Yes, another cat end-of-life question
December 6, 2021 10:44 AM Subscribe
My beloved senior kitty is dealing with kidney failure on top of a host of other issues. It's probably time, but I need advice.
Laney is somewhere between 15 and 16 years old, and she's got failing kidneys, Diabetes, arthritis, a heart murmur and has been going downhill since a major UTI sent her to the animal hospital for two nights in October.
She's showing less and less interest in food, and is having trouble getting to and into the litter box -- and possibly not even knowing she needs to get to the litter box. The past four or five days she's had "out of the box" incidents. I can deal with the cleanup and laundry, but the underlying cause is that she's clearly declining.
She seems to struggle to get up sometimes, other times she seems more or less OK if a bit shaky. She doesn't swish her tail anymore or purr like she used to. She has largely even stopped swatting at my other bedroom cat, Lilah, which she's always wanted to do if Lilah was getting attention.
But she still expresses interest in getting attention. She still has light in her eyes, and I'm really struggling to make the call to put that out. Even more, I'm struggling to plan for this -- it feels wrong. What if she rebounds the day of? How do I function knowing this is coming? Doesn't she deserve every day she can get, as long as she's not suffering?
Her vet is coming tomorrow. (I have a mobile vet for the cats who, sadly, is closing her practice at the end of the year.)
Obviously I'll discuss this with my vet tomorrow, but I guess I'm looking for advice on how to make this decision and logistics. I've never had to make the decision to euthanize a pet before. We lost a younger cat a few years ago to FIP but that was a clear cut call that really sucked, but was an obvious decision.
Cat tax from when she was 11, and more recently.
Laney is somewhere between 15 and 16 years old, and she's got failing kidneys, Diabetes, arthritis, a heart murmur and has been going downhill since a major UTI sent her to the animal hospital for two nights in October.
She's showing less and less interest in food, and is having trouble getting to and into the litter box -- and possibly not even knowing she needs to get to the litter box. The past four or five days she's had "out of the box" incidents. I can deal with the cleanup and laundry, but the underlying cause is that she's clearly declining.
She seems to struggle to get up sometimes, other times she seems more or less OK if a bit shaky. She doesn't swish her tail anymore or purr like she used to. She has largely even stopped swatting at my other bedroom cat, Lilah, which she's always wanted to do if Lilah was getting attention.
But she still expresses interest in getting attention. She still has light in her eyes, and I'm really struggling to make the call to put that out. Even more, I'm struggling to plan for this -- it feels wrong. What if she rebounds the day of? How do I function knowing this is coming? Doesn't she deserve every day she can get, as long as she's not suffering?
Her vet is coming tomorrow. (I have a mobile vet for the cats who, sadly, is closing her practice at the end of the year.)
Obviously I'll discuss this with my vet tomorrow, but I guess I'm looking for advice on how to make this decision and logistics. I've never had to make the decision to euthanize a pet before. We lost a younger cat a few years ago to FIP but that was a clear cut call that really sucked, but was an obvious decision.
Cat tax from when she was 11, and more recently.
I went through this exact thing with my cat a couple of months ago. I think every cat is a bit different, but for him, I knew it was probably time when he lost all interest in eating. He even ignored his favorite treats.
Of course, like anyone would, I wanted to be sure I was making the right decision, so I had one final examination done by the vet. She confirmed he had lost even more weight, was dehydrated, and not protesting being at the vet's office very much either. Key conclusions were a) no remaining treatment options that would give him quality of life back and b) a few days remaining for him in this world, at best.
It was time, but I've been through this a few times and it's always an awful decision to have to make. Just try to make the decision for them, not for yourself. It's the final kindness you can give them when they're doing poorly and not going to get better. I once waited too long (waiting for additional test results) and had a cat pass away naturally, and it was much worse for both of us.
"Better a week too soon than a day too late" if it's a terminal condition. And remember that cats are really good at hiding when they're sick or in pain.
I'm not trying to tell you what to do (it would depend on a lot more details) but I'm just suggesting, engage the professionals for a second opinion (yours being the first) and just make sure you're not avoiding the decision because of how much it sucks to have to make it. Which it truly does and you have my sympathy.
posted by FishBike at 10:57 AM on December 6, 2021 [11 favorites]
Of course, like anyone would, I wanted to be sure I was making the right decision, so I had one final examination done by the vet. She confirmed he had lost even more weight, was dehydrated, and not protesting being at the vet's office very much either. Key conclusions were a) no remaining treatment options that would give him quality of life back and b) a few days remaining for him in this world, at best.
It was time, but I've been through this a few times and it's always an awful decision to have to make. Just try to make the decision for them, not for yourself. It's the final kindness you can give them when they're doing poorly and not going to get better. I once waited too long (waiting for additional test results) and had a cat pass away naturally, and it was much worse for both of us.
"Better a week too soon than a day too late" if it's a terminal condition. And remember that cats are really good at hiding when they're sick or in pain.
I'm not trying to tell you what to do (it would depend on a lot more details) but I'm just suggesting, engage the professionals for a second opinion (yours being the first) and just make sure you're not avoiding the decision because of how much it sucks to have to make it. Which it truly does and you have my sympathy.
posted by FishBike at 10:57 AM on December 6, 2021 [11 favorites]
For me, the two main questions are: (a) are they in significant pain that can't be relieved and (b) are they no longer able to do the things in life that they enjoy?
A very close friend has a dog in the last stages of cancer. His hind legs are somewhat stiff, so he needs coaxing up and down stairs, and he sleeps a whole lot. But, oh boy, is he still very interested in eating (as a Lab, always one of his raisons d'etre) and still happy to go on walks, if more slowly than before. It's not my own call, but it seems very reasonable to me to keep treating him as long as he is still engaging with his favorite activities and doesn't show signs of any untreatable pain. If he no longer stared at you relentlessly during your dinner and didn't happily go to the door for his walker, though, it would make sense to me to consider euthanasia.
"Better a week too early than a day too late" makes sense to me. You don't want their last day, and your memories of their last day, to be terror and pain.
posted by praemunire at 11:06 AM on December 6, 2021 [5 favorites]
A very close friend has a dog in the last stages of cancer. His hind legs are somewhat stiff, so he needs coaxing up and down stairs, and he sleeps a whole lot. But, oh boy, is he still very interested in eating (as a Lab, always one of his raisons d'etre) and still happy to go on walks, if more slowly than before. It's not my own call, but it seems very reasonable to me to keep treating him as long as he is still engaging with his favorite activities and doesn't show signs of any untreatable pain. If he no longer stared at you relentlessly during your dinner and didn't happily go to the door for his walker, though, it would make sense to me to consider euthanasia.
"Better a week too early than a day too late" makes sense to me. You don't want their last day, and your memories of their last day, to be terror and pain.
posted by praemunire at 11:06 AM on December 6, 2021 [5 favorites]
Losing a cat is terrible, but the only thing that's worse than deciding that it's time is holding out for the right time and having the cat just hide under the couch to be found too late. If she's not really eating well or properly using the litter box, it sounds very close to being the right time, especially if she still seems to feel affection for you and respond when you give her attention. Years ago I had a cat with a tumor who otherwise seemed to have an OK quality of life with meds to manage his pain, and the vet said to me "he'll let you know when it's time." One day he hid himself in the bathtub, and I held him in my arms while the vet administered the euthanasia. A second cat suddenly had what was likely a stroke, and while he was still breathing he couldn't hold himself up and he didn't respond to me. Euthanasia for him was a terrible shock for me, but I don't think he could even feel enough to know that something was wrong.
The third, and the most heartbreaking of the three, was the cat I found under the couch. He'd had thyroid problems first, then kidney problems, and then an up and down relationship with food. While I waited for a clear sign he never gave one. He just hid. It was awful. If I could avoid having that experience, I would. He deserved better.
posted by fedward at 11:09 AM on December 6, 2021 [5 favorites]
The third, and the most heartbreaking of the three, was the cat I found under the couch. He'd had thyroid problems first, then kidney problems, and then an up and down relationship with food. While I waited for a clear sign he never gave one. He just hid. It was awful. If I could avoid having that experience, I would. He deserved better.
posted by fedward at 11:09 AM on December 6, 2021 [5 favorites]
Yes, if we had a perfect detection and prediction system, you would definitely use it and give her every good day possible, but she's already not having great days by your own observation.
Depending on the mysteries of the universe, either she's not going to know she's been shorted a few days or she is going to know and will understand why.
There are upsides to planning it. It generally gives you an end that isn't rushed, panicking, especially traumatic for either of you. You can plan some last days and make them as great as possible.
The decision should focus on quality of life as she's actually living it, rather than the unknowable math of good vs bad days. Either not having an appetite or being hungry but uncomfortable eating is not great QOL. Being weak and having toileting issues is going to be a source of distress.
With a smaller animal (that you can carry/help/clean up if mobility is an issue), it really comes down to being able to consistently get enough calories in to healthily sustain life. We reached that point with our beloved dog who had been winding down for months - he ate compelling people food for a couple of weeks after he stopped eating dog food, and there was enthusiasm but only for a few bites. He'd been 88 pounds at his healthiest and was about 63 when we made the call, and I still have some regrets that maybe he suffered unnecessarily from hunger or discomfort from not getting enough calories. It sounds like you are approaching that point.
I'm sorry, this sucks. You may need to ask your vet to be frank with you, often they tiptoe around making a specific recommendation until you make it clear you want to hear it.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:18 AM on December 6, 2021 [3 favorites]
Depending on the mysteries of the universe, either she's not going to know she's been shorted a few days or she is going to know and will understand why.
There are upsides to planning it. It generally gives you an end that isn't rushed, panicking, especially traumatic for either of you. You can plan some last days and make them as great as possible.
The decision should focus on quality of life as she's actually living it, rather than the unknowable math of good vs bad days. Either not having an appetite or being hungry but uncomfortable eating is not great QOL. Being weak and having toileting issues is going to be a source of distress.
With a smaller animal (that you can carry/help/clean up if mobility is an issue), it really comes down to being able to consistently get enough calories in to healthily sustain life. We reached that point with our beloved dog who had been winding down for months - he ate compelling people food for a couple of weeks after he stopped eating dog food, and there was enthusiasm but only for a few bites. He'd been 88 pounds at his healthiest and was about 63 when we made the call, and I still have some regrets that maybe he suffered unnecessarily from hunger or discomfort from not getting enough calories. It sounds like you are approaching that point.
I'm sorry, this sucks. You may need to ask your vet to be frank with you, often they tiptoe around making a specific recommendation until you make it clear you want to hear it.
posted by Lyn Never at 11:18 AM on December 6, 2021 [3 favorites]
You can definitely ask the vet what she would do, if she were in your situation.
For me, asking that question has helped me make some very hard decisions that I otherwise wouldn't have felt equipped to make.
posted by yellowcandy at 11:25 AM on December 6, 2021 [4 favorites]
For me, asking that question has helped me make some very hard decisions that I otherwise wouldn't have felt equipped to make.
posted by yellowcandy at 11:25 AM on December 6, 2021 [4 favorites]
I'm so sorry. I've had to do this several times and it never stops sucking, but it sounds like it's time.
The vet will do an exam and should be able to answer all your questions. I'm glad you have someone who will come to your home - in my experience it's a lot easier than driving a sick pet while trying not to cry.
Also the vets in my area are absolutely slammed right now - even for serious cases, you can't get in the same day, and you can't go in with your pet. If you can let them go, at home, in relative comfort, that's a wonderful gift.
Again, I'm so sorry.
posted by mogget at 11:39 AM on December 6, 2021 [4 favorites]
The vet will do an exam and should be able to answer all your questions. I'm glad you have someone who will come to your home - in my experience it's a lot easier than driving a sick pet while trying not to cry.
Also the vets in my area are absolutely slammed right now - even for serious cases, you can't get in the same day, and you can't go in with your pet. If you can let them go, at home, in relative comfort, that's a wonderful gift.
Again, I'm so sorry.
posted by mogget at 11:39 AM on December 6, 2021 [4 favorites]
Best answer: I can't tell you what to do, but I can offer my experience.
I lost my beloved, fifteen (almost sixteen!) year old dog two years ago. Towards the end she began having mysterious health problems.
Blood work indicated poor kidney function. Or maybe something was wrong with her liver. It was hard to say, the vet told me. She had a heart murmur. Maybe she was retaining fluid, and that was putting pressure on her heart? There were no clear answers. But there was no fatal diagnosis and her symptoms were treatable, so we treated them. Her quality of life was still good. She was as happy-go-lucky as ever. And unlike some pets, she never indicated that she was ready to move on.
Then one day, out of the blue, her heart failed. I wasn't with her at the time, but luckily someone else was. I got an urgent text and raced home. When I walked through the door she actually stood up to greet me, just like always, though she was panting heavily and too weak to walk across the room.
She didn't die quickly. We rushed her to the vet and I held her in my arms in the passenger seat and tried to comfort her as she screamed and trembled and her bowels failed. We made it to the clinic and she got the injection and we said our goodbyes, and even then she held on longer than the vet thought possible. We did what we could for her, but in her last moments she was frightened and in pain and that haunts me.
In hindsight I wish I could have given her one last, wonderful day and then a comfortable death. Trouble is, if I had done that I would probably be sitting here now wondering how much longer she could have had if I'd given her a fighting chance.
All of this is to say that there is no right answer, and this is one of the hardest decisions you'll ever have to make, and I'm sorry.
posted by beabop at 12:22 PM on December 6, 2021 [10 favorites]
I lost my beloved, fifteen (almost sixteen!) year old dog two years ago. Towards the end she began having mysterious health problems.
Blood work indicated poor kidney function. Or maybe something was wrong with her liver. It was hard to say, the vet told me. She had a heart murmur. Maybe she was retaining fluid, and that was putting pressure on her heart? There were no clear answers. But there was no fatal diagnosis and her symptoms were treatable, so we treated them. Her quality of life was still good. She was as happy-go-lucky as ever. And unlike some pets, she never indicated that she was ready to move on.
Then one day, out of the blue, her heart failed. I wasn't with her at the time, but luckily someone else was. I got an urgent text and raced home. When I walked through the door she actually stood up to greet me, just like always, though she was panting heavily and too weak to walk across the room.
She didn't die quickly. We rushed her to the vet and I held her in my arms in the passenger seat and tried to comfort her as she screamed and trembled and her bowels failed. We made it to the clinic and she got the injection and we said our goodbyes, and even then she held on longer than the vet thought possible. We did what we could for her, but in her last moments she was frightened and in pain and that haunts me.
In hindsight I wish I could have given her one last, wonderful day and then a comfortable death. Trouble is, if I had done that I would probably be sitting here now wondering how much longer she could have had if I'd given her a fighting chance.
All of this is to say that there is no right answer, and this is one of the hardest decisions you'll ever have to make, and I'm sorry.
posted by beabop at 12:22 PM on December 6, 2021 [10 favorites]
I've had to put two cats down, one just recently. I can't tell you when is the right time, but I can say that if you can possibly afford it, have somebody come to your home to put your pet to sleep instead of taking the cat to the vet. Seriously, it may cost a few hundred dollars more but the whole thing will be so much less stressful, both for you and the cat.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 12:59 PM on December 6, 2021 [4 favorites]
I'm sorry you're going through this.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 12:59 PM on December 6, 2021 [4 favorites]
I'm so sorry. My family just went through this two weeks ago with a much beloved dog. He clearly was terminal (cancer inside) and had been on a steady decline - was not eating enough to sustain him in the long term so he gradually got weaker and weaker. We probably would have taken him in weeks sooner but this dog and my brother had a very special bond and the dog would perk up when my brother came to visit (every day toward the end) and would eat for him even if he wouldn't eat for my mom or me. So my brother couldn't see how bad he really was. On that last day, he ate a special treat, but after that he laid down and was clearly uninterested in anything else, and my brother finally accepted that it was time.
Intellectually, I knew that it was time and we were doing the right thing, but I still play the "what if" game - how many more days could he have had if I'd just done "X" thing? But - "Better a week too soon than a day too late" is so true. He had that special treat that morning, and was still well enough to get into the car and even look out the window on the way to the vet. It wasn't a bad way to go. And afterwards it was incredibly sad to have that hole in our lives, but on the other hand the anguish and stress of having to watch him decline and make that decision was over and we were just able to mourn him peacefully.
On a very practical note and seconding what mogget mentioned...if vets in your area are as busy as they are in mine, you don't want to wait until it is an emergency.
Again, I'm sorry you are going through this. Give her a little head scritch from all of us.
posted by Preserver at 1:09 PM on December 6, 2021 [2 favorites]
Intellectually, I knew that it was time and we were doing the right thing, but I still play the "what if" game - how many more days could he have had if I'd just done "X" thing? But - "Better a week too soon than a day too late" is so true. He had that special treat that morning, and was still well enough to get into the car and even look out the window on the way to the vet. It wasn't a bad way to go. And afterwards it was incredibly sad to have that hole in our lives, but on the other hand the anguish and stress of having to watch him decline and make that decision was over and we were just able to mourn him peacefully.
On a very practical note and seconding what mogget mentioned...if vets in your area are as busy as they are in mine, you don't want to wait until it is an emergency.
Again, I'm sorry you are going through this. Give her a little head scritch from all of us.
posted by Preserver at 1:09 PM on December 6, 2021 [2 favorites]
Our old cat died a couple of years back of kidney failure. We basically let her eat what she wanted because the kidney diet was a waste of time. Gabapentin gave her a cheerful drunken relief (the time we missed a pill was painful for us to watch and her to experience) but when she stopped being able to walk we took her to the vet for the injection. Every cat is going to be different, and there is no easy way to go through this with your cat, but I figure my job is not to make the cat hang on for my feelings' sake. If it gets too hard for them, that's when it's time to go.
The current old lady is also in late stage kidney disease but has at least another year in her, I think.
posted by Peach at 2:20 PM on December 6, 2021 [2 favorites]
The current old lady is also in late stage kidney disease but has at least another year in her, I think.
posted by Peach at 2:20 PM on December 6, 2021 [2 favorites]
I don't know what the right answer is. I do know you did your best to be kind, whatever your choose. And your cat tax is lovely.
Our very old cat with failed kidneys and many other problems never seemed to be in pain and was always happy for attention until the last hour, even when lying in her own pee, with swollen legs, vomiting blood. (We had a final vet appointment on the calendar for the next day.) I was never convinced that she would be happier to stop living. I have no idea if that was right or not, but, I think it's what I'd want if I were in the same position. I don't really know what a cat thinks, of course. Given 'em all the whipped cream they can eat and pet them a lot was the choice we made. Whatever choice you make, it won't be wrong.
posted by eotvos at 2:56 PM on December 6, 2021 [2 favorites]
Our very old cat with failed kidneys and many other problems never seemed to be in pain and was always happy for attention until the last hour, even when lying in her own pee, with swollen legs, vomiting blood. (We had a final vet appointment on the calendar for the next day.) I was never convinced that she would be happier to stop living. I have no idea if that was right or not, but, I think it's what I'd want if I were in the same position. I don't really know what a cat thinks, of course. Given 'em all the whipped cream they can eat and pet them a lot was the choice we made. Whatever choice you make, it won't be wrong.
posted by eotvos at 2:56 PM on December 6, 2021 [2 favorites]
My vet gave me a checklist type decision sheet for this. Fortunately my cat rallied beyond anyone’s expectation and is still having good quality of life (though it was iffy a couple times, as medication adjustments affected his appetite). But this will be in my future at some point in the coming months. The decision checklist was really helpful during the iffy times, though, and is basically what I plan to follow in the future.
posted by eviemath at 2:56 PM on December 6, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by eviemath at 2:56 PM on December 6, 2021 [2 favorites]
I'm so sorry - this is such a hard place to be with a beloved pet. Have been through it far too many times and we're doing this dance now with a beloved 18 year old cat with kidney thyroid diseases. It sounds like you are there or very very close if she's not purring and hardly eating. As everyone says better a little too soon than too late but it's an agonizing decision to face. You might mentally prepare yourself for saying goodby tomorrow with the holidays coming and your vet closing her practice in a few weeks.
We used laps of love - a mobile vet specializing in home euthanasia for the current cat's brother a couple years ago - very compassionate and so much less traumatic for everyone. Still the most miserable thing to go though - you have my sympathy.
posted by leslies at 2:59 PM on December 6, 2021 [1 favorite]
We used laps of love - a mobile vet specializing in home euthanasia for the current cat's brother a couple years ago - very compassionate and so much less traumatic for everyone. Still the most miserable thing to go though - you have my sympathy.
posted by leslies at 2:59 PM on December 6, 2021 [1 favorite]
What a gorgeous cat! Her engaging personality shines through.
My cat, nearly 21, had a pretty rapid decline from kidney disease a few years ago, and the only thing I could say to myself after we had him euthanized was that we should have chosen it sooner. It only took a couple of days to move from "he still loves to be petted and still eats pretty well" to missing the litter box and lying in unusual spots, looking bewildered, probably because moving was painful and he didn't know what was happening to him. I think my dreading his death kept me tipping the scale at waiting instead of truly imagining his discomfort and disorientation with his malfunctioning body. We didn't use a home-based vet, and I am OK with that decision because seeing him taken lifeless from my home would have been an awful memory. Our vet was so kind, but I couldn't bear to remain with him at the last minute. My memories are of him at his spunky best.
I'm so sorry for your anguish over Laney.
posted by citygirl at 3:30 PM on December 6, 2021 [2 favorites]
My cat, nearly 21, had a pretty rapid decline from kidney disease a few years ago, and the only thing I could say to myself after we had him euthanized was that we should have chosen it sooner. It only took a couple of days to move from "he still loves to be petted and still eats pretty well" to missing the litter box and lying in unusual spots, looking bewildered, probably because moving was painful and he didn't know what was happening to him. I think my dreading his death kept me tipping the scale at waiting instead of truly imagining his discomfort and disorientation with his malfunctioning body. We didn't use a home-based vet, and I am OK with that decision because seeing him taken lifeless from my home would have been an awful memory. Our vet was so kind, but I couldn't bear to remain with him at the last minute. My memories are of him at his spunky best.
I'm so sorry for your anguish over Laney.
posted by citygirl at 3:30 PM on December 6, 2021 [2 favorites]
we lost two kitty girls in 2020, both from kidney failure. the first girl had lost a lot of weight, no longer wanted to eat the Fancy Feast she had always loved, had mats in her fur, and was crying with discomfort. the daily administration of subcutaneous lactated ringer's was clearly no longer helping so much as making her miserable. it was a terrible decision, but ultimately the right one, to have her humanely euthanized.
the other girl was much older than the first (~20!) and stopped being able to move around on her own, wasn't eating, no longer wanted affection, and stopped vocalizing. it was also a terrible decision, but we gave her one last peaceful day of being loved on and then had a vet come from a home euthanasia service and she died peacefully in her favorite person's arms with our other animals around. it was the best experience i've ever had of losing a pet and i highly recommend it if you can find a similar service in your area.
>"Doesn't she deserve every day she can get, as long as she's not suffering?"
of course, and cats by nature make it so hard to tell when they're suffering. as has been mentioned above, a little bit too soon for a kitty who is terminal is better than a frightened and painful passing that comes too late for it to be peaceful.
posted by hollisimo at 4:56 PM on December 6, 2021 [1 favorite]
the other girl was much older than the first (~20!) and stopped being able to move around on her own, wasn't eating, no longer wanted affection, and stopped vocalizing. it was also a terrible decision, but we gave her one last peaceful day of being loved on and then had a vet come from a home euthanasia service and she died peacefully in her favorite person's arms with our other animals around. it was the best experience i've ever had of losing a pet and i highly recommend it if you can find a similar service in your area.
>"Doesn't she deserve every day she can get, as long as she's not suffering?"
of course, and cats by nature make it so hard to tell when they're suffering. as has been mentioned above, a little bit too soon for a kitty who is terminal is better than a frightened and painful passing that comes too late for it to be peaceful.
posted by hollisimo at 4:56 PM on December 6, 2021 [1 favorite]
Humbly offering all possible sympathy to beabop–and everyone else here who contributed a story about the loss of a beloved pet–because that sounds terrible (and it always is terrible to lose a loved one). I hope all of you find peace: this is excruciating, and it's often impossible to know what the "right thing to do" actually is.
posted by ivanthenotsoterrible at 5:22 PM on December 6, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by ivanthenotsoterrible at 5:22 PM on December 6, 2021 [2 favorites]
I had to put my poor kitty down today - and she had most of the problems you describe. Renal failure, lessened mobility, a UTI, lack of grooming, pain issues and a declining interest in food. It was so hard to get myself out of the - “I’m sure there’s one more thing I can do” mode. I actually took one of those online quizzes designed to get you to evaluate your pet’s quality of life and based on her poor score I realized the time had come. I had an in home euthanasia done and it was so peaceful the other cat snored loudly through the whole thing on the other side of the bed. The one thing I did that helped was I gave her some gabapentin before the vet came for the euthanasia which calmed her down and made it all a lot easier.
Take your time but it’s a gift to ease their pain I think. I’m so sorry - it sucks. The two cosmos I just had are helping so stock up on whatever self care you need if you can.
posted by rdnnyc at 5:54 PM on December 6, 2021 [6 favorites]
Take your time but it’s a gift to ease their pain I think. I’m so sorry - it sucks. The two cosmos I just had are helping so stock up on whatever self care you need if you can.
posted by rdnnyc at 5:54 PM on December 6, 2021 [6 favorites]
Doesn't she deserve every day she can get, as long as she's not suffering?
Even for us people who know what's going who know what's going on, a bit of awfulness can outweigh a lot of pleasant hours. When my cat Karl had oral cancer I opted to say goodbye probably weeks before I absolutely had to because he just hated getting his pain meds, and didn't have his full zest for life when he was on them.
And also, times being what they are, getting an appointment to have it done isn't necessarily a small thing. With my most recent cat to pass, they were able and inclined to do it right away when the last bit of his appetite went away. He'd had a thyroid issue for the last year, a urinary blockage in July, had rallied just the week before and then declined abruptly. And it's rattlingly hard because a bit of diagnostics and maybe he's better, or just as easily I've just extended his wait a few more days until it's an absolute crisis.
posted by wotsac at 7:17 PM on December 6, 2021 [1 favorite]
Even for us people who know what's going who know what's going on, a bit of awfulness can outweigh a lot of pleasant hours. When my cat Karl had oral cancer I opted to say goodbye probably weeks before I absolutely had to because he just hated getting his pain meds, and didn't have his full zest for life when he was on them.
And also, times being what they are, getting an appointment to have it done isn't necessarily a small thing. With my most recent cat to pass, they were able and inclined to do it right away when the last bit of his appetite went away. He'd had a thyroid issue for the last year, a urinary blockage in July, had rallied just the week before and then declined abruptly. And it's rattlingly hard because a bit of diagnostics and maybe he's better, or just as easily I've just extended his wait a few more days until it's an absolute crisis.
posted by wotsac at 7:17 PM on December 6, 2021 [1 favorite]
We just lost two kittens, sisters, due to a congenital kidney disease. They were both ill and dying but we didn't know that and we thought we could help them and none of the vets spotted it. The first one died a painful agonizing death at home. The second one, we got a diagnosis and learned she had a similar fate in store for her. She still seemed to have a lot of life in her, but she was in a lot of pain. We put her to sleep one day later. Her death was so peaceful and gentle compared to her sister's. We are filled with regret that her sister suffered yet very glad that she was able to go gently. If the animal is suffering, and you can't alleviate it, there's really no reason to delay. Every day after your cat's final day is a day of suffering you were able to spare them.
So one important thing I learned from this, is that the second kitten, the one we had put to sleep, seemed kind of okay, just ill and under the weather and tired all the time and not really that interested in doing things. But when the vet finally palpated her kidneys, the poor kitten yelped and snarled and bit suddenly. She was in pain all along. I think the reason cats start to withdraw from life, food, jumping around etc, is because they are in pain. So I wouldn't think so much about the days of life that could be ahead or not for your cat. I would instead think about how much she is suffering right now, and if it's likely to get worse with time, and if you have any options for alleviating that suffering. You don't need to wait until the pain is so great that she can no longer eat or walk or seek attention.
posted by PercussivePaul at 7:55 PM on December 6, 2021 [2 favorites]
So one important thing I learned from this, is that the second kitten, the one we had put to sleep, seemed kind of okay, just ill and under the weather and tired all the time and not really that interested in doing things. But when the vet finally palpated her kidneys, the poor kitten yelped and snarled and bit suddenly. She was in pain all along. I think the reason cats start to withdraw from life, food, jumping around etc, is because they are in pain. So I wouldn't think so much about the days of life that could be ahead or not for your cat. I would instead think about how much she is suffering right now, and if it's likely to get worse with time, and if you have any options for alleviating that suffering. You don't need to wait until the pain is so great that she can no longer eat or walk or seek attention.
posted by PercussivePaul at 7:55 PM on December 6, 2021 [2 favorites]
It's a gift to ease their pain I think
Oh, as someone who has had to make this sad decision twice now, I wish I could favorite this comment a million times.
We have the capacity to foresee what is ahead for our beloved felines: the hiding, the no longer eating, the collapsing when when they use the litter box. If we can spare them that, then we must spare them that.
posted by virago at 3:43 AM on December 7, 2021 [2 favorites]
Oh, as someone who has had to make this sad decision twice now, I wish I could favorite this comment a million times.
We have the capacity to foresee what is ahead for our beloved felines: the hiding, the no longer eating, the collapsing when when they use the litter box. If we can spare them that, then we must spare them that.
posted by virago at 3:43 AM on December 7, 2021 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Thanks to everyone who commented, and for all the support. All of the comments were helpful, and beabop's comment just snapped things into focus for me. I decided that it was time, talked to Laney's vet last night and we said goodbye to Laney today.
It hurts like Hell, but it was the right thing to do and I had a good window to say goodbye and be with her before she crossed. Thank you all, and hugs to everyone else who's gone through this.
posted by jzb at 10:19 AM on December 7, 2021 [18 favorites]
It hurts like Hell, but it was the right thing to do and I had a good window to say goodbye and be with her before she crossed. Thank you all, and hugs to everyone else who's gone through this.
posted by jzb at 10:19 AM on December 7, 2021 [18 favorites]
Good for you. We just did this last week for a ~20 y.o. cat in similar condition, and have no doubt it was right for her and for us.
posted by lathrop at 1:28 PM on December 7, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by lathrop at 1:28 PM on December 7, 2021 [2 favorites]
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posted by HiroProtagonist at 5:52 PM on December 7, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by HiroProtagonist at 5:52 PM on December 7, 2021 [1 favorite]
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posted by virago at 7:37 PM on December 7, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by virago at 7:37 PM on December 7, 2021 [1 favorite]
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posted by Lycaon_pictus at 7:51 PM on December 7, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Lycaon_pictus at 7:51 PM on December 7, 2021 [1 favorite]
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posted by hollisimo at 8:07 PM on December 7, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by hollisimo at 8:07 PM on December 7, 2021 [1 favorite]
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posted by Preserver at 6:10 AM on December 8, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Preserver at 6:10 AM on December 8, 2021 [1 favorite]
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posted by kathrynm at 8:37 AM on December 8, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by kathrynm at 8:37 AM on December 8, 2021 [1 favorite]
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posted by beabop at 9:32 AM on December 8, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by beabop at 9:32 AM on December 8, 2021 [1 favorite]
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posted by eotvos at 12:11 PM on December 8, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by eotvos at 12:11 PM on December 8, 2021 [1 favorite]
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