Helping a sensitive kid blow his nose?

July 20, 2023 1:06 AM

My 8-year old kid tends to be sensitive to touch. In particular, he hates the feeling of sticky, slimy things on his skin. This generally isn't too much of a problem, except when he has a runny nose: because he dislikes the texture of mucus, he is very reluctant to clear his nose. Instead, he sniffs very deeply, which ends up clogging up his sinuses and leading to an infection. Any suggestions on how we can help him with this?

Currently, if we tell him to blow his nose, he will very gingerly blow a teeny bit of mucus onto a piece of tissue paper and then throw the entire piece of paper away immediately. A more workable solution has been to blow his nose in the shower or at the sink, with a steady stream of water flowing directly onto his nose, so whatever comes out is immediately washed away. It wastes a lot of water though as he needs the tap to be on at full blast.

I'm wondering if its possible to help him desensitize himself somehow.. but I don't know if its possible, and if its the right thing to do. I also know he's likely to grow out of this eventually, but I'd rather not have him have sinus infections all the time.

Note that this isn't a matter of him not knowing how to blow his nose, unlike some of the other questions I've seen on AskMe; he can do it fine, he just doesn't like to.

In case it's relevant, here are other tactile sensations he is uncomfortable with: touching dough/batter that sticks to the hands, sticky tape, plasters on skin, wet areas in public restrooms (that one is probably more of hygeine-related squickiness)

posted by destrius to Health & Fitness (23 answers total)

Oh I can totally relate to your kiddo, I hated blowing my nose for the same reason when I was a kid (and still don’t love it now).
Would using thicker fabric handkerchiefs help? Maybe test it out by using a (dry) washcloth. The thicker material keeps the mucus contained, it doesn’t get on your face or on your hands.

8 might be too young for a neti pot but that’s another thing to consider later on.
posted by third word on a random page at 1:37 AM on July 20, 2023 [4 favorites]

Different tissues might help, give puffs a try if you can get them, and fabric handkerchiefs might seem like a pain but they aren’t so bad when you don’t need to iron them or keep them presentable for company - you can also use cut up old shirts if you want to trial handkerchiefs for cheap. Encourage him to hang out in a steamy bathroom to keep things moving to help prevent clogged sinuses, and coach him on finding a comfortable sleeping position that’s somewhat inclined to help him breathe better at night.

It sounds like he has some sensory challenges in general so when he is feeling better you could ask him if you can work together to figure out ways to manage them. It’s really good to sort of map out the boundaries of sensory no-goes so you can notice if and when they change, and to gently push yourself on them from time to time. It’s also great to figure out different coping techniques and alternatives because a lot of the time they can be tweaked and applied in different circumstances. It can give a kid a huge feeling of autonomy and self confidence. One thing that could help is wearing gloves, which might seem extreme but I know a fair number of adults who hated cooking until they normalized wearing gloves for food prep and suddenly they are excited to try new recipes or make their favorite things. Turns out they have sensory challenges too and have just been white knuckling it into their thirties. Another thing that could help is learning details about like, what exactly boogers are made of and why they feel slimy and what our brain is telling us when we feel a slimy thing and so-on. I can self soothe with knowledge - a skill that has been invaluable for everything from a fear of clowns to existential dread of climate change. Learning when to stop learning details about a thing is definitely a skill to develop, though. As a kid, keeping information to his reading level is probably a good guide.

I have a friend who hates stickers with a passion. He is a father of two young kids and has to endure stickers anyways, and I do nefarious things like gift his kids unicorn sticker books. He has some similar sensory challenges to your kid, but also, he makes pizza dough by hand weekly and takes care of his sticky kids without complaint daily. I think part of it has to do with those things being his voluntary choice. He chose to father kids and work from home and spend the most hands on time with them. He chose to learn how to bake and how often he wanted to do it. But stickers, and his own boogers, are things he has no power over. They just happen. So maybe your kid might like to choose to get confident at something like baking banana bread (very sticky and gross looking batter), or playing and making art with washi tape, to give him space to learn how to handle those sensations on his own terms.
posted by Mizu at 2:02 AM on July 20, 2023 [8 favorites]

The counterintuitive but useful suggestion from a former sensory kid myself is to absolutely surround that kid with love and acceptance and make sure that he can blow into the full-throttle shower anytime he wants, and that there are other things to try, but they’re not being offered to remove the thing that does at present. Avoiding a sinus infection and your kid’s comfort are totally worth wasting water for. You can reduce water use elsewhere. If he feels not only free but supported to do what works, it might be easier for him to try other options.
posted by The Last Sockpuppet at 2:55 AM on July 20, 2023 [19 favorites]

How would he feel about using a disposable wet wipe? There'd still be a moment of exposure to the stickiness, but he'd be able to replace it with a clean and refreshed feeling immediately.
posted by nanny's striped stocking at 3:36 AM on July 20, 2023 [1 favorite]

Experiment to try, have him wear headphones with loud music he likes. Might be enough of a distraction to make it tolerable.
posted by Sophont at 3:58 AM on July 20, 2023

If you even possibly have access to one, you want an occupational therapist. Much like the surprising magic of physical therapy, they can fix problems at levels you and I aren't even properly aware exist. And, yes, in the meanwhile, it can't be that much water, and it's truly not a waste if it's preventing sinus infections.
posted by teremala at 4:01 AM on July 20, 2023 [6 favorites]

This is unlikely to work, because it’s gross in itself, but could you get him to go along with using a neti pot? That reduces the amount of necessary nose blowing immensely, because it clears out all the mucus in one big rinse.
posted by LizardBreath at 4:28 AM on July 20, 2023 [3 favorites]

I have a sensory kid myself, and when she's unwell her tendency to ick out on things is particularly strong.

I give her Boogie Wipes, which are soft wipes designed for stuffy noses. There's also a Dollar Tree knockoff version, if you are in the US and live near a store. They're called Stuffy Nose Wipes and have Paw Patrol characters on them. Typically found in the infant care aisle.

(I'll even use these on myself if my nose is irritated from poor air quality, they're just nice to keep around the house.)
posted by champers at 4:33 AM on July 20, 2023 [2 favorites]

If you choose handkerchiefs, choose ones made of linen or muslin - they're very soft and gentle.
posted by wandering zinnia at 4:38 AM on July 20, 2023 [2 favorites]

Response by poster: Yeah, in general we just let him use as much water as he wants to, but it's not always practical, especially if we're outside. For example, earlier this evening his nose was so stuffed he couldn't breathe through it, and he was semi-choking over dinner. But he didn't want to clear it until we got home and he could do it at the sink. So I think it is necessary for there to be some solution involving tissues, handkerchiefs or wet wipes.

Thanks for all the suggestions so far, will try them out and see what works!
posted by destrius at 6:39 AM on July 20, 2023

Have you tried a nasal aspirator, like the bulb thing you use for babies? They make them for adults/all ages. You put it up the nose and suck the stuff out; it mostly doesn't hit your face at all.
posted by gideonfrog at 7:03 AM on July 20, 2023 [4 favorites]

Get super thick triple-ply tissues with lotion. Try to teach him to fold the tissue in half, blow, fold in half over the snot, blow again. If there isn't too too much mucus, that keeps the ick inside the tissue and he never has to touch it. And obviously allow him shower/sink access like you're doing already.

Long-term, try to find ways to do sensory play, exposing him to textures like that in a fun, no pressure way. Get cooking together to make something he really likes with doughy or slimy textures (press pizza dough into a pan, work with cookie dough, make pb&j, cake pops). Do a science project that involves some taping or gluing or slime making or whatever. If he was younger, I would suggest playing with plastic toys in shaving cream or "helping" put shaving cream on dad's face, or you needing him with lotion because your "hands hurt," or whatever but older kids don't fall for silly tricks like that as easily.
posted by never.was.and.never.will.be. at 7:07 AM on July 20, 2023 [1 favorite]

It may be important to make sure the tissue placement is good. What I mean is leaving a little pocket or gap between the nostril and tissue while still wrapping it around the nose on the edges for any splatter. That way the snot goes into the tissue but isn’t right up against the nose immediately upon exit.

Also if you haven’t already you should likely visit a doctor or allergist to help reduce stuffiness overall.
posted by Crystalinne at 8:18 AM on July 20, 2023 [1 favorite]

Would a snot-sucker be worth a try? You can get cheap disposable ones he can discard immediately.
posted by praemunire at 8:29 AM on July 20, 2023

You’re not supposed to use steroidal nasal sprays under age 12 without consulting a doctor, but in this case it might be worth asking. Everyone in my family has reactive breathing passages, resulting in endless sneezing and stuffy/runny nose, coughing, ear and sinus infections, and bronchitis, multiple times a year. I was a snotty, ear infection-having mess from birth until nasal sprays like fluticasone (Flonase) were easy to get. It was life-changing.
posted by toodleydoodley at 9:01 AM on July 20, 2023

Response by poster: I chatted with him about this before bedtime, and he said the two things that bothered him the most were:

1. The sensation of mucus coming out of his nose, and in particular the sensation of mucus on his upper lip. He's always been particular about his upper lip (he had a compulsion involving touching his upper lip when he was younger), and I think that is a bigger deal than touching snot with his hands.

2. Apparently he doesn't like the smell of the mucus as it exits his nose.
posted by destrius at 9:07 AM on July 20, 2023 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: As far as nasal symptoms go, basically our entire family has dust mite allergies, which is a constant problem in the tropics. I was blowing my nose constantly as a kid. We've taken steps to reduce the amount of allergen we're exposed to, and the kids do have steriod sprays that they use whenever symptoms get bad. (I'm on a regular spray, and yes it was life-changing for me too!) But essentially, he's probably going to have to deal with blocked/runny noses once every few months for the rest of his life, like me.
posted by destrius at 9:13 AM on July 20, 2023 [1 favorite]

There's probably a technique he could develop to cover his upper lip with tissue (like a separate one) while he blows. But you also could encourage him to squirt saline up first, wait a few seconds, then blow...it thins the goop and changes the smell.
posted by emjaybee at 9:40 AM on July 20, 2023

Seconding nasal-bulb technology. Maybe a daily oral antihistamine would help reduce nasal symptoms? Mayo Clinic's dust mite treatments.
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:45 AM on July 20, 2023

But you also could encourage him to squirt saline up first, wait a few seconds, then blow...it thins the goop and changes the smell.

Yes, I was going to suggest something like this as well. I have one of those shelf stable saline bottles that you can just spray into your nose.

For the protecting the upper lip issue, maybe a reusable handkerchief that is big enough so that he can tie it around his head, above his upper lip (sort of like movies show robbers/bandits doing, but below the nose instead of above it. Then he could use a regular disposable tissue (or a wet wipe, if that's better) to blow his nose.

Obviously you'd still want to swap out the handkerchief regularly, but this might be easier to coordinate than trying to hold multiple tissues up to his face at once.

Or even a face mask pulled down below his nose, if it seals right - something like a surgical masks for kids.
posted by litera scripta manet at 12:04 PM on July 20, 2023

It's worth checking if he actually does know how to blow his nose. Sometimes kids only know how to snort inward but not how to reverse the pressure and snort outward. Have you ever actually seen him blow hard enough to fill a tissue with globs of snot?

It's possible he is actually snorting water up his nose when he puts it under the tap, the way people sometimes do from the palm of their hand. You can do a sinus rinse without a neti pot; people have done so for centuries. It could be that he is actually rinsing his sinuses out using the stream of running water, rather than blowing his nose into the running water. In that case, get him a traveling neti pot or a suction bulb, just so you can get him to use saline instead of ordinary tap water.

If he doesn't like the smell of his mucus he may have a sinus infection of some sort and be smelling that. Getting the sinus infection cleared up could fix the smell issue.

And finally there is a tiny, distant chance that at some point he inhaled some small object into his nose and it is still in there, both making it hard for him to blow his nose and creating a chronic blockage and infection. Every now and again some kid suddenly expels a button or badly rotted split pea, or a dime and it turns out that they must have poked it into their nose when they were only two, but it's been there for years... If he has had problems with his sinuses for years and a nasty smell/taste to his mucus, a foreign object in his sinuses could be the cause of it.
posted by Jane the Brown at 7:03 PM on July 20, 2023

Farmer’s blow might do the trick since there’s no direct or indirect contact with the mucous. It might even feel like a fun or rebellious thing to do, thus providing even more motivation.
posted by Dansaman at 11:54 AM on July 21, 2023

Response by poster: Thanks for all the replies! We do give him an oral antihistamine when it gets bad, and we also use a saline spray. He also does know how to blow his nose properly; when there's not much snot, he will blow very vigorously. I might try something like a neti pot soon, after talking to him more about it; he is more okay with the feeling of water going up his nose compared to mucus coming out of it. I'll try some of the other ideas here like wet wipes and covering his upper lip, and see how they fare.
posted by destrius at 12:22 AM on July 23, 2023 [1 favorite]