My Borrowed Time Mortgage is Coming Due

January 30, 2023 7:37 AM

I woke up today to find myself in my mid-seventies, in good health, able to do everything I've always done, and my mind is still reasonably sharp. I had a strong feeling that I am" living on borrowed time". If you have ever been "living on borrowed time", tell me what that feeling motivated you to do, that you normally wouldn't have done.
posted by Xurando to Grab Bag (12 answers total)

I felt this way after having a child.
Get your will and end of life stuff in order
Take the trips, do the things, get the tattoo, try the cool haircut, etc
Hang out with people you love, and be demonstrative about it
posted by nouvelle-personne at 8:05 AM on January 30, 2023 [4 favorites]

Make changes now while you are still able to plan well and adapt to the changes.

Home projects (e.g. if staying in your home widen doorways, add grab bars in bathroom, add bathroom to ground floor), or start visiting the places you would like to move to.

Home maintenance: replace appliances and do repairs with a long view in mind. Get a home warranty plan or develop relationships with repair people with an eye to ones you will use repeatedly.

Same with all vendors: housekeepers, lawn people, mechanics, hair cutters, doctors: all people you can trust to visit repeatedly.

Trade in car for one with some newer safety features like reverse camera and proximity alerts if needed, and less maintenance.

Join a senior center and talk to peers.

Consolidate financial accounts and simplify bill pay. Will and Healthcare directives.

Hearing tests and address cataract/eyesight issues.

On the fun side take the trips you always wanted to take and travel to see your friends and family.
posted by jello at 8:13 AM on January 30, 2023 [7 favorites]

Last year I squared away all of my end-of-life issues. Got an advance medical directive and a will, found an executor for the will, arranged and paid for my cremation service. Made up a thumb drive with my tax information and the various account/passwords that my executor will require. Yeah, yeah, nobody likes to think about that, but the person that has to clean up after you will appreciate it.
posted by SPrintF at 8:39 AM on January 30, 2023 [7 favorites]

When I turned fifty, I decided that if I was ever going to take up fencing, I'd better do it now. I did, and it's been a great thing in my life. I'd wanted to do it for decades, but it took realizing I didn't have forever to make me do it.

So if there's anything you've had in the back of your mind as something you'd like to do someday, someday is here.
posted by FencingGal at 8:57 AM on January 30, 2023 [14 favorites]

I'm in my 40s, but I went through some scary as hell medical stuff right as my spouse of more than a decade was having a crisis and suddenly, completely separating himself from me and our family. That process began in about March 2018 and reached its peak intensity about a year later. In some ways, it seems much further in the past than it is, but that's in part because of some metrics I can roll out: I divorced, I had surgery and treatment, I sold the house, I stepped up for my stepkids, I got a skillwed worker visa for another country, I moved six thousand miles away, I took chances on new relationships when my heart wanted to reach out for them isntead of holding back, etc. etc. etc. This is all to say that"living on borrowed time" turned out to be quite a strong self-directed statement to just... do things with much, much less worry about making responsible calculations first.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 9:42 AM on January 30, 2023 [10 favorites]

1. From the age of 12 until probably...35? I thought I'd die early. Weird, I don't know why but it felt very definite. So I did...a lot of things. I'm glad that in all of the smoke and fire, I finished my college degrees, developed some muscle and kept myself relatively clean (no STDs, no unplanned kids, no 'real' addictions).

2. Good advice above. I'd just add one thing. None of us will be remembered forever and wanting to be is IMHO kind of vain. Instead of worrying about that, think about what you CAN do. Give your kids and loved ones guidance and support NOW, before you are gone. Acts of kindness live on in the recipient.
posted by flowerofhighrank at 11:03 AM on January 30, 2023 [5 favorites]

I finally started a legit meditation practice (hour a day, not once a week) and studied with proper teachers. Booked that plant medicine journey it’s coming up soon. Changed my personal style. Say what’s on my heart. Slow down and be present with my kids.

Repeat to myself almost daily: plant the tree in whose shade you’ll never sit.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 11:20 AM on January 30, 2023 [5 favorites]

I've got a story from my workplace - we just graduated a black belt who is 82. He and his grandson did the 6-hr examination together.
posted by warriorqueen at 11:36 AM on January 30, 2023 [13 favorites]

One thing that my mother did in her last months was to bring forward a lot of small bequests: her god-children, the bloke who mowed the lawn, the home-help who didn't steal the silver teaspoons . . . all received a cheque before she died. That way she was able to see that such things really did make a difference - and get thanked in person.
posted by BobTheScientist at 12:38 PM on January 30, 2023 [9 favorites]

I'm 76, and I've survived 2 kinds of cancer, so I guess I'm on borrowed time.

A lot of the things you might be thinking about were nixed for me because the second cancer left me immunocompromised, and I'm still on Covid lockdown. However..

I picked up my flute after I retired at age 70 after not playing for 45 years. I take weekly lessons from a flute teacher who is second to none in the kindness and empathy departments.

I still have my sailboat but it makes me well aware of my deficiencies in the strength and stamina departments. I also have a 30 inch long RC model to play with.

I think I'm more interested in revisiting places I knew of old than going to where I've never been before (but having grandchildren in the DC area may get me to some of the attractions in the nation's capital).

Being a math major, I've looked up some topics I never studied, and being a computer programmer, I write a program now and then.

My wife and I find ourselves in comfortable circumstances, and we've greatly expanded our charitable giving.

So I guess my answer to your question is to ask yourself what you are really interested in. What gives the strongest feeling of being a benefit to society.
posted by SemiSalt at 1:53 PM on January 30, 2023 [5 favorites]

The first thing I did with my Bonus Time was climb the Swiss Alps and take an Italian food cooking class in Italy. Then I got a “useless” graduate degree. I picked up a couple of hobbies that I always wanted to try.

I wouldn’t travel now because I’m not interested in pandemic and preserving my quality of life is extremely important to me. I would absolutely go and do the things near to me that I have been putting off. I would try subscription boxes to make me break out of my comfort zone. I would do whatever I could to maintain mental flexibility and wonder.
posted by Bottlecap at 4:42 PM on January 30, 2023 [2 favorites]

Recognize that literally everyone around you desperately needs your small kindness and, if you have them, your large kindness. Give it to them.

Help animals.

Spend as much time in nature as possible.
posted by desert exile at 4:59 AM on January 31, 2023 [6 favorites]