be, let her do her own thing. And make sure you give her lots of positive attention for doing her own thing. There's nothing wrong with running around instead of reading! Whatever she wants to do is great.
2. A part of this may also be that she's at the exact age when she senses the need to set herself apart from her older sibling, carve out a separate niche for herself, as it were. If you want to be extra sneaky, start playing up some other difference between the two siblings (e.g. maybe something taken from their real preferences, like the older one is "the kind that loves cereal for breakfast" and the younger one is "the kind of kid who likes fruit for breakfast" -- or even something totally nonsensical and made up, like maybe the older one is the "super squishy teddy bear" and the younger one is the "extra fluffy bunny rabbit" of the family) so that your toddler can grab onto that as a way to set herself apart. Not saying this is DEFINITELY what's going on, but it can't hurt!
3. Read to her at bedtime so there's no running about. Let her pick the story (not "the book"). Terminology is a big part of reprogramming her to think of books differently.
4. Let her see you reading frequently. If you want to be extra sneaky, let her hear you groan and complain theatrically whenever you put the book down. "OMG what's going to happen next? I'm going to have ants in my pants until I find out!" And maybe even involve her in making up a story about what happens next. "There's this big blue whale who wants to climb a mountain, but she can't get out of the ocean. I wonder what's going to happen next! But I can't read :( :( What do YOU think? Oh I really really have to know!"
posted by MiraK at 12:20 PM on August 1, 2023 [3 favorites]
2. A part of this may also be that she's at the exact age when she senses the need to set herself apart from her older sibling, carve out a separate niche for herself, as it were. If you want to be extra sneaky, start playing up some other difference between the two siblings (e.g. maybe something taken from their real preferences, like the older one is "the kind that loves cereal for breakfast" and the younger one is "the kind of kid who likes fruit for breakfast" -- or even something totally nonsensical and made up, like maybe the older one is the "super squishy teddy bear" and the younger one is the "extra fluffy bunny rabbit" of the family) so that your toddler can grab onto that as a way to set herself apart. Not saying this is DEFINITELY what's going on, but it can't hurt!
3. Read to her at bedtime so there's no running about. Let her pick the story (not "the book"). Terminology is a big part of reprogramming her to think of books differently.
4. Let her see you reading frequently. If you want to be extra sneaky, let her hear you groan and complain theatrically whenever you put the book down. "OMG what's going to happen next? I'm going to have ants in my pants until I find out!" And maybe even involve her in making up a story about what happens next. "There's this big blue whale who wants to climb a mountain, but she can't get out of the ocean. I wonder what's going to happen next! But I can't read :( :( What do YOU think? Oh I really really have to know!"
posted by MiraK at 12:20 PM on August 1, 2023 [3 favorites]
our older child is a voracious reader and kind of always loved reading with us
This was our dynamic, too. Our six year old still loves reading with us, but our almost-four year old lost interest about six months ago. I should note that, despite not reading regularly, he will still randomly walk up to one of us and recite an entire book. It seems that what he does read gets through to him, even if he's not reading as much as his sister. As much as I'd like it if my kids shared a reading hobby with me, the long term important part is comprehension and retention, so that's what I'd look for.
posted by kevinbelt at 12:48 PM on August 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
This was our dynamic, too. Our six year old still loves reading with us, but our almost-four year old lost interest about six months ago. I should note that, despite not reading regularly, he will still randomly walk up to one of us and recite an entire book. It seems that what he does read gets through to him, even if he's not reading as much as his sister. As much as I'd like it if my kids shared a reading hobby with me, the long term important part is comprehension and retention, so that's what I'd look for.
posted by kevinbelt at 12:48 PM on August 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
As long as she sees everyone else in her family reading and she doesn't spend too much time staring at a screen she'll be fine.Try taking her to the library and letting her choose three books (because she's 3, duh).
posted by mareli at 1:43 PM on August 1, 2023
posted by mareli at 1:43 PM on August 1, 2023
Yeah, sounds normal to me, based on observation of lots of kids around that age. Some kids aren't really into sitting still, some kids are less interested in being read to but like paging through books themselves, some kids just flat-out aren't particularly into any of it yet.
If you have books around that your younger child can interact with on her own, are reading to or with your older child, and letting your kids see you reading as something you do as an adult, you're modeling reading as a normal activity, which is valuable groundwork. Just keep making books available and your younger kid will figure out thee relationship she wants to have with them.
posted by EvaDestruction at 1:58 PM on August 1, 2023
If you have books around that your younger child can interact with on her own, are reading to or with your older child, and letting your kids see you reading as something you do as an adult, you're modeling reading as a normal activity, which is valuable groundwork. Just keep making books available and your younger kid will figure out thee relationship she wants to have with them.
posted by EvaDestruction at 1:58 PM on August 1, 2023
Also just throwing this out there - maybe your voice changes in a way she doesn't like, when you're reading aloud. Have you tried telling her stories without the books involved? Just the two / three of you at bedtime telling a story while making eye contact might be more fun for her than "oh now is the time mom's voice goes flat and she stops looking at me."
posted by invincible summer at 2:32 PM on August 1, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by invincible summer at 2:32 PM on August 1, 2023 [2 favorites]
We have some friends, whose sons don’t like most picture books. However, they do like interactive books, which seem to be trendy lately. Some popular titles include “Press Here”, “Stir Crack Whisk Bake”, and “There’s a monster in your book”.
posted by tinymegalo at 3:00 PM on August 1, 2023
posted by tinymegalo at 3:00 PM on August 1, 2023
Does kiddo ever see you all sitting around reading for pleasure on your own? I don't mean your older kid, but you. It's great to model reading as a leisure activity you enjoy. I say sit on the couch with a book or magazine or newspaper (not your phone), and read, and have a couple of kid-friendly books nearby, and see if she decides to mimic the behavior.
posted by bluedaisy at 3:20 PM on August 1, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by bluedaisy at 3:20 PM on August 1, 2023 [2 favorites]
Seconding the idea of modeling reading if you’re not already doing that.
We had good luck with “family books” that we’d read aloud together while in the car, when doing the dishes, etc. we chose books that were interesting to our kid—topics she liked or authors she liked. If we were reading nonfiction, we were ok with editing/revising as we read to keep the language kid friendly.
posted by TEA at 3:49 PM on August 1, 2023
We had good luck with “family books” that we’d read aloud together while in the car, when doing the dishes, etc. we chose books that were interesting to our kid—topics she liked or authors she liked. If we were reading nonfiction, we were ok with editing/revising as we read to keep the language kid friendly.
posted by TEA at 3:49 PM on August 1, 2023
My kiddo just wasn't a much of a reader at 3. I wanted her to be so bad. But she wasn't super engaged, was really wiggly and more interested in everything else.
We kept reading stuff just not as much as we wanted and didn't really push it when bedtime became wiggle and cry time and not sit still and read time.
Now that she's 5, and she's entering kindergarten she's reading.It's there and story time is much more like I want it to be. With snuggles and questions.
It can get better.
posted by AlexiaSky at 3:51 PM on August 1, 2023
We kept reading stuff just not as much as we wanted and didn't really push it when bedtime became wiggle and cry time and not sit still and read time.
Now that she's 5, and she's entering kindergarten she's reading.It's there and story time is much more like I want it to be. With snuggles and questions.
It can get better.
posted by AlexiaSky at 3:51 PM on August 1, 2023
Speaking as both a children's librarian and the parent of a kid your kid's age, this is completely normal.
It helps if the books you are reading are age appropriate. For her age that typically means either easy readers or picture books with not-terribly-complicated pictures and up to maybe like 3 sentences per page. If you really want to do a wordier book, make sure it is the first book you read.
But yeah, story time for 2-3 years old, children's librarians don't expect the kids to sit still and listen at all. It is a given that like the vast majority of kids are just going to be wandering around whenever they feel like it.
Interactive books like Herve Tullet's books, seek and find books, books with movement like Jan Thomas's Is everyone ready for fun?, or books with lots of animal sounds are all reliably useful for the wanderers. Assume your kid is listening and just keep reading it as though you are having the most fun in the world.
posted by donut_princess at 4:38 PM on August 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
It helps if the books you are reading are age appropriate. For her age that typically means either easy readers or picture books with not-terribly-complicated pictures and up to maybe like 3 sentences per page. If you really want to do a wordier book, make sure it is the first book you read.
But yeah, story time for 2-3 years old, children's librarians don't expect the kids to sit still and listen at all. It is a given that like the vast majority of kids are just going to be wandering around whenever they feel like it.
Interactive books like Herve Tullet's books, seek and find books, books with movement like Jan Thomas's Is everyone ready for fun?, or books with lots of animal sounds are all reliably useful for the wanderers. Assume your kid is listening and just keep reading it as though you are having the most fun in the world.
posted by donut_princess at 4:38 PM on August 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
You can't push kids into liking stuff. You can push them until they don't.
Three is early for this. You're worrying way too much.
Children like to be read to before bed, at least partly because it means they can put off going to bed, but they like the books, too.
Every kid I know who reads does it because their parents read to them.
I'd add that if you read stuff that's age-appropriate it'll bore them to tears, if it's some horrible schlock like care bears it'll make them run and hide, and if it's cute or heartwarming they'll hate it. Read books that other parents say their kids loved, and make it at least a bit too old for them.
posted by AugustusCrunch at 6:41 PM on August 1, 2023
Three is early for this. You're worrying way too much.
Children like to be read to before bed, at least partly because it means they can put off going to bed, but they like the books, too.
Every kid I know who reads does it because their parents read to them.
I'd add that if you read stuff that's age-appropriate it'll bore them to tears, if it's some horrible schlock like care bears it'll make them run and hide, and if it's cute or heartwarming they'll hate it. Read books that other parents say their kids loved, and make it at least a bit too old for them.
posted by AugustusCrunch at 6:41 PM on August 1, 2023
Can you read to her while she plays or runs around? Don't make a big deal about her listening quietly, just keep reading. Eventually a story will spark her interest and maybe then she'll want to climb up beside you for a closer listen. Kids pay attention to all kinds of stuff when it seems as though their focus is elsewhere. Reading should be fun and comfortable, and letting her associate being comfortable with reading is a great first step.
posted by easy, lucky, free at 4:12 AM on August 2, 2023
posted by easy, lucky, free at 4:12 AM on August 2, 2023
This might be off-base since so many others have said this is totally developmentally appropriate, but as a child I always hated to be read to. In fact, I started reading independently super young in part so I could avoid being read to. Then, it turned out that I ADORED reading to myself, to the exclusion of almost any other activity. In my child brain, I framed being read to as “boring” and “slow,” but reading to myself was completely enrapturing.
Recently I decided to give being read to another shot (on the principle that I listen to eleventy billion podcasts, so maybe I had changed). I downloaded an audiobook, but I had to give up almost immediately. With all my adult knowledge of my neurodivergence (ADHD), it was immediately obvious that I just have a super hard time processing fiction when it is read aloud. I have no problem with narrative podcasts or chat shows or normal audio speech processing, but something about the language of fiction books (specifically around the dialogue, I think, with the speech tags, etc) that my brain just realllly struggles to understand and hang on to.
None of this is to say I think your child is neurodivergent (though it certainly isn’t bad if they are!), but just that reading and being read to are completely different activities. We have a lot of cultural associations and expectations wrapped up in both, but whether your child likes one doesn’t necessarily have any impact on whether they will enjoy the other.
posted by CtrlAltDelete at 8:48 AM on August 3, 2023 [3 favorites]
Recently I decided to give being read to another shot (on the principle that I listen to eleventy billion podcasts, so maybe I had changed). I downloaded an audiobook, but I had to give up almost immediately. With all my adult knowledge of my neurodivergence (ADHD), it was immediately obvious that I just have a super hard time processing fiction when it is read aloud. I have no problem with narrative podcasts or chat shows or normal audio speech processing, but something about the language of fiction books (specifically around the dialogue, I think, with the speech tags, etc) that my brain just realllly struggles to understand and hang on to.
None of this is to say I think your child is neurodivergent (though it certainly isn’t bad if they are!), but just that reading and being read to are completely different activities. We have a lot of cultural associations and expectations wrapped up in both, but whether your child likes one doesn’t necessarily have any impact on whether they will enjoy the other.
posted by CtrlAltDelete at 8:48 AM on August 3, 2023 [3 favorites]
You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments
posted by Alensin at 11:42 AM on August 1, 2023 [12 favorites]