Name Change Logistics Check
March 28, 2023 6:28 PM Subscribe
I'm transitioning and instead of changing my first name, I want to add a middle name and go by it. Will this cause problems? Anything I need to worry about that I haven't already?
Why? I want to keep my existing first name - I like it well enough and don't consider it a deadname. It's still part of who I am, it just isn't necessarily what I want people to call me. Also, one of my grandfathers went by his middle name (because he disliked his first name) and I like the idea of carrying on that tradition.
My current name is in the pretty straightforward format: "First Middle Last"
I want to change it to: "First New Middle Last"
For most purposes I'll go by "New Last" or "F. New Last". I don't mind occasionally using "First", e.g. when dealing with bureaucracy.
I know this may occasionally out me, and people may call me "First" due to transphobia or ignorance. I'm ok with that.
I also expect this may cause challenges on paperwork, and that's more the sort of thing I'm asking about. My name has always fit on paperwork just fine, but now it won't.
Particularly interested to hear from people with four names (How do you fit them on paperwork that asks for First, Middle, & last?) and people who mostly go by a middle name (When do you use which name? How do you fill in forms? When is it an issue, and how do you resolve it?)
Why? I want to keep my existing first name - I like it well enough and don't consider it a deadname. It's still part of who I am, it just isn't necessarily what I want people to call me. Also, one of my grandfathers went by his middle name (because he disliked his first name) and I like the idea of carrying on that tradition.
My current name is in the pretty straightforward format: "First Middle Last"
I want to change it to: "First New Middle Last"
For most purposes I'll go by "New Last" or "F. New Last". I don't mind occasionally using "First", e.g. when dealing with bureaucracy.
I know this may occasionally out me, and people may call me "First" due to transphobia or ignorance. I'm ok with that.
I also expect this may cause challenges on paperwork, and that's more the sort of thing I'm asking about. My name has always fit on paperwork just fine, but now it won't.
Particularly interested to hear from people with four names (How do you fit them on paperwork that asks for First, Middle, & last?) and people who mostly go by a middle name (When do you use which name? How do you fill in forms? When is it an issue, and how do you resolve it?)
people who mostly go by a middle name (When do you use which name? How do you fill in forms? When is it an issue, and how do you resolve it?)
I go by my middle name. Everyone who knows me knows me by that name, and I've had more than a few people who were surprised to find out that the name they know me by isn't my first name, even after knowing me for decades.
For any kind of legal form, like for insurance or banking, I use First Middle Last, and just accept the fact that everything will be addressed to Mr. First Name. Sometimes I'll correct people in person, like, "...oh, and just call me Middle. I don't go by First, my Dad went by First..."
For things like online ordering, I usually go with Middle Last, although I've had a few times where my payment bounces back because when the site checks with the credit card company, they have me as First Middle Initial Last. I just fix the name in the payment details and move on.
I did have one issue at a job where we were bought out by another company, though. I filled out my paperwork as when I was hired as Middle Last, and my paychecks went to Middle Last. When we got bought out, somehow the new company had me as First Last (no Middle), and there was some confusion because according to them, Middle Last did not and had never worked there, and First Last was a new employee. It took about a week to unravel all that, and now I make sure to use First Middle Last for any employment paperwork, including my resume.
I have noticed more places accepting preferred names now. The online portal for my health care provider has a field for my legal name, but shows my preferred name more prominently. I thought that was a nice consideration to add on their part.
posted by ralan at 6:55 PM on March 28, 2023
I go by my middle name. Everyone who knows me knows me by that name, and I've had more than a few people who were surprised to find out that the name they know me by isn't my first name, even after knowing me for decades.
For any kind of legal form, like for insurance or banking, I use First Middle Last, and just accept the fact that everything will be addressed to Mr. First Name. Sometimes I'll correct people in person, like, "...oh, and just call me Middle. I don't go by First, my Dad went by First..."
For things like online ordering, I usually go with Middle Last, although I've had a few times where my payment bounces back because when the site checks with the credit card company, they have me as First Middle Initial Last. I just fix the name in the payment details and move on.
I did have one issue at a job where we were bought out by another company, though. I filled out my paperwork as when I was hired as Middle Last, and my paychecks went to Middle Last. When we got bought out, somehow the new company had me as First Last (no Middle), and there was some confusion because according to them, Middle Last did not and had never worked there, and First Last was a new employee. It took about a week to unravel all that, and now I make sure to use First Middle Last for any employment paperwork, including my resume.
I have noticed more places accepting preferred names now. The online portal for my health care provider has a field for my legal name, but shows my preferred name more prominently. I thought that was a nice consideration to add on their part.
posted by ralan at 6:55 PM on March 28, 2023
I have been going by my middle name for about 30 years. It's fine for informal things.
But most bureaucracies will not go along. You will likely still be required to have your first name on your driver's license and on any paperwork for insurance companies, and thus, medical providers, banking, legal stuff, etc.
That is why I finally got a legal name change, swapping my first name for just the initial letter. Now I still need to get that submitted everywhere.
posted by NotLost at 6:58 PM on March 28, 2023
But most bureaucracies will not go along. You will likely still be required to have your first name on your driver's license and on any paperwork for insurance companies, and thus, medical providers, banking, legal stuff, etc.
That is why I finally got a legal name change, swapping my first name for just the initial letter. Now I still need to get that submitted everywhere.
posted by NotLost at 6:58 PM on March 28, 2023
I realize I didn't answer your actual question. I use Middle Last routinely and whenever I can. That includes the name on my debit card. For formal things, I like to use Firstinitial Middlename Lastname. I use Firstname only when someone insists (such as when I bought a house). The vast majority of individuals know me just as Middlename.
My state does allow people to register to vote however we like, so that is Firstinitial Middlename Lastname.
posted by NotLost at 7:04 PM on March 28, 2023
My state does allow people to register to vote however we like, so that is Firstinitial Middlename Lastname.
posted by NotLost at 7:04 PM on March 28, 2023
My father-in-law was known by his middle name. In writing he would usually go by F. Middle Last and for really official things it was the full First Middle Last. If it doesn't bother you to use your first name when required then it would probably work out with the occasional confusion described above.
When I married, I added my husband's name as my new last name and then used my maiden name as a second middle name. I have to say that very few forms have room for two middle names so I ended up choosing one. The only time I use my full name is on actual legal documents (wills, title to the house) where it is getting typed out rather than going into a form. I might be able to use it a bit more if I tried but the system does not make it easy.
posted by metahawk at 7:18 PM on March 28, 2023 [1 favorite]
When I married, I added my husband's name as my new last name and then used my maiden name as a second middle name. I have to say that very few forms have room for two middle names so I ended up choosing one. The only time I use my full name is on actual legal documents (wills, title to the house) where it is getting typed out rather than going into a form. I might be able to use it a bit more if I tried but the system does not make it easy.
posted by metahawk at 7:18 PM on March 28, 2023 [1 favorite]
I’ve got four names, same general pattern as metahawk. Often when I’m asked for my middle name, I just put my two middle initials. In really formal contexts, I’ll put both names, and I can’t think of a place that has really required the full name but didn’t leave me enough space for it. This piece has not been a big issue for me.
Ymmv.
posted by eirias at 8:19 PM on March 28, 2023
Ymmv.
posted by eirias at 8:19 PM on March 28, 2023
You may not be able to have 4 legal names. When I wanted to do that when I got married, I had to choose just one middle name. I don't know if this is a state by state thing, or...?
posted by hydra77 at 8:42 PM on March 28, 2023
posted by hydra77 at 8:42 PM on March 28, 2023
If you're thinking of ever having kids, one of the biggest bureaucracies you'll encounter is a public school system. My kids' dad went by Middle Last socially his entire life, but signed up for everything associated with schooling with First Last because the district enrollment documents needed to match documents like deeds and utility bills. So it wasn't until middle school that the kids could even comprehend who their teachers or administrators were talking about when they referenced "First." If the kids said in passing "my dad's name is Middle," it kicked off a confusing conversation every year. If forms allow (some do, some don't), I'd vote for filling in your first name as "F. New" because then at least people default to the fully spelled out middle name, or at least ask whether to call you F. New or just New. Some forms instead allow you to include a nickname, such as Rihanna "Riri" or Rihanna (Riri) so you could capture it that way.
posted by cocoagirl at 2:26 AM on March 29, 2023
posted by cocoagirl at 2:26 AM on March 29, 2023
Four-namer here! Same situation as metahawk and eirias. When I got married I wanted the symbol of sharing a surname with Spouse but didn't want to "give up" any of my other names, so I now have two middle names. Going on 6 years of the current name situation, including two job changes. *Cue Tobias Funke "There are dozens of us!!"*
It's an occasional problem with airline tickets and has given me a huge headache with my current job due to an HR bungle when I was hired. Said bungle took 5 months to fix, although part of that was due to me not noticing the error until I went to transfer something from Old Job that required my legal names to match on the documentation. Basically, a similar headache to what fies described above. For airline tickets, it's only the middle name that doesn't fit because it'll go LAST, FIRST MIDDLE1MID* but I've seen that with folks whose birth names don't fit within the number of characters on the Things as well, and they do okay.
Current Job is otherwise pretty good about using people's preferred names in communications and has options to ensure email IDs and such can be modified. There were similar options at the government-adjacent job I worked at previously (large public state university), but YMMV, I'm in a... purple-to-periwinkle area of a burgundy/magenta state. It's a little trickier to make sure all of the name-changing is persistent in some of our internal databases, but it's not impossible. I'm currently dealing with an issue related to a username mismatch (situation entirely unrelated to my actual factual name but rather my internal-to-system name), and while it's a big headache, it's not unsolvable.
posted by OhHaieThere at 7:46 AM on March 29, 2023 [1 favorite]
It's an occasional problem with airline tickets and has given me a huge headache with my current job due to an HR bungle when I was hired. Said bungle took 5 months to fix, although part of that was due to me not noticing the error until I went to transfer something from Old Job that required my legal names to match on the documentation. Basically, a similar headache to what fies described above. For airline tickets, it's only the middle name that doesn't fit because it'll go LAST, FIRST MIDDLE1MID* but I've seen that with folks whose birth names don't fit within the number of characters on the Things as well, and they do okay.
Current Job is otherwise pretty good about using people's preferred names in communications and has options to ensure email IDs and such can be modified. There were similar options at the government-adjacent job I worked at previously (large public state university), but YMMV, I'm in a... purple-to-periwinkle area of a burgundy/magenta state. It's a little trickier to make sure all of the name-changing is persistent in some of our internal databases, but it's not impossible. I'm currently dealing with an issue related to a username mismatch (situation entirely unrelated to my actual factual name but rather my internal-to-system name), and while it's a big headache, it's not unsolvable.
posted by OhHaieThere at 7:46 AM on March 29, 2023 [1 favorite]
I have four names. When I got married I moved my former last name to a second middle. I didn't want to drop my current middle name because that's the one I go by. So it's first middle middle last. I also hyphenate at work, with middle-last.
Is it all over the place with how it's treated? Yes. In legal/medical situations, it's always firstname. Rarely the provider will have a way to note otherwise, but even then the insurance will revert to firstname. In other situations, when asked for my first name I use the one I want to called, and in filling out paperwork I typically just use 3 of the names. None of this feels like much of a hassle for me though.
posted by bizzyb at 6:26 AM on March 30, 2023
Is it all over the place with how it's treated? Yes. In legal/medical situations, it's always firstname. Rarely the provider will have a way to note otherwise, but even then the insurance will revert to firstname. In other situations, when asked for my first name I use the one I want to called, and in filling out paperwork I typically just use 3 of the names. None of this feels like much of a hassle for me though.
posted by bizzyb at 6:26 AM on March 30, 2023
« Older Word for hygeine room, and also the toilet bowl... | Going to law enforcement after check fraud? Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.
This means that although you want to be called "M. Kareem Smith". Your email address has to be"michael.k.smith@state.gov" and people are prone to call you Michael if they don't know you. They may allow Michael (Kareem) Smith as your sender name, but sometimes not. And even with that, people read quickly and may still just call you the first name they see.
Again, I don't know if this will apply to your particular situation but thought it would be worth mentioning.
posted by fies at 6:44 PM on March 28, 2023 [1 favorite]