Could an earlier vet visit have saved this cat?
June 8, 2023 12:33 AM Subscribe
I cat-sat my friend's cat a few days ago and the cat became ill and was dead by the time I got her to the vet. The vet said it was her heart - could I have saved her by acting faster?
Friend's cat was diabetic and aged 13. Friend had taken her to the vet the day before I cat-sat because she was clearly unwell. The vet did a thorough examination and couldn't diagnose her. He gave her gabapentin and sucralfate and told friend to bring her in the next day if she wasn't better. Friend had something she couldn't miss the next morning but was worried about the cat. I said I'd cat-sit, and friend was going to take her back to the vet's in the afternoon. After a couple of hours I started to be able to hear the cat's breathing. This is where I think I should have taken her in, but I didn't until she started vomiting another hour and a half later.
The vet tried to resuscitate her when I got her there, but failed. The vet nurse said that her mucous membranes were blue so the cause was likely to have been her heart.
I obviously feel awful that the cat died on my watch. Friend loved her cat so much; she was an especially sweet and loving cat. Friend doesn't blame me, but I do. Would she have survived if I'd taken her in earlier?
I'm struggling as well with managing my upsetness about it. Friend shouldn't have to comfort me for my feelings about it, so any advice for sitting on my guilt and supporting my grieving friend would be good.
Friend's cat was diabetic and aged 13. Friend had taken her to the vet the day before I cat-sat because she was clearly unwell. The vet did a thorough examination and couldn't diagnose her. He gave her gabapentin and sucralfate and told friend to bring her in the next day if she wasn't better. Friend had something she couldn't miss the next morning but was worried about the cat. I said I'd cat-sit, and friend was going to take her back to the vet's in the afternoon. After a couple of hours I started to be able to hear the cat's breathing. This is where I think I should have taken her in, but I didn't until she started vomiting another hour and a half later.
The vet tried to resuscitate her when I got her there, but failed. The vet nurse said that her mucous membranes were blue so the cause was likely to have been her heart.
I obviously feel awful that the cat died on my watch. Friend loved her cat so much; she was an especially sweet and loving cat. Friend doesn't blame me, but I do. Would she have survived if I'd taken her in earlier?
I'm struggling as well with managing my upsetness about it. Friend shouldn't have to comfort me for my feelings about it, so any advice for sitting on my guilt and supporting my grieving friend would be good.
You're a human who, at that time, had a certain amount of information, a certain amount of education, a certain set of constraints. Those things led to you making the decisions you made.
In the future, you'll have different information and might act differently. But at that time, you were doing the best you could given what circumstances you lived in.
posted by amtho at 2:12 AM on June 8, 2023 [4 favorites]
In the future, you'll have different information and might act differently. But at that time, you were doing the best you could given what circumstances you lived in.
posted by amtho at 2:12 AM on June 8, 2023 [4 favorites]
I think it might help to talk this through with your friend. They don't have to comfort you, but I suspect they wouldn't mind doing it and may even appreciate it -- they may feel bad too for putting you in this situation.
posted by panic at 3:07 AM on June 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by panic at 3:07 AM on June 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
The cat was dying and nothing you could have done would have saved it.
posted by Phanx at 3:14 AM on June 8, 2023 [22 favorites]
posted by Phanx at 3:14 AM on June 8, 2023 [22 favorites]
Best answer: Oh, I'm sorry. This is a hard thing to go through.
If the vet thought it was an emergency situation that would be needing quick intervention, they would have told your friend to leave her overnight for monitoring and treatment. They thought it was a wait and see situation. This was communicated to your friend and to you and you acted accordingly. Our pets don't tell us how they are feeling and something as subtle as a change in breathing only seems significant in retrospect. Things happen precipitously like they just did with your friend's cat. Questions of why didn't we do this or that are unfortunate but seemingly inevitable.
Please be good to yourself.
posted by BibiRose at 4:14 AM on June 8, 2023 [35 favorites]
If the vet thought it was an emergency situation that would be needing quick intervention, they would have told your friend to leave her overnight for monitoring and treatment. They thought it was a wait and see situation. This was communicated to your friend and to you and you acted accordingly. Our pets don't tell us how they are feeling and something as subtle as a change in breathing only seems significant in retrospect. Things happen precipitously like they just did with your friend's cat. Questions of why didn't we do this or that are unfortunate but seemingly inevitable.
Please be good to yourself.
posted by BibiRose at 4:14 AM on June 8, 2023 [35 favorites]
If you hadn't been involved, I suspect your friend would have gone in a bit earlier and their cat would have died on the drive or at the vet, from the stress of the trip or from euthanasia. It is very unlikely the cat would have survived this medical situation in general.
I know normally we say "comfort in, dump out" buuuuut your friend put you in a difficult situation and honestly SHOULD be involved in making you feel better about this. I would personally be horrified that someone else had to deal with this happening to my pet, but I also understand the instinct to have someone come cat-sit AS IF that was going to fix anything, even though all it means is that the animal wasn't alone and there was someone who could say exactly how it went down - which IS better than guessing, so you have provided some help here.
posted by Lyn Never at 5:53 AM on June 8, 2023 [6 favorites]
I know normally we say "comfort in, dump out" buuuuut your friend put you in a difficult situation and honestly SHOULD be involved in making you feel better about this. I would personally be horrified that someone else had to deal with this happening to my pet, but I also understand the instinct to have someone come cat-sit AS IF that was going to fix anything, even though all it means is that the animal wasn't alone and there was someone who could say exactly how it went down - which IS better than guessing, so you have provided some help here.
posted by Lyn Never at 5:53 AM on June 8, 2023 [6 favorites]
Best answer: Both of my parents' cats have died while they were out of town, and being attended to by catsitters who got them to the vet in a timely fashion. I think this is just a thing that happens, for whatever reason, and it's not on you. If her heart was failing, then it was a matter of time - people don't do coronary bypasses or pacemakers or heart transplants for cats, they just don't.
That said, you and your friend both have my immense sympathy. This is really hard and is going to feel bad, and that sucks. But you did the right thing and don't need to carry guilt about it.
posted by restless_nomad at 7:12 AM on June 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
That said, you and your friend both have my immense sympathy. This is really hard and is going to feel bad, and that sucks. But you did the right thing and don't need to carry guilt about it.
posted by restless_nomad at 7:12 AM on June 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
Best answer: If it helps to know - if the breathing was really gaspy and jerky, that may have been what my cat did towards the end. The vet tech comforted me by telling me that that was called "agonal breathing", which is a reflex that the body has just before death. The comforting bit came when she added that while my cat was alive in those moments, it was not really conscious any more, and that meant it wasn't in any pain.
Your friend has forgiven you - but I thought it may also help to know that your friend's cat may not have been suffering in those moments. Everyone - including the cat - knows that you did the very best you could, and that's all anyone can ask of anyone.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:37 AM on June 8, 2023 [14 favorites]
Your friend has forgiven you - but I thought it may also help to know that your friend's cat may not have been suffering in those moments. Everyone - including the cat - knows that you did the very best you could, and that's all anyone can ask of anyone.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:37 AM on June 8, 2023 [14 favorites]
Best answer: How were you to know something was wrong if the vet didn't know only hours before your cat shift?
Bringing the cat to the vet earlier would not have changed the outcome other than maybe a higher vet bill.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 7:44 AM on June 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
Bringing the cat to the vet earlier would not have changed the outcome other than maybe a higher vet bill.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 7:44 AM on June 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I'm so sorry, this is traumatic for everyone. The cat was going to die because its heart was not working, and it's not likely that anything could be done. It was kind of you to be with the cat and take it to the vet; you had no reason to go sooner. You were a good friend to your friend and their cat, thank you.
posted by theora55 at 8:08 AM on June 8, 2023 [8 favorites]
posted by theora55 at 8:08 AM on June 8, 2023 [8 favorites]
Best answer: It speaks well of you that you're focused on your friend's grief. My heart goes out to them and you, losing a cat is never easy -- especially at a young age and under mysterious circumstances and suddenly. The whole experience sounds additionally traumatic since this was not planned.
The only person who might have influenced the outcome here is the vet. And I'm not sure they could've either. It sounds very much like the cat had non-specific symptoms and a thorough exam didn't show anything specific to treat.
I don't think that the cat would've survived if you arrived earlier. Maybe they could've prolonged her life a bit, but I don't think whatever caused her death was going to be addressed successfully.
A few years ago I had a cat with kidney disease, diabetes, heart murmur, and other issues. She had to be sedated for an exam and I was asked if they should perform any CPR / heroic measures if she had issues under sedation. I cannot overstate how much I loved that cat and how important she was (is) to me, but I asked that they put a DNR on her file. My understanding was her quality of life was not going to be good if she needed resuscitation and it was going to be unlikely to help (long-term) and super-costly. (She survived that procedure, and had a few more months.)
So, I don't think getting to the vet a bit sooner would've helped in any way and ultimately might've made things worse.
So sorry for your loss, and the additional trauma you experienced. Please be kind to yourself.
posted by jzb at 10:15 AM on June 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
The only person who might have influenced the outcome here is the vet. And I'm not sure they could've either. It sounds very much like the cat had non-specific symptoms and a thorough exam didn't show anything specific to treat.
I don't think that the cat would've survived if you arrived earlier. Maybe they could've prolonged her life a bit, but I don't think whatever caused her death was going to be addressed successfully.
A few years ago I had a cat with kidney disease, diabetes, heart murmur, and other issues. She had to be sedated for an exam and I was asked if they should perform any CPR / heroic measures if she had issues under sedation. I cannot overstate how much I loved that cat and how important she was (is) to me, but I asked that they put a DNR on her file. My understanding was her quality of life was not going to be good if she needed resuscitation and it was going to be unlikely to help (long-term) and super-costly. (She survived that procedure, and had a few more months.)
So, I don't think getting to the vet a bit sooner would've helped in any way and ultimately might've made things worse.
So sorry for your loss, and the additional trauma you experienced. Please be kind to yourself.
posted by jzb at 10:15 AM on June 8, 2023 [1 favorite]
Best answer: My cat died quickly in the same way, as this sad askme haunts me. He was literally at the vet the evening before, cleared for take home with an appointment 8am the next day and passed during the night. Only 12 years young. Believed to be a heart issue compounded by urinary issues. I take comfort that he died at home. Don’t beat yourself up. Cats notoriously hide it when they’re feeling pain and pets only live so long. Hugs.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 11:47 AM on June 8, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by St. Peepsburg at 11:47 AM on June 8, 2023 [5 favorites]
Best answer: Oh and I was there as he was passing and considered rushing him to the hospital, and then realized what am I thinking? Stress this poor darling in the last few moments of his time here? No. Pet him sweetly and love him well as he crosses the rainbow bridge. You did good.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 11:49 AM on June 8, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by St. Peepsburg at 11:49 AM on June 8, 2023 [5 favorites]
Best answer: There's not much a vet can do for a 13 year old cat with any type of organ failure. There's no such thing as open heart surgery on a cat.
13 year old cats are senior cats who lived a good life. She had been to the vet and there was nothing that stood out to the vet the day before. Sometimes bodies just stop working.
So sorry this happened to you. I've had a cat pass in a similar situation and it is really destressing. It isn't your fault. There nothing anyone could have done.
Do something nice for yourself, and maybe your friend. Take gentle care.
posted by AlexiaSky at 8:02 AM on June 9, 2023
13 year old cats are senior cats who lived a good life. She had been to the vet and there was nothing that stood out to the vet the day before. Sometimes bodies just stop working.
So sorry this happened to you. I've had a cat pass in a similar situation and it is really destressing. It isn't your fault. There nothing anyone could have done.
Do something nice for yourself, and maybe your friend. Take gentle care.
posted by AlexiaSky at 8:02 AM on June 9, 2023
Response by poster: Thank you all. This has really helped. Thanks especially to people who wrote about their own experiences - I'm sorry for the sad times you have had too.
posted by paduasoy at 10:21 AM on June 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by paduasoy at 10:21 AM on June 9, 2023 [1 favorite]
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posted by Iteki at 12:51 AM on June 8, 2023 [50 favorites]