Need a mantra for a new decade
January 20, 2020 8:54 PM Subscribe
So I’m turning 40 in a few weeks and it’s hitting me hard I’m in a pretty good place right now but also life has been kind of shit. Trying to give myself a reminder to aim high (maybe a subtle tattoo)
Against all odds and in the face of some bad things, I’m in a solidly good place right now. I’ve been in survival mode for a long time and I need to remind myself to aim higher. I have been on 3 job interviews in my life and got all of them. I never had a bad date. I have extremely low expectations. I need to take risks and be willing to fail in order to be who I want to be in my 40s. looking for a mantra or some quick motivational picture or phrase to take into my next decade that will remind me to take risks.
As a side note, I took 0 risks in my 30s and did everything expected and lost a ton of money on a house and a husband. Traditional ideas are dumb af
Against all odds and in the face of some bad things, I’m in a solidly good place right now. I’ve been in survival mode for a long time and I need to remind myself to aim higher. I have been on 3 job interviews in my life and got all of them. I never had a bad date. I have extremely low expectations. I need to take risks and be willing to fail in order to be who I want to be in my 40s. looking for a mantra or some quick motivational picture or phrase to take into my next decade that will remind me to take risks.
As a side note, I took 0 risks in my 30s and did everything expected and lost a ton of money on a house and a husband. Traditional ideas are dumb af
Best answer: Survival is not enough.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:43 PM on January 20, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:43 PM on January 20, 2020 [2 favorites]
The one I like for times when I need to take more risks is "Leap and the net will appear."
posted by DingoMutt at 10:02 PM on January 20, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by DingoMutt at 10:02 PM on January 20, 2020 [4 favorites]
First, I contend you did take risks in your 30s. Sounds like you purchased a house on which you lost money and you bet on your husband that cost you money.
I am a trader of equities and derivatives. Taking risk for risks sake is a foolish idea. Perhaps it is verbiage, but I would suggest that rather than start to take risks, you start to step outside of your comfort zone if that is what you want to do.
We all have biases, tolerances, risk profiles and the like. It is very difficult to change them, especially one's natural risk profile. Taking risk in one area is tied to almost every factor in every other area of one's life. Especially taking financial risk.
You do sound like you are in a good place in your life right now and have a good perspective on your immediate future.
I would say the mantra could be, "To thyne own self be true."
posted by AugustWest at 12:34 AM on January 21, 2020 [6 favorites]
I am a trader of equities and derivatives. Taking risk for risks sake is a foolish idea. Perhaps it is verbiage, but I would suggest that rather than start to take risks, you start to step outside of your comfort zone if that is what you want to do.
We all have biases, tolerances, risk profiles and the like. It is very difficult to change them, especially one's natural risk profile. Taking risk in one area is tied to almost every factor in every other area of one's life. Especially taking financial risk.
You do sound like you are in a good place in your life right now and have a good perspective on your immediate future.
I would say the mantra could be, "To thyne own self be true."
posted by AugustWest at 12:34 AM on January 21, 2020 [6 favorites]
In terms of a symbol for a tattoo, I suggest a tree of a type that resonates with you, not just because they are strong, resilient, graceful, etc., but because of this saying: The best day to plant a tree was 20 years ago. No matter. The second best time is now.
posted by carmicha at 4:29 AM on January 21, 2020 [9 favorites]
posted by carmicha at 4:29 AM on January 21, 2020 [9 favorites]
"Practice Courage"
posted by IndigoOnTheGo at 5:12 AM on January 21, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by IndigoOnTheGo at 5:12 AM on January 21, 2020 [1 favorite]
See, I'm of the opinion that if you want a tattoo that reminds you to take chances and let yourself grow, and to aim high, and go for it, that maybe you need something really stupid.
My logic here is that like a tattoo, we get very caught up in doing The Right Thing, making The Right Choices, only play games we can win. Aim low. That kind of thing.
A stupid tattoo is a way of saying "fuck it, let's just go for it, consequences be damned." A stupid tattoo is a way of declaring that you are ready to take risks and get messy, and that the time for serious consideration is over.
I'm quite partial to the idea of a deliberately misspelled tattoo, (NO RAGRETS) but even something that's meaningless and fun becomes a reminder of what you can achieve when you break past those barriers of caution.
If you do want to go for a bit more meaning, a dandelion head falling apart is flight, uncertainty and freedom. It's also a weed, something basically unkillable. You can have that done at a variety of different sizes and levels of detail. A parachute or hang glider would make a cute small tattoo, and they fall well. I'm partial to tarot cards, too - The Fool renders down well to a variety of sizes and levels of details and is all about trusting in what you can't see, taking chances, and in your traditional Rider Waite deck is literally a dude stepping off a cliff.
Do make sure you do some research - ask friends who have ink who they recommend, and these days artists keep their work on Instagram and it makes for wonderful viewing. Looking through the art can be very inspiring in its own way and can lead you to that freeing image.
posted by Jilder at 5:50 AM on January 21, 2020 [6 favorites]
My logic here is that like a tattoo, we get very caught up in doing The Right Thing, making The Right Choices, only play games we can win. Aim low. That kind of thing.
A stupid tattoo is a way of saying "fuck it, let's just go for it, consequences be damned." A stupid tattoo is a way of declaring that you are ready to take risks and get messy, and that the time for serious consideration is over.
I'm quite partial to the idea of a deliberately misspelled tattoo, (NO RAGRETS) but even something that's meaningless and fun becomes a reminder of what you can achieve when you break past those barriers of caution.
If you do want to go for a bit more meaning, a dandelion head falling apart is flight, uncertainty and freedom. It's also a weed, something basically unkillable. You can have that done at a variety of different sizes and levels of detail. A parachute or hang glider would make a cute small tattoo, and they fall well. I'm partial to tarot cards, too - The Fool renders down well to a variety of sizes and levels of details and is all about trusting in what you can't see, taking chances, and in your traditional Rider Waite deck is literally a dude stepping off a cliff.
Do make sure you do some research - ask friends who have ink who they recommend, and these days artists keep their work on Instagram and it makes for wonderful viewing. Looking through the art can be very inspiring in its own way and can lead you to that freeing image.
posted by Jilder at 5:50 AM on January 21, 2020 [6 favorites]
Here is an image search for Charline Bataille, who tattoos the colorful queer monsters of my dreams. I don't want any more tattoos, but if I did I would get some kind of monstrous stretch marked cowboy booted many headed siren surrounded by mushrooms and rainbows and tiny kittens and stars.
posted by Lawn Beaver at 7:06 AM on January 21, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by Lawn Beaver at 7:06 AM on January 21, 2020 [1 favorite]
I'm the same age to within a few months. About a decade ago, I took up the mantra, "given a choice between 'bored' and 'scared,' always choose 'scared.'" It's been incredibly successful so far. Embarrassingly so.
I'm not sure how to turn that into a tattoo. (And I've never gotten one. Which, perhaps, suggests that I haven't fully embraced my own advice.) Maybe "avoid regrets?" But, picking aesthetics that I'm confident I'll not be embarrassed by in 15 years is tough.
Best wishes. Forty is the new twenty. Don't trust anyone over 75. (With exceptions.)
posted by eotvos at 7:31 AM on January 21, 2020 [5 favorites]
I'm not sure how to turn that into a tattoo. (And I've never gotten one. Which, perhaps, suggests that I haven't fully embraced my own advice.) Maybe "avoid regrets?" But, picking aesthetics that I'm confident I'll not be embarrassed by in 15 years is tough.
Best wishes. Forty is the new twenty. Don't trust anyone over 75. (With exceptions.)
posted by eotvos at 7:31 AM on January 21, 2020 [5 favorites]
There's a pic on the interwebs of a circle labeled "comfort zone" and a circle outside of it labeled "where the magic happens "
Like this
posted by ananci at 8:44 AM on January 21, 2020
Like this
posted by ananci at 8:44 AM on January 21, 2020
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything (there is a crack in everything)
That's how the light gets in
posted by Ideefixe at 12:26 PM on January 21, 2020 [1 favorite]
There is a crack, a crack in everything (there is a crack in everything)
That's how the light gets in
posted by Ideefixe at 12:26 PM on January 21, 2020 [1 favorite]
40 scared me too, but it happened and...I was still me. And a surprising amount of good shit that I absolutely did not expect has happened since then.
Mantras are a very individual thing. You probably need to do some thinking on this to find one that is you.
Mine is too wordy for a tattoo, but it is basically: every time I am guided by fear, I regret it. So I don't let fear make decisions for me anymore.
posted by emjaybee at 9:02 PM on January 21, 2020 [2 favorites]
Mantras are a very individual thing. You probably need to do some thinking on this to find one that is you.
Mine is too wordy for a tattoo, but it is basically: every time I am guided by fear, I regret it. So I don't let fear make decisions for me anymore.
posted by emjaybee at 9:02 PM on January 21, 2020 [2 favorites]
I'm on the downhill slide to 60 -- whoot whoot!
No, seriously... but it would make a good tattoo.
posted by TrishaU at 10:48 PM on January 21, 2020
No, seriously... but it would make a good tattoo.
posted by TrishaU at 10:48 PM on January 21, 2020
Best answer: "What does Future You want?"
I've found it really helpful to think of intimidating long-term projects as presents for Future Me.
For example, if you apply for some long-shot job and get turned down, present-day you will probably be disappointed and maybe embarrassed. But 50 Year Old You is frankly not going to even remember what jobs they applied for a decade ago.
On the other hand, if you apply for a long-shot job and get it, and 50 Year Old You therefore ends up in an amazing career place, then 50 Year Old You is going to be deeply grateful to 40 Year Old You for launching them on that path.
posted by yankeefog at 5:09 AM on January 22, 2020
I've found it really helpful to think of intimidating long-term projects as presents for Future Me.
For example, if you apply for some long-shot job and get turned down, present-day you will probably be disappointed and maybe embarrassed. But 50 Year Old You is frankly not going to even remember what jobs they applied for a decade ago.
On the other hand, if you apply for a long-shot job and get it, and 50 Year Old You therefore ends up in an amazing career place, then 50 Year Old You is going to be deeply grateful to 40 Year Old You for launching them on that path.
posted by yankeefog at 5:09 AM on January 22, 2020
I've had a damn tea tag with the quote "fortune favors the brave" pinned on various bulletin boards probably since my mid-30s, and it kinda helps.
(I ended up getting, at 45, dogwood blossoms and just the word "Trust", from a complicated set of circumstances, and it's my first tattoo and I treasure it.)(I too have lost a house and a husband, and I'm on the better side of it now, at least most days.)
posted by epersonae at 3:34 PM on January 22, 2020
(I ended up getting, at 45, dogwood blossoms and just the word "Trust", from a complicated set of circumstances, and it's my first tattoo and I treasure it.)(I too have lost a house and a husband, and I'm on the better side of it now, at least most days.)
posted by epersonae at 3:34 PM on January 22, 2020
I'm coming out of a difficult transitional period. I've spent the last year covering an arm with "notes to self." Emily Wilson's translation of the Odyssey was published right at the beginning of all this, and I was struck by how meaningful it was, in terms of timing and receptiveness to the material. She translates the opening line (ἄνδρα μοι ἔννεπε, μοῦσα, πολύτροπον)--which is usually translated in some florid version of, "tell me, muse, of a man of twists and turns"--as, "tell me about a complicated man." It was such a good reframing that I added the original Greek as my 2019 capstone ink on NYE. It's not so much an encouragement to take risks as it is a recognition that *everything* is eventually viewed in (complicated) hindsight. I turn 40 in 6 months--happy birthday, buddy.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 2:42 PM on January 24, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 2:42 PM on January 24, 2020 [1 favorite]
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