I want to get a tattoo of a heart and a semi colon
February 5, 2023 1:55 AM   Subscribe

I’m a middle aged man and want to get a tattoo with a semi colon to represent my mental health struggles but not sure if it’s a bad idea or not?

I’m in my late 30s and I’ve struggled with mental illness for the past years. I’m at a point where I’m managing it well. The semi colon is a symbol that some people get tattooed as a symbol of their struggles with mental illness and I wanted to have a tattoo with a semi colon. I found a design I liked which is basically a heart with a semi colon on it that looks like this, except with the heart more solid instead of fading

https://imgur.com/a/NyHfREs

I’m a bit self conscious and have a tendency to overthink things and that may be what’s happening here but I’m worried it might look odd having a heart as a tattoo when perhaps it’s a more traditionally feminine symbol. Will it look odd? And is having a semi colon tattoo a bad thing if it’s visible since there’s a lot of stigma against mental illness? I’m not sure if I’m overthinking these things or what.
posted by anonymous to Grab Bag (12 answers total)
 
I think it’s lovely. I wouldn’t think twice about seeing it on a man. If you’re concerned why not put it somewhere easily covered? I have five tattoos and the only one always visible is on my wrist.
posted by dpx.mfx at 2:02 AM on February 5, 2023 [1 favorite]


It is not a bad idea at all. I think that design could look very striking with a solid background and would make a great tattoo (or at least, it really fits into my personal preferences for tattoo designs). It's not really that unusual for men to have sentimental or meaningful tattoos, including those with stereotypically feminine elements such as hearts.

My only suggestion is that you think carefully about where it is placed. You will need to make a choice about whether it is commonly visible, can be made visible and can be covered, or whether it is always or nearly always covered. Any option is completely fine. You should pick based on your own comfort in talking about it with other people as well as aesthetics.
posted by plonkee at 2:07 AM on February 5, 2023


When I was in my early 40s I had a tattoo - my only one - which was a symbol representing something I'd struggled with for most of my life. I've never regretted it. It's discreet and can't be seen unless I reveal it, but I know it's there and it is meaningful to me. I've seen others with the same tattoo and it's a comfort to know they have shared the same struggle as I have, and that I'm not alone.

I say do it! The design you've chosen is beautiful.
posted by essexjan at 2:44 AM on February 5, 2023 [4 favorites]


Do note that the semicolon is particularly associated with suicide ideation or attempts (I've read it represents a pause and resumption of life). People may make assumptions about it in particular when they see it.
posted by I claim sanctuary at 2:49 AM on February 5, 2023 [20 favorites]


Came in to say what I claim sanctuary said - that’s what I’d assume it meant if I saw it, just so you’re aware (it shows you survived the attempt - it’s not a full stop).

If that’s fine with you, I say don’t be put off by the heart/feminine thing. If you love it, do it.
posted by penguin pie at 4:06 AM on February 5, 2023


That’s a lovely design, and there’s nothing wrong with a “feminine” coded design, although I don’t particularly think of a heart as that - all those classic sailor heart tattoos put that pretty much to rest.

The only caution I would give is that the organization that originally promoted the “semicolon as anti-suicide message” thing is a Christian organization. For me, that made it a hard no. I didn’t mind anyone inferring things about my mental health but do mind anyone assuming I am religious. May or may not be an issue for you but it’s worth knowing. (I do think the general idea has spread so widely now that many people would not make any religious connection.)
posted by Stacey at 5:14 AM on February 5, 2023 [2 favorites]


In white anglo society, it's well documented that men have been getting heart tattoos at least back to the late 1700s. You're good.
posted by phunniemee at 5:56 AM on February 5, 2023 [10 favorites]


Yup, speaking as someone with loads of ink and decades of tattoo artist buds, heart tattoos are completely gender neutral and no one would really care if they weren't. Some of the classic 'manliest' tattoos are hearts with anchors or the word 'mom' written on them, etc... Sacre Coeur heart iconography is both religious and relatively asexual.

Most importantly, if the image is what resonates with YOUR heart, it's absolutely cool to get.
posted by FatherDagon at 6:51 AM on February 5, 2023 [1 favorite]


I have a heart tattoo. With my spouse’s name on it. She has one with mine. Got them together the day after our wedding.

Get whatever tattoo you want. But as others have said that specific design has meaning that may or may not apply to you. Which may not matter to you especially if you don’t display it publicly.

Good luck!
posted by terrapin at 10:13 AM on February 5, 2023


I have a frequently-visible semicolon tattoo, which I got for reasons entirely unrelated to mental health, suicide, or addiction, before that meaning was assigned to it. I can tell you anecdotally that some people will absolutely recognize it as having that meaning, and the people who mention it will do so in the spirit of solidarity, and in a brief and friendly way.

This was a little weird for me at first because I wasn't sure how to react--sometimes I explain, other times I just let them have the solidarity because really I do wish folks the best and who am I to begrudge a stranger a fist-bump on the subway--but I can say for sure that no one has ever been nasty about it, and I am not aware of any situations in which it has caused anyone to judge me in any way negatively.
posted by dizziest at 4:08 PM on February 5, 2023 [1 favorite]


The thought of that on a dude makes me want to meet him.
posted by amtho at 4:14 PM on February 5, 2023


A few thoughts, from someone with a lot of tattoos:
  • Peek around at the tattoo artists' near you who have social media presences. Does someone's work really resonate with you? Contact them with your idea, see if they have suggestions on the design. If the artist is an artist, not just a human Xerox (which, let's be clear, some are jsut that), part of what you're getting access to is their art and deisgn skills and experience).
  • A tattoo is, fundamentally, for you. When you ask, 'will it look odd?', you're asking yourself (and you can draw or transfer a sample on yourself to feel how it looks in your field of vision, in the mirror, how or if it peeks out of clothing, etc.).
  • You cannot control how it looks to other people, how they will react, what connotations it will have to them, and so on.
  • Tattoos are an exercise in managing your response to other peoples' responses to them.
  • I almost always say, go for it. Start small.
  • There is one broad category that I encourage people to think about as a possible bad motivation for a tattoo: are you commemorating a negative association? Imagine how your symbol might look to future you, in future life situations. Will it make you feel bad to have this reminder with you? This usually is best expressed by "no names or faces unless they're memorials," but the thought applies more broadly than that. That's not to say that there aren't tough times that have milestones that will remind you of the good that came from the bad (I have a few tattoos that I think of now as notes to myself that I got while I was going through a very difficult set of life changes).
  • No matter how prominent a tattoo is, when you see it all the time it will fade from your conscious perception. Like wearing a cologne, your nose stops detecting it unless you consciously focus on your senses. So don't feel like you have to give it a prominent, always-visible spot. Sometimes tattoos are great when they're usually out of sight. Then you take off your shirt or sock and you get to have that, "oh, hey, there you are lovely little tattoo!" moment and dwell on its meaning. It's a nice little pause in every day. The more I get, the more my body feels like a scrapbook.
  • There's no such thing as a too-small tattoo. Knick-knacks (tiny little one-off pieces, called different names by different people but thisis the one I grew up with) are wonderful.

posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 7:08 AM on February 6, 2023


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