I'm totally Stuck
February 20, 2023 9:22 AM Subscribe
I have a long history of eliminating people from my life for any number of reasons. It's gotten really, really bad.
So here I am post-Covid with just one friend; the one I've had since I was 6 years old.
I guess I'm not the nice, caring person I think I am. I feel like I'm generous and helpful, but apparently there are limits to what I'm willing to accept should a friend 'cross' me in some form or fashion.
I've always been a quality over quantity kind of person when it came to friendships. Until a decade or so ago I had a small circle of friends, but they were good friends. Then a neighbor I hadn't previously met invited me to lunch with her and her group of local friends, many of whom lived right in my neighborhood that I'd never met. With this group I made a few close friends who I'd get together with outside of the group gatherings. One in particular lives 1 block away and we were very close friends.
Well, I managed to screw that up, as well. Here's how that happened. Mid-Covid, post lockdown, I decided to go look at 'new' (used) cars even though my car had no issues and was paid off. Ol' dad always told me that I should never own a car with more than 100k miles on it, and despite knowing that was very antiquated thinking I continued to look at cars. This friend's son is very knowledgeable about everything to do with cars so I asked her to check with him to see if the trade-in price I'd been given was fair. Yes, it was. She then told me how she always loved my car so I STUPIDLY asked her if she'd like to buy it. Yes! So, that happened. (I guess ol' dad never emphasized the rule to Never do business with friends! Ug). I sold it to her for the price the dealership offered me, never even checking the private party price. I didn't want to "upset" her, but even saying as much as Let me do some more research of this or that between us the price would be higher. Yeah, I've got serious "avoid confrontation at all costs" issues. So, she bought my beloved SUV for X$. A couple of weeks later she sold her older SUV with more miles for $5k MORE than what she bought mine for, so she had a free car plus more $$ in the bank. Oh, and remember when they first said used car prices were spiking due to lack of inventory and that $10k car you'd been eyeing was now far more than that? Well, I sold my SUV about a week before that news came out! Really bad move. THEN, friend sold my SUV about 6 months later because it turned out she didnt like it as much as she thought she did after all. Again getting top $$. So there was all of that. I know it was all my doing, but it was just bad all around and definitely fractured our friendship.
Then, almost a year ago, I got Covid. That plus a long-term health issue flare up landed me in the hospital. We'd been texting back and forth here and there and I'd told her I was not well and had been admitted to the hospital. No reply. For a couple of weeks. Nothing. Then she asked again without referencing my previous reply so I told her again, and to this day.... nothing. If a friend tells you they've been admitted to the hospital don't you reply with some sort of care or concern? So, I guess that's that because I'm not going to beg someone to show me concern if they're not feeling it.
So now I have that one childhood friend who now lives thousands of miles away.
I'm depressed, anxious, and very lonely. Due to my depression and post-Covid times dislike and inability to rejoin society, I'm stuck. Friendless. I think about joining some community class or something, but... people. They're just not as nice as I remember them to be from pre-Covid times.
If anyone has any suggestions as to how to make later in life friends, hit me up. Otherwise, thanks for listening.