what shall I call thee?

December 14, 2011 8:14 PM

Baby-name-filter: Two middle names, possibly retracting one later. Thoughts?

We're having a baby girl in a few months (knock wood). Yay! so, another baby name question. (I've seen this question; it's related but not the same.)

For various reasons, we probably won't give her a hyphenated last name (it just postpones the problem another generation). She'll probably have dad's last name, which is, let's say, A. My last name is B.

It's important to both of us that her name reflect my family, especially given that she'll probably have his last name.

X is a girls' first name from husband's family that we both like. Y is a girl's first name from my family that we both like. Turns out that my last name, B, is an uncommon but cool boy/androgynous name.

Given our ages, this might well be our only child. We'd like to give her a sibling, but will count our blessings if we get one healthy baby. So, the conundrum: we want to save good options for a hypothetical second child, but that child is pretty.... hypothetical.

Here's one option: name her X Y B A. I.e. shoot the wad on this one little girl. If another child comes along, take away either Y or B and give it to the second child as a first name. (X Y B A rather than Y X B A mostly because it sounds better, but also because it enables a nickname that could survive the yanking of either of the middle names.)

Questions:
-- Is it weird to give a kid two middle names?
-- Is it weird to take away a middle name? The kid wouldn't be older than 3 or MAYBE 4, barring a medical miracle. Probably 2.
-- Would it be weird to give a kid my last name as a first name, given that it's STILL my last name? (If I had taken my husband's name, there'd be nothing weird at all.)

posted by kestrel251 to human relations (32 answers total)

My father, my brother and I all have two middle names. We all share one of the middle names - it's my grandfather's.

My mother has four middle names, one of which is her maiden name.

Plenty of people have more than one middle name. It's not weird in the slightest.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 8:27 PM on December 14, 2011

Wouldn't you have to fill out the proper legal forms in order to change the middle names? Or did you just want them to have the middle names as nicknames and not middle names? And it's slightly unusual to give a child 2 middle names then take away one. Adding on to above, it isn't weird to have multiple middle names at all.

To me, a name is unique to a person. Taking a middle name away seems... kind of hard to bear. But in all cases it is perfectly fine and perfectly legal.
posted by Angel of Khaos at 8:29 PM on December 14, 2011

--I know plenty of people with two middle names.
--Why take the name away at all? My first name is my mom's maiden name (she did take dad's name), which is one of my brother's middle names. I am not sure if this impacts how you think about retracting a name, but I personally do not feel weird about siblings sharing names. My father's name appears 3 times in my family, outside of my dad, as middle or part of first names. My mom's first name, whcih was also my grandmother's name, is my middle name.
--I know couples who do not share a last name and one of their children is named Parent1Last Name, Parent2Last Name. I dis not know them personally but Jessica Tandy and Hume Cronyn's daughter is Tandy Cronyn.
posted by oflinkey at 8:30 PM on December 14, 2011 [3 favorites]

I grew up in the south, where lots of kids are given family names.

It was not uncommon to:

1) Have multiple middle names. The LL Bean monogrammed bookbags were big at my school, and there were a nonzero number of folks with four initials.)
2) Share a middle name (or some of your middle names if you had several) with your siblings and cousins.

I even know a girl whose middle name is James because there weren't any boys born and her dad wanted to pass on his name.

So do whatever you want. (Though I will say that giving a kid a middle name then taking one of them away is a little odd, since your daughter might be old enough to have grown attached to it.)
posted by phunniemee at 8:30 PM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]

Two middle names isn't weird. I wouldn't take the middle name away from the kid, just give it to kid #2 when/if the time comes as a first name. It'll be a fun thing for them to share.

You could also do two first names and one middle name. Mary-Kate Ashley Olsen, say.

The only conundrum is which initial to use when you have to give a middle initial. I guess just the first letter of the first middle name.

I say give all the names to the baby you have, and if another one comes along, you'll be able to come up with something equally awesome.
posted by elizeh at 8:30 PM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]

I've always been jealous of people with two middle names. It's unusual, but not really out there.

As for taking away one of the middle names, that seems like a lot of paperwork and hassle. Plus, what if your daughter grows up to really like that name?

It's okay to give two siblings the same middle name, though. Why not give B to both your daughter and possible son, and let your son use it as his given name if he wants?
posted by Metroid Baby at 8:32 PM on December 14, 2011

As someone who has only one middle name I'd just like to say I was always a little envious of people with two middle names.
posted by TheRedArmy at 8:34 PM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]

My husband has two middle names. It's a little paperwork-annoying. Much more paperwork-annoying than the two of us having different last names, anyway. (Like, the state will give him a drivers' license with two LAST names, but not two MIDDLE names. We run into many more databases not equipped to handle non-standard middle names than non-standard last names.)

It's not really a big deal, but there's enough hassle involved that our sons have one middle name each. But not enough hassle that he's willing to jettison one of his own middle names. He likes both of them.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 8:44 PM on December 14, 2011

It's pretty common in a lot of families to double up on family names. I have a few situations in my own family where siblings are named XYZ lastname, YAB lastname, and ZCA lastname.

Very rarely does anyone ever give a hoot about anything but first name and initials. So knock yourselves out, really.
posted by padraigin at 8:46 PM on December 14, 2011

I'll just say this:

When they call out full names at high school and college graduation, people with two middle names were the coolest (second only to students with Hispanic roots and 50 middle names).

That's some classy stuff right there, that is.
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 8:47 PM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]

- It is not weird to give a kid two middle names.
- I do think it's weird to "take away" a name, even a middle name. Just give the kid their name and leave it be.
- I don't think it's weird to give a son your surname as a first name even if you're still using it, as long as he isn't using it as a surname as well.

I know someone who is named, let's say, Susan Edith, and when she had a daughter she named her Jane Edith; and then some years later had another daughter, couldn't think of any other names she liked enough, Edith is a family name, yadda yadda, so the second daughter is Edith Rose. So the two sisters are "sharing" a name, but not really, because a middle name is almost never used in everyday life by most people. All that matters is the first name.
posted by flex at 8:52 PM on December 14, 2011 [1 favorite]

1) I have two middle names, one of which is my mother's maiden name, and it isn't weird at all. I do sometimes have a problem deciding which middle name to write on forms, but the key is to choose one to use and stay consistent. Another thing - I'm not sure if you'll run across this issue, but my Social Security card cut off my second middle name due to a character limit, and some state agencies get nit-picky about my IDs not matching up.

2) Taking away a name would require quite a bit of work to change IDs and official documents. I don't think it would be strange to name your (hypothetical) second daughter Y even with your first daughter having Y as her middle name already.

3) No; in fact, I think that would be pretty cool!

I think your baby girl is poised to have an awesome name :)
posted by constellations at 8:56 PM on December 14, 2011

My parents 'shot the wad' (as you so amusingly put it) on my brother. He has three middle names, and the rest of us have two each.

He was their first child and ended up the only boy out of five of us, so it worked out for them.
posted by empatterson at 9:10 PM on December 14, 2011

My full name is Emily Sara(h) Jones Smith, where Jones is my mom's last name and Smith is my dad's last name. Jones and Smith aren't my real names

I used Emily Jones-Smith, as a hyphenated last name, until I was about 7, until I was like fuck this is too long, and I started using Emily Smith as my name. Now, I effectively have two middle names. I'm cool with this. It doesn't cause any problems. When I have to fill out forms, I am very very consistent - I fill out my name as Emily S. Smith. The consistency is important.

The reason I'm including my real middle name in this story is the Sara/ Sarah. My birth certificate says Sara. I'm Jewish, and sometime during my childhood, my parents decided that they preferred to spell my middle name Sarah, the Jewish way. So, when I was enrolled in school, including high school, they used Sarah. So, my high school transcripts said Sarah - and my driver's license and legal docs all say Sara.

Around time for college, I was worried about my SAT scores (which use a driver's license for ID, if I recall correctly) not being associated correctly with my college transcripts, so I started using the Emily S. Smith, rather than spelling out my middle name. Now, I NEVER spell out my middle name on any form, for consistency.

So, I would recommend AGAINST putting something on your child's birth certificate and then taking it away later unless you are willing to legally change her name. It hasn't caused me any crisis yet (knock on wood), but it's still kind of a hassle.


tl;dr: two middle names is fine, but please don't give put a name on your child's birth certificate then change it, unless you are willing to legally change it
posted by insectosaurus at 9:12 PM on December 14, 2011

Oh, and one of my middle names is my mum's last name which is also a nice androgynous name.

Also: Yes it would be weird to yank a name.
posted by empatterson at 9:13 PM on December 14, 2011

Both my kids have two middle names, one representing my family and the other representing my wifes. It's totally normal.
posted by WinnipegDragon at 9:42 PM on December 14, 2011

Consider using the X B A combination.
X from your husband's family.
B from your family [in the form of your last name].
A as the last name.

If baby #2 comes along you could go with
NewX from your husband's family
B from your family [a cool link to baby #1]
A as the last name.

Also, are you Catholic or another religion where you choose new names for baptism or confirmation?
If so, please don't overload your kid with so many names--I loved being able to choose a confirmation name for myself as a teen.
If I already had three names it wouldn't have been as much fun.
posted by calgirl at 10:35 PM on December 14, 2011

I have two middle names, and it's totally fine - I like it. When I was a kid I had a few friends that had the same middle name as me, and we all felt like we were in a special name club - so give your kid 2 middles, and if you have a second, use the cool name again as a first, they'll probably like sharing the name. Maybe you can even things out by giving the second kid the first's first name as a second middle name.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 11:36 PM on December 14, 2011

My husband is a Karl Maxwell James Lastname, and I am unbearably jealous of him. The only drawback is that it takes us an extra 30 seconds to fill out forms.

I agree that there is no need to withdraw a name if you have more children. I have cousins who are Kimberley Amanda Lastname and Amanda Kimberley Lastname. Its not weird, because only the first name is used on a daily basis, and it gives them a nice connection to each other.
posted by PercyByssheShelley at 3:16 AM on December 15, 2011

My niece has two middle names. We think my sister sprang the second middle name on her husband in the delivery room when he wasn't in much position to argue. But it's a beautiful name.

You know, our second child was incredibly unexpected. And had she been a boy, we'd have been up the creek on names because we just couldn't find any we liked as much as my son's. But she was a girl, so we were able to revisit our old list and we decided on one of those names for her.

I have two cousins who are brothers who have the same middle name because it was a way of honoring some important people in their family. If you have a second child, why not give your first child's second middle name as a second middle name to your second child?

And in the long run, the only way this will really matter is on legal paperwork. The kids never have to share either middle name with anyone if they don't choose to do so.

I am not a fan of changing a child's name after it is settled upon. That's just freaking weird if the child didn't ask for it to be done (and really mean it). I'm also not a fan of people changing an animal's name, either. But I happen to think that names DO mean something.
posted by zizzle at 4:42 AM on December 15, 2011

I have two middle names in pretty much the pattern you've described: Michael David [mother'slastname] [father'slastname]. Here's the thing: I never knew, until I was a teenager and actually looked at my birth certificate, that my mother's last name was one of my middle names. My parents had hyphenated when I was growing up, but I don't think it was ever really "official", and they seemed to make less of a deal about it by the time I was 8 or 9 years old.

So my recommendation to you would be to give her the X Y B A name on her birth certificate, and then, if you decide to have another child named B, just sort of stop using the B part of your first child's name. (How often do you use your child's middle name in day-to-day conversation, anyhow?) It'll be an interesting thing that your daughter will find out about herself when she applies for a passport 15-20 years down the road.
posted by Johnny Assay at 5:14 AM on December 15, 2011

No problem at all for our son. One thing we did a little different was change the order of my maiden name middle name. I didn't want him to have a hyphenated last name or have it seem like he did so we went with XBYA. Just for for thought.
posted by murrey at 5:20 AM on December 15, 2011

I had one middle name when I was born, added a second when I was confirmed (8th grade), and loved using them both at once. (And sometimes I use my maiden name in there, too, for five names total.)

So yeah, the more names, the better. (I met a guy in college who didn't have a middle name, and I felt sorry for him, in an odd way.)
posted by Lucinda at 6:21 AM on December 15, 2011

Heck, I grew up with 2 (non hyphenated) last names. Most people assumed I had two middle names and didn't think it was weird until I noted they were both last names (and were listed as such on birth certificate). However, I think taking away a name to give to a new baby would not go down well with a toddler. There is already lots of jealous issues that come up with a new baby, losing your name seems too much to ask a little one to understand and accept. If you want to use all the names, use the names and you'll just have to come up with new ones the next time around!
posted by katers890 at 6:39 AM on December 15, 2011 [1 favorite]

I have two middle names and it's no big deal, in forms where it asks for middle initial I just put them both.
posted by julie_of_the_jungle at 7:13 AM on December 15, 2011

Not exactly helpful advice: I don't think there's anything wrong with any of your presented scenarios. Except the taking away a middle name thing; just let them share it if you end up with two.
Re Mother'sLast/MaidenName as Baby'sFirstName: That's a common practice in a lot of places (see about a hundred Faulkner characters for reference; Roth Edmonds comes immediately to mind). Indeed, I'd speculate that it's precisely how last names like Avery, MacKenzie, Tyler, Taylor, Riley, etc. became first names in the first place.
posted by willpie at 7:20 AM on December 15, 2011

I have two middle names. I think it's kinda cool.
posted by brand-gnu at 7:21 AM on December 15, 2011

I have friends where the naming pattern is:
Ellen Jane X
Jane Marie X
Marie Anna X

They (the sisters) have said they like the way sharing names ties them together. So I'd say use the name, then use it again (but don't take it away!) if you have kid #2.
posted by belladonna at 7:44 AM on December 15, 2011

Agreed, two middle names is totally normal. I'm one of four, and two of us have two middle names (in our case, the last two, as it appears they were trying to squeeze in as many family names as possible before they stopped having kids).

We are Catholic, and my two youngest siblings both just chose one of their middle names as their confirmation name. My older sibling and I chose new names. So now we all (in the church, not legally) have four names. Success!

Also, ironically, my father's last name (X) is my mother's father and brother's first name. So I have several cousins whose first name is my last name, which I think is kind of awesome.

In summary, nothing strange about having a name repeated within a sibling group (as long as you don't give them the same first name... which has actually happened in my family - a brother and sister both named Theo, Theo Elizabeth and Theo Benjamin, who both go by their middle names).
posted by CharlieSue at 8:05 AM on December 15, 2011

I'm not sure where you are, but be aware that in most US jurisdictions changing your kid's name, even their middle name, will involve a trip to court. Also, don't forget you'll need to get a new Social Security card for them.
posted by Lazlo Hollyfeld at 8:58 AM on December 15, 2011

My son's name is Firstname Middlename Mymaidenasmiddle Ourlast. If we had another kid that child's name would be Firstname Middlename Mymaidenasmiddle Ourlast as well. Just some anecdata. (FWIW both my husband and I changed our names to fit this pattern when we married.)
posted by editrixx at 12:06 PM on December 15, 2011

Approaching this from another angle, don't worry about your naming options for your hypothetical future child. There are plenty of names to use later. I know my name tastes changed between each of my 3 pregnancies. We had two boys names we really liked and wanted to use, but alas we ended up with 3 girls. My oldest has the middle name Jay, and my middle daughter is Toby. I'm glad we didnt try to save those names for hypothetical future boys.
posted by ellenaim at 3:03 PM on December 15, 2011