How do I infant-care?
November 13, 2022 9:40 PM Subscribe
If this were a personals ad, it'd read like this:
First time parents seeking short-term in-home care for our newborn once we're both back to work. We both work from home, and in these our COVID times, we'd like to wait until kiddo can get their COVID vaccine before getting them into daycare.
How do I go about looking while I'm still on leave? Any keywords? Didn't have time to search before they got here and have had new parent brain mush since.
For more context: we both WFH, and while my schedule is flexible I know I can't have a screaming infant nearby if I'm on a call of indeterminate length, and Spouse had hour-long calls much of the day. Plus, I'll need to be able to focus on doing my job!
I'd think I'd "typically" say daycare as soon as we could find a spot, but between RSV, Covid, and seasonal flu I'd rather save the limited number of pediatric hospital beds for other kids since we have the option to keep the kiddo at home for a little longer.
Care.com feels like online dating and didn't quite have the search tools I'd have liked, so any advice for navigating that would be welcome. And we're not members of any kind of church or social group thing that would be a more "traditional" route for this. Family is hours away.
We'd hopefully find some kind of solution by January... So... PANIK!
For more context: we both WFH, and while my schedule is flexible I know I can't have a screaming infant nearby if I'm on a call of indeterminate length, and Spouse had hour-long calls much of the day. Plus, I'll need to be able to focus on doing my job!
I'd think I'd "typically" say daycare as soon as we could find a spot, but between RSV, Covid, and seasonal flu I'd rather save the limited number of pediatric hospital beds for other kids since we have the option to keep the kiddo at home for a little longer.
Care.com feels like online dating and didn't quite have the search tools I'd have liked, so any advice for navigating that would be welcome. And we're not members of any kind of church or social group thing that would be a more "traditional" route for this. Family is hours away.
We'd hopefully find some kind of solution by January... So... PANIK!
Go to Facebook and type in "]your town name]" and either "moms" (yes, it's sexist), "families" or "parents". Join that group and say you are looking for a part-time or full-time in-home nanny or, if you are ok with it, a nanny-share. Share your covid-precautions, hours, and other requirements. Good luck!
posted by Toddles at 10:37 PM on November 13, 2022 [8 favorites]
posted by Toddles at 10:37 PM on November 13, 2022 [8 favorites]
I’m my neighborhood, finding a nanny or a nanny-share is one of the few things that Nextdoor does well. You might try going on there and asking around. Good luck!
posted by pearlybob at 3:10 AM on November 14, 2022
posted by pearlybob at 3:10 AM on November 14, 2022
We found our nanny through facebook, specifically a group that was titled "Nanny Network of (nickname for our area)" so you can try that or like Toddles said, look for mom groups (our area is pretty progressive overall and it's still mostly mom groups specifically).
posted by brilliantine at 6:05 AM on November 14, 2022
posted by brilliantine at 6:05 AM on November 14, 2022
Do you have friends who switched to daycare recently? They may have used someone. I've heard lots of good things about using care.com but we only use our local neighborhood list servs/facebook groups.
I'd suggest either a trial period, and a getting to know you 2-3 hour period as well.
posted by sandmanwv at 6:24 AM on November 14, 2022
I'd suggest either a trial period, and a getting to know you 2-3 hour period as well.
posted by sandmanwv at 6:24 AM on November 14, 2022
A little peripheral to your question, but you want to make sure whoever you hire has undergone recent criminal background checks and childcare clearances. They should show proof of pediatric/infant CPR. Not sure if care.com includes this for its nanny-candidates. This person will be in your home basically unattended with your child while you and your spouse are focusing on work.
posted by citygirl at 7:46 AM on November 14, 2022
posted by citygirl at 7:46 AM on November 14, 2022
Best answer: I often see available nannies mentioned on neighborhood email list and Facebook groups for parents/families. Our JCC had a workshop on finding a nanny that included a woman who runs a service that matches nannies and families. I contacted her when we were looking for a nanny. She ran background checks and such. Agree that Care.com sucks. I liked Urban Sitter better.
Maybe call a few daycares and preschools to see if you can talk to someone who might have leads? Also, given that you sound busy, is there a trusted friend who can help with this to at least get you started?
posted by kat518 at 7:15 AM on November 15, 2022 [1 favorite]
Maybe call a few daycares and preschools to see if you can talk to someone who might have leads? Also, given that you sound busy, is there a trusted friend who can help with this to at least get you started?
posted by kat518 at 7:15 AM on November 15, 2022 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Hey everyone,
Thank you for your advice and input so far. I would have responded sooner, but I've quite literally had my hands full with the kiddo!
In response to kat518: I have one new-mom friend who I've been bouncing a lot of parenting questions off of (she's 6 months ahead of us on this), but I'm concerned that if I only ask her mom-related questions that it may come across that I'm just seeing her as mom-self not as her own person... Kinda hard when your entire world and identity has been shifted! After seeing your response, I made a point to ask the local daycares for leads when I started those conversations yesterday, none yet aside from what you all have mentioned here but I'll keep trying! And sandmanwv, great idea! however same friend will be still working with her nanny in January so I'm still searching ... And that's my only friend in this situation.
After some discussion, OHaieSpouse recommended I clarify our question a bit more:
Yes, we think we are basically looking for a nanny for 3-6 months. What I think we need help with is what to look for in a nanny for that age range, and safe ways to find one. I'm leery of using Facebook for this sort of stuff and don't use my account much these days, and OHaieSpouse doesn't use his at all.
Some more spouse thoughts that might need to be their own post (I'm new to AskMetaFilter - is that appropriate?) :
- In response to citygirl: It appears that care.com is the largest network and offers a "filter by background checks" available option; do you all know if other sites or agencies offer something similar?
-How do I clarify the care.com or other group results to be specific to infants? I saw the term "mother's helper" on an old Ask post from 2012, is that still used or is there a similar 2022 equivalent?
Assuming We Find Candidates:
- What sort of questions do you ask when interviewing them? What do you look for in a nanny for an infant?
-We are both WFH, and this person would be in our house all day helping with the kid... Does anyone have experience with that dynamic? What should we provide to make this person feel like they're in a good working environment? What sort of "ground rules" or common understandings should we negotiate? Neither of us have ever had experience with in-home help before, the closest might be when a contractor is in the house working on something.
- I'm breastfeeding, what would be the best way to make that work with this arrangement? Just have them bring the baby by when it's time to eat (could be WHENEVER!), or have enough pumped and set aside that if I'm not available they can bottle feed?
So many questions.
posted by OhHaieThere at 10:35 PM on November 15, 2022
Thank you for your advice and input so far. I would have responded sooner, but I've quite literally had my hands full with the kiddo!
In response to kat518: I have one new-mom friend who I've been bouncing a lot of parenting questions off of (she's 6 months ahead of us on this), but I'm concerned that if I only ask her mom-related questions that it may come across that I'm just seeing her as mom-self not as her own person... Kinda hard when your entire world and identity has been shifted! After seeing your response, I made a point to ask the local daycares for leads when I started those conversations yesterday, none yet aside from what you all have mentioned here but I'll keep trying! And sandmanwv, great idea! however same friend will be still working with her nanny in January so I'm still searching ... And that's my only friend in this situation.
After some discussion, OHaieSpouse recommended I clarify our question a bit more:
Yes, we think we are basically looking for a nanny for 3-6 months. What I think we need help with is what to look for in a nanny for that age range, and safe ways to find one. I'm leery of using Facebook for this sort of stuff and don't use my account much these days, and OHaieSpouse doesn't use his at all.
Some more spouse thoughts that might need to be their own post (I'm new to AskMetaFilter - is that appropriate?) :
- In response to citygirl: It appears that care.com is the largest network and offers a "filter by background checks" available option; do you all know if other sites or agencies offer something similar?
-How do I clarify the care.com or other group results to be specific to infants? I saw the term "mother's helper" on an old Ask post from 2012, is that still used or is there a similar 2022 equivalent?
Assuming We Find Candidates:
- What sort of questions do you ask when interviewing them? What do you look for in a nanny for an infant?
-We are both WFH, and this person would be in our house all day helping with the kid... Does anyone have experience with that dynamic? What should we provide to make this person feel like they're in a good working environment? What sort of "ground rules" or common understandings should we negotiate? Neither of us have ever had experience with in-home help before, the closest might be when a contractor is in the house working on something.
- I'm breastfeeding, what would be the best way to make that work with this arrangement? Just have them bring the baby by when it's time to eat (could be WHENEVER!), or have enough pumped and set aside that if I'm not available they can bottle feed?
So many questions.
posted by OhHaieThere at 10:35 PM on November 15, 2022
Have you considered a nanny share? Then you know at least one family is already happy with the nanny.
Care.com can work out, as long as you are really specific in your posting about what is expected (experience with infants, ok with wfh, etc.) and you are selective about who you go with.
If you are not going through an agency, you will need to also use a payroll company or handle payroll on your own. There are a bunch of employer taxes involved.
There are lots of good lists of interview questions for nannies available online. Worth asking if they know infant cpr, if they smoke (if that matters to you), and how they care for children.
Re:breastfeeding, pump, pump, pump. While you could have the nanny bring you the baby it will be less disruptive to you and them if the breast milk is already available.
posted by donut_princess at 11:04 AM on November 17, 2022 [1 favorite]
Care.com can work out, as long as you are really specific in your posting about what is expected (experience with infants, ok with wfh, etc.) and you are selective about who you go with.
If you are not going through an agency, you will need to also use a payroll company or handle payroll on your own. There are a bunch of employer taxes involved.
There are lots of good lists of interview questions for nannies available online. Worth asking if they know infant cpr, if they smoke (if that matters to you), and how they care for children.
Re:breastfeeding, pump, pump, pump. While you could have the nanny bring you the baby it will be less disruptive to you and them if the breast milk is already available.
posted by donut_princess at 11:04 AM on November 17, 2022 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: And we have an answer!
- Our doula's mom works full time (in her retirement) as a nanny.
- We'll be working with our doula team this week to figure out the best way to do payroll.
- She'll be with us 6-8h/day 5 days per week, especially because OHaieSpouse just found out he has to go back into the office a few days per week starting January. She'll be with us until a spot opens up in one of the two daycares we're on the wait-list for, at least through when he gets his COVID shots.
- She initially asked for a pretty high rate, but once we said we were looking for FT help she offered a rate way more in line with local averages.
- Bonus nachos, she did our postpartum visit and was amazing with OHaieSpawn!
If anyone here needs a recommendation for a central NC doula group, WOW do I have one!
posted by OhHaieThere at 9:20 PM on December 14, 2022
- Our doula's mom works full time (in her retirement) as a nanny.
- We'll be working with our doula team this week to figure out the best way to do payroll.
- She'll be with us 6-8h/day 5 days per week, especially because OHaieSpouse just found out he has to go back into the office a few days per week starting January. She'll be with us until a spot opens up in one of the two daycares we're on the wait-list for, at least through when he gets his COVID shots.
- She initially asked for a pretty high rate, but once we said we were looking for FT help she offered a rate way more in line with local averages.
- Bonus nachos, she did our postpartum visit and was amazing with OHaieSpawn!
If anyone here needs a recommendation for a central NC doula group, WOW do I have one!
posted by OhHaieThere at 9:20 PM on December 14, 2022
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by freethefeet at 9:56 PM on November 13, 2022