How can I gender-neutralize this family heirloom?

May 5, 2022 8:21 AM

I have inherited a hot pink sapphire ring, currently mounted in yellow gold. It was my great grandmother’s engagement ring and it means a lot to my mother, who gave it to me. I want to honor her gift by wearing it sometimes, but I am not wanting to wear it as is. What sort of gender-neutral ways are there to wear a hot pink gem stone?

She gets that I need to do my own thing and, I think, will be happy that I’ve made it my own, but I’m at a loss for what the options are. It’s rectangular and kind of big? 1/4” x 1/2”-ish.

posted by 10ch to Grab Bag (12 answers total)

I can think of a few ways to genderqueer it up - you could size up/down the band and make it a pointer or pinky-finger ring - re-set it with a heavy, signet-like band (more masc in style) - re-set it with long baguettes on the side in onyx (though black and pink might still feel too femme) or carnelian (for the color clash - I picked two opaque stones, because I think adding something that sparkles would keep the femme style usually associated with “engagement ring”). I wear my precious rings on my pointer finger now, and find it infinitely more comfortable, as well as visually different in a small way that I love.
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 8:32 AM on May 5, 2022 [4 favorites]

You could turn it into a pin of some kind. Traditionally masculine would be a tie pin or a lapel pin, but I knew a guy who wanted to popularize men wearing what he jokingly called a “bro-och.”
posted by vunder at 8:32 AM on May 5, 2022 [10 favorites]

A bracelet or cuff might be a cool option - Etsy has lots of options (here's a whole store) for bracelets that can hold a ring but I think you'd get a better result maybe working with a leatherworker or jewelry-maker to get something bespoke that suits you personally.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:37 AM on May 5, 2022 [3 favorites]

Get it set into a fancy belt buckle.
posted by gideonfrog at 8:52 AM on May 5, 2022 [6 favorites]

You can get it made to a pin / pendant combo! So if it gets passed on it can be worn as a necklace or a pin! Options!
posted by Crystalinne at 9:08 AM on May 5, 2022 [1 favorite]

Here are some sample settings to look at.
posted by ThatCanadianGirl at 9:32 AM on May 5, 2022

Could we see a photo? How is it not wearable by anybody as-is?
posted by amtho at 10:02 AM on May 5, 2022 [3 favorites]

How about putting it into a chunky plain pinky ring setting like this or this?
Here are some blue sapphire versions, this one has side stones. Might be cool to set it in black metal?
posted by nouvelle-personne at 10:25 AM on May 5, 2022 [1 favorite]

Another cool one in black gold
And I find a bezel (wraparound) setting for the stone looks more masc than prongs
posted by nouvelle-personne at 10:31 AM on May 5, 2022 [1 favorite]

Check out spur jewelry on Instagram. They offer online consultations.
posted by RoadScholar at 11:00 AM on May 5, 2022

These days? A huge sparkly septum ring, obviously.
I kid, I kid… or do I? If I met someone with a big hot pink stone dangling from their nose I’d be like “I don’t have gender envy but I have powerful gender respect from your immaculate vibes”

What kind of setting is the stone in? Just going from a prong setting to a bezel setting can really lower the sparkle factor and change the perceived hue in unexpected ways. It’s also a much more secure style and can read sort of vintage or reproduction and is common in masculine ring design so is less often like a blingy engagement stone. A bezel setting is easier to keep clean, too.

My mom has a few nice family stones that she got swapped from rings to a combo pendant/brooch as suggested above. She has skin sensitivity issues so rarely puts metals on her hands or neck, can’t wear earrings, etc. So pins are great because they sit on the clothing, and pendants often work because they can be put on a longer or shorter chain depending on the neckline of a garment. If you had this stone turned into a pendant you could put it on a very masc kind of cord or chain if you wanted, but retain future flexibility.

I personally really like bracelets. Cuff bracelets can feel quite modern and distanced from the tennis bracelet stereotype, and can hold large stones securely.

If you decide you don’t actually want to wear it, you can get a gemstone set into something like an engraved plate that you screw into a keepsake box, where you can place other family treasures and photos. Silver is nice for this.
posted by Mizu at 11:25 AM on May 5, 2022 [5 favorites]

I would also love to see a picture! I think I have the same ring that belonged to my grandmother as well. I’ve never seen another one!
posted by manageyourexpectations at 3:22 PM on May 5, 2022 [1 favorite]