Roommates and cats
May 1, 2023 4:05 AM Subscribe
I'm considering switching from a situation of living alone to living with roommates and would appreciate insights on how this might affect my two indoor/outdoor cats from those with experience. Specifically:
- if cats are used to sleeping with me, would you sleep with bedroom door open or closed and move food, water, and litter into bedroom?
- will older cats eventually come to accept strangers and possibly other cats?
It's going to be a stressful situation for all involved. Cats need their territory, feel safe, have their space without intrusion. There are so many variables to this type of scenario, it would probably be best to rethink your options.
posted by watercarrier at 5:08 AM on May 1, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by watercarrier at 5:08 AM on May 1, 2023 [3 favorites]
When I have been on either side of this living situation, the cat owner has left their own bedroom door cracked open all the time, so that the cats don't cry to get in or out (i.e., regardless of where the litter box was). In turn, the (non-cat-owning) roommates have kept their bedroom doors shut all the time, and the cats just never went in those rooms. The cats might complain for a few nights at first, but then it was fine (I've only resorted to the vacuum cleaner trick once).
In floor-plans where there wasn't a good, out-of-the-way place in any common areas to put a litter box, and I was the cat owner, I've chosen to move it into my bedroom, but this was a separate decision from what to do with the doors/space.
My cats had lived with various roommates for all of their lives, so they didn't care too much about additional people being around, but it's hard for me to imagine cats caring about this generally, once the person is a known quantity? My cats were always more concerned with the space (and their access to it).
posted by unknowncommand at 5:29 AM on May 1, 2023 [4 favorites]
In floor-plans where there wasn't a good, out-of-the-way place in any common areas to put a litter box, and I was the cat owner, I've chosen to move it into my bedroom, but this was a separate decision from what to do with the doors/space.
My cats had lived with various roommates for all of their lives, so they didn't care too much about additional people being around, but it's hard for me to imagine cats caring about this generally, once the person is a known quantity? My cats were always more concerned with the space (and their access to it).
posted by unknowncommand at 5:29 AM on May 1, 2023 [4 favorites]
I transitioned to having roommates with my two elderly cats during grad school. One of my cats loved people, and one was a little more skittish.
It was fine. The skittish one warmed up to the roommates quickly. My roommates liked cats but didn't have their own. I put the litter box in the bathroom and cleaned it pretty much every time I used the bathroom myself, which kept the smell down.
I wouldn't have wanted to keep them confined to my bedroom. That's just too small a space - it's something that I would only do if there was no other choice. One roommate was a light sleeper and shut her bedroom door at night, but otherwise they had free run of the apartment.
I've had approximately 10 cats throughout my life, and I've never had one that was so scared of strangers that they would never warm up to them. It's possible, but in my experience, unusual. You know your cats better than any of us do. Are they terrified of people?
Other cats are a different story - that's what you should be more concerned about. It's better if you can avoid gambling on that working out.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 5:42 AM on May 1, 2023 [4 favorites]
It was fine. The skittish one warmed up to the roommates quickly. My roommates liked cats but didn't have their own. I put the litter box in the bathroom and cleaned it pretty much every time I used the bathroom myself, which kept the smell down.
I wouldn't have wanted to keep them confined to my bedroom. That's just too small a space - it's something that I would only do if there was no other choice. One roommate was a light sleeper and shut her bedroom door at night, but otherwise they had free run of the apartment.
I've had approximately 10 cats throughout my life, and I've never had one that was so scared of strangers that they would never warm up to them. It's possible, but in my experience, unusual. You know your cats better than any of us do. Are they terrified of people?
Other cats are a different story - that's what you should be more concerned about. It's better if you can avoid gambling on that working out.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 5:42 AM on May 1, 2023 [4 favorites]
I've lived with a lot of people and my own cats. I always had my bedroom door cracked open at all times. Food and water were always kept in the kitchen, whereas litter really depended - ideally in the basement, maybe a side hallway. I agree that cats will at the very least tolerate strangers, but I would not move into a house with cats - too risky.
The main thing is it really makes a big difference if your roommates loves cats or not. Because at some point, your cat is going to do something annoying - a cat lover will take that in stride and realize sometimes cats will be cats, whereas others will start regretting they live with cats.
posted by coffeecat at 5:54 AM on May 1, 2023 [3 favorites]
The main thing is it really makes a big difference if your roommates loves cats or not. Because at some point, your cat is going to do something annoying - a cat lover will take that in stride and realize sometimes cats will be cats, whereas others will start regretting they live with cats.
posted by coffeecat at 5:54 AM on May 1, 2023 [3 favorites]
It really comes down to the roommates and the cats in question. It's really really hard to predict how cats are going to react in general, because cats are so variable.
A few years ago my brother moved in with me for about a year while he was job hunting after college. I had two cats, they were five and ten years old, respectively. (I think, math is not my strong suit...)
One of the cats simply does not like other people or cats. At all. She tolerated my brother, though, but that was about it. She never tried to sleep in his room. The other cat warmed up to him and would sleep in his room (with his blessing) if I was not at home. She preferred me but also didn't like being alone.
The same cats hated every other cat they ever met, even after years of living with them. So be careful when trying to introduce new cats via a roommate!
My wife and I now have five cats, down from seven (sadly). We kind of Brady Bunch'ed it in a very large house where there's "zones" for the cats she brought and the cats I brought. The cats that tolerated my brother never, ever warmed up to the kids in the house. They tolerated my wife, but that's about it.
So it really really really depends on your cats, the other people, and other cats if added. I'd say that if your roommates are cat-friendly the cats will at least tolerate new people. If they're not cat-friendly then they're not roommate material.
And if you're entertaining the idea of adding new cats to the mix, have a plan to keep them separate long-term if they don't gel. Because I've definitely seen situations where certain cats never get along no matter how carefully and slowly they're introduced. (And situations where two cats just get along from day one without any work... but don't count on that.)
posted by jzb at 8:26 AM on May 1, 2023 [2 favorites]
A few years ago my brother moved in with me for about a year while he was job hunting after college. I had two cats, they were five and ten years old, respectively. (I think, math is not my strong suit...)
One of the cats simply does not like other people or cats. At all. She tolerated my brother, though, but that was about it. She never tried to sleep in his room. The other cat warmed up to him and would sleep in his room (with his blessing) if I was not at home. She preferred me but also didn't like being alone.
The same cats hated every other cat they ever met, even after years of living with them. So be careful when trying to introduce new cats via a roommate!
My wife and I now have five cats, down from seven (sadly). We kind of Brady Bunch'ed it in a very large house where there's "zones" for the cats she brought and the cats I brought. The cats that tolerated my brother never, ever warmed up to the kids in the house. They tolerated my wife, but that's about it.
So it really really really depends on your cats, the other people, and other cats if added. I'd say that if your roommates are cat-friendly the cats will at least tolerate new people. If they're not cat-friendly then they're not roommate material.
And if you're entertaining the idea of adding new cats to the mix, have a plan to keep them separate long-term if they don't gel. Because I've definitely seen situations where certain cats never get along no matter how carefully and slowly they're introduced. (And situations where two cats just get along from day one without any work... but don't count on that.)
posted by jzb at 8:26 AM on May 1, 2023 [2 favorites]
My experience with cats and people is, with rare exceptions it's the cat-to-cat relationships that can be trickiest.
If all roommates are on the same page the cat logistics can be worked out over time, I think you just want to avoid making assumptions and agree on what it means to live with cats, and you can make adjustments from there. Where cats are extremely fearful of new people I can see that as problematic: it's not fair to the cat/s or the people, if the cat doesn't eventually adapt.
In the situations where cats don't get along, I've seen that persist over the duration and it makes life hell for everyone. I don't think that is your situation, however. I was just visiting a friend and their young calico was absolutely angry at everyone and everything, but I think that stems from the fairly recent introduction of a Corgi to the household. But man, hell hath no fury etc.
posted by elkevelvet at 8:36 AM on May 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
If all roommates are on the same page the cat logistics can be worked out over time, I think you just want to avoid making assumptions and agree on what it means to live with cats, and you can make adjustments from there. Where cats are extremely fearful of new people I can see that as problematic: it's not fair to the cat/s or the people, if the cat doesn't eventually adapt.
In the situations where cats don't get along, I've seen that persist over the duration and it makes life hell for everyone. I don't think that is your situation, however. I was just visiting a friend and their young calico was absolutely angry at everyone and everything, but I think that stems from the fairly recent introduction of a Corgi to the household. But man, hell hath no fury etc.
posted by elkevelvet at 8:36 AM on May 1, 2023 [1 favorite]
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Older cats will likely reach at least detente with strangers, though they may never want to be close to them. Or they may! Depends on the cat. With other cats it’ll be dependent on cat personalities, ages, maybe genders. The conventional wisdom is that female cats of similar ages who don’t know each other may coexist badly, so that sort of thing may be a factor.
posted by Stacey at 4:44 AM on May 1, 2023 [1 favorite]