Handling unplanned, unexpected unemployment
November 7, 2022 6:37 PM Subscribe
I've suddenly (as of last night) found myself unexpectedly unemployed, and I'd appreciate any and all pointers and suggestions about self-care, resilience and keeping busy during my job search. (I'm not an ex-Twitterer, btw)
Very long story short, I left a job I'd been in for a year and found pretty frustrating, for another job for which I had very high hopes. But in the two weeks I was in the new job, those hopes were dashed, and after a particularly difficult call with my manager last night I resigned. It was either do it then, or let it drag out, but I'm fairly sure we would have parted ways sooner or later and with Xmas approaching I decided to rip off the band aid, in the hope of maybe getting something lined up for the new year before the Xmas slowdown begins. (I'm in Australia, so Xmas = summer holidays for us)
So after a morning of LinkedIn profile updating and applying to six or seven vacancies that may or may not even still be vacant, I'm having an existential dread moment.
I'm fairly sure I'm at the start of period of sitting alone at home all day, trying to remain a good father and husband, worrying about how we're going to pay the mortgage (we've got about a three-month buffer but after that...), dealing with the general horrors of job hunting, handling the anxiety which plagues me at the best of times, and so on.
So, any suggestions or reminders about what I should or shouldn't do would be extremely welcome at this point. Thank you all.
Very long story short, I left a job I'd been in for a year and found pretty frustrating, for another job for which I had very high hopes. But in the two weeks I was in the new job, those hopes were dashed, and after a particularly difficult call with my manager last night I resigned. It was either do it then, or let it drag out, but I'm fairly sure we would have parted ways sooner or later and with Xmas approaching I decided to rip off the band aid, in the hope of maybe getting something lined up for the new year before the Xmas slowdown begins. (I'm in Australia, so Xmas = summer holidays for us)
So after a morning of LinkedIn profile updating and applying to six or seven vacancies that may or may not even still be vacant, I'm having an existential dread moment.
I'm fairly sure I'm at the start of period of sitting alone at home all day, trying to remain a good father and husband, worrying about how we're going to pay the mortgage (we've got about a three-month buffer but after that...), dealing with the general horrors of job hunting, handling the anxiety which plagues me at the best of times, and so on.
So, any suggestions or reminders about what I should or shouldn't do would be extremely welcome at this point. Thank you all.
I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you. I've been there and can share a few tips.
Do:
- leave the house every day, and spend around 4 hours in a library or coffee shop sending out resumes
- aim to send out a certain number of resumes per week, ie maybe 20- 25
-keep an active social life and be open about what you're going through, cause people are surprisingly helpful in this situation
- use the free time to rest, recharge and practice self care, and get lost in new or old hobbies
- plan rewards for yourself at the end of every day or week
Don't:
- Expect a lot of replies to your resume. It's normal if you get one interview for 50 applications. Don't let it discourage you. Just focus on the process and in meeting the daily goal for now. You can rreasses the strategy in a few months if it's not working
- Don't try to be excessively disciplined as an overcompensation for being unemployed. It's not your fault and you don't need to punish yourself.
- don't spend more than 4-5 hours a day sending out resumes. Allow yourself breaks and time to freshen your mind and spend time with family
- don't forget to keep good notes on what you've applied to. It would be a good idea to create a spreadsheet with job postings, links, description, salaries, deadlines, and status (ie: applied/no reply/invited for interview/ heard back by not interested, etc)
- Try not to lowball yourself just because you're in a vulnerable position. It can be so tempting to jump at the first offer you receive but make sure to ask critical questions before accepting ANY job offer
posted by winterportage at 8:03 PM on November 7, 2022 [3 favorites]
Do:
- leave the house every day, and spend around 4 hours in a library or coffee shop sending out resumes
- aim to send out a certain number of resumes per week, ie maybe 20- 25
-keep an active social life and be open about what you're going through, cause people are surprisingly helpful in this situation
- use the free time to rest, recharge and practice self care, and get lost in new or old hobbies
- plan rewards for yourself at the end of every day or week
Don't:
- Expect a lot of replies to your resume. It's normal if you get one interview for 50 applications. Don't let it discourage you. Just focus on the process and in meeting the daily goal for now. You can rreasses the strategy in a few months if it's not working
- Don't try to be excessively disciplined as an overcompensation for being unemployed. It's not your fault and you don't need to punish yourself.
- don't spend more than 4-5 hours a day sending out resumes. Allow yourself breaks and time to freshen your mind and spend time with family
- don't forget to keep good notes on what you've applied to. It would be a good idea to create a spreadsheet with job postings, links, description, salaries, deadlines, and status (ie: applied/no reply/invited for interview/ heard back by not interested, etc)
- Try not to lowball yourself just because you're in a vulnerable position. It can be so tempting to jump at the first offer you receive but make sure to ask critical questions before accepting ANY job offer
posted by winterportage at 8:03 PM on November 7, 2022 [3 favorites]
Remember that this is temporary and in a matter of time this will be in the past and you will be bringing income into the family again. This is a temporary moment.
posted by happy_cat at 8:38 PM on November 7, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by happy_cat at 8:38 PM on November 7, 2022 [2 favorites]
On the one hand - have some structure in your day. You will have to look for opportunities and apply for jobs with some discipline if you want to be employed again in the short term. You probably also want to be a little bit "productive" with this extra time you have e.g. cook more, exercise more, or get back into your hobbies.
But on the other hand, you still need some downtime. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that just because you're not in paid employment that you don't deserve any fun or relaxation. In particular, try to maintain a social life. For financial reasons maybe it's a picnic in the park rather than a restaurant meal, but keep up those social connections.
Make sure that you can get presentable enough for an interview on short notice - ie maintain a decent haircut, always have appropriate clean clothes on hand etc.
posted by pianissimo at 9:26 PM on November 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
But on the other hand, you still need some downtime. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that just because you're not in paid employment that you don't deserve any fun or relaxation. In particular, try to maintain a social life. For financial reasons maybe it's a picnic in the park rather than a restaurant meal, but keep up those social connections.
Make sure that you can get presentable enough for an interview on short notice - ie maintain a decent haircut, always have appropriate clean clothes on hand etc.
posted by pianissimo at 9:26 PM on November 7, 2022 [1 favorite]
If it helps any, the last 3 times I've done job searches (this was in tech), I sent about 200 applications before getting a job. I was not picky about where I sent resumes (other than I had to be able to get behind whatever the company did and have some interest in the tech stack) because I know from being on the hiring side that hiring is a numbers game and what appeals can vary widely even for the same person during a single day. I gave myself 2 or 3 hours each day to search and send.
Keeping a spreadsheet was key to remembering what I'd applied for and where I was in the process. This included: links to the job posting, dates (when i applied, had contact, interviewed, was rejected/accepted), a note about the company, those sorts of thing.
You will be rejected for things you really want and for things you weren't very interested in (which might stir things up too). It's okay. Keep applying.
Also, reach out to your network. They can get you into internal referrals or point you to their network.
posted by kokaku at 12:49 AM on November 8, 2022 [2 favorites]
Keeping a spreadsheet was key to remembering what I'd applied for and where I was in the process. This included: links to the job posting, dates (when i applied, had contact, interviewed, was rejected/accepted), a note about the company, those sorts of thing.
You will be rejected for things you really want and for things you weren't very interested in (which might stir things up too). It's okay. Keep applying.
Also, reach out to your network. They can get you into internal referrals or point you to their network.
posted by kokaku at 12:49 AM on November 8, 2022 [2 favorites]
I'm fairly sure I'm at the start of period of sitting alone at home all day, trying to remain a good father and husband
1. Create a routine for yourself. It should not be the strict routine of working full time, be kind to yourself, but agree with others that you should get out of the house for whatever reason: a walk, to work in a library, or to do some kind of self-care.
2. Ask your spouse, if you haven't, about what being a good father and husband during this period means to them. Are there tasks you can take over or do a greater share of temporarily now that you are unemployed? Show up for your family now in ways that were impossible when you worked. This is an opportunity that will not last forever.
3. Don't isolate. See your friends, have date nights with your spouse, volunteer, whatever. Consider looking for temp gigs as a supplement to your sanity. When I was unemployed, every passing day outside of an office made me feel increasingly stupid. I signed up for temp work to help me feel competent. It worked.
4. Is there a project you can start just because you want to? Something creative and/or satisfying (art, crafts, washing all the windows, refurnishing something, cleaning out closets)? Consider starting it to give you an additional sense of purpose that you can enjoy, job or no job.
5. Don't feel guilty. Shitty jobs are a special kind of hell. You got out because you needed to get out, so don't look back. Congratulations on making a hard but necessary decision.
So basically, all the excellent advice that others have suggested, only in numbered form. Good luck!
posted by Bella Donna at 1:25 AM on November 8, 2022 [5 favorites]
1. Create a routine for yourself. It should not be the strict routine of working full time, be kind to yourself, but agree with others that you should get out of the house for whatever reason: a walk, to work in a library, or to do some kind of self-care.
2. Ask your spouse, if you haven't, about what being a good father and husband during this period means to them. Are there tasks you can take over or do a greater share of temporarily now that you are unemployed? Show up for your family now in ways that were impossible when you worked. This is an opportunity that will not last forever.
3. Don't isolate. See your friends, have date nights with your spouse, volunteer, whatever. Consider looking for temp gigs as a supplement to your sanity. When I was unemployed, every passing day outside of an office made me feel increasingly stupid. I signed up for temp work to help me feel competent. It worked.
4. Is there a project you can start just because you want to? Something creative and/or satisfying (art, crafts, washing all the windows, refurnishing something, cleaning out closets)? Consider starting it to give you an additional sense of purpose that you can enjoy, job or no job.
5. Don't feel guilty. Shitty jobs are a special kind of hell. You got out because you needed to get out, so don't look back. Congratulations on making a hard but necessary decision.
So basically, all the excellent advice that others have suggested, only in numbered form. Good luck!
posted by Bella Donna at 1:25 AM on November 8, 2022 [5 favorites]
I was EXACTLY where you are 2 and a half years ago (I got out of a job I hated, but very quickly it became clear the job I took to get out was not going to work either).
One thing to suggest that worked spectacularly well for me: see if there are any local job placement offices around you, and give them a shot too. I also used Linkedin during that "oh shit what now" search, but also got my resume over to about five different temp agencies about two days after I officially was unemployed; within a week I was getting about 2 leads a week from them.
And then I heard about an "open house" afternoon at the job center based at a business campus in my neighborhood. When it was my turn to meet one-on-one with a placement officer, he took one look at my resume, excused himself, and brought in two other people, both of whom were very eager to speak to me; I walked out of that meeting with four job leads, one of which lead to the best-job-I-ever-had job I have today, within the space of only two months. (It would have been sooner if i hadn't already booked a trip.)
You did the right thing in quitting that other job, though. You may appreciate something my father said when I was lamenting my own situation and whether there was something wrong with me and whether I was just unemployable - he said that no, it felt more like that bridge job was like that boss and I had "gotten excited and spontaneously eloped and then woke up the next morning and thought 'oh crap'." It happens.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:57 AM on November 8, 2022 [6 favorites]
One thing to suggest that worked spectacularly well for me: see if there are any local job placement offices around you, and give them a shot too. I also used Linkedin during that "oh shit what now" search, but also got my resume over to about five different temp agencies about two days after I officially was unemployed; within a week I was getting about 2 leads a week from them.
And then I heard about an "open house" afternoon at the job center based at a business campus in my neighborhood. When it was my turn to meet one-on-one with a placement officer, he took one look at my resume, excused himself, and brought in two other people, both of whom were very eager to speak to me; I walked out of that meeting with four job leads, one of which lead to the best-job-I-ever-had job I have today, within the space of only two months. (It would have been sooner if i hadn't already booked a trip.)
You did the right thing in quitting that other job, though. You may appreciate something my father said when I was lamenting my own situation and whether there was something wrong with me and whether I was just unemployable - he said that no, it felt more like that bridge job was like that boss and I had "gotten excited and spontaneously eloped and then woke up the next morning and thought 'oh crap'." It happens.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:57 AM on November 8, 2022 [6 favorites]
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I suggest devoting half your day to job hunting, and half your day to the "good father and husband" part you mentioned.
There are many ways to provide for a family, and many ways to be a good father and husband.
Talk to your spouse and see if your increased time availability means you can be available to your family in other ways. You can focus your time on cutting down on life expenses and easing household burdens.
Maybe you can review the grocery/takeout expenses, and find ways to economize. If you don't already cook, you can learn. (Budget Bytes has great, nutritious, budget-friendly recipes.)
You can review the entertainment budget, maybe cut streaming services and outings in favor of using the library. Go through bank statements to see if there are any recurring charges or memberships you don't really use.
If there are services you outsource, like the lawn, maybe you can take them on for a time if you are physically able.
Cutting expenses doesn't fill the budget hole from a paid job, but every little bit helps. And it's something productive to do that distracts from the misery of churning out job applications.
posted by champers at 4:14 AM on November 8, 2022
I suggest devoting half your day to job hunting, and half your day to the "good father and husband" part you mentioned.
There are many ways to provide for a family, and many ways to be a good father and husband.
Talk to your spouse and see if your increased time availability means you can be available to your family in other ways. You can focus your time on cutting down on life expenses and easing household burdens.
Maybe you can review the grocery/takeout expenses, and find ways to economize. If you don't already cook, you can learn. (Budget Bytes has great, nutritious, budget-friendly recipes.)
You can review the entertainment budget, maybe cut streaming services and outings in favor of using the library. Go through bank statements to see if there are any recurring charges or memberships you don't really use.
If there are services you outsource, like the lawn, maybe you can take them on for a time if you are physically able.
Cutting expenses doesn't fill the budget hole from a paid job, but every little bit helps. And it's something productive to do that distracts from the misery of churning out job applications.
posted by champers at 4:14 AM on November 8, 2022
Seconding Eyebrows comments. Do something every day. Don't attach too much importance to any one thing.
Job hunting is like waiting for a lightening strike. Capricious. Unpredictable. The last job I got, the guy had held on to my resume for a year before calling.
posted by SemiSalt at 4:53 AM on November 8, 2022 [1 favorite]
Job hunting is like waiting for a lightening strike. Capricious. Unpredictable. The last job I got, the guy had held on to my resume for a year before calling.
posted by SemiSalt at 4:53 AM on November 8, 2022 [1 favorite]
Unemployment is temporary, but a job can last a long time. So be careful and don’t take a lousy job just because you’re feeling scared and vulnerable. Being unemployed sucks, but if you wind up in a job you hate, you may wish you’d spent more time looking for work instead of taking the first thing that came along.
Yes, you do need to find work, and yes, time is of the essence. However, you should not compromise on any of your “hard dealbreakers,” and a red flag is still and always a red flag. Be honest with yourself about what kind of situation you think you might be getting into, and try not to over-index on the urgency of your current situation.
Future You will thank you.
posted by panama joe at 6:20 AM on November 8, 2022
Yes, you do need to find work, and yes, time is of the essence. However, you should not compromise on any of your “hard dealbreakers,” and a red flag is still and always a red flag. Be honest with yourself about what kind of situation you think you might be getting into, and try not to over-index on the urgency of your current situation.
Future You will thank you.
posted by panama joe at 6:20 AM on November 8, 2022
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. So stressful to be handling all of this! It's really good that you took the step to get out of something that wasn't working. Something much better is sure to be around the corner.
One thing that I remember helped me when I was feeling anxious about job searching and job status was picking up a free online course on something adjacent to my career and interests. Doing things strictly related to my career just added to my stress. But taking an online course in something that would be relevant knowledge in my field but was also a bit separated was really helpful. It gave me a sense of accomplishment and wonder at the world, and also made me feel (in a nice way) like I was back in school. It also absorbed my mind pretty completely for an hour in the day. Not sure if you will have time for this, or if it will be helpful. But just a thought!
Echoing everything else said above, with hobbies, schedule, etc. A book that helped me feel powerful in thinking about what I could do with my time and scheduling was The Now Habit by Neil Fiore. Really well written (I usually don't love reading through self-help-ish books even though I want their help!) and made me feel empowered to just do what I could with my time while helping me shed my feelings of guilt around things. It is not a toxic productivity kind of book, and has a lot of compassion for how overwhelming these things can be. (Or at least, to my ears!)
All the best to you!
posted by jerboa at 7:46 AM on November 8, 2022
One thing that I remember helped me when I was feeling anxious about job searching and job status was picking up a free online course on something adjacent to my career and interests. Doing things strictly related to my career just added to my stress. But taking an online course in something that would be relevant knowledge in my field but was also a bit separated was really helpful. It gave me a sense of accomplishment and wonder at the world, and also made me feel (in a nice way) like I was back in school. It also absorbed my mind pretty completely for an hour in the day. Not sure if you will have time for this, or if it will be helpful. But just a thought!
Echoing everything else said above, with hobbies, schedule, etc. A book that helped me feel powerful in thinking about what I could do with my time and scheduling was The Now Habit by Neil Fiore. Really well written (I usually don't love reading through self-help-ish books even though I want their help!) and made me feel empowered to just do what I could with my time while helping me shed my feelings of guilt around things. It is not a toxic productivity kind of book, and has a lot of compassion for how overwhelming these things can be. (Or at least, to my ears!)
All the best to you!
posted by jerboa at 7:46 AM on November 8, 2022
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Some days I applied for jobs I definitely really wanted! Other days I applied for random crap the LinkedIn algorithm suggested. But since I was applying for random crap, and was forcing myself to apply for a job every day, I didn't get super-perfectionist about the jobs I really wanted -- I just submitted the application and called it my one job for the day. I got better and faster and adjusting my cover letter. I developed half a dozen different resumes and cover letters without much work; one job a day, with a good-enough submission. I could always refine it later. Beginning in January, I applied for things I knew I wasn't qualified for, or wasn't qualified for YET (I was taking a professional exam in March), on the theory that I could do some practice interviews, or at least learn what resume lines were attractive to recruiters and hiring managers.
As it turned out, my "random job app for something I'm probably not qualified for" got pulled out of the resume heap by a recruiter at that company, who contacted me and asked if I wanted "job that had not yet posted that I was WILDLY qualified for," and an incredibly short interview-hiring period led to my current job that's a better fit than I could have imagined.
Anyway, job hunting is soul-killing when you do it 8 hours a day. Apply for one job every day, even if it's random. You'll get a lot of resumes out, you'll end up in a lot of hiring piles, and when you apply to something you REALLY WANT, it won't be an insurmountably fraught undertaking. You'll send your good-enough resume, which will be just as good as a perfect resume, and they either will or won't call, and you won't mind so much either way.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:53 PM on November 7, 2022 [38 favorites]